Online harassment of the opposite gender...I don't need to answer back- I don't owe it to you.

[Anonymous]

Greetings fellow GaGers, I'm going to discuss something I feel strongly about today. Something that has been long since debated but I don't think people really get the gist of it.

Harassment of the opposite gender through, amongst other things, online messaging. Yes, it happens a lot more than most of you would think. A random person starts messaging you and you have two options- you can either ignore them or politely reply, maybe this person is interesting? You don't know but how could texting a "hey" back hurt?

The scenario can play out either way- you can continue texting and see this person as a friend or you realise that this kind of person really isn't what you would considser friend - or anything more- material. At this point, most of us would start dropping hints of disinterest, shorter sentences and not really asking about the person until you finally just stop messaging back.

Is is that so wrong? I don't think so. I get messages from guys on this website too, I tend to ignore them- the majority seem to be horny guys just looking for some action, but recently, a person whom I politely spoke to but then decided to stop answering back to sent me a message that really got me angry.

Believe me, I'm fine with friendly conversation, we can talk about books, TV shows, sports but when I figure that someone online wants to "online hookup" I'm not really for it. It makes me uneasy and god knows who is really behind that picture or avatar.

Anyway, this guy was getting way too personal with me, some of his questions were innocent enough but I don't really have so much time as to sit around answering less-than-important questions. So I ignored him, he must have seen being active and posting questions because he messaged me complaining.

"Thanks for ignoring me, it really makes me feel great, ugly dumb bitch"

Alright, I understand, being ignored isn't the best feeling. I don't want to come on as a heartless bitch or anything, but I really don't give a shit. I exchanged maybe, 3-4 messages with the guy? Do I really have to reply to him like he's my beau or something? And does my not replying to him give him the right to try and guilt me like this? Or abuse me- not that it really hurts me, it just shows the level of maturity he was at.

I'll be honest, I have ignored a lot of guys. I've received and read their messages and not replied to them. I get countless messages. Maybe I'm desensitised toward them, or maybe I'm just disgusted by the amount of men who take out the time to objectify me. But nah some would say I really am a cold bitch, all these people appreciating my looks and I'm not grateful for it? Fuck no, I am not. Thanks for telling me I'm pretty, that's great. Thanks for telling me you like certain parts of my body it makes me feel amazing! Now when shall I commence worshipping you and answering every one of your ridiculous personal questions, dear stranger on the other side of the earth? (Please note sarcasm- those of you who are incapable of sensing it.)

"Your lips are sexy"

"Your eyes are gorgeous"

Ummm.. Thanks.. You wouldn't like me so much if you knew what a bitch I was, huh? But then again who cares about what's in my head? It's all about that profile picture tho. After all- if I didn't want the attention why would I put up a picture of myself?- NOPE WRONG AGAIN.

I put up a picture of myself because I WANTED TO. Why did I want to? What other objective was there other than to attract horny men of all ages?(and I do mean all ages).

I like giving a face to my opinions. That someone who looks like me has these opinions, so that people feel like they aren't alone in their troubles when I give them advice. Not too much of a big deal right? I like to look good. I'm not doing it for anyone else's satisfaction.

And for crying out loud- I'm not on a dating site. This is a Q/A site. I didn't complain this much when I had KIK- I just deleted it. If you're looking for a cheap, Internet fling there's the place you should look for it.

The same goes for guys- they get harassed too I suppose. I've never really heard any complaints by them but if you have any feel free to voice them.

When this kind of stuff happens, I usually don't even mind. It's just today it annoyed the crap out of me- and I needed to share it. What better way than a MyTake?

So for all of you out there feeling pressured or guilted into talking to someone you really don't want to- remember you don't owe anything to them and who you talk to online is totally your choice.

[Ozanne]

The internet has created a place where people who are rejected feel it's okay to just send nasty messages to make up for the shitty feeling that they have of not being wanted. I mean, seriously, you message someone, it didn't work or was ignored, so move on.

