According to science, men & women can’t just be friends, specifically, men having a harder time than women being just friends. Your thoughts?

[Anonymous]

www.scientificamerican.com/.../

Key findings of the research:

•Women can indeed become just friends or platonic friends with men

•Men, not so much. Men usually have a harder time becoming just friends. Men usually see the “friendship” as a possible opportunity for intimacy as it arises. Also, men were more likely to see more things via sexual contexts/innuendos.

•Women, usually didn’t think of such things sexually/intimately of the other because they had a hard time deciphering men’s intentions/emotions, thinking the platonic friendship and feelings were mutual

So, can women & men be just friends?

Well, perhaps, if we ALL THOUGHT LIKE WOMEN

Updates

+1 y

It’s not to say it’s absolutely impossible and doesn’t exist.

Just a generality based on science.

Updates

+1 y

@MrOracle

Check out his responses/post.
I think he writes quite well on this topic and makes perfect sense.

[nice-girl]

I don't think they can be friends as I answered to the other question

[Gwenhwyfar]

I agree with this premise

[OlderAndWiser]

I certainly think that is true of many men and women but, as you concede, not a rule that applies to all men and women.

[Stan_the_pan]

I completely disagree. I read the source you provided and found no scientific experiment. A survey is not enough evidence to make such a definitive statement. Rather, it represents the opinions of many different people. The source you provided fails to address many nuances and external factors outside of their biological gender that could’ve affected their opinions and responses. Right now, we’re in a stage of psychology where most things cannot be known for sure due to our lack of knowledge surrounding the human mind (as psychology is still in its infancy) and I believe that failings within a cross-gendered plutonic relationship may have more to do with social norms than biology. Plus, to make such a bold claim requires the overgeneralizing and oversimplification of this subject.

Additionally, I have found a study that, although I do not believe has any more capacity to make a definitive statement than the one you provided, it does go into much more depth about the many nuances within the subject. The girlsaskguys website won’t let me add the link so, if you’re interested in seeing my source, just search up the psychology today site with /us/articles/200109/can-men-and-women-be-friends


This all goes without mentioning my own, personal anecdotal evidence. I am a straight male who has had many female friends without sexual attraction towards them. I’m aware that you did mention how plutonic cross-friendships exist and that this is quote, “Just a generality based on science,” however, as mentioned, science cannot prove or deny your point; so saying that this generalization is based on it would be factually incorrect.

[SaoirseS]

Further to my response on your other question, throwing the phrase "according to science" is like a weakening reinforcer when it comes to evolutionary biology, social sciences, and other soft sciences. If you challenge any one of these presenters in a lecture or symposium, they're unable to stand up to it.

If you and others wish to believe men and women can't be just friends, that is perfectly fine. But based on my own experiences and those of people around, that theory just doesn't bear up.

[Asker]

Why lump evolutionary biology with social science?

It’s most certainly not a “soft science.”

[SaoirseS]

From what I've seen and studied it is. But if you think otherwise, that's fine. I have neither the time nor desire to argue the point.

[Asker]

Well, you don’t have to argue, but I don’t know what you’ve seen or studied but if you don’t think physics or neurology is a soft science then biology, specifically evolutionary biology isn’t.

Just because it’s a hard science doesn’t mean there aren’t any unanswered questions.

I don’t know what else to say other than it is just a general fact that biology is indeed a hard science for all sorts of reasons.

We can go into them but as you’ve mentioned you don’t want to argue or debate this which is fine.

[ChrisMaster69]

Do brothers fuck their sisters?

Do guys fuck their female cousins?

these relationships are the same as we have with friends.

Your neighbours that you have had for 20 years do you regularly fuck them?

Again friends, exactly the same as social friends.

People you have worked with, do you fuck every single female?

That girl in the wheelchair, you have been friends for 10 years she’s really hot n sexy, do you try and get in her pants at every opportunity?

Must be a nightmare for Gay and bisexual guys with straight male friends they hang out with, imagine having to see their straight mates as nothing but ready meals to fuck and pump full of cum.

[Asker]

I’m not exactly sure what your point is.

If your point is, it’s not impossible for men and women to be platonic friends, then I agree with you.

This is not what I am saying though.

[ChrisMaster69]

My point is they CAN AND ARE.

By saying they cannot be means that Gay and Bisexual guys will be 24/7 lusting after their straight male friends.

Yes guys can just be friends with girls.

A good few years back I went through a period of fucking anything with a pussy, apart from that is my female friends, why? Because they were friends.

