Ladies why do you get angry at guy friends that fall for you?

Question

Why do women treat guy friends that fall for them like people treat a man with a ski mask on at a bank. Don't you realize we are falling for you partly because its so easy to talk to you as a friend?

china-blue · Accepted Answer

Interesting question. I would think that a lot of it has to do with the way the guy let's her know he has feelings for her. For me, the thought of losing a great friend is a scary proposition. Plus, if you're REALLY good friends, you know enough about each other that it can get ugly if things don't go well later. Like they say, familiarity breeds contempt.

I don’t really have an answer. I do think that most of the time, women know when the man has feelings for her. But fear can be a powerful deterrent. But not all women will run for the hills. I'd like to share a story with you.

I had a best friend whose brother and I were very good friends also. At one time or another we were all dating people that hung around with us all. All of us, along with other friends went to movies together, to parties, to concerts.. you know how it is. Her brother had lived with a woman for almost 3 years, and I had been engaged.. twice. This all went on for nearly 7 years. On one occasion, we found that neither of us was attached and after a late night party at my home, we ended up in bed together.

I was MORTIFIED the next morning. I just knew I had lost my best male friend because of this. I cried before he left that morning, telling him how much I hated the thought of things never being good between us again. That we could never be friends again. He left, telling me it would all be ok and we’d still be friends. I knew I had lost one of the best friends I had ever had because I knew then that I felt a lot more for him than I had ever realized. I sat and cried all day. He came back late that night with a single yellow rose.

We married less than 2 months later. During that 2 months, I was up front with him that I could go on like we were, but that it was a lot more than friends with benefits for me. I told him I needed to know if he felt the same. I was willing to let things go on as they were but I needed to know how he felt. If he didn't feel the same way about me, I needed to know so that I could accept this was all that there was going to be and resign myself to that. It would have been so easy to lose one of the best friends I have ever had over one night of something more than friendship. That can be pretty scary. But it can also be one of the greatest blessings in the world to end up married to your best friend for going on 30 years now.

So, I think sometimes the woman is scared of what the outcome will be if things don’t work out. And they often don’t work out well. If you are really observant, you may be able to test the water without getting in so deep that you can't get back out. But if you really have feelings for her, I think you owe it to yourself and to her to be honest and see what happens and damn the outcome. Either way, you’ll know where you stand and can go from there. Like the Tennyson said, 'tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all'

bendystraws · Accepted Answer

I'm a girl and this has happened to me so many times. It's sad. I can explain why we women get upset after our male friends announce they want us sexually: now don't shoot the messenger... but... let me solve this by asking a question, first.

Guys: pretend you like gaming. Well you already probably do. Well imagine there's this pretty fun chick you know who games with you. She's "one of the guys". She's also not very attractive to you. Chubby in fact and a little "manly". Swears like a tomboy. But you like gaming with her occasionally.

Now imagine one day the chubby chick starts making rude comments to pick on you. Then flirty ones. Then rude again, then flirty. Then she starts "liking" all your FB and IG photos: "Nice pecs!" "Hot!" "I'd tap it" and so on. There's a skinnier, sexier girl you like who lives a few miles away and you're serious about HER. But this chubby girl keeps laying it on thick, alright? One night after an intense WoW raid she takes you aside and says, "Hey ummm... I've always had it bad for you and I really want to ride on your disco stick." You'd be disgusted, right? Mortified! Now what if you and sexy other girl hit it off and become serious. OK, you announce it on Facebook or Instagram.

EVERY SINGLE FAT CHICK YOU'VE EVER GAMED WITH WHO IS A FRIEND OF YOURS UNFRIENDS YOU THEN POUTS AND ACTS MAD AT YOU. You'd be pretty ticked, right? Think all fat chicks are crazy? Or lame?

This is how all girls feel about you.

We're just not hotly sexually attracted to you the way you are to us, all the time. Just being male is not enough. You're not entitled to be "wanted" by us just because you've got a d! ck and you're present. We don't work that way. It takes many different factors to make a girl be into you and trust me if she hasn't brought it up and made it obvious to you, you're not the one and she isn't into you. You're the male version of that chubby chick. You can't lose weight to stop being her. It just IS. We can't change this any more than you can.

This is what it comes down to: unless you are just magically "that one", the guy that girl is just for whatever reason magically "into" - and trust me you will know if you are, she will make it clear - stay the chubby chick and stop trying to expand the borders of your domain. This was not meant to be mean but to clear up a lot of misconceptions.

