Toxic Body Positivity

[gingerwolf08]

It's a real issue. What happened to real body positivity?

This is something that has been on my chest for a while.

And a lot of society does it and let's it slide but I'm not here for it.

In this MyTake, I'm going to share some examples of toxic body positivity and how it can really damage ourselves. This will be pretty long.

1. It's like we're on a pedestal

Us females should be on the same side and say both is beautiful

Apparently there is some type of war saying who has it worse? Plus sized people or skinny people? That shouldn't even be a question. There are some cons that are worse in comparison to the other side but none is worse and none is better. We have our pros and cons but can we focus on loving our bodies rather than saying who has it worse to make one side feel better than the other? People say well "you're so skinny" is a compliment no it is not so please stop saying it. What if I told you "you're so fat" OMG! Did you just body shame me? It's literally the same thing.

2. Normalize "Normal" Bodies

What is normal?

I understand where this is coming from. A genuine place. Society has made us feel abnormal in some way at least. But this movement can actually be very toxic. By saying this it's implying that the topic they say is normal but what about the people who don't have it? It's another form of generalizing which can be very toxic.

Not everybody in that group will have this or that. It's ok.

3. Body Neutrality is NOT Body Positivity

Don't love our bodies for what it can do, love it because it is worth being loved ❤

Body Neutrality :

I love my legs because they help me run so I shouldn't be ashamed of my body.

What happens when you can't run? Don't love your body because of what it can do, love your body because it is your own and it is unique.

Instead : I love my legs they are beautiful and worthy of being accepted.

4. "As long as you have this"

I'm just gonna say it. A lot of body positivity in the media for plus size women has been you're beautiful if you have an hourglass figure. If you're overweight that's ok at least your skin is clear and you still have a butt. And for us skinny girls it's the same. I thought body positivity was for all shapes too? So why is the media still only potraying one shape then?

Or if you have small boobs at least they're perky.

Those are still society's standards. It shouldn't be well you have this so you're good.

We should just love our feautures point blank.

4. The Focus On Bodies in General

Why are we even focusing on physical appearance like that? I mean in a way that determines our job status, our social status etc. Can we focus on being healthy and positive instead of focusing on people's flaws.

side note:

Anyone can be bodyshamed. I repeat "anyone".

Disagree?

Definiton of body shaming-

the action or practice of humiliating someone by making mocking or critical comments about their body shape or size.

Does it say what size in the definiton? No. Any size or shape can be body shamed. Any gender.

Sure, "Skinny shaming" makes you insecure about your body. But fat shaming makes you completely devalue yourself as a human being.

— TEXAS GOON SLAPPA (@SYCKB0I) June 30, 2019

So what are they trying to say? Skinny shaming doesn't devalue yourself as a human being. Ok. Says a lot about why people say skinny shaming isn't real.

A lot of men probably feel left out because body positivity is mostly about women. But stay strong everyone! And love your body ❤

[Oigit]

I don't have an issue with skinny women. I have an issue with super skinny women that fall under the umbrella of supermodel skinny. Simply because a lot of do get that skinny via a starvation diet and maintain their size via a starvation diet as well. Meaning they calorie intake on a given day during modeling season is just enough to keep them alive. It's one of those things that gets swept under the rug. Also it's something that more girls women really need to learn about. Because there is nothing attractive or healthy about being able to look at someone and being able to fully see their ribs and vertebrae due them being a model.

[gingerwolf08]

Some super skinny women don't starve themselves this is actually possible by extremly high metabolism which usually will slow down with age... although most models do so

[Oigit]

I suggest you research the issue. You would be amazed by how common it is and how many models have come out and talked about it. Also trying to jump on the positive image train and ignoring serious issues can help create them. Negative body image issues are very much linked to anorexia and bulimia. Ignoring such things to be positive is a net negative.

