Why I Became A Feminist

[Nice_Guy_Last]

As someone who used to be very anti-feminist, and has since come around, I understand the negativity that people feel in regards to feminism, yet I maintain that negativity is misplaced due to a lack of perspective. I myself had a severe lack of perspective. I couldn’t see beyond my own surroundings, and I lived in an echo chamber of my own design.

How could I be wrong? Women around me never talked of rape, or abuse, or workplace discrimination. To me, feminism had won, and was no longer necessary. I was so sheltered to the reality of the world around me that I failed to perceive the harsh reality of it all.

Then my wife opened up to me about a traumatic experience with a man from the past. My mom was passed up on a job to a man with 20 years less experience. A girl I once knew was raped and beaten to within an inch of her life. A friend of mine confided in me that his father and mother got a divorce because he was beating her, but the charges against him got dropped. Reality slapped me in the face, and shook me with all the ferocity of a wolf killing a rabbit.

Then I had my daughter. My beautiful, innocent daughter, who is both intelligent as Athena and vulnerable as the virgin Persephone. And I realized that the world I existed in wasn’t worthy of my daughter, or anyone else’s daughters, that it would find a way to hurt her in a way that I never feared it would hurt my sons. And I knew that I had to begin the process of change. I finally saw the world as it is: progressing, yes, but not at all where it needs to be.

I know many will read what I have to say with incredulity, with dismissiveness, but I hope that people, especially men, start to come around to this line of thought. But don’t take it from me. Take the lesson from what you witness in the world around you, with opened eyes. Don’t dismiss something you see just because you disagree with it, and don’t support questionable statistics just because they support your point of view, and take time to learn why people differ from yourself. You might be surprised to find that they have a good point.

[ADFSDF1996]

No offense intended but this is a false dichotomy. A person doesn’t have to be a feminist to be against abusive behavior. Abusive behavior goes both ways, why does all the sympathy and support go to women while men who’ve suffered abuse get treated as expendable? Especially if it’s man who was abused by his spouse.

I’m not trying to vilify you for turning into a feminist because it appears that you believe that you are doing the “right” thing. However, I think you are being misguided. Feminism today is a gynocentric movement, even though you call yourself a “feminist”, many feminists will never accept you as one of their own. They may accept you as honorary member or a sympathizer but that’s about it.

It’s way better to call yourself a egalitarian nowadays because egalitarian truly values the interests of both males and females with out the imbalance that feminism has.

[joeblow123]

@ADFSDF1996

Excellent post.

[ADFSDF1996]

@joeblow123 Thank you.

[ladsin]

I Will No Longer Identify As A Feminist ↗
Good luck. I'm not an egalitarian due to a lack of perspective. I'm an egalitarian because feminism as a movement no longer appears to espouse the ideals of equal treatment that I accepted.

[CubsterShura]

Same happened with me too! I used to be a feminist since I live in a third world country and misogyny here is living and real. When I hit puberty I have no idea why I did not like feminism anymore, but later I started getting more familiar with real stuff and I'm proud to say again that I'm a feminist.

I'll leave one thing to say here for the sake of it. An anti feminist guy once said how he hated feminism because he's a victim of abuse but feminists kept him away from getting help somehow. What I wanted to tell him but didn't do it was that: while what happened with him was terrible and the feminists who did that to him were terrible too, he must not forget that feminist activists have saved uncountable women in his shoes.

[Sociopathvictim]

you know i told you about a certain someone who is not a practising islam but of muslim heritage, the day she wore an 'aggressive feminist' ribbon on her university hoodie on a walk with me was when all her trouble happened and made me suffer abdominal pains as a result.
The ribbon was intimidating all by itself, i think you need think about what you're supporting because now its two guys telling you how we were victim to abuse. Feminism is now an extreme terrorism on the opposite sex, i did not deserve such abuse.

[Sociopathvictim]

the day before she wore the ribbon, she asked me dating questions and i was suggestive towards splitting the bill 50:50 on dinner dates to which she got offended and said that you should make a girl feel special and pay for it if you take her out.. (i was told by a guy that girls are very forgiving and not to worry about). He does not yet know what she did to me, tonight i still feel stomach pain from her cold calculated abuse.

[CubsterShura]

"Feminism is now an extreme terrorism on the opposite sex" how about no

[Benedek38]

So he has to be collateral damage?

