I was happily dating a man I loved very much for over a year when he gave me herpes. He knew he had it (obviously) and actually gave it to at least two other women before me. I felt betrayed, angry, hurt, all of the things you might expect. Early on in our relationship we had the "safety talk" and he claimed to be STD free. I could simply not understand how someone who supposedly loved me could have kept something so important from me. Anyway, after many fights and lots of tears, we decided to stay together. I forgave him and got past the feelings of betrayal.
3 years later, we broke up. I am now dating again for the first time since having herpes and I am a little lost as to how to move forward. When is the right / best time to bring this up? I would never want to do to someone else what was done to me, but I wonder how up front I need to be. I now know many people who have herpes, people I've known for years; it's always a surprise when I hear they have it too. I am amazed by how many of them confess that they never disclose this information. One of my friends is actually married and her husband doesn't know!
Not that it matters, but I have not had a single outbreak in 3 years. I've only had 2 total since getting it. Therefore I don't think there's much risk involved, especially since I always use protection when "just dating", but my Catholic guilt makes me feel like I should blurt it out right away like some kind of walking, talking Surgeon General's warning. Ha!
If any of you have dealt with this situation, I would be very interested to hear how you approach the subject.
Well I think you sense of fairness is talking to you here. I don't have problems with a girl that has ST D's as long as I'm warned be her before anything happens that we might regret. I suggest that after dating for a while you add the statement to the question how do you feel about me? Which would be fallowed by what would you think if I told you I have std's? Dude that are there for real will stay but need some adjusting time to make sure nothing wrong happens to screw the relationship. Ok? Good luck.
(Age:25 to 29)
When: 5 months ago
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