Besides, it happened to me today. I announced the name of the guy I actually love, and my guy friends got mad.

jlou-1989 · Accepted Answer

i just think she's scared of the fact you might lose your friendship that's if a relationship between the two of you doesn't work out.

I'm saying this as I'm one of those girls that had a guy friend fall for me and I was falling for him and I constantly got angry at little things he did as a defense, I just didn't want everything to go wrong with our relationship so I tried to push him away even though that was the last thing I wanted.

Anyways this went on for 6 months and he didn't back off so then I realised he was worth giving it a go. I then told him I was acting that way as I was terrified of losing our friendship. I'm sorry but my story has no fairytale ending but a happy one! We did brake up and had a period of 2 months not talking but now we are great friends again and I'm going to be godmother to his and his girlfriends daughter in a few weeks.

So all I suggest you do is talk to her and tell her that you are falling for her and that you value your friendship more than anything and that you are sure that if it doesn't work out you don't ever want to lose her as a friend.

MystiKaL · Accepted Answer

Its never nice to be treated like this by a lady you once got on well with. Just because you have declared your feelings for her, it doesn't mean she can ignore you and break all ties. From her point of view, she may be feeling shock, maybe a little discomfort, that a guy she thought was just a friend sees her more than that. She may be thinking things ain't gonna be the same now and therefore feels its right to back off you.

However I will go back to what I said 1st, whatever your feelings for her you do not deserve to be treated like this, esp when you were friends before. If this is the way she is going to react to you, then its uncaring and disrespectfull. If you have respected her decision and was happy to be friends but she is still being cold, I recommened that you ease away from this lady. Why would you wanna be friends with someone like this after this treatement? She is not worth knowing anymore if she is willing to treat you bad, id say avoid contact with her and talk to friends if you need advise, they will make sure you stay occupied and will help you move on from this lady. It will hurt for a little while but once the pain eases away, you will feel like a new man and will soon find new women :)

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I am a nice guy, I recently fell for a slightly older woman and she was beautiful. She had some issues but don't we all? I was there for her from time to time, I was quite useful to her.

One day after I kissed her (she didn't fight or resist), she told me that we were very good friends...and nothing more. She was quick to tell me that things could change when I told her I would just move on.

A few weeks later, I began to pull away, not answering calls right away. She began to complain about me not answering calls right away. *Shrug* One day she pissed me off and I called the "Friendship" off.

She was angry, accusing me of being like the rest of the men.

Look...I;m a nice guy but I am not stupid.

Crap or get off the pot! She isn't the only pretty lady around. I;m sure there are plenty of other good looking gals looking to be treated the way a lady should be treated and appreciate a good man.

If you put a man in the friend zone, don't be pissed if he moves on...and seriously...quit bitching about those idiots you date! You bring it onto yourself! Own it dumb asses!

danielle011 · Answer

Ive lost some of my closest guy friends because they told me they like me. I mean...I'm still friends with them, but certain things that we used to do or talk about we can't anymore...

One of the main reasons I hate it is that since they like me, they look for signs that I'm 'interested back'. Like everything I say they try to find a hidden meaning, when there's none there. When I tease them or smile at them, they now consider it flirting...when I say I only like them as friends they try to pressure me to date them, which in the end, they feel awkward around me, even though I'm fine talking to them. (just to name a few examples...)

tex151 · Answer

Who cares screw them if they do that, just shows you how crazy women really are. If you fall for a friend, expect to be put in the friend zone. Next time you wanna get with your friend should have thought of that before you became buddy buddy with her, you should have asked her out on dates, to let her know your interested in her before you became her friend. But no every guy thinks that if he becomes buddy buddy with a chick she is attracted to him romantically, wrong again doesn't work like that, so like I said who cares what they think, find another girl who is not a friend and learn from your mistake.

KELLY1990 · Answer

I don't necessarily get mad because they are falling for me. I get mad when I hear them talk about other girls and how they like them and then they wanna go out with me? What is that? Seriously- pick one. Also, I've had guy friends who liked me, I didn't like them back, they went out with another girl and would still flirt with me and hint at me and treat me like a rebound when they broke up with their gf. It's immaturity and indecisiveness that piss me off. Not someone falling for me. Unless they get too clingy and smother me.