About ten years ago I was on a dating site (for like, a week) and if someone messaged me and I said, "Thanks for your message, good luck with your search," about half the time I had a thank you message back, and half the time I'd get this snarky, "Yeah well you're too fat and I can see why you're single!" or words to this effect. None of it to be taken to heart, because in their original messages I was told I was gorgeous. So to suddenly be fat and ugly is just a big kid's way of trying to recover from rejection. Clearly, it showed me I made the right decision in not following through. Can you imagine the inevitable break up insults? LOL

On this site, I disabled the messages. I don't need to get personal with people. I had it on for a while and didn't mind people linking me questions to answer, but there was more than that going on. I had guys message me links to look at their dicks.

A lot of times, these messages start out with the sweet and innocent comments to lure a person in to see if they're up for a more personal chat. They say hi, you say hi, they say you seem interesting, you say thanks, they say you're beautiful, you say thanks, and from there, the more you get edged with each innocent compliment and usually it results in more sneaky ways to make you feel as though you're the *only* person they're messaging and they've never done this before, and on it goes. It becomes almost like guilt-messaging because you feel wrangled up and in a position where you *must* answer. Then they feel as if you owe it to them to check in after a day.

Really, the best thing to do if you're not in to chatting on this site in private is to turn the messages off completely. I know it excludes a lot of potential to help someone who might want to message privately to link their question or something, but it prevents a lot of headache like the one the OP went through. No one should feel like they are the bad guy for going about their business online just using a QA site.

If you are in to chatting, remember that not everyone is, and not getting the reaction you expect from someone, just move on and find someone who will appreciate your messages instead of wasting everyone's time by reacting badly.

[myTake Owner]

This is exactly what I mean!

[ScruffyNerfHerder]

Haha, good take.

The thing is, if I'm busy, I can't always take the time to talk to a person or answer questions. I a lot a certain amount of time to things like GaG, but once I reach the limit of that allotment, it's time to log off. No hard feelings. And sometimes I intend to respond, but I forget because I'm busy doing things that are, frankly, more important. I didn't mean to forget, but I did. Again, no hard feelings.

I understand for some people, sites like this are their way of socializing, but it isn't mine; and even in real life, not everyone is going to have the time or inclination to speak either, so it's best to come to terms with the idea that someone can't be the center of everyone else's universe.

[ScruffyNerfHerder]

*allot

Why is GaG recently skipping characters? Questions marks, letters--when I post, sometimes they aren't being registered when the comment is submitted.

[myTake Owner]

Oh it happens sometimes to me too, I think it's really just cause they've been doing some maintenance work lately.

[aniemist]

I agree with you for the most part, if it was me I would tell them something like thanks for the interest but I'm not really interested in talking to you further, but your you, Im me, and this is just my opinion on how I would handle it. Unfortunately there are plenty of people on the internet who will only see something from their own viewpoint. Many certainly dont take the time to put themselves in your shoes and say hey if it was me I might do the same thing. It certainly doesn't make you a bitch, cold or heartless not to put up with peoples bullshit.

[myTake Owner]

I'm really appreciative that you understand my perspective!

[BelleGirl21]

I have had this happen so many times! Guys get mad because I answer a question on gag but didn't respond to their message. It's not even because I want to be mean, usually it's because I don't have the time/emotional energy for a conversation with someone right then.

[myTake Owner]

Ahh yeah you get it.

[BertMacklinFBI]

I cry 1 hour longer every day im ignored... :( :( :(

bahahaa :P

[BelleGirl21]

There there baby...@bertmacklinfbi 😘

[ManuelMarquez]

No offense but I notice you are being a hypocrite. You said you got mad when one guy ignored your messages yet you do the same thing. Also, no one has to talk to someone they don't want to but it's not harassment if you ignore a guy's first message or you respond to him without letting him know you don't want to talk to him anymore after that and he keeps on messaging you. It is annoying but not harassment. It is harassment when he keeps on messaging AFTER you told him you don't want to talk to him anymore. If you don't tell him you don't want to talk to him anymore and you decide to just ignore all the messages he is sending without telling him anything then it is not harassment, cause you didn't tell him you don't want to talk to him anymore. Although I agree it would be annoying, but it is not harassment. People need to learn the definition.

[myTake Owner]

I'm sorry but nowhere have I said that I was upset or that anyone ignored me. As for the word -harassment- thanks for the definition but I didn't need it, I know what harassment is, this guy wasn't leaving me alone. Even if I had failed to tell him to stop messaging me- which is rude and awkward- does that give him the right to call me names? I didn't wrong him in any way. I just didn't reply.

