Questions: Relationships

We’ve been together for eight years and there is still a lot of chemistry and things to talk about. With that being, his parents are snobs so he has basically told me he is willing to do a private marriage but a normal marriage isn’t possible. I could never be a part of his family. He also hates my family because he feels like they take advantage of me etc so other issues too. Ultimately, we realized we have to part ways but for some reason he still gets jealous if I talk to anyone else and even when we try to stop messaging or seeing each other we only last a few days, most a week, before we somehow get sucked back in. No matter how hard I try to cut out, I get sucked back in when he messages and vice versa. He claims he doesn’t love me etc and just wants to “use” me but then anytime I am hurting or family stuff comes up he gets involved immediatly and he gets upset if I prioritize family over time with him. Is this considered a form of addiction and anyone else experience it before?

He can be really hurtful with his words when he is mad and sometimes I just don't have the energy to "argue" with him and I feel really small and like he is manhandling me. In the end he usually apologizes but it's been years and sometimes he still surprises me with the way he acts even tho it's happening less times... I just want to do the right thing for myself because he is really good when things are ok but I don't want to be old and have a family and have someone talk like that when something less nice comes up, or in front of my kids... But maybe it's just normal for some people to express themselves like that.. I don't know