My boyfriend doesn't want to go to parties with me, why?

[blackrose8]

Before we went out we were "friends". Not really friends friends but i knew who he was and we would only ever meet up to go out to parties. However, we spoke a lot through text.

Anyway, now that we have been together for about and year and a bit he never wants to go to parties with me.. why?

I find it strange because i generally like going out to parties/clubbing etc because i like to dance (thats what i do in my free time). It would be nice if he would join me. But since we started going out he always says "no i dont want too, you go" whenever i say lets go out to a party or so, even if its a birthday event.

He says he doesn't like going out and prefers to stay home. which is true, he's not a fan of big crowds, drinking, loud music etc but everyone needs a little entertainment once in a while no?

ps. i not embarrassing and on the odd occasion he does go out with his friend (only twice last year)

[MrOracle]

I read the other replies, and most have missed the truth.

Your boyfriend never really liked going out or parties - he went there because he knew that he'd have to do that to meet a girl and get a girlfriend. Now that he has one (you!), he has no wish to endure them anymore, because he never really enjoyed them in the first place.

He's happy to let you go, because he doesn't want to stop your happiness, but as you even admit, he doesn't like most of the elements that go into a party - crowds, loud music, etc.

It has nothing to do with you - he clearly still likes you, etc. He just doesn't like parties. He's a "home-body" and he's not likely to change - and relationships are about accepting your partner for who they are, not who you'd like them to be.

[blackrose8]

that is true he doesn't like going out. to be honest he doesn't like a lot of htings.. doesn't like birthdays, Christmas, Halloween, valentines day. he doesn't like events i guess

[applesandoranges22]

well black rose, this is exactly me,. I HATE events. doesn't mean I hate people, but still I dont like them being forced on me. Keep him inside his comfort zone

[blackrose8]

@applesandoranges22 thats what he says too, they are forced events just make people feel like they have to do something hahah

[Superchick123]

MHO right here!

[Doffydood]

How often do you go out? If he doesn't like parties, he's really not going to want to go. But he doesn't want to stop you from having fun, so he'll let you go. Have you ever asked, or told him to come out with you?
MrOracle has pretty much hit this one on the head (as usual!) I think.

[blackrose8]

one every three months or so, only because although he says i can go and he doesn't have a problem with it.. he gets a bit pissed off if i go so i try not to go as much. Yes I've asked him loads of times and have even said if your not going then im not going but he just doesn't want to

[Doffydood]

I mean... he probably just hates parties.
I can sympathise with him- I'm 17 and I've been to 2 "teenager" parties. That was enough for me frankly. I don't think anyone could convince me to go to any more very easily.

[strangytie]

He may be more introverted than extroverted. The thing is, for many people who are introverted these kinds of events can leave them feeling drained or exhausted. They may prefer events where less than ten people are engaged or are attending. You should talk to him about it and see if he feels this way.

[blackrose8]

yes he is an introvert and he has said to me before that if its a gathering at someones house with music and food he will go but not to parties / clubs

[strangytie]

I'm extremely introverted, and I prefer a house party with people I'm familiar with or that I'm friends with. Going to a club or a party where the guests aren't all friends or at least acquaintances can sometimes be stressful or unnerving. If he wants to be able to go with you, try exposing him to parties and events where it shifts from all people you know, to half, to some, and then to a club or find a solution you can both work with. It's difficult to go straight from being okay at a friend's party to being okay in a club cold turkey.

[bunanababa]

stop forcing him to go. maybe he used to go to parties just so he could meet up with you and now that you guys are together there's no need for him to go to parties anymore.

[writing_essays]

Maybe he never enjoyed those things and just forced himself to do it to meet woman.

