If a pedophile never acts on his urges, would he still be a terrible person?

[Danielle93]

Example:

He's a single man that never had a relationship nor date ever. He knows it's wrong, doesn't want to ruin a child's innocence, never acted on his urges, never downloaded anything and he even feels terrible to even fantasize about children (he hates himself), is he still a bad person?

He wouldn't be a child molester since he never acted on those urges. But he would be suffering from pedophilia. Is he still be a terrible person just for even seeing children as attractive, for even thinking about children?

Yes, he's still terrible just for even thinking about kids

No, if he never acted... no action, no crime

Other

Updates

+1 y

I think there are more cases like that, where they know it's sick and wrong but never act on those urges. But even thinking about it seems sick.

Updates

+1 y

That man in the example is base on what my aunt told me. She knew a man like that. In the end he feel so guilty about those fantasies. He hated his life, hated what he was attracted too. One day he pulled the trigger, offing himself.

[WhiteSteve]

Hmmm…well…I guess it’s all fair under the “no harm, no foul” principle, as long as they additionally aren’t dealing in child pornography or anything exploitative.

I think my feeling on fantasies in general is just that an individual of the sole proprietor of their own internal fantasies. I can’t tell you what to fantasize about.

Even taking the kids out of it for a second, if some person wants to fantasize about me, there’s nothing I can do about that, even if I hate it, right? If I want to fantasize about someone else, they can’t control that, no matter how uncomfortable that makes them. If you TELL someone that you’re doing it, I think that crosses a line into harassment, but if you or I or anyone else just want to jack/jill off to quite literally anything and anyone our imagination desires in the privacy of our own homes and thoughts, that kind of just is what it is.

So we’re already on kind of weird ground here. If I just heard through the grapevine that someone was pleasuring themselves to thoughts of me but I didn’t like it, I can’t have them arrested and charged, haha. Inserting kids back into the equation, it obviously feels way worse, and I’d probably argue pedophilia is a sickness, yet again….. what can we do about that? If some dude cracks stick to the thought of an 8 year old, I mean…. holy fuck and all, but what’s the charge? There is none, and that’s because no one was harmed.

So, if a pedo can actually keep a lid on their urges and know that acting on their desires would be harmful and wrong, I’d say that’s ultimately a good thing. I can’t imagine anyone signs up to be a pedophile, lmao, it doesn’t exactly get you invited to a lot of BBQs. I was watching that Aziz Ansari show Master Of None, and there was something where they citizen’s arrested some guy jerking off on the subway. While the cops are handling everything, they talked to the guy and were kind of like “wtf, dude?” And the guy was kinda like “This just what my kink is, man, I can’t help it. I didn’t ask for it. It’s just what gets me off. It’s just that what gets you off doesn’t get you arrested, what gets me off DOES. How would you like to be stuck with that?” That kinda had me like “damn…. Dude’s a creep, but I kind of understand and feel bad for him.”

So pedos are probably the same, in need of help, not just persecution. If they can manage to keep it to themselves, while I wouldn’t love to hear that they had these feelings and desires and absolutely do not endorse it, I certainly prefer it to the people who DON’T control it and fuck kids’ heads up for the rest of their lives.

[WhiteSteve]

* an individual IS the sole proprietor of their own internal fantasies

[Danielle93]

The guy committed suicide in the end. He wished he was a normal man attracted to women his age. He wanted the normal life and was miserable.

[WhiteSteve]

Sounds about right. Very sad story.

[DagonbroughtMehere]

Then He has found His peace, I in small part envy such Peace.

[zeitgeist057]

I was on a date once with a woman who told me her ex husband was a pedophile. She told me he had molested their daughter, and how he did it, she thinks he intentionally didn't want to hurt/traumatize his/their daughter so he blindfolded her and told her it was a game. Thankfully she said the daughter didn't think anything of it and she wasn't going to ever bring it up or remind her, so it hopefully will just be an innocuous memory and one she might even forget completely.

I was pretty amazed the woman told this story, and seemed to have compassion for him, even though of course she still divorced him, he went to prison, and can not be around his daughter or children ever.

I answered that I don't think he would be a terrible person for not acting on his mental condition. I was reading a book by Neal Stephenson, where he talks about sexual turn ons, and how little control people have over what turns them on. It got me thinking, there are so many things out there from pedophilia, to getting off on balloons being popped, wearing diapers, sex with animals, &c. Some are harmless, others harmful or dangerous. But I don't think any of them are really anything people choose intentionally as something they WANT to turn them on. It just does, for whatever reason, and they can't help it. In that, they are innocent.

[zeitgeist057]

come to think of it, I think the guy from my story also committed suicide.

[Danielle93]

That's such a sad, tragic story. I hope their daughter wasn't that traumatized by it. That guy deserves to be locked up for life. It's one thing to already be suffering with sick desires but another to act on those urges and destroyed innocent lives. If he also committed suicide then I think it's for the best in that case, for everyone's safety.