I seriously do not understand why it’s so hard to accept guys can have girl friends that are hot sexy etc and just do not want to fuck.

It’s bloody common.

[Asker]

Then what’s the point of the above piece?

Evolutionary biology?

Your personal experience here is what is driving you to your belief.

Yes, our minds so into a different state whenever we have a female cousin who we find attractive and still remain friends with them without ever wanting to have sex with them even if they offered.

When it comes to kin/family, yes, humans accommodate or adjust their minds.

But you’re discounting what I’m saying by saying “well, my personal experiences…”

[ChrisMaster69]

Have you read the article?

The actual numbers and who they are?

researchers brought 88 pairs of undergraduate opposite-sex friends into…a science lab.

In a follow-up study, 249 adults (many of whom were married) were asked to list the positive and negative aspects of being friends with a specific member of the opposite sex

You can read how the article authors have pretty much drawn their own conclusions.

Then look at my link.

www.gq.com/story/men-with-mostly-female-friends

Extract

In his 2008 book Buddy System: Understanding Male Friendships, Geoffrey Greif, Ph. D., a professor at the University of Maryland School of Social Work, wrote that 65 percent of women and 75 percent of men reported having nonsexual friendships with the opposite gender. (He attributed the reported discrepancy to the subjectivity of relationships, and concluded that an equal percentage of men and women have platonic friendships

[Shizunk]

If a girl is hot and single, we can be friends, but yes, my brain will be trying to get me to check if she would be available for more and I would have to resist that tendency. Not super hard to do. Its like not looking at boobs. Nature says you should look, girls say you shouldn't, you learn to balance the two without too much effort.
There are cases where I share interests with someone but there is major turnoff that all but removes any sexual or romantic tension. If she is a tired but happy housewife with several children, I will have zero interest sexually, but we may still have lots to talk about. So I dont really care what "science" thinks.

[Smashingdoozy]

You: science says men and women can't be just friends.
Science: they can be just friends if they think alike.

[KingofCups]

You're always attracted to your friends, even the one's of the same sex. As a guy you wouldn't invite your other male friends out if you didn't believe they had some sex appeal and could score, otherwise you'd seem like a loser with loser friends. You are attracted to your friends especially the ones of the opposite gender. And if the obstacles from the path were taken away, you'd definitely smash. That's because human Sexuality is the basis of social life. Check out this guy named Sigmund Freud.

[LimboOfTheDink]

It's weird you think women don't have dirty minds. I see things as sexual innuendos often. I just know it's usually unintentional, or a joke, and no good would come of me being seduced by that.

I also see friendship as a possible path to intimacy. But if that doesn't work out I don't see it as a wasted investment. I've never had a romantic relationship, so friendships are the most valuable relationships I have.

[jgibsonian1986]

This is a news article, not a scientific publishing.

Its not scientific if you can't make the juxtaposition yourself or in other words if you can't read the step by step journalistic process of the experiment then the only conclusions you can make are to believe or disbelieve. Nothing scientific about that.

This is just somebody's argued opinion, not science.

[Kaneki05]

It's always good other's have pointed out what i would say so i don't have to. But yeah all the responses that turned around and said no to this. I agree with them.

[NathanDavis]

According to your post... you just have an incredibly hard time understanding "science"

[Asker]

Explain.

[NathanDavis]

I would but...

@Smashingdoozy explained it flawlessly... so I'll just redirect you there

basically, your interpretation of -pseudo-science btw- is biased

[Smashingdoozy]

Yeah I read the study they're referencing too. The study is about wether cross-sex relationships are a benefit or a burden... So in reality this article is an opinion piece based off a study that didn't actually study what they are discussing.

[Still-alive]

i know this is some time of logical fallacy he's doing here... i think its appeal to authority but im not sure.

It's like saying "according to priests god exists"

[Asker]

Well, all of this has its basis within evolutionary biology. I don’t think it’s unreasonable at all to suggest that while there are instances or cases, albeit rare, of platonic friendships amongst men & women, there is an understanding and reasoning as to why, fundamentally, seemingly platonic friendships within men & women are a disguise for something else.

Women, tend to be more capable of being just friends with men.

But men, on the other hand, are quite different. Men are more likely to look at the friendship as opportunities to become intimate or sexual with the women when or if the time presents itself.

Also, men thought more intimate, sexual, and romantic associations within the friendships as opposed to women.

It seems as if, WOMEN, can indeed be just friends with men.