[blackrose8]

maybe..
he said guys go to clubs to dance with girls. what am i going to do in a club if already have a girl and i said to him so why can't you dance with me -.-

[SCOTTMC98]

Before you started dating he went just to be close with you and try stop any other guy trying with you as he knew he wanted , now he has you and trusts you he is okay with you going alone without him and go with your friends

[blackrose8]

maybe, if thats what is really going through his mind then thats really sweet

[GraveTruth]

He probably thinks you are going to cramp his style and it's embarrassing to have your girl walk up and say "Hey, how many drink have you had? I you going to slow down now?".

haha

[blackrose8]

hahaha !

[GraveTruth]

haha, YEAH, you know what I'm talking about!!
"When you went to the bathroom you should've told me. You left me!"

Then for the next 20 years all of his friends will be like "Is your mom coming to the party again!"

[RSav4013]

Maybe he has social anxiety and the onlynreason he went at first was because he really liked you but it was actually very hard for him to do.

[blackrose8]

i dont think he has social anxiety.. i dont know he just doesn't want too

[RSav4013]

Maybe he has started to lose interest in hanging out with you. Or maybe he has something going on in his personal life. Has anyone in his family became ill recently? I would ask him.

[blackrose8]

he always with me, thats not the problem. he doesn't want to go to parties with me

[RSav4013]

ohhh. well I'm not sure then. most likely jealousy at that point and he doesn't want tonsee you talking to other guys

[Blonde401]

Dude just doesn't like parties and he's a homebody.

[Dantheman101]

May be he would get jealous with other guys looking at you so best he not there

[blackrose8]

thats what he said.. he said "it will just cause arguments all it takes is for someone to look at you twice and then you will argue with me for ruining your night and to be honest its best to avoid the situation"

[Dantheman101]

Yeah cause guys will just stare at you if your dressed nicely

[xDxDxDxDxD]

If he really doesn't want to, he shouldn't have to. You should voice your concerns to him. Start a dialogue. Ask him why he never goes out with you, and if he gives you a good enough reason, then just go clubbing with your friends.

[blackrose8]

he says its because he gets jealous of me and it will just cause unnecessary arguments.. do you think thats a good enough reason?

[truthbeknown]

Yep, he likes to fly solo and play with the ladies.

[blackrose8]

aha, he doesn't even go out. But before we got together he used too

[truthbeknown]

sorry, I missed that part. Do you think he hates the people you hang with? Maybe he just likes his own crowd? Maybe he isn't into your style?

[blackrose8]

he doesn't even really know my friends and i say to him to bring his two friends.. i dont know he just says he doesn't like it or that he is tired

[truthbeknown]

It must be you. Even though you say you aren't embarrassing, he probably is embarrassed or ashamed of you and is just being polite to say otherwise.

[blackrose8]

he says "he gets jealous and it will just cause unnecessary arguments"

[Anonymous]

I find it hilarious that you call that entertainment. You have no idea. You don't go there to dance, you enjoy the attention probably.

[blackrose8]

maybe you go out for the attention. but i go out for entertainment, i go out to dance with my friends because i enjoy it

[Opinion Owner]

That's what you say but I bet after a few drinks that all changes. It also does not change the fact that the vast majority of guys go there to meet women. It's a hostile and useless environment for any guys that have half a brain. Women get in for free or at a discount but men don't and other men are more likely to be more hostile, bar workers rip you off and some deal drugs.

[blackrose8]

i know how to handle my drink so no, i go there sometimes without money even for drink just to listen to music and dance and then go home

[Ice_Star_Scater]

He's probably embarrassed. I know you might be thinking why. But u have only ever gone out as friends before. It's a totally different situation and it can be embarrassing especially for a guy. So don't worry I'm having the same troubles.

[Ferrett321]

People change, if he stays the way he is I can't imagine a future for you two. Sorry to say.

[directY]

Coz he maybe dont want to open his relationship with you

[blackrose8]

open?

[Anonymous]

he doesn't want others to know you two are going out

[blackrose8]

no, everyone knows we are going out

[fulloflife]

Some people aren't the party type