[gingerwolf08]

I see what you're saying... yes there are a lot of people who deal with this issue and I guess i should not dismiss it and actually look into it

[AGirl_x]

I can say my sister was really skinny, bullied since 1st grade cause she started growing in height and she was really skinny. She was eating, and she was trying to eat more than normal and went to therapy cause she started binging to gain weight... It's been almost 2 years since she started changing, and now she still has a problem with her weight, she wants to put on more because she wants the ass that women are "supposed to have" ... She always wears a waist trainer and at least in my opinion she is aiming at a cartoonish body. She was bullied, shamed, made fun of and adults, teachers did shit besides saying "just kids..." She hates herself, she's not well at all and it was just how she looked, never starved herself.
Also, there was a period when top models looked sickly skinny. I can tell cause you can see when a girl is just naturally very skinny compared to one who is starving... The colour of the skin, of lips, palms, nails... when you don't eat there is a gray hue... It looks almost like dead. Also, remember the "heroin chic" look? The standards for models are not the same today.

[Dchrls78104]

Agreed, but the most positive thing that one can do for one's body is to keep it healthy. Morbidly obese (or emaciated) people are sick, and those who would view either in a positive light are nothing but enablers. Other than that, every body type can be viewed as attractive or beautiful, whether the person is small or large in frame, especially because, in the end, beauty and attractiveness are in the eyes of the beholder.

[gingerwolf08]

Yes I agree, we need to also be positive about healthy and not enable unhealthy behavior. I can see how its wrong to

[spuitkaas]

You're very smart! I wish I had these insights when I was your age. Next generation is really gonna save everyone.
I used to be very insecure about my body, because of my upbringing and the role models we were given as women. My dad had a trauma on my grandma being too heavy and that's why she died (it's not true but nobody can change his mind). That's why he started being overprotective over his daughters not getting fat and being amything but very skinny is bad and unworthy.
After my older sister and my dad suffering from eating disorder and my mom and little sister having a bad relationship with food, I decided to look at it differently.
As women, but even men but in a big protective way, we are taught that our value lays in our reproductive abilities. This is partly true for some women, but it's not our only value. The only reason we want to look good, is to be accepted by society and to find a mate, but is makeup, plastic surgery etc really gonna increase that chance?
I want a partner that doesn't only value me for how I look like, as I don't want to do the same to him. We have much more to offer and we don't deserve to be simplified to that extent as human beings.
I don't want to say it's not important at all, but attraction is more than stand alone features. The most beautiful people are the ones who have great energy and we feel most connected with.

[gingerwolf08]

Thank you very much that was very nice of you 😄

[SweetFyter]

I'm glad I read this opinion because it made me go look at how old gingerwolf08 is and I was shocked and happy at the same time. First, she's the first person I've seen near my age here and second (but most important) she can communicate!!! I just finished answering another question and I said that what I like here is being able to talk with people who CAN communicate but usually that means older people so - good! Now... the question...

OK, I looked at that graphic and, honestly, it makes body positivity look just like narcissism. I'm not overjoyed with my body but I also know I'm not done yet. But, no matter how I end up, we have all been raised to believe that WHO we are is way more important than what we look like and that our principles are the most important thing. I believe that. I only have brothers (and four boy cousins nearby) so I do get kidded sometimes ("don't forget your padded bra so people'll know you're a girl"), but I get back at them, too. The point is we know it's not serious or nasty so the whole body image thing to me is more like something to study for a psychology course. It's all part of our society's overemphasis on looks and physical stuff, and not enough emphasis on who people are and spiritual stuff.

[frankz]

@SweetFyter i saw this message talking about "my generation" like it was a thing of the past, then saw she's 25 and OMG the OP IS 13?

Yeah, most definitely some powerfully rational thinking, and likely particularly smart if you can produce such and analysis at that age.

Sad to mention it's not this upcoming generation that takes the credit, but seeing exceptions like this is definitely refreshing.

