Boyfriend won't let me join a sorority?

[Anonymous]

So I want to join a women's fraternity. It's not like a full out sorority, it's just for musicians, called SAI. Anyway, I told my boyfriend about this and he got really upset about it. I don't have any friends and have kind of been relying on him a lot for my entertainment so I thought this would be a good opportunity to branch out. Instead he said "quell don't get mad if we don't have time to hang out when you're busy with that" but we never have time to hang out because of his friends and stuff, so why am I not allowed to have friends? Then I asked why he he was mad and he said "whatever it's not even my business, do what you want" And now had been acting mad all day. Do I have a right to be annoyed at this?

Updates

+1 y

I'm just looking for way to regain control of the situation

[marshallv]

you have a right to be irritated and you have a right to have friends. specifically ask him why it bothers him "why did you get mad about me wanting to join that sorority?"

it's not good to be relying on him for all your entertainment either I mean I don't know your situation and I'm not judging but in relationships you need to have friends besides the person you're dating so definitely get into that sorority. I hope everything works out

[Asker]

That's why I wanted to join the sorority. I just started university and don't really fir in here, so I really don't have any friends beside him at this point and it's been really hard for me to deal with the fact that he has to make time to hang out with his friends and then I'm just sitting at home. But I think he likes it that way, because anytime I mention wanting to make friends or do something like join a sorority he objects

[marshallv]

yeaaaahhh I'm gonna agree with the other people here that's a big red flag. He sounds really controlling. Go join that sorority and if he objects get away from him

[Asker]

Yeah. But we've been dating for a year and four months. I'm not sure this is a big enough to end that for

[marshallv]

you say he always acts like this when you talk about making friends. that is controlling behavior and marrying him is going to make it worse. please take care of yourself. there are billions of other men out there

[Asker]

Yeah.. I don't know. It's a lot more complicated than just leaving. I can't really just leave.

[marshallv]

sorry if I'm prying but can I ask why?

[Asker]

Our relationship is very complicated. If you want details to can message me

[JustinCaseUDontKnow]

If he really loves you he would allow you to have friends.. he can have all the friends
but when it comes to you having friends he loses his head.. he is not playing fair to you
yes you have the right to be annoyed he is controlling you.. if he's acting this way now
can you imagine being married to him i hope things get better for you...

[JustinCaseUDontKnow]

You can't see what others see but experience is the best teacher

[Asker]

What should I say to him to make him realize it's not okay?

[JustinCaseUDontKnow]

Does he ever ask you to hang out with his friends? I just think this guys not fair to you
if i had girlfriend i want her to have friends i want play fair with her and give her space and stuff

[Asker]

No. His friends always come first, but he always comes first to me and if he doesn't then he gets upset

[JustinCaseUDontKnow]

Well, i think your afraid to tell him like it is cause we all fear of break up
but i think all relationships should be equal. Oh my ex-girlfriends i pampered
them i never took no money from them or ask money from them for dates
i didn't care if they wanted to talk to other guys and they did it was all cool

[xHoneyxBeex]

He sounds rather controlling. You're allowed to have friends too. Even people in relationships need to have friends and other people to talk to and spend time with. Your life shouldn't have to revolve around him. Do what you want. He's being immature about the situation. You aren't doing anything wrong by joining this organization, he'll get over it eventually.

[Betwyn]

How long have you been dating?

Do you plan on marrying him?

Do you like controlling men?

oh.. and if the answer to either of the last 2 is no.. join.. and if he complains.. kick him to the curb.

[Asker]

We've been dating for a year and four months and yes we were planning on getting married

[Betwyn]

and, do you like controlling men?

[Asker]

I don't like wearing the pants in the relationship, (at least not outwardly (; ) but this is taking it too far

[Betwyn]

See, first he told you not to..

then, gave you "permission" but let you know he was mad.

The goal, is for you not to join, feeling that joining would be a betrayal of him. he is playing your guilt.

It's your life, you have to live with the consequences of your decision here.

Join, and maybe you start down the road to splitsville..

Don't join, and you increase his power over you. and, no one really knows where that will lead for sure..

But I know I wouldn't want to find out.

[Asker]

I mean, I'm going to join. We'll just see if he can accept it or not

[Betwyn]

Good.

[Pinkbeauty]

He sounds like he's controling and possessive and he should let u have frieands

[madhatters4]

sounds a little possessive. you shouldn't let your bf determine what you can and can't do, ESPECIALLY, when his motivations are selfish and your motivations are completely ok

[martyfellow]

He's just pouting, he will get over it soon enough if you don't pick at him about it. He knows you're right, and eventually he'll get around to admitting it. In the meantime, just be nice to him and don't bring up the subject. But of course go ahead and join.

[jlnjlnoinlk]

You should be annoyed. He is your bf not your boss. Specially if you say he hardly spends time with u to see his friends. That sounds pretty unreasonable and controlling. Be very careful because thats how a lot of abusive relationships begin to head South. I recommend you tell him that it won't work if he doesn't let you chase your goals. Good luck!

[yaddayaddayadda02]

Join it anyway. Any guy who keeps you from your friends is not worth it.

[Asker]

I mean, we've been dating for a year and four months. I don't want to break up with him for something like this, I just don't understand his reasoning.

[yaddayaddayadda02]

Um. His reasoning is he wants to control you. This is a MASSIVE red flag.

[TStorm]

are you 'the system' follower?

[yaddayaddayadda02]

Not sure who you are talking to @tstorm

[TStorm]

@yaddayaddayadda02

[yaddayaddayadda02]

@tstorm, I've never heard about 'the system' so the short answer is 'no'

[Anonymous]

Join it or you might regret it later. If he's just afraid of losing you, make sure he knows you love him and that he has no reason to be insecure. If he's controlling and too possessive, then he needs to know you won't tolerate such behavior.

[JSmuve]

He sounds really insecure. He's probably thinking that if you join you'll get sucked into the Greek life and hook up with or leave him for some polo shirt wearing fratboy meathead.

[Asker]

He really shouldn't be insecure about this though. They just needed someone who played my instrument to join, and I'll get a scholarship for it and maybe finally make some friends for once.

[BertMacklinFBI]

he probably is under the impression of stereotypical sororities, which is why he doesn't want you to be a part of it.

[Prof_Don]

Oh no... boyfriend making girlfriend the center of his world.

He has to change or this is going to end ugly

[Asker]

Well right now he's the center of my world but I'm not the center of his and I don't think he's happy about me wanting to change that.

[Prof_Don]

Did he give a specific reason why he doesn't want u to join that sorority?

[Asker]

Nope. I'm assuming it's because I want to actually make friends for once and he's not happy about that.

[Prof_Don]

He's being selfish; he should be happy that you are aspiring to make the best of your college experience.

He is going to have to stop being possessive like this, or you are going to end up breaking up with him

[meatballs21]

Uh yeah, be annoyed. Join the sorority too. He doesn't get to pick and choose what you're allowed to do with your life.

[Asker]

But he said "do what you want, it's not my business" And he claims that's not why he's upset but he was fine until I told him about joining. I feel like he just said that to take the blame off of himself.

[meatballs21]

It totally is why he's upset, screw him, do what YOU want and join it.

[Asker]

Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's why he's upset. I'm probably just going to yell at him. Lol. Jk.

[RedThread]

He sounds possessive which is a huge red flag. You should be free to accomplish your dreams and make your own friends.

[dakraziest]

join
if he protests tell him that its what you want and because he loves u he has to accept it