Overbearing boyfriend

[Cheer99]

my boyfriend of 3 months is desperately trying to get me to change my Facebook profile to a picture of us on my Facebook. I currently just have a single shot of me up. I don't want to change my profile picture because I like being independent and feel like my life isn't all just about him. Maybe eventually I will change it for a little bit but at my own rate. I've talked to him about it and he keeps saying it will mean the world to him and that it will keep other guys away. It's so stupid. And then every time I get a text he looks over my shoulder and says let me see. When I tell him no, he's like well if you weren't hiding anything you would let me see. He always is always prying into me and my friends conversations when we hang out and is always like "who's that?" and why were you talking to that person. I feel so trapped and I just want some privacy. I'm not hiding anything but he's always on my case about stuff. Is it okay to want my privacy? I love my boyfriend but this has got to stop. I want my own separate life besides just our relationship. Why is he doing this?

[BlueWind]

I used to be quite overbearing as well, so I feel like I understand where he's coming from. You have the right to your own privacy and even as your boyfriend he doesn't have control over your life.

Starting with the Facebook thing, he's insecure, and I'm going to say this a lot. The idea of having him in your profile picture to him, makes him feel very important to you and he wants to know that because he's insecure. Basically, it would be you emphasizing that you are taken and happy with your relationship. This doesn't mean that you're not if you don't use that kind of profile picture, he just wants it to make him feel more secure in the relationship.

The texting part is a pretty big invasion of privacy, but it's pretty rough. If you don't show him, it makes him even more insecure and worried. But the fact that he wanted to see means he that somewhere deep in his mind he doesn't fully trust you to stay with him. He's paranoid and worried and wants to make sure he's still safe.

I don't think the friends part is too big a deal with how you described it. I like to know all my girlfriend's friends and what they're talking about, not because I need to, I just like to know more about her life. Her friends are also my friends, I'd like to be a part of that side of her life too. It's not like I have to be a part of everything, but if I'm there already, why not? It's not like friends are something you keep secret.

I get that you want your privacy, and you are entitled to it. He's invading it because he's insecure and probably lacks self confidence which leads to paranoia and distrust. He's doing all these things because he wants to feel more secure in his relationship just like I did to my girlfriend a year and a half ago. We got through it, but it wasn't easy, and it wasn't fun, In the end, I did nothing but hurt my relationship and I had to earn that trust back. However, if I want to mention how he feels right now, he'd probably want nothing more than for you to sit him down and tell him how you feel about him, with love and stuff :P

Serious talks are important, and I feel like once you REALLY express how much you love him, then you should tell him how you feel about this privacy situation. I'm sure he'll try his best to work on it, so long as you help him feel a little more secure. From there it's really up to him to boost his own self-confidence and find security in the relationship.

[TylerDurden9087]

Okay two things I want to say. Number one your boyfriend is clearly insecure and that's his problem not yours. Number two, the reason he does all this checking up on you could be because be has something to hide himself. I'm not trying to scare you just speaking from past experience. I think you should confront him about this. Hope all goes well!

[NMMan]

Your boyfriend has some glaring insecurity issues that he should immediately address.

[Anonymous]

FB is for losers in general, and your boyfriend is a perfect example of that

[Anonymous]

hes insecure and sounds inexperienced. post a pic of you two together with type above his pic that says "my insecure boyfriend".