[SweetFyter]

@frankz I have to agree. I think we all have stuff we would like to change in society, but what influence do any of us have outside our families and friends? Some have LOTS but most of us have little to none. :( My family is a little isolated so "society" for me is really very few people. But the people I know who're my age or a little older - honestly most of them scare me - are they the best we can do? Most are immature and self-centered and the communication thing I mentioned (about @gingerwolf08) is very true. It's like no one can communicate anymore (its like no-oen can cumoonykate inny mor).

[yofuknutz]

@SweetFyter unfortunately that Ginger wolf profile is deactivated I don't know the details so this might be a catfishing account nonetheless this is an interesting take on body image

[yug_a_tsuj]

I have no issues with body positivity, and to help people accept themselves as they are.

My poor girlfriend is very short and she has been soooo body shamed for her hight that she still gets super emotional if someone tells he "you're a kid" or something along the lines just because she is short

I was always super insecure about my body.. because I wasn't ripped mountain of a guy...

I used to be 177.5cm and 71kg, now I am 177.5cm and 85kg, and I feel looking better then ever just because of my girlfriend (and she used to tell me looking at my old Facebook photos that I was so "hot 🔥 🥵" even though I never felt like it)

So my point is, I know I have few extra kg, since pandemic, since I like to eat etc, but I think I am not at unhealthy weight, and that is fine, my girlfriend is just a bit curvy too, and I love it, if someone is healthy skinny good for them, if someone is healthy curvy good for them, to the extremes on the other hand we should provide safe space to ask for help, raise awareness of all issues of both, and provide medical assistance if asked for it

But as a society, we should really respect eachother and stop body shaming business, especially about things people can't influence (being super tall, being super short as an Example)

[frankz]

This is the same train of though as in "there's no racism against whites". It directly implies what you say you appreciate, you actually don't, and some other thing could make it so that you don't have to work for recognition of your problems.

It's a chip on your shoulder way to deal with the world and the complexity of social interactions, self worth and achievement. The same feeling that drives the poor to hate anyone who isn't, even if they could do something about it.

A way to feel pride when you've done nothing to be proud of. The easy way to get that feeling of achievement and satisfaction, without the need to deserve it.

It's a clear overcompensation and projection of inferiority complex. Don't fall for it. Don't play the same game. Don't try to make sense of it.

Because if you're not on their side, you ARE the problem to them. Your existence blows apart any argument they might have, so they have to attribute it to some other input that reinforces their argument, even if it's unrelated, even if it's made up.

You can skip questioning the details as you're trying to do, and question the foundation of such train of thought. As for the media, they'll go for what's harder to question openly, but still sells. They've been doing so for the better part of the last decade.

[gingerwolf08]

You know what? This is very good insight on it.. i do think that there's no racism against whites is a form of inferiorty complex

[frankz]

I appreciate you dare to think and speak for yourself. Questioning these movements openly is difficult and going through the nuances is definitely no simple task, especially when there's so much reinforcement from media and often even school systems.
You make some great points in your post.

[Alyssa_11]

As a woman I am so sick of society basically discussing body image. It’s so depressing. We’re all so different and we all come in different shapes and sizes. Reducing us into “thick” and “skinny” categories is immaterial. We’re much more than that. And what’s worse is no one is better than anybody else. I just want to be healthy. I’m soooooooo tired of body image and looking pretty and all that bullshit. So tired.

[gingerwolf08]

Exactly! I feel the same exact way

[yug_a_tsuj]

Exactly as long as you're healthy there's nothing wrong with any body, if it causes you health problems you should be able to ask for help.

[Alyssa_11]

Absolutely.

Over the years I learned to appreciate my body so much for all it’s done for me. As a teenager I struggled with body image so much and I compared myself to celebrities and other girls at school for example. Truth is we’re all so genetically different and (if you care) men will find you attractive regardless lol.

I take care of my body now. I try to make healthy food choices and I work out. My body’s my temple.