[CubsterShura]

@Benedek38 no?

[Benedek38]

Then help me interpret this sentence:
"while what happened with him was terrible and the feminists who did that to him were terrible too, he must not forget that feminist activists have saved uncountable women in his shoes."
This, to me, means that while his suffering is bad, we must be leanient andand accepting of his tormentors, because their ideology has done goood things before. I'd say that matches the definition of collateral damage.

[CubsterShura]

@Benedek38 lol keep twisting my words however you like, cause it's not gonna change what it actually means.

[Sociopathvictim]

@CubsterShura he has spelled out exactly what you meant. Unbeknown to you, there are women out there who know what’s happening and are completely against feminism as it’s a corruption of the mind. Please explain to me how a man of 40yrs old 10yrs my senior told me that girls he knows in his generation and 10yrs below his are forgiving, yet the generation 10yrs below mine ie (current 20yr olds) are as I described, The girl who acted abusively to me, she didn’t even understand why I ignored and ditched her, she got upset not knowing what she did. I must also point out this girl acts nice to everyone hoping to get what she wants but she’s currently not progressing in her career and took her 3yrs to gain promotion but only after everyone else got there’s and left. She has more qualifications than me yet I’m a higher grade than her, she couldn’t accept it. She also was angry when I told her what I’ve achieved in my life, she said I was bragging and yet she was saying she’s more accomplished

[Anpu23]

That was probably me that you are referring to. It goes much deeper than my personal experiences. To me some of the worst modern injustices in my country are the direct result of feminist lobbying. But I am always open to discussion.

[CubsterShura]

@Sociopathvictim that woman is a bitch.

[Sociopathvictim]

@CubsterShura thank you for understanding. I respect that you stand ground and offer to listen and to the opposing argument. I realise I made the littlest mistakes that I try to learn from and even came here for advice to help me get to know a girl of a different culture race and religion but sadly the person was of an entitled mindset. You I think have a lot more going for you as you are here learning from a community. This didn’t exist 10yrs ago.

[CubsterShura]

@Sociopathvictim it's not the ideal community to grow knowledge and wisdom tbh.

[joeblow123]

@CubsterShura

I live in a first world country and misandry is quite real here that is why I am a MRA/MGTOW.

[joeblow123]

@Sociopathvictim

"i was told by a guy that girls are very forgiving and not to worry about"

That guy is wrong. Women are highly vindictive.

[joeblow123]

@CubsterShura

"how about no"

How about yes.

[joeblow123]

@Sociopathvictim

"Please explain to me how a man of 40yrs old 10yrs my senior told me that girls he knows in his generation and 10yrs below his are forgiving, yet the generation 10yrs below mine ie (current 20yr olds) are as I described"

You are correct. The man you are talking about is either describing non-western women or he is a blue pill simp.

[Hidden_P]

So... because you had a daughter you realised the impact of rape, abuse and seniority?

That isn’t feminism, or what I feel feminism should be. You’ve just realised the world is shitty.

Feminism comes in two forms. Feminism meaning the two genders are equal (although I feel this can never be truly achieved) or feminzazis which want superiority.

[Hidden_P]

Men can be equally abused, mislead, neglected and such. If you had a son would you feel the same?

[dipta]

"And I realized that the world I existed in wasn’t worthy of my daughter, or anyone else’s daughters, that it would find a way to hurt her in a way that I never feared it would hurt my sons."

[Girly1793]

True 👍🏿

[Hidden_P]

@dipta would his opinion be different if he had a son first. After all women are viewed as more vulnerable and subject to abuse (mostly true) which is probably where these thoughts came from

[Nice_Guy_Last]

How can I, as a man, truly understand what women go through without being shown firsthand what it’s like? How can I empathize with your plight when I don’t realize how endemic and painful it really is?

The world is shitty, but men aren’t raped or abused or discriminated against in nearly the same numbers as women. While it sucks that anyone deals with those things, it’s much worse that there is a culture that supports a higher rate of incidence among women, and that culture is what feminism fights.

Equal treatment is not fair treatment when people have differing experiences. A rape victim always deserves more than someone who never experienced assault.