-StillWater- · Answer

I never get mad...

I just feel a bit strange...and sometimes even sad, because I know I can never again for example...hug him or kiss him on the cheek without him thinking it's something more...

But if he never says that he's into me, then I just keep doing what I'm doing...and decide that, even if I feel like he's falling for me, I would ignore that feeling and just presume everything's alright with us...as friends! :)

I sometimes play dumb. Mostly when I'm feeling the same thing as well... Partly because I'm not certain of what my intuition is telling me (although..I've come to learn that my intuition is almost always right), and partly because [perhaps] I feel the same and I just don't know how this..all of this...could turn out in the end so perhaps we should just stay friends and not risk this good thing we share.

NowJadyn · Answer

when you are friends with a female for so long,  we begin to think of you more as brothers. I'm not saying that it's impossible for that girl to fall in love with you, but you have to let it be her choice. If she doesn't fall for you as hard as your falling for her, forget about her. there are plenty of other women out there. just stay being friends and don't push it any further. If she does ffall for you, I say that she's liked you longer than you have liked her, but she didn't push the boundaries. its all so complicated.

Neubauten · Answer

Guys rarely fall for the girl after being friends. Rarely does a guy suddenly realize that he's hot for a girl he's known for a year. No, we're not for a girl from the first time we meet her.

More often, they want to date her but are afraid of rejection. So rather than take a risk and ask for a date, they become "friends" hoping that their friendship will lead to romance.

But it doesn't work that way ... not too often.

So I think girls get angry when they realize the guy was "friends" under false pretenses.

pielcanela21 · Answer

well that has happened to me b4 my 2 bff guy friends have fallen for me the thing is I couldn't see them like that one of them I dnt even talk too bascially afta he told me he lykd me he would try nd break out fights 4 no reason so we drifted apart eventually. my other guy friend just told me bout a week ago still in shock but I'm trying not 2 let our friendship go down da drain cause of this. but usually once a girl classifys a guy as there bff's there isn't a going back they just can't see them like a boyfriend type cause it just gets weird. We dnt dislike our guy friends that 'like' us but it just makes the whole talking to them about secrets awkward.

Anonymous · Answer

I have lost many guy friends because of that. I also still am friends with some guys but we don't hang out as much anymore because it's me who feels weird around them. And the times we do go out and we dance or just anything makes em think I want them. And then they just stare at you and I like my friends but I don't want to date them. I'm just trying to stay away because I really don't like hurting people I like as friends. And another thing is when were out and if I see someone I would want to talk to I don't because I don't want to do that infront of them.

I have a friend who has liked me since we met when I was 12 and I'm 26 now. He's a good guy but not for me. And I try to stay away but I like talking to him because I trust him, I just don't want to keep hurting him.

aliba · Answer

its because we trust you to be our friends and we come to beleive that you don't think of us as a sex object and we are comfortable with that. but when we realize tyou like us, we freak out because we aren't in that little comfort zone anymore and we KNOW what you say about those OTHER girls you liked...remember the things we didn't want to hear? its like our brother just asked us out...

looking4 · Answer

I don't get mad, I just got mad once that after breaking up with my broyfriend this friend tried to kiss me like two days after (and he was my best friend so I told him everything) , and I was like "I told you I miss him and that it hurts like hell and you do that?!" that's the only time I got angry, cause he was my friend and I trusted him and I felt that he used the fact that I was "vulnerable" to make his move.

kisstheselips · Answer

I've never been mad at them. It depends how I feel about them, and if I have the same feelings back. I recently had to reject a guy friend and I don't want to lose our friendship, it's hard rejecting them. But I've fallen for guy friends also and we've gotten together for a while but now we're just friends.

So I'd never really say I was "Angry"

thelittlethings · Answer

I never got mad at my guy friends.  It just made me sad because I knew they were going to get hurt because we would never be together that way.  Besides that once they fall in love with me it's not very appropriate to continue talking to them while I have a boyfriend, it's not fair to my man.  Either way it never ends well and it's just a sad, shitty situation and it SUCKS!

claire · Answer

For me, I think it's because that you're so in love with us that we expect you to be our dream guy. Or rather, hoped you TURN into our dream guy. We like evolution of friends to boyfriends, but sometimes, we can't see you treat us other than a friend (not a woman) and move to the next level, we get frustrated.