[rebeliouse]

agreed women are like a box of chocolates lots of different flavors and we all like different ones :D

[Alyssa_11]

@rebeliouse Lol love that

[rebeliouse]

@alyssa_11
thanks :D

[SweetFyter]

And why is it that only WE are supposed to be worried about this? I see guys all the time who have pot-bellies and they're not even old. So, how is that OK but a heavy girl isn't?

"OH..." they say, "You have to look good to attract a mate and perpetuate the species." REALLY? OK, so I bust my butt to be pretty and I get to choose from the Mates Line Up of guys - and they dress like they're going fishing at the lake or work on their pickups or they haven't washed their hair this week or blah blah blah. So THAT'S OK but we have to be pretty? I try to look pretty when I'm away from home and stuff, but for what? NOT for the guys in the line up! They don't care. They want to pick from "all the pretty girls" but don't think they have to look good, too? Double standards! (Sorry for the rant. Was just talking about this with my cousin - GIRL cousin, I should say).

[Alyssa_11]

I agree with you on that one! Some men are very judgmental and are quick to point fingers when a woman doesn’t look her best. And most of the time it’s the men who don’t take care of themselves even.

[Evan64]

As a man, I've definitely felt left out this entire time and that's probably not going to change. That being said, I do want to speak on this- that last point especially.

"Anyone can be body shamed"

I have been on both sides of the totem pole when it comes to weight. At one point in life, I was morbidly obese and borderline anorexic at another. Both times, I've been shamed and even told to kill myself. The sad thing is that, these days, people want to claim that "skinny shaming" does not happen when in truth I see plenty of it and have experienced it for myself at that latter point. As a skinny male, people will assume your sexuality or tell you to buff up if you "want a chance with a woman"... it's pretty ridiculous.

I also agree that we really shouldn't be focusing on physical appearance as much as we do, but again, I don't see society changing anytime soon.

[maverick2022]

I know what you're saying is true. I've seen girls on social media get skinny shamed. People don't like having an ideal of beauty forced upon them and it ends up causing division. Men don't like being told what they should like and women don't like being told they're not beautiful. Some guys like girls skinnier than normal and some guys like girls thicker than normal. You cannot change what someone is attracted to and it's important to accept that if someone varies too far from the norm, they are less likely to be found attractive. Average and normal are not used interchangeably, since many places have an epidemic of overweight people and some people fat shame because they don't want it to become viewed as an acceptable norm. By comparison, there aren't any places with an epidemic of underweight women so people don't feel as much need to stand up against skinny shaming. This makes skinny girls feel bullied even if some guys find her beautiful.

[AGirl_x]

Skinny shaming does just as much damage, I have seen my sister's suffering and she grew in height fast and yea, was very skinny but she was never starving herself. But she was humiliated really badly and no adult, teachers, did anything, including parents. Now she has all she wanted but wants a bigger ass and a tiny waist, we have about the same measurements and I tried her waist trainer once and very fast I felt lightheaded. She wears it all the time at home. BUT the body positivity shit was targeted towards overweight women, fat women who are not healthy (or their health will start to fail) and we are supposed accept that as OK to slap on magazine covers.
Shaming does so much damage. That should not be acceptable in school, work on anywhere but for example in a highschool the shaming, bullying for any reason can be stopped. Same in the work place. The problem is that we love to talk big and we do nothing.

[VanillaSalt]

Look man or women 300+ lbs is fat… a healthy 6’ 5” man isn’t300+ lbs… if you’re300+ lbs your fat period. If your fat due to a health problem then I sympathize with you but your still fat period. Your still unhealthy. And if your 50lbs soaking wet… your still a twig. Also unhealthy.


If we have such a problem with people pushing beauty then why do people watch and participate in beauty pageants? If you wanna be accepted work hard and fix it. If you can’t fix it then accept it. You can’t please everyone but both sides have their admirers… stop forcing your bullshit onto me!

[bingbongbangbung]

What about basketball players that weigh 300 lbs and are over 7ft?