[joeblow123]

@Hidden_P

I don't know about this guy but I would say there are fathers that out there that think to themselves about their son's future: "will some girl falsely accuse him of a sex crime." "Will some women's groups ruin his future."

[joeblow123]

@dipta

Do you agree or disagree with that quote?

[joeblow123]

@Hidden_P

"Would his opinion be different if he had a son first. After all women are viewed as more vulnerable and subject to abuse (mostly true) which is probably where these thoughts came from"

Mostly false: https://mediaradar.org/

"Would his opinion be different if he had a son first."

I've asked that same question.

"After all women are viewed as more vulnerable and subject to abuse (mostly true) which is probably where these thoughts came from"

I would say that is due to feminist propaganda combined with institutionalized misandry.

Feminist propaganda + institutionalized misandry = masculistman.freewebspace.com/...%20sulkowicz.html

[joeblow123]

@Nice_Guy_Last

"but men aren’t raped or abused or discriminated against in nearly the same numbers as women."

Wrong. There is prison rape and female on male rape.

"While it sucks that anyone deals with those things, it’s much worse that there is a culture that supports a higher rate of incidence among women, and that culture is what feminism fights."

What culture would that be? The one I live in, the United States Of America, has an anti-rape culture. Men who are falsely accused are hounded before the trial and even if they are exonerated there are those that may believe they are guilty and that they beat the rap thus deserving of vigilante violence. Meanwhile the female false accuser enjoys anonymity and she is never held accountable for the damage she has inflicted upon an innocent man.

"Equal treatment is not fair treatment when people have differing experiences. A rape victim always deserves more than someone who never experienced assault."

Not all rape victims are women and not all rapists are men.

[ThisDudeHere]

"Then my wife opened up to me about a traumatic experience with a man from the past."
Anyone can have a traumatic personal experience. Feminism won't solve that.

"My mom was passed up on a job to a man with 20 years less experience."
And nowadays due to diversity and gender quotas, qualified men are being passed up for women, simply because they are women.

"A girl I once knew was raped and beaten to within an inch of her life."
Again, rapists will never disappear. What does feminism even have to do with it?

"A friend of mine confided in me that his father and mother got a divorce because he was beating her, but the charges against him got dropped."
And now men face prison from accusation alone.

Things have never been perfect, admittedly, but feminism has barely even fixed anything - just made it worse in a lot of areas. Almost just reversing what used to be there, instead of getting rid of the issue.

[madhatters4]

great take. i think this is an important perspective to be heard.

[SirRexington]

I grew up and still live in the south. Rape and domestic violence happens here like bugs swarm a light. I have known more young women who have been raped than I ever wanted to know. Everytime I hear a friend mention it, my heart sinks and my anger rises.

Me and a few friends were lucky enough to find a guy who raped our female friend when she was 14. She still had the dudes number in her phone. So we found him and we beat the shit out of him. But most women don't get justice. And most monsters don't get slain.

But feminism won't do anything to stop these horrible people. Speaking out, coming forward, having evidence, not waiting 4 years to say something, these will all help.

As for the perspective thing? My perspective is clear because from a feminist perspective I'm a no good patriarchal straight white racist and sexist male. They don't like me and I don't like them. They don't have respect for themselves, other women or men. So fuck feminists. Not really though, they are disgusting.

Your mom got passed up because she was old. Sadly, companies are discriminating against her age. Which they do to my mom too.

Again, what will feminism do to protect your daughter? Nothing. Teach her martial arts, buy her a tazer and some mace. Make sure she is smart with who she lets in her life, more importantly, her body.
This world is worthy of your daughters, the scumbags who don't care for her safety or her feminism her dad taught her after not worthy. And they should be punished by the law or by vengeance if need be. Feminism will help with neither.

[Benedek38]

Typical. Another person who has irrational reactions after irrelevant experiences.

"I've seen a few women suffer bad things, therefore feminism is needed"

Piss off. Feminism is not needed.
But let's go in order.

1) She had bad experiences with a guy. So what? If the guy did something illegal, did she go to the police? And by the way why was she with a guy who gave her bad experiences? This story seems vague as hell.

2) How do you know the guy wasn't more qualified, more energetic, more intelligent, etc? How do you know your mom didn't suck at her job? Tenure only goes so far.

3) Abuse and assault is illegal. Not much else you can do about it - she got with the wrong guy.

