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It's Me Or The Cat! Why Ultimatums are Uncool
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I was asked to pen reviews on popular dating sites for a company I write for and while on this assignment I came across a profile that rose my dander a bit. The man was part of a well known matchmaking service and was attractive looking if his picture was to be believed, but the thing that peeved me was his date headline which read "It's me or the cat!". While many would see the comment as funny as innocuous, I have been in enough disastrous relationships to know a red flag when I see one.
While most of us would agree that relationships are about sacrifice and compromise, we have to acknowledge what is reasonable for a potential mate to ask and where we should draw a line in the sand. In regards to the tongue in cheek cat comment, I have to say that this dude should find women who do not have cats as pets if this is something that bothers him enough to place it in his matchmaker headline.
In the end, how unfair is it to ask an individual to sever an important emotional relationship just because you came on the scene?
Now, don't get me wrong, I am not a big PETA activist or avid animal lover. I adore animals and would never advocate any innocent creature being harmed for any reason (unless it of course attacks or kills a human being). I am just not one of those folks who thinks animals should be "personified" as it is far better to respect their animal nature. Personally, I think people who carry critters around in purses or put clothes on something that already has fur on it are few bricks short of a load.
However, I can understand how an animal can become a beloved part of the family, and how that relationship should be respected.
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If I were still in the dating game and happened to fall for a guy who had a dog, I wouldn't tell him Rex had to go if he wanted to be with me. How arrogant is that? If it was a situation where I didn't care for the pet, I may mention it, and at that point it is up to him to make that decision.
But to avoid all the drama, if I had a big aversion to pets in general, I would avoid dating someone who had one--there are plenty of attractive people who are too busy to deal with even a fish let alone a cat or dog.
When it comes to individuals and their pets there is no telling the history the person could have with their pet. What if the cat was a gift given to them by a father who is deceased? What if the dog in question rescued the man and his loved ones from a burning building?
And lets say the person gave their beloved pet away to appease their lover, what would be the next thing you'd have to give up to prove your love? Friends, relatives, favorite activities career goals? Give up enough important aspects of your life often enough and five years from now you could be looking in the mirror wondering what the hell happened to you!
And in a savage twist of irony, that man or woman who asked so much of you could one day leave you on the grounds that "You are not the person I met/married..."
Happened to a wonderful friend o' mine. "For years I tied myself in knots to be what my wife wanted and she left me because she said I wasn't the same." he replied with some self deprecation.
The lesson? Evolve and change in ways that are good for both you and the relationship, but never change so much that you lose yourself. The person who wants to be with you will accept you, cat or not. If your pet becomes an issue then it should be you who makes the choice to let it go, not a demanding, controlling partner.
We have the right to request what we would like in our mates but we should always respect and acknowledge the things that make them who they are and give their individualism due reverence.
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What do you guys think is better, being single or being in a relationship?
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Jpalms56
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