Would you ever date a registered sex offender?

[Anonymous]

How many of you knew that getting caught peeing in an alley would require you to register as a sex offender? This happened to a close male friend of mine a few years ago, and now he could be arrested for not telling his neighbors that he's "on the list". And no one ever asks him about it. They just assume that he is violent rapist. My best friend's younger brother's college roommate had a wild party one night; the next morning, he found a 15 year old girl in his bed, and BOOM! He's on the list for having a shitty roommate. He never touched the girl, and spent a year in jail. One of her "friends" put her in the bed after having sex with her unconscious body, and later fessed up. But my friend's brother has already had to endure 5 years of public ridicule and shame, lost his job, and was forced to move. We are NOT surrounded by rapists! And I'm so sick of the fear mongering in this country hurting good descent men. Rant over.

Hell no! I trust our legal system, they deserved to be registered!

I'll ask or Google them first, because mistakes happen.

It depends... I'll comment below.

See results.

[lotv56]

Hey, I have been sexually assaulted but none of the girls who was sexually assaulted by him want to report him with me. That dude seems like a very nice guy too. But majority of the women don't report it. So what we are seeing is that many of the one's who are lying are reporting it because they are out for revenge and are not affected by it and they make it harder for the girls who were actually assaulted harder to report it because then they are scared if people start calling them a liar or if the dective or cop doesn't believe them and if then they are shamed. They have to go home and still deal with the paiin of the assault. The girls who lie don't. They report and get it over with easily. Anyway, it depends on the situation. I have seen so many innocent people get shamed for what their criminal record says but not for what really happened and what really happened was that they were screwed over.

[Anonymous]

Can I asked what country is this? Peeing in the street here in England I think they get a fine, but it may been perceived as your friend exposing himself in broad daylight if they might be children around. I am 25, but when I was a child I used to see men Peeing on the street a lot. I felt disgusted by it and freaked out. Now I still do see men do that, which I am not so freaked out. But I still think there a toilet nearby it's not like we're in the middle of nowhere where. So yes, I understand your anger that he shouldn't not been on the sex offenders list for Peeing, but the court system may think what if children was around.

[Asker]

3 am on a Wednesday night, when anyone under the age of 18 is required by law to be at home in bed. The bars are closed at that time and put everyone outside, so there was no bathroom. He was in an alley behind a dumpster, where no one could see him, unless they were back there looking for people peeing, which is exactly what happened. I'm in the US.

[Opinion Owner]

Oh ok. Yeah I heard the US laws are very harsh. In England he would get a fine or even a warning. If by law children supposed to be sleeping then he should not been on the offenders list for peeing.

[Opinion Owner]

Thanks

[isbey]

While I agree that there are a lot of people on that list for the wrong reasons, I completely disagree with the sentiment of this question. It is a very rare occurrence that people are fallacy accused of sexual crimes. I've never met a man over the age of 20 who has never raped someone.

[japhet97]

Then holy shit, you must have some shitty luck meeting new people lol

[isbey]

I have a lot of friends. Maybe it's just because I live in a very conservative City? I dunno. I don't even know what a non-rapist would even act like.

[japhet97]

Well I live in the exact opposite circumstances. I'm not sure what the demographics are in NYC but I'll assume that its overwhelmingly liberal. But yeah I've never been friends with a rapist, and the majority of my friends, both close and distant, are guys. And I've met less sex offenders then I have conservatives, they're pretty rare here haha

[Asker]

Wow, WTF dude, that is SO not true! Have you met yourself? But this logic, YOU are a rapist!
Also, I have been raped, and I don't agree with the these laws... They perpetuate the myth that rape is a product of the stranger in the bushes, when it's 10 times more likely to be someone close to you that you have known for a while.

The rate of actual rape in this country is nowhere near as high as people are led to believe. Although it is true that many rapes are either covered up on college campuses, or not reported, but if you were to swap those with all of the false claims, the numbers would still be lower by a noticeable margin.

Now sex trafficking by girls abducted from other countries, is another matter entirely. Sadly, if the girls are of age, it's not technically rape, it's exploitation and terroristic threats resulting in coercion. No less tragic and wrong, but not legally rape.

[isbey]

I never said I wasn't a rapist. I didn't say I agree with these laws either. But going easier on these criminals isn't going to help victims to come forward more.

[japhet97]

I still remember that "1 in 4 women" bullshit that people were spreading. I agree that of course it should be easier for women to come forward. But I just can't see what the excuse is for not doing so in this day and age.

If a woman is raped in this country, she'll be supported by her loved ones and friends, have the ability to put the perpetrator to justice, and have many forms of therapy or support groups available to her, and rightfully so.