I see where you were going with the misplaced definition thing though, it's my fault I didn't make it clearer in the take. Thanks for your input though ^^

[ManuelMarquez]

You should have just said ''Online annoyance of the opposite gender.'' And yes those guys shouldn't have messaged you anymore because it is clear you didn't want to talk to them, but it isn't harassment. I am not defending them. I am just saying. I am not saying it is right they called you a bitch, etc. It isn't right. And you have mentioned at how you got upset at how one guy all of a sudden stopped talking to you.

[myTake Owner]

Nope I haven't. I said I stopped talks my to the guy and he got upset.

[ManuelMarquez]

Would you consider it harassment if the guy that what you were talking about was good looking?

[myTake Owner]

Ahh yeah of course I still would. I am not biased toward people based on appearances. A person can harass you whether they're attractive or not- it's still classified as harassment. I don't see the point you're trying to prove here..

[ManuelMarquez]

It is just that I have heard many times good looking guys being accused of sexual harassment but rarely hear of them being accused of harassment as in (bothering a lot).

[ManuelMarquez]

If it was non sexual harassment by good looking guys would you consider it harassment too?

[myTake Owner]

You're making no sense here again. I told you it's harassment regardless of what the person looks like.

[ManuelMarquez]

I am glad you are not a hypocrite like other women.

[ManuelMarquez]

By the way, like I said before it is not harassment unless you tell them that you don't want to talk to them, etc, and they keep messaging you anyways, then THAT IS harassment. If you never messaged them telling them you don't want them to talk to you, than that isn't harassment. I learned this in Law class. You can't make up your definitions for things.

[Alexious]

I get messaged by girls a bit too. They aren't exactly here to make friends. I've been asked for nudes and all kinds of degrading weird stuff.

I'm not gonna send pictures of myself to people I don't know.
'Nor would anyone else; so please consider us guys who have the same problem.

I'm sure I'm not the only one.

[myTake Owner]

That's what I was thinking too, but since I didn't have too much insight on male experiences I decided to just mention it there.

[Alexious]

No worries! :c
I know how it feels though. I can vouch for you.

[TampaBuc86]

I understand where women could get mad. But just like 'women' want 'men'; men want women. What I mean is, we should all be looking for an adult who is capable of being direct and up front. If I don't like a woman who has messaged me, I still respond to their emails, but will tell them early in the convo, unless they were able to convince me otherwise, that I'm not feeling them romantically. Just speak your mind girls. Because that's all you look like, is an immature girl that can't speak your mind and explain your true feelings. If they get mad and continue to send messages after that, then you have a stalker/weirdo on your hands. And I'm sorry for that, but it's nothing you can do besides call the authorities and notify them. I'm Just saying this because I do feel like I personally get rejected with the no response thing all the time and it's the worst for a persons ego/confidence when this happens.

[DWD94]

Internet harassment has never been gendered. The difference is nobody cares about a problem till it affects women. Prior to the whole gamergate fiasco, nobody gave a shit about 'muh internet harassment'. Men dealt with it regularly from other men, women, etc whether it was in the form of death threats, bullying, etc. Nobody gave a shit. They simply told men we needed to stop crying male tears and check our male privilege because 'women have it worse'.

Then all of a sudden, the same thing happens to women and people start talking about how internet harassment is 'a serious problem'.

[abundantlyrich]

Only low life idiots who have no social skills would think like that. The internet is full of weirdos who don't know how to relate to people.

[myTake Owner]

Worrdddd.

[Starfishlover]

I like this take. I always normally ignore a lot of people because they always write the same thing to me. Sick of it. If you want me to reply to you, think of something creative.

[Eternallylucky]

These are people with no lives to start with. Zero in social skills and empathy.

[myTake Owner]

that's true but there are a lot of them on here~ they need to know it's weird 😐

[Eternallylucky]

Something tells me they are too lame to figure that out.

[DaddyRollingStone]

The pressing issue of our time: people who get mad when you dont reply.

[UnknownXYZ]

-_-... *face palm*