I'm going to try to fully explain this so that there's a good idea of where everyone stands .
I've been dating my current girlfriend for almost five years . We're pretty far along in our relationship: we're best friends, we've discussed marriage and theorized about married life . However, from time to time, we've questioned the validity of our relationship because ours is the only mature relationship we've ever had and we lack dating experience with other people . Usually, I'm the one who has had this sort of wanderlust, since my girlfriend has dated and had experiences with other people in the past . But in every case where I had an opportunity to date someone else, I decided that my current relationship wasn't worth sacrificing .
We'd both been attending the same college for a while when I graduated last year . She took off the fall semester to work and build up some funds for this spring . Now she's back at college, but this time she's alone . Near the beginning of the semester, she quickly became friends with a guy in her major who shares a lot of her classes . Once she found out that he liked her, she developed a reciprocal crush on him . She found that he was intelligent, and he could discuss things about her classes that I couldn't . She said that since I wasn't down at college, she felt the need to substitute me with someone else, even if he wasn't as good, and she implied that between the two us, we'd make an ideal boyfriend . When I made it clear that this wasn't okay, she agreed .
However, she replaced the desire to date him with the desire to "fool around" with him sexually . The classes that they attend together deal a lot with sexuality, and apparently this casual discussion bled into their friendship . They've talked about sexual matters, he has made jokes about fooling around, and they've both told each other that they have seriously entertained the idea of having sex with each other, but neither wanted to make it happen due to the potential to ruin my relationship with her .
From what I know about him, he doesn't seem like a very good person, but my girlfriend seems to like him . She's made it clear that she's not interested in dating him or messing around now, but she wants to remain friends . She's joined his circle, and she accompanies them to go out drinking, watch them smoke hookah, etc . (things that we have never done together) .
I want her to have freedom, but the undercurrents of her relationships with he and his group of friends have me a little concerned .
What's okay, what isn't okay; how am I supposed to feel ?
If I was in your position I would be upset! Very upset! I would feel like she was stolen away from me! And that sucks! if she had kept her relationship with this new guy at the friendship level that would have been fine but she kinda of overstepped her bounds when she felt like she would like to date him and then it just worse when she said she wants to fool around with him i'm glad that she was honest with you and told you about all of these 'desires' but seriously! I feel like she has gone too far this time. You need to sit down with her and ask her what's really going on here. Why is it that she is straying form the relationship that had formerly been so stable? what is it about this guy that has reeled her in? ask her if there is anything that you can do to get her back or anything that you could do in the realm of your relationship to have her stay with you? you guys have been together for a long, long time and it would not be cool if this random guy came between you two. argh! The first thing that really struck me was the fact that she said that she needed to replace you! That should never be the case! Find out why she felt she needed to replace you or how she can even think that anyone could replace you in her life? this probably isn't going to be easy but it seems like you'd really like to stay with her.
That's a really tough situation bro . This is something you're going to have to look into yourself for the answer . Can you trust her completely ? Have you ever cheated on her ? Has she cheated on you ? Just like 'sexwiseman' said below, if she doesn't give it up to him, he won't stick around . Although in my mind he sounds like the kind of guy who will roam around after girls he can get it from, and toy with your girlfriend until she does give in .
I don't recommend you stop her from seeing him, however I would emphasize to HER that you love her and trust her and wouldn't want anything to come between you two . Really stopping the problem before it starts is going to be with her .
As long as you are good to her and she knows it, she shouldnt stray . Its when you are lacking in something that other guys will exploit and inevitably block you . Pretend you are back in the early stages of your relationship and don't forget the little things you used to do for her to keep her around . If you've slacked on those things, it will bite you .
Good luck man, seriously . That's a tough spot to be in .
We've never cheated on each other. The relationship has had some ups and downs, but it appears to be fairly stable now, excepting this new development. You're right about the guy--he has a bit of a sex addiction (in addition to using drugs). It's sort of hypocritical, considering he works in a church. My girlfriend and I are both capable of seeing past the negatives in people, but since I'm not there to offer my opinion, the situation is a little unnerving. I don't want him to influence her. - 5 months ago
Answerer
It's going to be a situation of trust man. If there isn't much you can do to influence the relationship between her and this guy, then just keep your eyes open and hope for the best, but expect the worst. Think about it this way, if she holds loyalty to you the entire time, completely, you have something real good, and definately (as they say here in Connecticut) "wifey material". Lol. Stay strong on it bro. - 5 months ago
There is nothing wrong for girlfriends to have male friends; however, the problem is in how trustworthy is this person in respecting the relationship ? Is she is out drinking and smoking hookah with him, brother, good luck . You mentioned this guy is not a good person . My only thought would be---what makes this guy still want to hang out with your girlfriend ? As you should know, guys are only after one thing, and if they don't get it, most likely they don't stick around to waste their time with girls that are not giving it up . Harsh, but that's the reality; I've been in those circles with girls that have boyfriends but the boyfriend is out of town, or the girl is on a night out, and once they start drinking, what happens after that has remained most likely a secret between me and those girls . Not saying all girls are like that, but in my personal experience, the girls that already had a boyfriend but were out having fun, 100% of them were out to have real fun, if you know what I mean . I had a close to 5 year relationship, but at some point things just don't work out . Good luck .
I consider her to be very trustworthy, but this situation is a new one for our relationship. She's never hung out with a guy friend (and I've never hung out with a girl friend) when we've been separated by distance. She and the guy have some common interests, and apparently he enjoys conversation with her. I suppose I'm more concerned about her falling in with the wrong crowd by association with this guy. - 5 months ago
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(Age:18 to 24)
When: 5 months ago
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