Rapists, or even men who are just accused of rape, are completely shunned. He's disowned by his family and friends, his job or educational career are lost, and he'll have to live with that negative impact for the rest of his life, not to mention prison ofc. If successfully convicted then good for him (personally, I'd rather have him castrated or killed).

But some women out here are starting to realize that all you need to ruin the life of a man you dislike is a simple accusation of sexual harassment, or worse.

[Asker]

@japhet97 I was actually blamed by my own family when I was raped. I had "no business" hanging out with a male friend that wasn't my husband, when I'm not even married. So according to them, it's "my fault". Obviously, I assume by this logic, they meant that I'm never supposed to date, just marry a man that I don't know...

[isbey]

That's more commonly the case. Have you actually looked into rape cases @japhet97 ? Almost always, the victim is shunned by her family for being a whore and dishonoring them, the rapists gets nothing but support from his community and he usually gets away with a slap in the wrist, then in the worst of scenarios. Maybe in New York they've gotten better about it but in the rest of the country, the worst thing that a woman can ever do is come forward with rape accusations.

[japhet97]

@isbey I've literally never heard of that happening here. But I can believe the woman taking blame for it due to religious reasons but I've only ever seen it occur in Evangelical Christian or Muslim communities, where women actually get punished for being raped. There is no way to measure the reactions of families from their daughter, sister, etc. being raped in America, it's impossible to do so. The best we can do is give our anecdotal experience. But from the people in my life that have fallen victim to rape and/or sexual assault, their families recognize that she went through something that no one else should ever go through and got the support they needeed

Many men in college were expelled or have had their scholarships revoked for being accused of rape. Look at the Amherst and Colorado University stories, and the even more popular Columbia Uni's Mattress Girl where due process did not apply to student being falsely accused of sexual misconduct and rape.

[isbey]

Just look up Brock Turner for a recent example of it going horribly wrong. And I'll concede that colleges tend to have bad disciplinary practices when it comes to due process.

[Asker]

just read my response to @talibear with the pink user answers.

[japhet97]

@isbey Yeah man the Brock Turner case went national. It was just the judge who fucked up tho, the jury unanimously found him guilty of three felony counts, which should've put him behind bars for a long time. The thing is that Judge Persky also had a past leniency with defendants who are school athletes, which should have been looked into a long time ago. There's currently a campaign to get him removed and its gaining a lot of traction. I agree that there's a disadvantage that women have when putting the perpetrator to justice, due to the fact that finding evidence of rape is beyond difficult, and biases that plague the justice system.

[japhet97]

@asker Damn, what kind of fucked up mentality is that? Regarding the U. S I've only ever been around the east coast, but I know for a fact that the west coast is just as liberal about these issues as we are. The southern states admittedly are a mystery to me.

[OlderAndWiser]

When someone claims that they must register as a sex offender because they took a leak in an alley, there is usually much more to the story than just taking a leak in an alley.

[Asker]

Those records are public, anyone can look them up.

[OlderAndWiser]

In my state, you can check the clerk's docket to see what the charges were but you cannot read the documents in the file such as the arrest and booking report. Have you read the arrest re;port for your friend who says he was only taking a leak in the alley?

[Asker]

Yup: "Public Indecency", "Public Urination", and "drunk and disorderly conduct". But my mother is also the nurse for the local prison and has access to arrest records. He gave her permission to view his file, she confirmed.

[OlderAndWiser]

What state are you in?

[OlderAndWiser]

Yes, in some jurisdictions, the registered sex offender thing is far too strict, overly inclusive, and draconian.

[Asker]

The guy who peed in public is in GA, and the other guy is in SC

[OlderAndWiser]

I knew of a 19 year old guy here in Florida who had sex with a 15 year old girlfriend, got arrested for statutory rape, and placed on the sexual predator list. This is a good example of what happens when a legislative body reacts to a problem on the basis of an emotional, instead of an intellectual, response.

[SjE78]

depends on whether they were genuinely guilty or wrongly accused cos I have known of friends who were accused but were led on originally, one friend went out met a girl in a bar, doormen let her in as her ID checked out, she looked 18-22
and her ID looked real (one of the doormen was an ex fraud copper)

he got chatting they drank loads both ended up at her place and he got up in the morning after being told her uncle was down visiting so might turn up...
he found it was her dad and she was 14-15
he got time in prison and placed on the sex offenders register...

another case I almost ended up on it a few years ago after defending one of my sons from an abusive adult, who later pressed charges against me for pointing at them... but they said i hit them and caused inner ear damage... while i was getting my pic taken and swabbed (as a false statement by someone under pressure) claimed I did what was said... despite not doing anything...
they asked my name even went to arrest me for being a rapist, the guy who they were after is 6'3 and I'm 5'9, he was ginger and had tattoos on his forearms
I am naturally blonde but hair's darkened over time.. and no tats
even their sergeant said leave the guy alone you idiot... he's not even remotely like who you are after...

