Why do some men get hurt so easily?

When my S/O is doing something to upset me I try to let him know what he is doing is making me feel bad.

Ex:I say "When you come home and just go straight to the computer to download tv shows for 2 hours it makes me feel like you are ignoring me. "

I don't yell it. I just tell him calmly.

His reaction:"So you think I ignore you? I'll show you what it's like to be ignored! "

LoL. He does this even when he's not grumpy from work

I feel like he is snapping at me just because I told him he is doing something to upset me. But instead of just saying I'm sorry that makes you feel that way and bla bla bla. He reacts by biting my head off! Sooo. Why do guys get so butt hurt so easily?

This question is not about him being on the comp. It is about his behavior when I try to let him know he is doing something that hurts me. EX#2:I say "It makes it seem like you don't care"and he says"I'm really gonna act like I don't care now. "


Most Helpful Guy

  • I used to be a little defensive when someone told me to get off the computer because I'm ignoring my family. I eventually accepted that that's exactly what I am doing, but it took a long time. I don't think that anyone likes being told that what they're doing is hurting someone, and he's feeling defensive about it. Also, he might just feel that that is the only time he has to himself to do what he wants and relax. That's the way I feel about my books or watching a movie.

    I've heard it said that a woman speaks five thousand words a day, and a guy only two thousand. When a guy is at work, he exhausts all of his words for the day, and then when he gets home, his wife, who may have used the same, is ready to talk all her words out. Basically, he might just be feeling all 'people'd out' and want the time to himself. I'm not saying it's right, but just that that may be what's causing him to react like that.

    Maybe you two could use a little time away from the pressures of life. Take the family for a picnic once a week on the weekend to some place beautiful. Get everyone to relax and have fun. I'm sure that everyone will love it, and bring you all closer together. Also, find more things you can do with your husband, like going on 'dates' or just walking along the beach (if you're around one). Have fun!

    • Your correct. That is exactley what he is doing he is being defensive because he knows what he is doing is wrong.

      I have been feeling like we do need some time to ourselves so I have recently been planning a weekend alone for me and my hubby W/O the kids. He gets to pick the place and I get to bring all the goodies =)

      Ha Ha. The words thing does kinda make since too. I'll keep that in mind. Thank you for your response.

    • Sure thing. Just seen the update, and I think it reaffirms what I said. He's being defensive about what he's doing. He might also feel that he is trying hard to do the best he can. He might not be, but it sounds as though that is the way he feels. It's kinda like if you work hard on a project for your boss, and it doesn't come out right or on time. You might have tried hard, or perceived that you did, but your boss might see it differently. You will feel defensive of your work, no matter results.

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What Guys Said 3

  • Heres the real question: Why do you constantly NEED this guys attention? Are you a baby who needs to be cared for? No, you are a grown woman and you need to realize this, this is why he snaps at you, because its not his job to make sure your feelings are pampered and fluffy. Hey, guess what! Sometimes, people just want to download tv shows, STOP OVER ANALYZING IT! Just BE with him, just simply relax, calm - down, and BE with him already! If you think guys get into relationships to help you build self-esteem and to make sure that your precious little ego is stroked and touched and to constantly re-assure you that your decision to f*** him on a regular basis is the right one, then don't get into relationships.

    So the f*** what if you think he is ignoring you, get over your damn self! Just because you feel ignored doesn't mean y ou have to degrade his man-hood, because that's basically what you are doing.

    EX#1: You say, " When you come home and just go straight to the computer to download tv shows for 2 hours it makes me feel like you are ignoring me. " What you really are saying is, " You son of a bitch, I cleaned this house, cooked your food, and f***ed your dick and then you go and download tv shows! I am above this! You are doing a horrible job at being my boyfriend and I demand you pay attention to me for doing all these things I do for you! "

    He'll pay attention to you when he damn well pleases.

    and you'll pay attention to him when you damn well please.

    If you are doing things for him, and you think you honestly deserve something in return, then that makes you a pretty crappy partner.

    I know I sound harsh, but I've been through this exact shit with my ex and I just wasn't ever good enough for her standards after a year of being together.

    Do you really think anyone is going to live up to your standards of a relationship if there isn't someone always there up your ass telling you everything is ok?

    • Chill you don't have to be rude to her about, its just a question. I always thought the women got hurt more easily not the men, does he spend time with you at all? If not then I probably would worry, but men aren't going to cuddle with you all the time. My ex got home he would sit on the computer and watch tv, I might have got to spend one on one time with him every now and then when we would watch a movie. Don't go over board with it, and don't sound so needy.

    • First of all. He is my husband of almost 5 years. Not a boyfriend.

      Second. I don't think that way. I don't expect my hubby to do anything when he gets home from work. I don't work right now so I feel that I have no right to ask him to do much more then take out the trash every other day.

      Third. The question was about MALE behavior. NOT about my personal life. I was using an example from my own experiences so there was no reason for you to be so rude and attack me and assume you know me

  • I always thought it was the opposite. Women get hurt very easily while us unsensitive men don't get hurt at all. Unless our favorite team just got blown out in the Super Bowl. Men usually don't react much and when we do. WATCHOUT!

    Maybe he needs more sex. That or a smoke :-S

  • Foxy-sox, its not that men get hurt so easily. I'm not saying they do or don't, a lot depends on the guy himself. But based on what you've wrote here and believe me I'm no expert but speaking from past experience, what he is feeling is that you continually nag him.

    he gets home and wants to do what he wants to do, maybe his day was bad, maybe he just needs some chilling time, heck, we all do. But what he possibly is seeing is that when he wants his alone time, you are pushing your needs on him rather than understanding his needs.

    give him some time, maybe even ask him how his day was and if he needs something. Nothing major though, just a beer or a cup of coffee.

    but let him know that you would like to do something together when he's done, maybe go for a walk, movies, bar etc. Just don't say you'd like to talk - it will make him freak and think of relationship talks

    this way, he sees that you are thinking of him and giving him his space for a little while.

    try to set the mood some night so that you can talk and try to agree on doing things together for at least 2 hours a day - play scrabble, monopoly even.

    guys don't like to show emotion - long story and goes back to the stone ages when men were men and taught never to show emotion.

    try to bring out his sensitive side without saying he needs to show emotion or telling him what he is doing

    rather, try to make him feel as though it is his idea, this way, he'll feel as though he is doing something nice to make you feel special.

    hope it helps

    • It feels to me that he is just lashing out at me because he knows he is not paying ANY attention to me when he gets home. I mean. I've told him all I really want from him is maybe a hi or a hug to acknowlege my existence. I am usually in the middle of cooking dinner when he gets home and he just comes in and goes straight to the computer to check his downloads. It's not that I mind him being on the comp. He deserves his time to himself. And I always give him time to do what he wants after work.

    • Haha. I only nag my hubby when he deserves it. Like when he is just being really really selfish! LoL. Probably not the best thing to do. But I don't do it very often.

      Hubby usually gets to do what he wants. The question is basically just about his reaction when I tell him what he is doing is not good for our relationship.

      Thank you for responding.

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