But this doesn’t go both ways according to a wealth of knowledge we have on this subject.

Also, anecdotal experiences and opinions do not take the place of general rule.

[Smashingdoozy]

Shut up about the evolutionary biology 🤦🏻‍♀️. Did you even read who wrote the article?

[ChrisMaster69]

@Smashingdoozy come on when does he like EVER do that 😂😂

[Asker]

@Smashingdoozy

I bring up evolutionary biology because this isn’t just something that I thought of out of the blue.

My viewpoints are grounded in or come from evolutionary biology and in some adjacent manner, psychology as well.

But also, people, in their personal relationships and lives can notice that something is rather amiss amongst their “friendships” with the opposite sex.

Feelings start emerging, thoughts about your opposite sex “friends” emerge that you do not have for those friends of the same sex, etc.

Again, women can be just friends with men

Men? Not quite.

[Asker]

@ChrisMaster69

Maybe I should’ve became an evolutionary biologist since I do enjoy the field quite a bit lmfao.

[Asker]

@ChrisMaster69

Just kidding, I’d never lol.

[Still-alive]

you know you would sound a lot less like you're making up bs if you provided some links to back up your claims right?

[NathanDavis]

" anecdotal experiences and opinions do not take the place of general rule. "

- but theirs and my own biased perspective does count-

yeah, that makes "absolute-scientific-sense"

[Asker]

@NathanDavis

Again, my base for why I believe what I believe and why the piece above came to that conclusion is rooted in evolutionary biology.

Men & women are just different.

We are indeed similar in many ways.

But we are different, rather significantly different, which is NOT bad.

[Still-alive]

just because you say so doesn't make it so. no one should take you seriously

[ChrisMaster69]

@embracethepain you are saying then any straight guy with friends that are bisexual or gay is likely to get hit on constantly?

[NathanDavis]

your personal bias has no place in science... not even in pseudo-science

and your premise on this post is absolutely biased, because you don't even make an interpretation of the so-called study... you just manipulate the wording to suit your own, again... bias

it's the typical bait as well... then you go to argue about different points, for example

"men and women are different" well of course we are... to some extent... we're different, however that does not factor into the validity of your argument, it only feeds your personal take and bias...

[Asker]

@ChrisMaster69

I’m no expert, I never claimed to be.

There’s a lot of things that humans do and think about that I cannot explain nor can a lot of scientists.

Does this mean this will be forever it’s fate? No

We can still observe and state general rules amongst the world we live in even though there are weird, unpredictable, and random occurrences that can go against general rules.

[Asker]

@NathanDavis

I say that men and women are different to appeal to something everyone should be able to agree with. From there, I’d ideally like to move forward from that universal agreement into topics that perhaps gather more controversial.

The piece above is as objective as we can get on this issue, certainly more so valid than any of our personal opinions on the matter.

Even then, I’ve never said that friendships amongst men & women are impossible.

I’m saying, there are not common at all.

They are POSSIBLE.

Probable? No, I don’t think so.

What is so controversial about this?

[Asker]

@MrOracle

Sums this topic up quite well.

[Smashingdoozy]

The article is written by a person in psychology and sociology... The "fake" "easy" science.

[NathanDavis]

" according to science... X is not possible "

" unless Y and Z exists... then it's absolutely possible"

"therefore I think X is not possible just because I agree with it"

"but if you had Y and Z and it is possible for you, well... your personal account does not count here"

" but yeah... it is possible but not according to the objective science, because for objective science is not possible, although we all see it's possible "

what a giant load of...

[Asker]

Okay, guys, thank you for chiming in. I do respect your opinions and glad this was mostly civil lol.

I don’t think it’s productive to continue this discussion.

We just disagree and I don’t think or know anything that can change our minds to either side.

Thank you

@NathanDavis
@Smashingdoozy
@ChrisMaster69

Even @Still-alive

[ChrisMaster69]

Just in case you missed it 😱

Have you read the article?

The actual numbers and who they are?

researchers brought 88 pairs of undergraduate opposite-sex friends into…a science lab.

In a follow-up study, 249 adults (many of whom were married) were asked to list the positive and negative aspects of being friends with a specific member of the opposite sex

You can read how the article authors have pretty much drawn their own conclusions.

