I cheated on my husband - how do I save my marriage?

Question

I cheated on my husband with his best friend, and his friend told his sister.His sister left a message on his phone that isn't working I got the message first I already told my husband, but I already kinda denied the affair to him over the phone. I really regret it and I don't want to loose my husband. It started out as a 3some and then I did it several times after that alone. How can I save my marriage? it was drunk mistake, neither one of us is drinking at all anymore, and its not as if he hasn't cheated on me too. What do I do now, should I call his sister and find out what the other man said? or let my husband do it? Should I tell him the WHOLE truth or lie a little please help me I know it was wrong and I want to fix it. Can I write him a letter?

alexandercallum · Accepted Answer

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I cheated on my husband - how do I save my marriage?

EasyEC · Accepted Answer

The first step is to not hiding behind an excuse. I don't care if you were drunk or if your husband cheated on you before--you knew what you were doing. Excuses, although comforting, prevent us from changing. If nothing changes, eventually you're just going to cheat on him again.

Now, figure out why you cheated on your husband. It's BOTH of your faults. If he had been more fulfilling to you in your relationship, you wouldn't have cheated because you wouldn't even have had a second thought about jeopardizing something of substance. This is how it's partly your husband's fault. You already know how it's your fault.

Third, you recognize this for what it is. Your relationship with your husband is not where you want it to be. Your marriage is a partnership and it requires effort from the both of you. Do you feel emotionally distant? Is the sex between you becoming stale? Is he becoming distant to you due to constant nagging/control? Do you support him in his goals/pursuits? You get the point.

You don't need to tell him the whole truth but at the same time you don't need to lie. Telling him everything, right down to the graphic details is not going to help. Summarizing it all in a couple lines (like an abstract or a synopsis) will be better. You let yourself become more involved with someone than you had wanted. It's over now. You now realize how much you want to be involved with him (your husband) and want his help so that the two of you can make the relationship even stronger.

megmeg1814 · Accepted Answer

I think you opened up the flood gate by having the threesome. A marriage is a bond, a commitment, and a promise to love and honor each other between TWO people, not three. Sex is something that expresses that love between married people. It shouldn't be based on lust- like a threesome is. If your love and bond is strong enough to last in marriage- then you wouldn't have been tempted to 1st have the threesome and 2nd have the affair. You must be 100 percent honest with him. But then you also need to examine the other factors in your relationship that led you to this situation in the first place. Examples: Why did you marry this guy? Are you actually in love with him and he with you? What have you done for each other in your relationship to strengthen it and to give one another what each of you needs?

Only after that can you move forward.

Autumnbaby352 · Accepted Answer

So cheated on each other. Sounds like a loving, committed marriage.

What is this world coming to?

You have BOTH cheated, meaning there's something or somethings in this relationship that you're not getting and something that he isn't getting as well. There's NEVER an excuse for cheating so saving your marriage is going to take a lot of work and commitment. This marriage will land straight in divorce court if yall don't seek professional help soon. I suggest seeing a marriage counselor or someone along those lines. And for your sake and his, avoid putting yourself in situations where you are bound to fail (ie. getting drunk with another man).

Oh, and I'd tell him the WHOLE truth and then suggest fixing things.

Hope this helps

Shlei3 · Accepted Answer

Writing him a letter would look a whole lot worse than telling him to his face. You should be the one telling him in person what you did. Don't lie about it at all. You have made a huge mistake and you have to face the consequences that come along with that. I don't think it's right to not tell him the truth. Unfortunately, you may lose your husband. However, at least you were honest. If you choose to not tell him you run the risk of having someone else tell him which in my opinion is worse. I am sorry but I don't buy the whole drinking bit. I have been blitzed out of my mind and never once thought of cheating on my fiance. I would suggest couples therapy or something.

Ainani · Accepted Answer

First of all if it was a mistake, why were you going back for more and if you want to save your marriage tell him the truth and the whole truth and nothing but the truth. If you lie it's bound to back fire and every thing goes crashing down. I know how you feel about the situation because it happen to me. Just let him know how you feel and you wants to save the marriage but don't give up and don't let no one talk you into doing nothing you don't want to do even if you were drunk. You have to watch what you are doing.