so does really depend on the situation and if they deserved the charge, if they did then ABSOLUTELY NOT

[elizamichale]

Many times people over react and many get unjust punishment
I know someone who just gave his pack of biscuits to a cute little girl for whome he was saying she looks like his daughter who was out of the country with her mum and he only gave this biscuit coz this little girl was looking at him and wanted it so he gave her and didn't even touch her at all but he got registered as sex offender coz the girl's mum was a real bitch, she first tried to make some money out of him calling it "harassment damages" and when he and other guys who were also present there said no she called cops and it went down real bad for him, he also lost job
So i would like to know what was the case even if i knew someone was on the register

[TaliBear]

There may be some men who shouldn't be on the list, but there are far more that haven't been registered yet that 100% should be. We ARE surrounded by creeps, many women in my life have had terrible stories to tell me and justice isn't always served. aka Brock Turner, who is currently trying to get his name removed from the list. Sickening.

[Asker]

I agree with you that college campuses covering it up to benefit their sports programs is a problem. And that problem is a result of local police departments allowing campus police jurisdiction over their own campuses. That means "justice" is handled in house by the college itself. They only turn it over to state and city police when it turns violent.

[isbey]

What does college sports have to do with this?

[TaliBear]

@isbey Look up Brock Turner, I was just using him as an example for how men get away with sexual assault and rape pretty often, even with a crazy amount of mainstream media coverage.

[isbey]

I think you may have just looked him up on Wikipedia. He's only listed as a college athlete as a title. His college had nothing to do with his case.

[isbey]

He was let off easy because that's the law, not because of a corrupt athletic program.

[japhet97]

The most important thing is context. Like you say, there's a likelihood of the person being put on the sex offenders list for the most miniscule of reasons, and sometimes for no reason at all. I'd have to do a lot of research on the person before coming to a conclusion.

[0112358]

I'm aware that the majority of people on the sex offender registry are not a threat, and a minority are. so i'd want to know details.

A good article on it was :

https://www.economist.com/node/14164614

[DamnSam]

A friend of mine was in boston in a bar, got drunk and needed to pee, but the toilet was really gross, so he peed in the bush on the other streetside, there was a children playground on the other side of the bush (he didn't notice), a policecar stopped and he got registered as sex offender...
I have no trust in the government since that day...

[Anonymous]

There's no such thing as "the list" in my country so, yeah if i found out someone was convicted of a sexual crime (or anything major really) then that would absolutely be a deal breaker. Peeing in an alley might get you a ticket here if the cops see you, that's it. It doesn't show up in criminal records or anything like that.

[Anonymous]

How do you feel about a registered sex offender that did time / paid for his crime? ↗ Does he deserve a second chance?

[Scarecrow13]

It depends on why they are a registered sex offender. There are stupid reasons someone could be on the list. For instance if they got caught flashing or streaking, they will be on the list but don't deserve to be. As opposed to those that have actually sexually assaulted someone.

[Astoriana]

If someone else confessed, then the record can be expunged. So it’s his own fault for not taking the time to do it.

[Asker]

They didn't confess for 5 years.

[Astoriana]

So? It can still be expunged.

[Asker]

Are you not understanding that he wasn't cleared of the charges until after 1 year of jail, and 5 years of public torture? He had to suffer for 6 years BEFORE the guilty party confessed. Expunging the record doesn't give him back was was taken from him for crimes he did not commit.

[Astoriana]

It gets him off the sex offender registries and he would be entitled to some kind of compensation.

I don’t have sympathy for him though, mostly because I think it’s bullshit.

If you wanted to be taken seriously, you would come off anonymous. But you’re a coward and you won’t.

[Asker]

RIght. Because "Astoriana" is your real name, and your private profile tell us SO much about you! I'm no more anonymous than you are.

[Asker]

www.freepik.com/.../...rban-background_1130824.htm

Yup, so completely public and open.

[Astoriana]

Pot, meet kettle.

[CowboyKamp]

It depends in what they were accused of and what the outcome is. Unfortunately the judges and DAs have a lot of leeway when pressing charges.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Hell no! I trust our legal system, they deserved to be registered!

[Kiran04]

Depends on the circumstances, but it was something as stupid as peeing in the alley then yes, I would.

[eatadic]

It depends on what they did. To your point, there's a lot of people on the sex offender list who shouldn't be there.

[rusty1333]

I had a very similar experience with a friend of mine. So it would all depened on the situation.

[ravedave]

It depends, because you can end up on the sex offender list for public urination lmao

[Stewart997]

doesn't necessarily mean it was from a sexual act so

[Anonymous]

The story about the 15 year old sounds odd. Couldn't they have just done a dna test?

[Kipperbo1]

I would not... better safe than sorry

[Emma_240302]

No lol I never dated sorryyy