Why is a girl scared of getting attached?

Question

I met a girl recently who is both physically attractive and has a great personality. We are so similar in how we act and think that it is almost eerie. She is getting over a bad breakup and mentioned that she didn't want a relationship from the start.

However, we hung out few times and found we have so many things in common and she even mentioned to me that she usually doesn't open up to people but it is different for me. We had relations a few times and it was great. Then one day out of the blue she mentioned that she is not ready for anything right now and scared of getting attached. She also told me that affection makes her feel uncomfortable because she is not used to it. So I backed off from showing affection and then she confuses me because the few times we are alone together, she would show me affection by holding my hand or kissing me. I feel that her fear is taking over her emotions and she is now slowly trying to push me away. What do you make of the situation?

Elvanex · Accepted Answer

Hey, I know what your going through; I've been there myself. The girl I love has had quite a rough past. About 2 years ago now, she sent me a letter telling me not to call her, write her, or talk to her again. I was crushed and confused for awhile, but then I got a letter from her foster dad telling me that she had run away, and was no longer living in the same place. I was depressed for the longest time, but a few months later, she sent me an email telling me how she was sorry, and asked me if I still wanted to talk to her. She said she never wants us not to talk again. Anyway, my guess is that, at least in my situation, she was just afraid of getting attached because she thought that something would happen between us that would hurt her, so she decided to cut it off on her own terms rather than wait for some imagined fear to come true. Of course, I don't know you guys' situation, but for the girl I love, I know she's had a rough time growing up being in foster care. Well, that's my 2 cents worth, but good luck. Remember, if you really love her, you'll love her no matter what. I hope it all ends well for you.

WakaJawaka · Accepted Answer

she's using you.

she's afraid of commitment. she won't commit to being a girlfriend, but she'll use you to boost her fragile ego.

she's being abusive. she gives you enough physical affection to keep you baited, like a fish on a hook. she'll play out the line, and reel you in when she wants some male attention. she says she's scared of attachment, then she turns around and behaves like she wants to be attached. WTF?

there are two options, and two options only to explain her behavior: 1) she's deeply confused; 2) she's playing you like a fiddle.

neither option will lead to a happy ending for you. only more pain and confusion.

my suggestion is that you stop worrying about her emotions and begin protecting yours ... this might include closing the door on this girl, and finding one who actually cares about how her behavior affects you rather than jerking you around without care for your feelings.

nickiw1992 · Accepted Answer

I would give her time...she was obviously pretty hurt from her last relationship.

Most girls are afraid of attachment because they get rejected sometimes.

She just needs to learn to trust you and spend more time with you.

I would just wait a while and she'll come aorund.

DidYouHearThat · Accepted Answer

Well she probably really likes you but is scared of getting hurt again. her reaction to you is probably a sub-conscious defense mechanism. If you want to be with her then take it slow. sounds like she needs it.

Why is a girl scared of getting attached?

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