[molonski2]

Well written , you make some great points , absolutely anyone can the body shamed , and the male " ideal " has killed more than it has assisted also ( I know some ) , but at the same time trying to normalise what is simply " overweight " " large arse " , is an extremely unhealthy practice also , and its denigrating to those who wish to be at their best , Fat v skinny , just saying it like this does not promote the question correctly.

But , its a reasonable goal to want to be the best you can be , plus size models dont assist anyone , in an attempt to normalise.

[Mango77]

I'm a skinny girl and have been judged because I have small boobs but I'm happy with the way I am I personally wouldn't want to be a bigger girl but I accept different types of bodies one thing that sticks is you can never please society so you might as well just be yourself!

[gingerwolf08]

I'm learning to love my body as well so thats a great way to start

[Mango77]

@gingerwolf08 I'm glad you are starting to love it and I'm sure you have a great figure!

[SweetFyter]

Yep - and besides, my oldest cousin is 23 (I only have two girl cousins and neither one lives near me) but we did a video chat about a year ago and we were talking about "girl stuff." I'd said something about worrying about my small boobs (they aren't that big now but then they were tiny) and SHE told me that having big boobs can be very uncomfortable in several situations. She said she can wear a sports bra that helps, but those are also very uncomfortable she said. She's nine years older and ever since I can remember (the few times I saw her over the years) she had boobs the same size as my aunt. So I remembered what she said about that AND she also talked about NOT getting all twisted up about boobs or no boobs or thin or fat and all that - but to just be a person people like to be with. I always thought that made sense and I've never really stressed about being small. But I do wonder if you can inherit boob size from cousins - J/K!

[gingerwolf08]

@SweetFyter Omg! Thank you for your nice comments! I understanbd because sometimes we have to see our body issues through others! Same with me just a little dofferent.. My sisteris the one with big boobs lol

[rebeliouse]

yet all the models are skinny and small boobs why can't society make its fing mind up!

p. s. i love small boobs :D

[rebeliouse]

@SweetFyter you have small boobs cos your 14 gees if you had big boobs at that age what do u think they would be like size wize when your in your twenties!

[SweetFyter]

@rebeliouse LOL, just saw your comment. I'm not really bothered by my small boobs because, like you said, I still have time. But... maybe a little more might be nice - especially when I want to buy a summer dress (about the only time I get to show cleavage - or, at least, where my cleavage WOULD be if my boobs were bigger - HA)!

[rebeliouse]

@SweetFyter dont worry about it your cleavage will come in time just enjoy your body and make sure you take up yoga and become flexible as poss thats more important than boobs

[SweetFyter]

@rebeliouse LOL - I was thinking how to answer about my "future" cleavage. I doubt I'll ever be as "cleaved" as my 23-year-old cousin, but time will tell, I guess. For now, I think my breasts are social-distancing!!!

[GlassTop]

The body positivity thing goes along with women empowerment and other things. The truth is, being obese is unhealthy. It’s not a good thing. Being too skinny is unhealthy too, but that’s a more of a mental issue than a health issue. Your body will thank you for not being overweight. Your knees, joints, heart, skin, everything is thrown out of balance when you’re overweight. Exercise and stay away from sugars. I usually eat one-two meals a day. No snacking. No eating 2hrs before bed. Drink only water. Get good sleep. Try cooking at home instead of eating at out so much. I wish they pushed healthiness more. There are only a few countries that suffer from obesity and push this body positivity thing. It’s all bullshit.

[IMuser]

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[gingerwolf08]

Wow, these are some interesting titles might have to check some of them out later

[IMuser]

Sure. They are fun (don't forget to read the comments)

[nawtee_me]

The problem here is two fold. First is in the wording. If you are going to use the term skinny then use the term fat as well. It is like curvy makes it okay somehow. Don’t get me wrong, I am not trying to shame anyone. I am an old fat man. But the difference is that I am okay with who I am. Anyone can call me that all day long and it won’t bother me. You can not shame me for being who I am. That is the second part of this. The shaming can’t happen if you are okay with yourself and who you are. If you are not okay with you then there are other underlining issues besides shaming that need to be dealt with.