[zeitgeist057]

Yeah I think so, too. He probably realized that he struggled with it and couldn't trust himself not to do it again, and was terrified of hurting his daughter or another child. I'm pretty sure now that she told me he committed suicide. I didn't date her very long (not because of that) and it was a long time ago, so I got the story mixed up at first.

[MzAsh]

I don’t think this should be about labeling someone as a bad person, but addressing the fact that there’s clearly a mental health issues going on here.

[kylee2437]

It’s bad when someone knows they have the capability of hurting others and don’t seek help towards that. I say bad person pretending to be good because at least he didn’t harm someone yet.

[OlderAndWiser]

If you fantasize about killing your boss, are you a murderer?

[Danielle93]

Nope it wouldn't. Though those are scary thoughts. Well technically the man is innocent since he never wanted on his urges.. yet I can't help but think it's creepy how someone can find children attractive.

[Danielle93]

never ''acted'' on his urges

[OlderAndWiser]

I don't understand how people have an urge to walk around nude in public but, as long as they don't do it, I don't care what they fantasize about.

[Apple1996]

1000% still sickening. Especially with child porn being so common I wouldn't doubt that these people aren't still doing illegal things to fill their urges like watching or talking to childern online.

I had a neighbor that got arrested for planning with another guy to find a 10-13 year old child and have sex with them. by the way both these guys had kids. They never went through with the plan but still just planning and talking about that got them in trouble. (They were also doing weird stuff like having sex with animals 🤮) pedophiles tend to just be terrible human beings. They don't deserve to live

[Danielle93]

The man in the story is now long dead. He committed suicide.

[Apple1996]

Sadly that's probably for the best

[PBandJ_Nerd]

I think it kind of depends. But if a pedo is miserable with it themselves, then shouldn't they at least try to go get help to cure it so they can live a normal adult life. I mean, if they've never hurt anyone, then they might have a chance at being cured since they aren't that far gone yet.

[Danielle93]

My aunt knew that guy. He was so miserable that one day he couldn't take it anymore, got a gun and blew his brains. That's still sad. I'm guessing since it was in my aunt's time, there weren't social medias nor other things created back then, he likely felt there were little to no resources to help him.

[PBandJ_Nerd]

Most likely. It's sad that he couldn't live with himself, but I guess it is understandable. You can't look for help if there isn't any help you know of around you.

[Drew-1990]

If he has never done anything, and he purposely keeps his eyes off them and looks the other way then I do not think he's a monster. He should probably talk to a a therapist or something and get help to help prevent it even more because that is a horrible to do if he acted on it.

Temptation itself to do anything wrong is not wrong, it's the acting upon it that is wrong. How many people have been tempted to steal but don't do it. If the temptation to do something wrong, no matter what it is, then we would all be guilty of something.

[Danielle93]

I added an update. The man felt miserable and committed suicide.

[Drew-1990]

It is a horrible thought if he was giving into the thought even in his head, I have had bad thoughts, not this kind, but I don't let my mind focus on them. Him killing himself is horrible too. The man should have gone to some counseling of some kind. When he realized something wasn't right he should have worked on it instead of killing himself in the end.

[NamerOfStars]

Of course not- you don't get to choose your orientation. Being ashamed of being a pedophile is like being ashamed of being black.

And you can see the weakness of the knee-jerk reaction against it not only in the number of people who are going to report this answer for the previous sentence, but in the viciousness of the treatment of non-offending pedophiles, which leads to far few people being brave enough to work on treatments to help them, so MORE kids get sexually abused. You need to have ways of helping people before you demand they get help.

Is thinking about it sick? Yes- but you don't get death threats for being sick.

[kylee2437]

I think it’s impossible to not act on your urges when you are this way. Maybe he didn’t necessarily rape, but he definitely has used someone else’s children in his mind to create those fantasies enough which is shameful in itself. Yes still a bad person

[Danielle93]

This was base on my aunt's story about a man like that. According to her, he never touched a child, never downloaded photos, nothing of that nature. He was only guilty of fantasizing about a couple children (7-10 years-olds mainly) he saw on a baby shower party. He left the reunion earlier, claiming to have an upset stomach. He would either fantasize about random people's children or ones at a reunion. Yeah very sick. The story ends that he couldn't live with his sickness anymore and pulled the trigger, offing himself.

[kylee2437]

@Danielle93 I hate to say it, but better he off himself than cater to those urges because as much as he saw it as a problem, he also wasn’t willing to get help for it which is even more of a problem in my opinion.

[argot]

If he's not molesting kids, not fueling the child pornography industry which abuses children by consuming the content, and not creeping on other people's kids in public or on the internet or publishing harmful material targeted at children then it's not going to lead to harming children... Your thoughts are your own when they are in your own head, but it's still messed up to get off thinking about little kids.

[Danielle93]

Unfortunately the man felt so guilty to even fantasize about little kids that he ended his life. I suppose he could've reached for help.

[argot]

Suicide risk is significantly elevated in population with mental illness. Pedophilia is a mental disorder that can lead to the harm of children. I'm not surprised that a mentally ill person might commit suicide.

