Boyfriend of 8 months hardly talks with me... why?

[vawillemse]

Boyfriend hardly ever chats to me. When I talk he never listens to my opinions I can't ever finish a sentence nevermind be how a couple should be (in my humble opinion) by communicating there feelings and thoughts with each other. I might aswell talk to a wall. Yet he always says he loves me and cares how I feel... He will just sit and look at me most of the time when I open up my heart to him. Look concerned and say a few words, but nothing of real substance... I mean I'm crying and begging him for acknowledgement and understanding. To be part of us as one, he says he is but nothing ever changes...

I'm very open minded more so than him but I always feel that I'm not enough and don't truly matter...

He wasn't like this in the beginning just gradually became this way. Before he would make me feel like the center of the universe...

I feel so alone and lost... broken...

[Anonymous]

You have to come to terms with the fact that he just isn’t the man you not just want but NEED him to be. I’m sure he’s a nice guy and loves you, these things don’t mean you are compatible though, and that’s a hard pill to swallow but there’s no choice. You can’t beg and plead for him to be someone he is NOT, which is someone who can respond properly to your emotions. I don't know how much deeper into despair you must sink before you finally realize you are in a relationship by yourself, and better off single in that case. Yes it would be hard, especially with the holidays but peace of mind is better than worsening your mental health.

[vawillemse]

But he WAS... 100% no doubt... but we almost lost everything n ended up on the streets... not eating 4 days etc.. n then over those months he just withdrew... we renting a place now things looking up just when I say something he looks at me like wtf where that come from... you know...

[Opinion Owner]

I get that, you guys have been through a lot together and he was a certain way before. But applying the past to the present does nothing but keep you in a situation that’s not working anymore. If all those bad things shaped him into who he is now, then this person isn’t the right guy at this time and going forward. It’s not right for him to do things like invalidating your emotions and not trying when that is who you need. That’s how you become silent and stop talking and expressing yourself because it’s not getting anywhere, and you can’t live like that either.

[vawillemse]

100 % agree with you... and if nothing changes with in the next 2 or so months then I'm done. Would rather have a friend than end up hating him... we are both adults and if both our needs aren't met then it is wot it is... thanks for you honest opinion...

[Anonymous]

You might want to consider moving on. This is obviously not working.

[vawillemse]

I'm prepared to fight n work... nothing worthwhile comes easily... thanks for your view...

[aaron210419]

If it's only been 8 months and you're already going through these difficulties then he might not be as emotionally mature as you want him to be. I don't think it's to hurt you, he just might not know how to show you he cares in the way you're used to or expect. Try seeking counseling so there's someone who can help you two better express yourselves, and don't be embarrassed about seeking help. The world would benefit tremendously if everyone had relationship counseling at some point in their lives.

[vawillemse]

He was cheated on by his wife n it really left a mark after the divorce n everything. He wasn't always like this. I have tried leaving a few times and he begs me to stay promising he will try harder etc. With tears in his eyes... I also don't feel he wants to be a a a hole n hurt me deliberately... just think I'm more mature than he is and on a totally different level... more serious... he tends to live hour to hour... I'm 10 years from now... he says I shud know cos he's told me... so...

[aaron210419]

I get it, I was married to a narcissist for 9 years and I'm telling you to get through this as a couple find a counselor that you both agree on and work it out. He seems like he wants to be there for you but he might not know how. Good luck, I hope it works out for the best.

[aaron210419]

If you both agree that you're willing to put in the work then fuck what anyone else says, but if it gets to a point where nothing is happening then seriously reconsider. You can't save anyone but yourself in the short amount of time we get in this life.

[vawillemse]

I put my iwn emotions aside n took a different look at it... he is attending to me in so many different ways... I'm just stuck on my own needs my way, not seeing all the other ways he shows his love... you helped me to see the other side of the coin... I know he loves me I must just be more relaxed... Iv just been through A LOT N HAVE ISSUES stemming from previous years n men who abused me... mental, physical, emotional... cheating lying etc... he has communicated with me on the level I crave... I must b patient n trust... THANK YOU FOR YOUR POSITIVE N HONEST NON judgmental OPINION. highly appreciated...

[aaron210419]

You're welcome

[20yearsolder]

And yet you stay? Are you that needy? He doesn't give a shit about you if he did he would put in effort to have a conversation with you. I would highly suggest that you end this relationship and find someone that loves to spend time with you

[vawillemse]

We are together literally every moment of the day besides when we at work... n it's great just I need to converse... he's happy as a pig in doo doo not talking... feck...

[20yearsolder]

So in other words, you're unhappy in this relationship because he doesn't converse. Obviously he's never going to change so you either need to accept that he's not going to talk or you need to move on. It's pretty plain and simple

[In_Trance]

So dump him