Getting Back With A Former Boyfriend (Not An Ex- There's A Difference)

Getting back with a former Boyfriend (not an ex- there's a difference)

It's kind of funny how people are so negative towards you getting back with a former boyfriend, like it's some sort of taboo, like you're stupid, naiive, and desperate for even thinking of getting back together. But getting back with a former boyfriend is different to getting back with an ex (in my opinion they are two different things). A former boyfriend is someone you broke up with on good terms (even if it hurt like crazy when you/they did and you cried for hours on end and it tore you to pieces). An ex on the other hand involves someone who produces nothing but negative emotions- fights, arguing, verbal, mental and even physical abuse- they are not good for you, your health or your life even though it may be hard to get away from and even harder to not want to get back together, they are people you DO NOT and SHOULD DEFINITELY NOT get back with!

But this is not about ex's this is about former boyfriends.

my scenario.

I met my boyfriend about 2 years ago at college. Everything was perfect. We were so happy, and practically attatched at the hip. But one night early last year he brought up how his friends had suggested I move in with he and his friends this year. I thought it was a good idea but he was taken back by it saying he didn't feel like we were at that stage in our relationship. I was a little confused because we'd joked about moving in together before but now he seemed so overwhelmed by the idea, as if it would mean things were getting really serious.The conversation was steered towards the year before and being apart during the holidays and how even though it was nice that we still got to see each other sometimes it was still hard on us both and he didn't want that to happen again. He did feel like things were getting to serious (and not as carefree as and fun as when we'd first started out) and it didn’t help when I mentioned he was the reason I’d stayed at college instead of quitting and that freaked him out because he didn't want me relying on him like that, it was too much pressure. A few days passed, things being a bit awkward between us, and one afternoon he came into my room and ended it; because he couldn’t handle knowing that by the end of the year we’d be closer than we were now and I’d be finished my degree but he would still be doing his and therefore if I did come back to the town college is in, it would purely be for him and he felt like that was too much. I was gutted I thought we'd be able to work around it. I tried to argue my side saying that it was silly, we should just enjoy each others company whilst we can but he didn't want me or him getting hurt more than what it was now. He was adamant. It hurt. I cried. He seemed to be putting on a brave face, but at the same time also seemed fine.

A few nights later I caught him making out with another girl at the pub. HOW DARE HE!?!?! It’d only been a week… It made me feel as if everything that’d happened between us had meant nothing, and that it was so easy for him to just move on like that. I went home and cried before deciding to text him; going off my nut! He apologised as he didn't know what was appropriate as this was his first break up also, and realised that a week post break-up wasn't right and that it felt weird and all he wanted to do was talk to me all night but felt that I wouldn't want to because I'd been avoiding him (to stop myself from begging him to end this break up and get back together already and then getting upset when his reply would be no). I was so upset and hurt even though I couldn't be too mad at him because well the truth of the matter is we had broken up, and we'd have to go through some rough patches and move on, that this was just a learning curve.

We talked a bit afterwards and I eventually just accepted that this was our fate and there was nothing more I could say or do that would salvage this. So we went to being friends. I still cried every opporunity I could. But held my chin up and decided it'd be okay. Then there was rumours going around that he'd slep with someone. Again that hurt. But I can't be mad, I need to accept that it's going to happen, even if I feel like it's too soon. About a month had passed and we seemed to be getting a long really well. One night I messaged him to see if he was coming out with everyone but he said no he felt sick. When I got back I asked him if he still felt sick, and he then explained that he wasn't sick in that way, he was just upset. Everything that'd happened between us had just hit him in the last few days. He came down to my room to talk and was almost in tears. This whole time I'd only been thinking about myself and how much this had been affecting me and how he was such a douche for ending things I'd never thought once about him, and well it's because to me he it didn't seem to faze him at all, he still seemed fine. I felt so guilty. We kept chatting knowing that what we were doing right now seemed wrong, we're not meant to be getting back together. But we couldn't help it. And here we are. Almost 2 years in to our relationship (we've decided not to count that month last year). Happy as all hell.

So how did it end out. Well I moved back up to the town that college is in studying another course, however he lives on campus. The first month that I moved into town he came and lived with me. YUP! And now that he's back on campus he comes and stays over every weekend, or whenever he feels like he's missing me...which is a fair bit. The biggest thing of all though, is a couple of nights ago when I lay there half asleep he told me he loves me (he thought I was asleep so doesn't know I'd actually heard him). This is HUGE coming from the guy who almost a year ago broke up with me because things were getting to serious and moving too fast.

What to take from this?

The message I want you to take from this is that getting back with a former boyfriend is circumstantial. You need to talk, understand his feelings also (because he is human, he does have them) even if he seems like he's being an absolute dick. If you feel like he's sincere, like he really feels like he's made a mistake and you can work things out, go for it. Even if he has sex with other girls when you've broken up but the thought of you doing that to him is unimaginable, talk to him, find out why he did it, he's not always the bad guy you or any of you're friends are trying to make him out to be. He can make mistakes too. Even if he freaks out because things are going to fast, that your feelings for him may be deeper than what he has for you, be patient... he may just come around and surprise you. Even if the people around you are talking about you, thinking what the hell are you thinking, they don't know you, they don't know him, if you have a strong connection like that you can work things through, don't give up hope too easily.

The other thing I want to point out, don't be one of those stupid jealous girls that hates on another girl that gets with you're former boyfriend, she's allowed to, for all you know they might even be a better person for him than you could have ever been, and isn't that what you want? for him to be happy! There's no reason to hate her.



Most Helpful Guy

  • No, an ex is an ex. THE END.😊

    • Show All
    • Ok X-Boyfriend then like X-Men. Happy now mommy?

    • So condescending lol.

      @asker you can call it whatever you want but no one else will agree with you.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I agree with you.
    An ex is an ex but there is a difference between an ex and a former boyfriend or girlfriend. Like you said when it end on good terms. Why not give a second chance? Why not work things out? If two people really like each other I see nothing wrong with trying again despite what people say. Sometimes there are misunderstanding or unfinished business in the air. Sometimes you meet the right person and the wrong time. If it doesn't work out the second time then oh well! At least you tried and now you can move on.


Join the discussion

What Guys Said 1

  • Ex is a ex but you are right sometimes you gotta give it a 2rd chance for yourself as long as they didn't cheat I say go for it. as for Me I would love to give my relationship a 2rd go but with her parents being the main problem and what break us up in the first place that may be a bad idea. Plus am busy with all shit right now aka car.


What Girls Said 5

  • Hmm I see your point here... I myself refer to a guy I dated short term (no deep feelings ) an ex... and long-term (deep feelings) former bf/ex bf/ They deserve a more significant title... maybe it's just us women needing titles and organizing lol

  • Former boyfriend is the same as former ex. Since it didn't work out, he's an ex. However, a former lover is not the same as a former ex/boyfriend 😐

    • i'm aware they are the same thing duh... but putting "ex" in front of a boyfriend, partner or even husband generally has negative connotations, so I much prefer to not use the term ex unless the relationship ended badly.

  • "... you can work things out, go for it." <3
    However it feels like a fall back chick when you try to get back with the former one. :(

  • An ex and a former boyfriend are the EXACT same thing

    • sweet sweet innocent child... i'm aware they are the same thing duh... but putting "ex" in front of a boyfriend, partner or even husband generally has negative connotations, so I much prefer to not use the term ex unless the relationship ended badly.

    • Show All
    • We're all equals. Let's treat eachother like one's

    • Beating around the bushes*

  • I agree glad you are happy. I am getting back with a former boyfriend from 6 years ago. I hope it works for me as well as it did you.