4) "He was beating her" then why were the charges dropped? I tell you why. Lack. Of. Evidence. Women like to make up bullshit claims that can't be proven to get a leg up on their spouse. Spousal abuse happens - both ways. by the way It is estimated that around 50% of domestic abuse is done by women, and the majority is initiated by them. Sooo... maybe it's good we still have due process, and the charges were dropped.

5) So the world isn't worthy of your daughter? How about this - the future isn't worthy of my future son (s), who will have to be raised in a society that antagonises them and invalidates their issues, labels them as rapists and toxic, and I could go on and list a whole array of issues... because YOU had an emotional outburst, and chose an oppressive, collectivist, self-centered, hateful and bigoted manhating ideology that is already consuming society and civilization as we know it.

[Anonymous]

As the father of a little girl AND a little boy, and knowing the following facts, this MyTake disgusts me.

- More than 4 males will commit suicide for every female who does the same.

- Males are significantly more likely than females to be physically assaulted.

- Despite the fact that more than 60% of college students and graduates at every level are females, virtually all gender specific scholarships and financial aid go to females. Nothing is being done to address that problem.

- In the country in which you and I live, the public school system is overwhelmingly controlled by feminists who work very hard to ensure that the system and curriculum serve the needs of girls and not boys. More than 75% of failing grades go to boys and nothing is being done to address that problem. On the contrary, feminists work very hard to ensure the problem does not get any attention at all.

All you have done here is perpetuate the perception that girls are precious and important and boys are not, that females are victims and male are perpetrators, that females need special consideration and males are on their own.

Feminism doesn't do anything to address the issues you called out here. It just perpetuates the same sexism you have demonstrated. It fosters an us-versus-them mindset that pervades western society today.

Dude, pull your head out of your ass.

[Opinion Owner]

What feminism DOES do is encourage women to protest in vagina hats, to make "art" with their period blood, to protest at men's rights events rather than supporting men in their own fight against injustices, to fight against "manspreading", "sexist office temperatures" and the t-shirt worn by a scientist who just accomplished something truly amazing for mankind, to make a big deal about drinking "male tears".

That is what you are supporting by being feminist.

Really smart.

[Tdieseler]

And another one bites the dust. You got married and had a daughter and that is what changed your mind? thats it? This world has not been fit for anyone, male or female for a very long time.
I was for feminism when i first heard of it, and i liked the beginning idea of it. but then came the Feminazi's which a lot of feminists claim not to be a part of. Either way, the way I've figured it out, they both go the same way. and their fastest way is by making men think that all they want is "equality". They dont fucking want equality. They want the little good that comes with being a man, meanwhile keeping all the advantages they have as being a woman.

I mean, feminism is for equality right? i once heard a guy say something about being in a room full of feminists and the house caught fire... he said "she's not a feminist then, she's a woman". I died laughing because its true. Take one of these "feminist" equality seeking women out on a date, and tell her to pay her way and watch the disgusted look she gives you. She's not a feminist then.

Bottom line, feminist or feminazi... the goal is still the same. I totally get where you come from, being a man and wanting to protect the women in your life... but instead of changing your perspective to the very stupid concept that is feminism, why dont you just expose the women in your life to the dangers and teach them to protect themselves from the stigma.

[Anonymous]

There are plenty of reasons why feminism exists, and plenty of things that need to be changed. I'm all for those things being changed, for women and girls to get what they deserve.

However, I also believe something else. If women want all of this, they will have to suffer the same we men do. Social etiquette will suffer as chivalry and the princess mentality are burned to the ground, and those who always fall on the fail-safes (You can't hit me, I'm a girl) will learn that men can fight back now. It's nowhere near shown as much as female issues, but men have been abused by women as well. Whether just using them as a free ATM machine, forcing sex to have kids so he'll have less abilities to escape, and knocking their already fragile mental state on it's knees and bashing it's head in with a bat. I've been on the receiving end of that before, toyed and played with my emotions only to be left with no money and tears in my eyes. And she just laughed. Laughed right in my face.

Don't assume that all women are good. Don't assume all men are bad. In the end we're all human. We're capable of evil and righteousness.

[WhitePanther88]

I reject feminism due to its double standards, sexism and exclusion of male issues. I hate that my son will grow up In a world that hates him because of his sex and that tells my daughter that her father and brother are the enemy.