[loveslongnails]

Technically you might be a pedophile just for having the attractions, desires and urges. However, if you never acted on them and they never came to light, you wouldn't be a threat to society or children, so how would anyone know, or how would it make a difference?

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Yes. Normal and decent people don't see children as anything sexual.

[Danielle93]

True. I don't understand how anyone can be attracted to children. No wonder the man in my story committed suicide. Even he knew it was sick and wrong.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Good riddance. They deserve death anyways.

[Anonymous]

no. being pedophile is completely unproblematic given that they never act on it. it's not illegal for a reason. being pedophile doesn't mean you're gonna rape children. honestly i don't think they can even do anything about it. just like being straight or gay, i guess. it's the same with rape fantasies. if you don't actually go and rape a person, that's not an issue.

[Danielle93]

yeah the man in the story was so miserable. My aunt knew him. He hated that he couldn't be a normal man attracted to women his age, he couldn't take it anymore and shot himself.

[Opinion Owner]

i think most pedophiles are also attracted to mature women

[BoopBoopBeep]

no action no crime, still

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[BoopBoopBeep]

SORRY... kitten on keyboard.

No action no crime, sure but that isn't enough for horrible/non-horrible person.

Lie about everything, no crime, still a shite human being. Never act on it you're better than the ones that do, I'm not going to give you a parade for it though.

[kylee2437]

@BoopBoopBeep I agree with this. The only problem is he most likely has acted on it in a way that can’t get him arrested.

[BoopBoopBeep]

@kylee2437 Absolutely. Just because you didn't get caught doesn't mean you didn't do something. Plenty of repeat offenders out there

[Danielle93]

My aunt knew that man. He felt so guilty of those thoughts, he hated his life, hated himself for thinking about children. For sure he was lying to people by pretending to be a normal person, talking about women with men with age, etc. According to my aunt, he never once got drunk; likely because when you're drunk you lose control and say the truth.
The ending of the story to this is he was so depressed about living with that sickness that one day, couldn't take it anymore and pulled the trigger on himself.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Can't say I blame him. Was a tough decision I'm sure, but he knows what he is capable of so good on him for manning up. Hope he finds peace in the next life.

[exitseven]

I don;t know, I myself have thought about robbing a bank but I never did it. Does that make me a criminal?

[Danielle93]

Nope that wouldn't make you a criminal. It's just that some thoughts are more sordid and perverted than others.
People might understand someone wanting to steal money but not someone fantasizing about kids.

[exitseven]

@Danielle93 I bet if you walked around the minds of most people you probably would want to wipe your feet on the way out.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Humans are sick.

At least, he doesn’t act on it.

But that doesn’t mean we should be romanticizing pesophilia.

[CozyCoffin]

Not at all. If I fantasize about just taking a ton of money from some person or place, does that make me a robber?

[Danielle93]

Nope but that would be funny and better than thinking about kids. Some fantasies are dirty.

[CozyCoffin]

Still doesn't make them evil unless they actually do it.

[standardguy]

Yes they are poor fellows, they did not selected thier feelings, nor did the lesbians or gays selected them Being without execution with other persons is the best.

[Danielle93]

That's sad. It's already disturbing to fantasize about little kids. There must be probably more of them controlling their sick desires (just like that man) that are miserable, that want to be a normal person.

[Dargil]

Have you ever fantasized about killing someone?

[Danielle93]

Nope but I have fantasized about punching (falcon punch) the hell out of certain celebrities and a former boss.

[Dargil]

But fantasizing doesn't make you a bad person. My cheating ex would be dead.

[CuriousMufuxka]

How the hell would anyone know unless he, and by the way shouldn't we include she know unless they told someone?

[Danielle93]

In regards to that man in my story, my aunt was his close friend from their early teen years and his journal was found after his death. In there, he explained his problem and how miserable he was, wanting death for the longest.

[CuriousMufuxka]

He probably had way more underlying problems since according to your description the dude blew his brains out! Again your account of this is second handed from your aunt.

[DreamLife7]

Yes you're a terrible person for being a pedophile and posting as a woman when you're really a man is 10x worse. Get therapy

[Danielle93]

You make no sense. A pedophile would've been posting as anonymous don't you think?
I updated the post. The man is someone my aunt knew long ago. The guy killed himself.

[DreamLife7]

@msmissydc

[QuietRunner]

for the thought crime, she'll be punished in hell

If he does act upon his impulses then he'll be in jail

[Danielle93]

He was miserable with his attraction that he committed suicide in the end.

[DagonbroughtMehere]

"What is better? to be born good or to overcome your evil nature through great effort?"-Paarthurnax

[verylovelyguy]

what if he watched those night, morning, shower routine on youtube

[Anonymous]

I don't think so. Gays can't do anything about their sexual attraction to men, and the same goes for pedophiles.

[supercutebutt]

He is a hero. :)

[Danielle93]

But it has a sad ending. My aunt knew him. He committed suicide.

[supercutebutt]

That is sad :(

[Danielle93]

Yeah. I think there weren't too much helpful resources in my aunt's time. Nowadays, he would've gotten help.

[Kykiono1]

No they are born like that