Role Reversal? Relationship Dynamics?

[Anonymous]

This is a hypothetical situation. Supposing a girl gets a big job and the guy loses his and ends part time. And supposing she demands and he accepts doing household work while living in her apartment and, she begins to wear the pants in the relationship. As time progresses she likes it this way and enjoys being on top.

How should a guy react if he is ambivalent about it? What does the future hold? How far will the goal posts move?

[Anonymous]

Hahahahaha welcome to my relationship, buddy. I'm the one with the job, my boyfriend is unemployed. He does the cooking and I do the working. There's no such thing as "roles" anymore. It's not *my* role as the woman to do the cooking and the cleaning and the housework. It's whoever is home more's job to do that. And right now, he's home more than I am. If I were home more, I'd do that. Except the cooking. I can't cook. But I'm not home.

As for how our relationship works? It's perfectly fine. My opinion of his masculinity is not altered, he still feels like the man, he still takes me out to eat, (though I pay) and aside from the working, he's still *the* man.

I don't see why guys freak out about the girl being the one with the money nowadays. I can support us both with my income and I don't hold it over his head at all. Just because I'm the one making the money doesn't make him less of a man.

[rougecerise]

Well if this is really happening, the only way to ensure the future of your relationship is to have an open dialogue. You guys really need to talk about it otherwise you could both have hurt feelings/emotions and it can just spiral out of control. But, I know that when I'm at work and my husband is off for the day, he'll clean, do laundry, and make dinner for us. We're a team, so we work together. Sometimes we accidentally step on each others' toes and we get hurt feelings, so we talk about (sometimes we fight...then talk). And, after we talk to each other and explain how we feel and why, we can see each others' point of view, and we apologize and make a promise to try harder.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

The pair have to be open about role filling and supportive of each others' needs. There are guys out there who'd be content not having to work outside of home (esp if there weren't any kids yet).

The role of the women staying home and being a housewife, while still out there, is diminishing. Frequently, it'll take two jobs to fill in the gaps- maybe he'll want to take on part-time or freelance so he's still working but has more around home time.

While I'm not in this situation, speaking for myself, there is no way I'd be willing to stay at home. I'd go crazy. I wouldn't demand he do all chores, I think its up to the couple to figure out what works best for them.

[Asker]

Thanks for the answer : ) okay, hypothetically, what if the guy has a part time job and she wants him to hold that part time job and take care of the home and not for instance take another part time job?

[Opinion Owner]

In this instance (like any other), ideally the decision should be mutual, or find some compromise. That may be her 'ideal,' but if he's not OK with it, some resentment may occur. If its just two people, no children, I don't know where a part time job's worth of housework for an apt would come from that couldn't easily be spread out and split up over the course of a week.

If she wants it this way for a kind of 'dominance'...well, that's something they'd have to talk about.

[Anonymous]

Its a rare couple where this works well. Most women don't react in a positive sexual way to men they don't respect and look up to, if not at LEAST as equals.

Apparently men in these situations are far more likely to cheat as well. Whether that's to 'feel more masculine' or because things suck at home is hard to say.

[Asker]

thanks, what if the sex department is better than ever before? How would that change your answer?

[Opinion Owner]

Sounds good.

When I said 'its a rare couple where this works well' I didn't mean 'it never works'. I really did mean 'its rare - some couples it works but they are a minority'.

If it works for the couple in question, they both are happy, they appreciate what each does and the relationship is passionate and warm, GREAT.

[gloomy]

I think if he does not entirely agree with it they have to sit down and talk if eventually he gets a job they can both share both roles. The guy should communicate his problems and concerns with his partner am sure she will understand or at least it should be that way from my point of view.

[toulouse]

that os not role reversal. that's an accurate description of many relationships.

[toulouse]

is*

in healthy mutually respectful , competent relationship you both RELATE to each other. you take on all sorts of responsibilities/ roles fluidly. as is needed.

idk where you get the idea- you're supposed to do x why z. and I'm supposed to do abc by virtue of our genitals- from.

i certainly never sad my role is to serve someone while they go to work. I don't think _you_ get to decide what _my_ role is as a human being in the world we live in. not your choice. not your place. not your right.