[lavarule]

Feminism is dumb. Why? Feminism things that if we change enough laws or just generally shame society things will change, but they are fighting nature, biology really.

Men are biologically bigger, stronger and more aggressive than women. All the shaming in the world isn't going to change this.

What I do believe in is empowered women. Women that will exercise their rights, learn to defend themselves, learn not to put themselves in dangerous situations, women that love themselves enough that they won't accept abuse.

So, teach your daughter to defend herself. Teach her to shoot a gun, get a black belt in martial arts, carry pepper spray. Teach her to dress appropriately for any situation and be safe. Teach her to surround herself with good men who will defend her (because they are biologically bigger and stronger). Teach her to study hard and be the best student. Teach her to take risks with her career, if she gets passed up for a promotion to find a new employer.

[taleswapper]

The first thing I always do is falsify my position and then look for reasons to believe that, instead. This is one of the oldest logical tests. So, let's look at your position.

Basically, you had your eyes opened to anecdotal facts you were not aware of. Did you go in search of other stories, that supported the idea that modern feminism was wrong? If so, you didn't say. you talk about how wonderful your daughter is, but did you consider how your son, if you have one, would be affected by modern feminism? And that's not even considering the question of personal bias; I doubt your daughter is all that. (No offense intended; every father should look at his daughter and think she hung the moon. but facts not in evidence.)

No, I'm afraid you've just swapped one illogical rationalization for it's opposite. You still haven't managed critical thinking.

[Evil_Chuck]

I didn't need feminism to tell me that women were people. Knew it all along, because I was raised by a woman who didn't need a sign or a label to exemplify strength and the ability to rise above difficult circumstances. I support women's rights and recognize that much remains to be done in that field, but I don't have to be a feminist to see it and neither does anyone else. While that movement was once necessary and intellectually stimulating, its reputation has become toxic due to association with overzealous political correctness, identity politics, and women who presume to understand men by throwing around labels like "rape culture."

Supporting equality and human rights in both thought and deed is a much more powerful statement than simply adopting the name "feminist."

[Xylem1992]

well feminism "has" done its job and "is" no longer necessary.

all these issues you talk about are subjective and vague and emotional, the latter may be the very reason its all subjective and vague.

You talked about a man being chosen over your mother. well have some perspective. men are more efficent workers. it is basic general knowledge and many studies are done on the subject.

rape and traumatic experiences are horrible and should not happen but feminism isn't about these issues. today feminism isn't on the defensive for this important issues. todays feminism is vicious and aggressive and all about demonizing and fighting for monetary equality instead of equity. And all the while refusing other responsibilities of men and dumping a bunch of their own off of their shoulders. As long as they are like that i dont have the slightest of interest what they have to say

rant over

[Anonymous]

This world isn't good enough for my son any more than it is for my daughters.

I've been sexually harassed by both men and women in the workplace. I've been sexually assaulted by women, to the point of waking up to unwanted sex at a friend's house because she saw my erection while I was sleeping and "couldn't help herself". I don't go to parties for any length of time anymore. I don't trust anybody. I don't let myself get drunk. I've been screwed over so many times, I don't let anybody get too close.

If you don't think this world will fuck your son over in equally-and-worse ways as your daughter, you're sheltered and blind.

[Kiran04]

Other way around. Feminism exists because of lack of perspective. In the real world, no one is safe. There are no safe spaces. There's no special layer of armor men have protecting them. A man is just as likely to get the shit end of the stick as a woman. It's looking at it in terms of gender that creates the problems. It doesn't solve them. Feminism is in and of itself sexist, which makes it both hypocritical and pointless. It creates rifts between men and women. It doesn't make anyone more equal. Only more bitter.

[YHL6965]

Is feminism banned in Kekistan?

[Kiran04]

@YHL6965 No, the kekistanis merely laugh at it. We keep it around for entertainment purposes.