Tatiahna · Answer

Because we don't want to hear it. lol. I know it's stupid but true. I mean everyone says my friend Anthony likes me but he knows EVERYTHING about me and I just couldn't date him... those end up being the guys that you should marry I know... those are the best ones to go out with but it ruins your whole image of that person

metaldave20 · Answer

so does this show that girls can't actually be friends with guys? I mean I went and told my friend that I liked her, we stopped talking for a year and 9 months (something happened, it wasnt the fact that I told her, that made us stop talking) because it makes things too weird between us?

arisato- · Answer

I have totally been in your situation several times. A good friend you hang out with constantly suddenly avoids you like the plague. All because you fall for her (which is pretty common for most guys, for the reason you mentioned above) . It isn't fair, but it'll continue to happen. From my experience, being in the "friend zone" is like being in romance quicksand. There is no easy way out.

mzindependant92 · Answer

well this question does not apply to me I wouldn't mind finding out one of my guy friends wants to be with me it has actually happened and I accepted it even dated him for a bit but it didn't work out but we are still really great friends so not all females are that way

Reeses-pieces777 · Answer

i wouldn't get mad at a guy friend for hitting on me, but if I'm not interested I just tell him straight up 'i'm not interestd'-there's not point in making unnecessary drama and I would like to keep my friend ship with him at least

jacquesvol · Answer

Three reasons I guess:

-they think friendship will be lost if romance comes (and goes)

-they've always been asked, rarely needed asking: there are always much more men asking than inversely: free market. Lots of women aren't " on the market" -married, engaged- while married men will cheat more and so rise the demand) scarcity rises prices.

-they're afraid you'll go to fast or look down on them if they give kind & easy response.

cun7n1nja · Answer

Honestly, I couldn't tell you, haha. I've never been in that position. I'm always the one that likes my friend and has to decide whether it's wise to tell them or not. =/ It's never worked well for me either, so I think it goes both ways.

Salarial · Answer

Because boyfriends will come and go, but friends are forever. Once a guy falls for a girl, there is a chance for her falling for him as well. If things turn out badly, she just lost her best friend.

skater99 · Answer

Girls who have guy friends most of the time they don't find them attractive why would a girl tell her crush personal things. I would never be friends with some one I'm attracted to unless he has a girl friend so when he breaks up with her I can hit on him but once a guy is in a friend zone he stays in the friend zone.

alioup · Answer

i don't like bringing friends into my romantic life because if you don't work out it;s hard to move back to friends. I have tried before and it doesn't work. it tends to blow up in my face.

Standingpretty · Answer

I usually fall for my guy friends to so this really isn't an issue for me.Yeah, and I love one of my friends like crazy right now! I know what it's like.

LuckyAsianGirl · Answer

Ive done that before =/. When I'm not interested in my friend, but they are in me... it makes me feel weird and awkward. So, I totally act like their not there. I feel horrible for doing that, but that's the only way for me to show them that I don't like them in a special way.

Anonymous · Answer

I've lost so many friends this way. Just  because I talk to you a lot, giggle and hang out with you doesn't mean I'm interested! I usually tell them "Hahah wtf dude? We're just friends.. don't get your hopes too high!"

good-looking-geek · Answer

Based on what the girls above said, it's ironic how trust, love, and "comfort zone" cannot coexist all in one man. What a pity!

ms-curiosity · Answer

I wouldn't treat them like that. But in my point of view, I would highly prefer that you don't tell me. 'Cos sometimes, issues like this ruins friendships. You wouldn't want that.

Anonymous · Answer

I agree with you, it's just sometimes women don't want relationships or they just wanted a guy friend to be able to hang out with and they think like "ugh I just wanted a friend and now he likes me and now it's going to be awkward!" I completely agree with you, if you're friends with a woman first, then it turns into love and makes a relationship much easier. That's just my opinion though.

lolfreddy · Answer

I don't know, girls are odd. Being single is not so bad, I like saving up money :D lol

angeleyes11 · Answer

I don't get mad. I just get a little frustrated and I can't treat them the same way.

Anonymous · Answer

Because there's almost always an ulterior motive, and it's irritating and insulting when we realize that 4  months of platonic friendship was a mask.

LOL101 · Answer

i think that a lot of times guys act like its a joke when they ask a girl out so they don't take it seriously

Ladies why do you get angry at guy friends that fall for you?

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