BattleScarred · Answer

Here are some questions worth asking yourself. What makes my marriage worth saving? Is my desire to save it born out of love or born out of fear? Would I have stopped my affair if my lover's sister had not chosen to inform my husband of it? The answers you come up with, may help you chose the right course of action for your situation.

Please keep in mind that you could still be preempted and the whole truth about your affair may still be revealed to your husband. So by you playing a game of trickle-down-truth about your affair, you are more than likely sabotaging any chances of saving your marriage. Why? because every new bit of information that is revealed to your husband, is one more blow against any trust your husband may have left in you. Put yourself in his place, wouldn't your trust in him be devastated each time you gained new knowledge of his past affairs? Sure they may be in the past and processed out his system, but for you they would be like as if they just happened yesterday and you would have to undergo the ordeal of your personal recovery process. Think about it.

I wish you the best of luck..

Sakito · Answer

To be honest with you, it depends on what kind of guy your husband is. As far as I know, you might have just messed up your marriage.

He might be able to forgive and forget, but, I'm not going to guarantee anything.

If you really want to fix it, you need to tell him the whole truth, why you did it, and how you'll make it up to him and assure him it won't happen again.

And no, you can't write a letter, you need to be able to talk with him face to face.

It's ok that you had a threesome, but when you do it alone, that's when its a bad thing.

jacquesvol · Answer

It started out as a 3some] So your husband was there, first time? Makes it difficult for him to pose as a martyr.

Yes, it was a mistake. Sh*t happens.

Don't speak about it to other people (his sister) . Its' none of their business.

[I already told my husband, but I already kinda denied the affair to him over the phone]

It happened, it is past. The past can not be undone or changed. The future can be changed

If I were your husband, I would accept it as an error and live with it, pardon it: everyone makes errors some times.(I lived this and more once- contact me, quoting this text, if you feel it would help)

If I were your husband... But then I am not.

It all depends on him: is he the forgiving kind, self assured about his virility? Then talk it out. Talk about it and about the future(!) with your husband.

Or would he be sick and jealous for 99 years? Then keep it secret. If you are strong enough, if the people who know about it shut up their fool mouths.

TexPlayboy · Answer

It is time to lay your cards on the table. The truth is what sets you free. It sounds like you guys could use some right about now. I hope he agrees to work things out, it sounds like you really do love him. If he loves you as much, then he will. If he don't, then you are better off finding someone who does.

Good Luck,

James

juliesan · Answer

hmm if you feel bad why did you do it several times?  and I think you should say it happend once ,or I don't know kinda think like a guy lol I think some people don't feel bad when they cheat but they feel bad when they're caught. use almost the same excuse he did

Anonymous · Answer

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krazyiek · Answer

I have a question. Do you mean that you did a 3 some with your husband and his best friend?  If so then what in the HELL are you worried about losing your husband? It seems like you want help, but don't want to give better details, fill me in.

Christ_121 · Answer

You should tell him the truth it s the only way to save your mariage and set your concience free and then you are gonna pay the consequences for your acts either he s going to understand but you have to ask yourself does your mariage really work for you if you did this are you willing to continue this relationship for the rest of your life.

Here s a tip if it still work with your husband keep a good communication about everything and mostly your struggles and it s gonna work out :P

budphillips · Answer

The only answer is to go on Jerry Springer, tell him, record the episode, put it up on YouTube, and give us the link.

jointhepatriarchy · Answer

You brought this on yourself. He deserves better than you.

kelbel · Answer

my husband is in prison and has been away for 6 years and has a few more to go , I cheated on him and now he wants a divorce how can I save this marriage?

Anonymous · Answer

You deserve the worse.

sriram4frendz · Answer

Truth triumphs that is what I would say

Anonymous · Answer

You should tell him and admit your mistake

I cheated on my husband - how do I save my marriage?

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