[ATuairiscean]

Very good take - I probably have no problem with most rights movements - Just that I don't think one group should pass out another and reverse the dynamic - Yes these groups have the right to equal access but the end goal should be all having equal rights - Its the old argument that all egaltarians are feminists but not all feminists are egalitarians and the same can be said of any rights group no matter what side you are on - I guess what I am trying to say is yes campaign on these issues but when rights group goes off on its own agenda full steam irregardless of its effect on others that is confrontational rather than consensual - You see it here everyday, a question on XXXXXX rights, everybody in trenches, weapons locked and loaded, start chucking the grenades. Equality is out in the middle avoiding the artillery fire ( one final thing both sides are as bad as each other)

[Sociopathvictim]

Feminists do not agree with splitting the bill during dinner dates as I have just experiences and suffered emotional abuse over. Feminism is no longer about equality, equality was a false agenda to instead push their extreme views against men.

[thatguyfromtoronto]

I believe women should be respected, paid as men do, taken seriously and everything else but with that being said, I don’t support feminism. Feminism is just another “ism” in life capitalism, socialism, Marxism, stupid ism theories or verbs/nouns that is supposed to be defined what is deemed as acceptable in society. That’s where society has gone off the wrong foot.

There are plenty of girls I’ve spoken to on here, online, chat rooms, in person and etc who against feminism. Why? Many girls and women have told me, feminism is merely a cover up of a certain females actions and behaviour for her own selfish gain but being bitter and hateful with others.

You can believe in it and support it, I look at life with simplicity, respect animals, respect people, respect authority (to a certain extent, because there are boundaries).

[Johnnie1000]

Does the same work for men who were abused by mom and sisters. Mothers who humiliated them and punished them for what their fathers did. I say prepare her with education, experience and exposure to the real world that a woman will deal with. She will succeed as a woman. I have four daughters and they each don't need to bash or challenge men. Men come to them for jobs, medical care, follow her military position an works at home and raises her children and supports her husband with pride. It's what she wants. I think that because you now have a daughter you want to protect her. Fighting for causes rather than working a vocation will get her less far.
Respectfully submitted.

[YHL6965]

You don't have to be a feminist to be against these things, you just need common sense and a healthy mind. Plus, don't tell me feminists actually do stuff to prevent these incidents, they just whine about it all while accusing every men of being sick.

[Browneye57]

Ew boy. White knight much? All the reasons you gave are completely irrelevant. Oh well.
There is NOTHING in feminism for men. NOTHING. It is about hating men and reigning power over them. Don't get sucked into all that bullshit.

[genericname85]

i'm trying to wrap my head around why you call yourself a feminist based on what you said there.

ok some girls around you got hurt and raped. that's obviously horrible, i agree. but what exactly does "being a feminist" do or change about that?

like everybody does agree that women must not be raped and hurt. that's not a feminist notion. it's a "humanist" notion.

[genericname85]

i mean men get shot beat up and killed left and right, how is this a better world for men? xD

[Nice_Guy_Last]

Okay, but a culture of oppression that encourages women to rape and abuse men, and keep them out of better paying jobs, doesn’t exist like it does in reverse. Feminism is a subcategory of humanism, and feminists are inherently humanists, but we recognize that more unfair treatment occurs against women, so we focus more on women.

[genericname85]

I wouldn't say feminism is a subcategory of humanism. Besides there are no social mechanisms that keep women out of higher paying jobs. In fact today women have it easier than men to get in high paying jobs. They just choose not to. Feminism is just focusing on women, dismissing male problems, and therefore inherently not humanist.

I mean see how feminism just cares about women in high paying jobs but totally ignores that men are the ones who take the dangerous jobs where people die and get hurt while women don't?

Also did you know that if you include prison and childhood rape, men/little boys are raped as often as women and men are also as often victim of domestic violence?

Feminism just looks at women that's why it's not humanist and not helpful in creating a fair society. This world is shitty for both genders and there's no point in just making it better for one of them.

[genericname85]

By the way we have no culture where men are encouraged to rape women. That's just plain not right and i don't understand why you would claim that. This may be true for some fucked up Muslim 3rd world country but not the western civilized world.

[Nice_Guy_Last]

We do have a culture where rape of women is covered up. Take something that has become a big topic of debate in Ohio: over 13,000 rape kits went untested under the current DA, and now that guy is running for governor.

[genericname85]

no we don't rape is in all media. there are bullshit claims that one in 5 women are raped and men women that claim to have been raped are ALWAYS believed rather than the man believed to be innocent.

have you ever heard a woman who had drunk sex an didn't claim it was rape the next day? i didn't