Boyfriend makes me wash my own dishes all the time, what do you think?

[Anonymous]

Nothing is wrong with us but I'm a bit annoyed by this and he knows it. We've been together 11 months. At first, he used to wash dishes when I ate at his house. When he's at my house I wash dishes.

Lately when I'm at his house I wash the dishes after his mom cooks as a thank you even though they don't seem to acknowledge this. Now he expects me to wash my dishes every single time even if it's just a plate. It's annoying. When I'm at my house I wash all his dishes. I don't make him wash his own plate. I also fix him a plate but he never fixes me stuff. He says for me to do it myself and jokes that it's a woman thing to do.

Woman thing to do? He isn't so macho then if he's not paying my meals and picking me up.

It sounds like he's a jerk by just me writing this but he isn't. It's just this small issue.

[Levin]

First thing he takes advantage purely because you're not assertive enough, in essence, you let him. If you feel it is unfair to wash his dishes, then don't. And then when he's rude or disrespectful remarks, if you feel that is crossing some form of boundary then tell him that's not acceptable, in all seriousness, too. Second thing is it makes me wonder what kind of person he is if he's getting his partner to be some kind of skivvy. Sounds immature in the very least. But I reiterate the point (and I know this because I have experienced countries that are more patriarchal than the country I am from), he'll keep on taking advantage if you're too soft. My family in Poland expects all the women to do all the work too. But that's built on the premise that women should be treated as lesser, subjugated beings, because how else could you justify it? It needs to be questioned.

[Asker]

He washes his own dishes. If his family leaves dishes in the sink he's not happy about it but he'll wash it for them. But if I'm done eating and leave a dish he'll ask why didn't I wash it. Blah. lol

[toxicketchup]

How is she being "taken advantage of" or "subjugated" to wash her own dishes? It sounds like a fair deal to me. Like she says, he washes his own. It seems only polite do do your fair share, imho. I wouldn't expect my boyfriend to always clean up after my messes.

[HumphreyT]

He is probably being coached by his mother, if no one in the house is appreciative. They have raised him to overlook the small things that are not someone else's job. Perhaps he is thinking he has you now and no longer has to apply himself. If he is expecting you to do "woman" things, but he isn't doing "man" things let him know if he isn't going to step up a more appreciative man more than likely will.

Complacency and ungratefulness are a few of the ingredients in a break up casserole.

[Asker]

Well, he's very independent. He does a lot of things like fix the house, the bathroom, cooks, and washes his familys' dishes but he expects me to wash my own.

[Skittles_lover]

The first couple of times my boyfriend came over I washed his dishes but now I make him do it. Don't take it as a bad thing, for me it just means you should be comfortable by now to wash your own plate if you come over often. I know that's your way of saying thank you to his mom but you don't need to do it every time she makes dinner. That's his house, his mom, he can do it sometimes too ya know?

[rudy37lee]

I understand your frustration, but, if this is one of the biggest things that bothers you about him, I think you're doing alright. If he does other things for you then maybe this is one of the things you can do for him. It has to be a two way street of giving and appreciating what the other does for you though. If he's not appreciative I'd let him know you expect him to be.

[Tacoman113]

Well we is jut a lazy slob but when you are at his house I think it would be OK it you washed your dishes while he washes his too but I don't know if that is what you are really asking?

[Asker]

I don't think it's fair that at my house I wash his dishes. When I'm at his house, I help out washing dishes too but sometimes I think as a guest, I should havev my dish washed sometimes. But he makes me wash my own stuff ALL the time!

[Tacoman113]

well he does sound like a jerk to me

[Asker]

Everyone has a small jerk inside them I guess lol but believe me he's not. He puts others first before himself when it comes to important things and saftey. He always calls to make sure I made it home okay, he'll bring me my favorite treat on a bad day visting me at work, carries my bag for me if I need help, and likes opening car doors for me. It's just this little pet peeve and I dont' know why lol

[Tacoman113]

Well we all have those things that will bug us but eventually those are the things that we end up loving about them

[StewieG]

Why is he still living with his mom?

[Asker]

Well...we're not old. He's 22 and I'm 23. In Asian-Americacn culture, it's perfectly normal to still live with your parents until you get married. Not like usual Americans who have their kids move out at 18. Sorry if you think it's weird but that's our culture.