What does "men should open up and be vulnerable" actually mean?

[Anonymous]

Men do bottle up emotions or ignore them because society at large really doesn't give a shit. When I learned about the battle against toxic masculinity I was really excited, but amongst liberals and feminists I've noticed that when men do open up, they often dismiss it. Sure other men might tell men "man up, just get over it" but the so called compassionate ones say the same thing with different words: "just be confident, be happy being you". None of that is useful and seems like a cop out to seem like you listened when it's really just cookie cutter phrases to sound nice. If men persist past that, we're told "we're not your therapists" yet women can go on and on for days about each others problems no matter how petty.

So what's the he acutal deal?

[Anonymous]

I don’t know. I like when men open up and are vulnerable. I have a good friend of mine who will openly listen to my troubles and give advice and I will listen to his and give advice. We empathize with eachother and I don’t shame him at all for being vulnerable. I am happy that he does because I can turn into something unhealthy.
It’s inconsiderate to tell someone to be vulnerable and completely dismiss it. It is rude and it truly shows that they don’t care about men’s emotions.
I noticed that a lot of girls in my college will talk about toxic masculinity and how to resolve it, but their key points are always, “I want him to open up, It’s important for them to discuss their emotions in relationships anf feelings towards me.” That shows that those girls only care that they are vulnerable in selective situations (relationships).
It’s sad. It shouldn’t be just a selective situation, it should be ALWAYS. Men should have an outlet to discuss emotions without being dismissed or treated like they are weak

[Medicalbug]

I’ve always appreciated friendships with men who speak freely to me. One of the hallmarks of our success as friends was always the ability we had to vent to each other and cry if we needed it. When people are reserved it often just explodes eventually and I tend to avoid people with such tendencies. I would never consider this partner material, as I am very open and explorative and need the people close to me to meet me on my tangents with their own.
So I think it means “if you are sad/worried/scared etc. and you feel that you can’t be that way because you’re afraid you won’t be a man” you are probably experiencing toxic masculinity and just need to let yourself feel what it is in your nature to feel. It doesn’t mean you have to whine and cry on people every day (I don’t do that either!), but it does make you more authentic and easier to connect to.

[anon171999]

Men should actually open up, express themselves, and be vulnerable. Everyone should though, not just men. However there are women and men who bottle up their emotions, neglect their emotions, and don't express themselves. As a result, they often choose to cope with that by projecting their pain onto others and trying to control, invalidate, or silence others because that is what they have done to themselves. It's not healthy or loving when someone does that. If they are doing so, I suggest talking to them about it. If they work on it and correct it, great. If not and the mistreatment continues, discontinue contact and your relationship with them until they are willing to work through their issues and treat you in a loving way.

[Toldol2]

To open up with émotions means honesty toward yourself and how you feel. It means self care and meditation with inner self , not crying out on everybody’ shoulders

[Subarugirl]

It means that you should be open and vulnerable with your significant others. Repressing your emotions isn't healthy never is. If you can't trust the person you are with enough to open up to them, then maybe you shouldn't be with them.

[Asker]

Was that not already the case though? How does this address the issues of people not in relationships, or do those people not matter?

[Subarugirl]

Repressing your emotions isn't healthy, never is. Toxic masculinity is an epidemic in the states, but things are changing slowly but surely. It will take generations though, because it's usually father or other father figures passing it down. Emotional maturity and intelligence are skills that are learned. If you were never taught to process your emotions in a healthy way as a child, you're not just all of a sudden going to know how to do that as an adult. It's takes time, it requires self control and being introspective.

The first step is recognizing what you are feeling, the second is learning how to process those feeling in a healthy way, the third is leaning how to communicate those feelings. I've noticed that a lot of people get caught up somewhere between the first and second step. That is where therapy, counseling, or a good father figure/role model comes in handy.

[Asker]

So essentially the people who need that help the most probably can't get it, while society, including so called compassionate liberals, blame people without those outlets for not having them.

[Asker]

I don't see how things are changing at all, if anything, the rich are getting richer

[Subarugirl]

Like I said it starts in childhood, parents should be teaching their children how to be healthy and productive members of society. There is help, but anything worth while takes work, self improvement takes work. Hell, worst case scenario there are tons of free online resources, books, articles. Change starts with one person at a time, but you have to want it enough to work for it.

[somesoul]

My guy bottles up his emotions and his mom calls and tells me how he feels. He is unable to express and he is reserved like me and I'm reserved too. So now I think god knows 🤣

[anon1903]

It means when you're upset say you're upset, don't resort to anger.