When a girlfriend and I were together, she allowed me take some rather beautiful and provocative nude photos of her, including some where she was giving me head. Now that we're breaking up (or at least seeing less of each other), she wants all the digital files back. I don't want to be a jerk about it (we're still great friends), but I also wouldn't mind keeping copies as mementos (I'm a connoisseur of the female form, as well as a sentimental fool :)
I have absolutely no intention of sharing or distributing her photos as they are very personal to me (as well as to her) and a lawyer friend of mine assured me that I have no legal obligation to return them so long as I have no intention of distributing them or making them public. He points out that the photos were taken during private moments in her life, which also happen to be part of MY LIFE as well. The courts call it "joint custody" -- so the most I would have to do is give her COPIES of whatever photos she wanted.
That said, does anyone think that I should still give her back all her photos and files? Should I really allow her wishes to supersede mine, even though we legally have equal rights to these lovely mementos?
But here's something none of you mentioned. What about if someone else got a hold of a copy of the disc? What if something happened to you tomorrow, and you left your computer and belongings to your best buddy and he now has all the files? Sounds too far - fetched?
Well guess what, it's also possible for this to get into the wrong hands. This isn't necessarily about your hands. Even if you're intentions are not to share, someone else may. You don't live forever, but your files will. So if you really care about your 'friend' and respect her, delete all the copies, yours AND hers. so everyone is spared of any shame or embarrassment.
If she trusted you enough to let you take the photos when you were together, if you won't give her them back now she will be crushed and regret trusting you.
give them back. it's her who's naked and doing personal things to you, respect her wishes and give them back. You could say you want the ones where your in too, but I wouldn't bother keeping the ones with just her in. its against her personal wishes and the thought of you having her photos must be making her feel uncomfortable and paranoid that you'll do something with them. even if you say you want.
I don't get why your getting protective of them. put yourself in her position. would you like knowing your ex had personal photos of you? would you like not knowing if they'd done something to them, even if they said they hadn't.
Her request for them back shows concern for what you might do with them. I think the best thing to do would be to give her the files and tell her you really want to keep a couple of printed photos because of the private sentimental value. It might help your case if you show her which ones you want to keep and try to select ones that are more classy, less trashy. Tell her it was a special moment in your life too. Just talk to her about it and explain why you want to keep them (so that she doesn't think you want to post them on the web, show them to your friends, jack off to them etc). If she understands this is about remembering your relationship she will be more willing and trusting of your keeping them.
Personally I would think it creepy as if I knew my ex was wackin it to old pics of us. But then again they are your memories too. I have never really thought of this dilemma from the guys perspective, so I'm glad you brought it up. Maybe try handing over copies, but ask her if she minds, whether she says yes- or- no make the decision YOURS in the end.
I agree with Jarett. I also can't believe thee extreme you went to over these pictures. It's a bit ridiculous. You should dispose of the pictures and don't make any copies. You were brave enough to take the pictures in the moment don't be so paranoid about the pictures getting out of your hands or hers. You were idiotic enough to process this. Taking nude pictures, so use your head to store the memories and the same goes with her. If she doesn't want to garbage them then just give them to her. You wanted to do it stop whining about it. Don't be ignorant. There are usually consequences to everything we do. It's not a big deal. That's why you have a brain. Especially something so lusty I doubt you'd forget something like that. If you don't want these pictures anywhere else what's the point of keeping them? Why take the pictures anyway? Ugh. Both of you should have thought about the risks and consequences BEFORE you took the pictures. Nice job for both of you almost screwing yourself.
Don't give them to her, you don't want your goods out there for the world to see either! But if you start dating someone who you really care about and want to marry DEFINITELY destroy the ones you have. If your new hottie ever came across them or even knew you had them it would make her feel self conscious and insecure. Like SHE isn't enough for you so you have to have pictures of your ex(s). (Even if you are only keeping them because you feel the "photography" or the "form" is beautiful) I personally think its skeezey and wouldn't want my man to have pics of his nude ex(s).
I totally agree - valid point - I didn't even think of what she might potentially be able to do to him with those photos down the road - if he ever got into politics - they may very well turn into blackmail material. - 8 months ago
Maybe you don't need to give her back everything. Keep your copies (i would) whether they really are for your own keepsakes or if you may "happen" to show them to someone. But at least give her what she's entitled to.
Contrary to many of the girls who answered. I don't see the big deal in keeping them. It doesn't make you childish or degrade your integrity, like AlwaysClassy said, you cared enough to ask us our opinions. That's notable. It shows that you do care for the feelings of the girl involved. So that should be the issue. You say the two of you are still close friends so discuss with her that these pictures hold sentimental value and assure her that they are completely private. If after that, she still feels insecure about you having them then you should consider what you want to do with the pictures. If having the pictures is going to ruin the good friendship that the two of you share, are they worth it? That's for you to decide. If you decide to keep them and there are bitter feelings between you two then do they still hold sentimental value? I'd like to restate that you should have a calm talk about what they really mean to you with your friend. I think the reason she wants them back is due to fear that they wouldn't be confidential anymore. Reassure her that the pictures are a personal aspect of BOTH of your lives that you have no wish to make them public.
Yeah this is exactly why girls should not do dumb crap like this. You are not kim kardashian - it's not going to make you famous, you will just end up in situations like this. Actually, you seem like a nice guy for even asking this question, most guys would have had that on the internet right after she left your room
I think you should give her back the pictures. She only did it because you were in the confines of the relationship. She has more to lose than you.
Please, give us a bit more credit in regards to the pictures. We'd wait at least until the relationship was over before uploading them. :) - 8 months ago
Like people have said, TECHNICALLY they are your photos, but you also need to think about how she feels. Yes, she did put herself at risk by taking them, but if you genuinely cared about her you would respect her wishes and delete them honestly. Don't tell her you deleted them and save them -- DELETE them. At least then you can be happy knowing you were honest with her and did as she asked of you.
Give her copies of them. I'm pretty sure those pictures were taken with your camera, so technically and legally they're yours. It's just like if you took pictures of you two together and you weren't doing anything sexual, they're still your pictures and she's still in them either way. I know there's a possibility that you will use them against her, but she should have thought about that before she posed and let you take those pictures in the first place. Just give her copies and let her do whatever she wants with them. If she has those pictures she can just as easily use them against you. Why should she be the only one who has all the memories? You're allowed to have the memories as well.
Do what you want. Just keep in mind you may not want to show them publicly but she might want to. She could give them to her next boyfriend and that may be what she wants them back for. Then again she might just want them as a memory. If she wants them back just don't giver her any of you in it so she can't embarrass you or something else bad
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