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My Worst Nightmare...Whats Yours?
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| Posted More than a year ago |
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My Worst Nightmare...Whats Yours?
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Dawn has come early today rousing me out of a restless slumber. Beads of sweat making their way down my temples. Crumpled sheets beneath me reveal another night of troubled sleep. My body still tired after staying up until my body would collapse in an attempt to postpone the inevitable, all the while yearning for the quick reprieve of hastened sleep. My dreams nothing more than a blurry visage on the horizon of a desert road. Years of suppressing haunting dreams and nightmares of thing that are and things to come has made it second nature and as a penance also hiding any wisdom they had to offer by staying on the far side of the veil of consciousness.
I move slowly feeling every ache and pain getting up. Making my way past the mirror I have to look twice because I cannot recognize the face that stares back at me. A younger looking man with a gleam in his eye peers at me inquisitively. It takes me a moment to realize that his features are strikingly similar to my own, yet he hardly seems like me. He is relaxed and at peace, something I am not. As I spoke to myself in sheer astonishment I did not notice his lips move with mine.
"What is this?" I whispered to myself. With no delay the reflection responded, "I am who you could have been."
I stood there astonished, attempting to recall what I had done the night before that might have caused me to be seeing things. What did I eat? Wow, that wine must have been much stronger than I thought. As my lips moved, his did not. I took a step back, but my reflection stood motionless. His posture resolute. A closer look showed compassion in his eyes as he looked upon me. In an effort to understand I asked aloud "If you are me, Why do you look so different?"
He responded, "We made different choices. Our choices have made us who we are."
"What choices?" I questioned.
"All of them." He said.
He added "When you made choices in your life through fear and doubt I am the result of what you did not choose.
As he spoke I could not help but notice how youthful he looked. As if time had stopped for him and continued to pass for me. He looked rested, at peace, yet the fire of life shined bright in his eyes. They were deep and illuminated from within. His words now drawing my focus.
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I am what you could have been if you had not made choices out of fear. Those choices have made you who you are now. Every choice presents itself with the opportunity to grow, some will take you closer to your dreams and goals, others will take you further away.
When you chose to sit back and do nothing out of fear of failing, I instead chose to take action.
When you chose to leave love out of fear. I stayed and love grew in me.
When you chose to conform to your job out of fear of failing in business. I did not.
Each time you made a choice out of fear, I embodied the opposite outcome. That is who you see now.
I am who you could have become if you had not made choices out of fear and doubt.
Tears began to well up in my eyes as I listened to all the achievements, adventures, and wonderful experiences that he had lived through the choices that I was afraid to make. He recounted moments and decisions along the way which had shaped his future. I remember many of the decisions that had made him who he was and made me who I am. In those moments I did give in to the fear, or I made a decision of lesser action.
His confidence evident with every gesture and word as he moved his arms about explaining moments of his life. I laughed as he recounted anecdotes and cried as he spoke of what seemed bitter moments of hardship and struggle. He explained that struggle may present itself regardless of choice, but fear controlled my choices and reactions to them where as his choices controlled the outcome of his struggle and how he allowed them to affect him. I simply reacted to struggle, he turned obstacles into opportunities.
I could not help but notice how confident he seemed, in control, and with such energy. The was no negativity in his words, but wisdom, patience, depth. He was full of life.
I felt nothing like him, I shook my head in shame, realizing what fear had done to my life. I looked away disgusted with whom I'd become after seeing who I could have become so blatantly clear in front of me. I wished for his life to be my own. He motioned to get my attention as I stood there weeping in disbelief at my own decision making.
"Its not too late. I am still you, and you are still me."
I asked him how I could have his life, how I could change my life, if the decisions were already made.
He simply smiled and said, "Make the right choice, without fear."
He added, "When you remove fear and doubt from your decisions and choices, then you will live your life to its full potential. To my potential."
I closed my eyes and nodded. It all seemed so simple as he explained it, I couldn't help but laugh as I realized that it had escaped me for so long.
Today is a new day. I choose to live without fear and doubt obscuring my decisions. As I looked into the mirror one last time now his motions echoed mine. His lips moved as mine and I saw him in me, and me in him. We were now one in the same...Fearless in choice.
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