Why do incels become incels and what can be done to help them not be incels?

[Anonymous]

When western women think of incels I feel like what pops into their mind is a stereotypical obese unhygienic racist and misogynistic guy who doesn't take care of himself and rages at women for not sleeping with him, I feel that the average incel is just a young slim average looking white male who takes care of himself and dresses well who wants to have social interaction with women but for some reason that he is not aware of isn't and this problem isn't being addressed.

What doesn't help is demonizing white young slim men because of their virginity and lack of social skills that they desire but not given a chance. I'm primarily referring to western countries because that is where most incels are from and what doesn't help is the society trying male young slim white guys seem like unwarranted monsters and I find it disgusting.

What I would like to know is if you met a young slim white male who wants to be social amd isn't a stereotypical incel, what constructives would you offer to him to make him more charming and sociable to women? I want this to be a thread for offering advice from women only because I don't feel like a man has any awareness of this.

[whirled_up_girl]

Well for one thing someone thinking of themselves as an incel is part of the problem. I mean I am celibate right now, I suppose one could argue (and some have) that it's voluntary because if I wanted sex I could maybe get it easier than a man could. Sure if sex was all I wanted but I don't and I don't want to just have sex with random men. I want it to be with a man I care for, who cares for me. That's where the problem lies with the term incel, the focus just becomes on how easily can a man get sex, so for some women it leaves tham possibly with a poor view of these men if they think that is all they are after when they ask them out or show interest (maybe I don't know for sure I just guessing here). Until I joined gag I didn't even know of this term and I don't like to call people names. Now, on the other hand when it comes to dating, there seems to be both strategy and a bit of luck involved. at least to me it seems that way, and honeslty dating apps have made it difficult for people to meet the normal way, just in my opinion.

I wish I knew what the best advice was, but there are men and women with far more experience and sucess at dating and relationships than me that would be better suited to give advice.

[Anonymous]

Social skills don’t come naturally to everybody. I have social anxiety. It was petty bad in high school.
I got myself a job in customer service. It forced me to talk to people. It helped, but I still struggle.
If it’s really debilitating, you might need to teach yourself how to interact. There are books and videos online that are designed to help you in these situations. A little more self confidence will help too. That part will be easier once you improve your interaction skills.
Some things come naturally, and other things you have to work on. This is just one of those things. Choose to do better, or choose to wallow in it.
Those are really the only choices you have.
And calling yourself an incel (I’m not sure you actually do, but it sounds like it,) isn’t doing you any favors. It has negative connotations and will not help your confidence.
That’s my advice based on my own experiences.

[Anonymous]

Get a hooker and shut up about it all.

[Asker]

Prostitution is illegal and I don't want to pay for sex even if it was legal, plus they have stds, even if they didn't I still refuse to pay for sex.

[Opinion Owner]

Tough shit then. Don't complain about not getting laid if you refuse a valid option in attaining it. Work on your personality and looks and you might get lucky but if not, hooker. Wear a condom.