Then look at my link.

www.gq.com/story/men-with-mostly-female-friends

Extract

In his 2008 book Buddy System: Understanding Male Friendships, Geoffrey Greif, Ph. D., a professor at the University of Maryland School of Social Work, wrote that 65 percent of women and 75 percent of men reported having nonsexual friendships with the opposite gender. (He attributed the reported discrepancy to the subjectivity of relationships, and concluded that an equal percentage of men and women have platonic friendships

[Asker]

@ChrisMaster69

For your link, the afterword, I can point out some flaws in the wording of some of the points if you’d like. I don’t think it points or proves what you want it to.

Again, I actually don’t want to really get more into this.

If you take that as me admitting I’m wrong, well, that’s on you.

Let’s just all agree to disagree.

Pleasantly of course.

[NathanDavis]

@embracethepain I really do not think there are minds to change in here...

You, Doozy, Chris, Alive... me... we all have had different and our own experiences, as well as similar or the same experiences

the point is not to change people's minds to suit our own concepts...

we can't just go around claiming that our vision of the word and life is the right one because "science" says so... especially when it comes to human behavior... there's no real "objective science" we are not vectors in the least, not for these aspects, anyway

[Smashingdoozy]

*sigh* I wish you could like replies 😂

[ChrisMaster69]

@Smashingdoozy yeah I have that situation a few times.

@Aimée__LJ was definitely worthy of some likes when she beat some guy up who asked a question, can’t remember who that was… 🙄

[Asker]

Yeah, everyone is free to believe what they wish.

We can leave it at that.

[ChrisMaster69]

[JosyJosy]

Well I don't have any issue with it, but if men have it harder, perhaps it's best to hear from them. I didn't hear or sense anything from my close guy friends, but we hung out constantly, traveled etc

[Asker]

Well, no one can read minds. So, what they could be feeling or thinking can be completely oblivious to you if they so choose to not reveal all their feelings or thoughts.

Also, mind checking out the link above? It’s an easy read. I’d like you take on it.

[JosyJosy]

My take on it probably won't change though :/ I believe in what I experienced myself. I'd need to have a guy go undercover and question my guy friends then

[JosyJosy]

I'll read it though.

[Asker]

Yeah, just read it and maybe you’ll change some stuff about what you think or not.

[MrOracle]

If you offered sex to one of your guy friends, would he turn you down because he's "just friends" with you? How many of your guy friends do you think would pass that test? (And whatever answer you give, I'd bet real money that the actual number is lower.)

[Asker]

@MrOracle

Exactly

[JosyJosy]

@MrOracle but there would still be a number

[Asker]

@JosyJosy

You’re a woman, so it is difficult for you to think like a man in this situation.

To you, you’re just friends, platonically.
You naturally assume it’s the same for the men.

The fact that @MrOracle and I can agree on this and think identically on this, while you feel some disagreement proves my point.

[MrOracle]

@JosyJosy That number may be zero. It may be 1 or 3 or 5. We're not saying it's impossible, we're saying it's very rare, and we're saying that a lot of women tend to focus WAY too much on what's POSSIBLE and not nearly enough on what's PROBABLE.

[JosyJosy]

@MrOracle "can't be" states it's impossible :(
but yes idd, it can be possible, although the number would idd be low

[MrOracle]

All generalizations have a few exceptions - that doesn't make the generalization untrue.

[JosyJosy]

@MrOracle Very correct :)

[Asker]

@MrOracle

You should post something so I can give you MHO man lol.

You just make sense nearly every time you write something.

[Assi2k]

Even though all my experiences in life says men and women can’t be friends, I’m still gonna have male friends.

[jennifer_bloom]

It’s not true for me - I know guys that are only friends to me and I know guys where I’m only viewed as a friend to them.

[YAhallo]

Lucky but it's not true

[Diodoro]

Crew Love is a popular concept and spurred a lot of songs. That's all I'm gonna day regarding the matter lol

[Andres77]

People will do what they want.
Science isn't perfect... it's other humans making slightly more educated guesses.
Since there's "no absolutes in life" then it's all just a guess.

[007kingifrit]

i said this on here just yesterday. yea men and women can't be friends. they can date. or not interact basically

[ToastyOats]

Women can't be a good friend to a man! Ask them to be your "wingman" to help you get laid and watch them recoil in disgust. Your guy buddies would do that!

[ToastyOats]

Literally men should Not be friends with a woman. Your only making harder for yourself and every other guy to actually have a successful marriage and children. Woman have less respect for men than women, Always. You will always be second fiddle unless you are her lover. Don't do it!

[mistixs]

So bisexual men can't have any friends? Must be lonely

[dustybiker]

Well, I guess according to science I’m really, really special.