[hahahmm]

It's funny how "strong, independent women" can't handle it if a man finds her fugly. Yet it's okay for women to find any man fugly for any of 1,000 different reasons. I don't care about a fat woman's feelings if she's too lazy to even try to get into shape. The shape that people with actual medical degrees say is healthy and normal.

[TransAm85]

I agree w/this. I used to be really fat in my teens. I weighed about 250 lbs and a size 22. Back in the 90's/early '00's being fat wasn't seen as cute! I got made fun of a lot and had to tolerate it. My junior yr in high school I started losing weight. I lost almost 100 lbs by the time I was 19. I was so happy to wear a size 8 and medium! Now the way they project being obese today as if it's okay.. it's not.

[Pilot_737_NY]

BLOBBY SUCKS!

Yes, it is nice to be positive and well-adjusted. Nevertheless the reason why people throughout time have positive feelings towards people who are physically fit and negative towards people who are fat is because of health. If being fat was a great thing it wouldn’t be the leading cause of so many health conditions. You can’t even take decent x-rays of fat girls, the diagnostic equipment isn’t designed for them. Don’t think for one second that being blobby is OK ladies! as a guy I can assure you, the only men who are into that are ones who you don’t want in your life.

[JessicaEarl]

Everyone’s end goal should be to be healthy. Everyone knows if they need to gain and lose some fat to reach that. It’s their own journey and their own business. Remember that being very overweight is a high risk factor for Covid and many other things tho. Love yourself and working on yourself aren’t mutually exclusive

[ohshee]

You are very smart and wise you see and feel thing very deep and you are right

[gingerwolf08]

Thank you!

[bamesjond0069]

If you're fat its unhealthy and shameful. What it really is though is a big sign on your forehead that says "i dont care about my health, im lazy, i have no self control, i dont care about my appearance" those are personality defects and at minimum one MUST be true if you're fat if not more. Should we be positive about lazy people? Accept and love people who are lazy slobs! Sorry bullshit.

[gingerwolf08]

? Being 'fat' isn't unhealthy or shameful. Just because you're a certain body size doesn't mean you're lazy. Have you not seen the people who work hard to lose weight?

[gingerwolf08]

Do you call that lazy? I'm sure people who are on th healthier side do care about their appearance. In fact most of society says it's not pretty or not the beauty standard. We should be positive about people living a healthy livestyle which means maintaining your health physical emotional etc. By physical just because someone is fat does not mean they are unhealthy.. You will know if it is unhealthy when it starts to case problems in ur body

[gingerwolf08]

Do you call that lazy? I'm sure people who are on th hheavierside do care about their appearance. In fact most of society says it's not pretty or not the beauty standard. We should be positive about people living a healthy livestyle which means maintaining your health physical emotional etc. By physical just because someone is fat does not mean they are unhealthy.. You will know if it is unhealthy when it starts to case problems in ur body*** i made a typo

[bamesjond0069]

I know these 3 fat girls, they spend tons of money on makeup and clothes, yet you can't put lipstick on a pig and expect it to look good. They spend money on every sort of diet thing possible providing it doesn't involve eating less, eating healthier or exercising. They are lazy and short sighted. Now if they were a VS model but were lazy and short sighted, id still think they were pieces of shit.

[gingerwolf08]

Another bodyshaming comment. Can we just stop making fun of people. Did you just call fat people a pig? That's rude. You're saying fat people will never look good. by the way what does that even mean?

[bamesjond0069]

Love how you skipped the important point to focus on fake outrage.

[Snakeyes7]

The body positivity movement should only be for bodily ailments that the person can't control. I'm all for the acceptance of birth defects, injuries from war or other adverse events, etc but obesity doesn't count because it's something you can control.