Escaping the Friend Zone

Every situation is different. If you aren't positive that desire has been reciprocated, you're ineligible in terms of my very general advice.

It's said that the first five minutes will dictate the nature of your relationship for the remainder of its existence. Not true. It's also said that attraction, if not immediate, cannot be created. Not true either. If it were true I wouldn't be dating the love of my life today, or for the last six years.

Perseverance can win! But first I must explain the friend zone, and the references that are associated with it:

1. "I wouldn't want to ruin our friendship."

Stop. A person always has plenty of friends. When serious about someone, and when approaching a love interest, if interested, it's always worth the risk. This person wants a bond of intimacy without the commitment. The safety of the friendship is not at risk; it's very plausible to return to friendship if things don't work out as long as both parties are willing.

2. "I'm just not ready to date right now."

Stop. This person is just not ready to date you specifically. They're looking around, but they're definitely looking through you. This is a legit issue. The good news is that they're looking at all though. Because of this, and with a little effort on your part, they may eventually come to the realization that while looking around they were ignoring the one person best suited for them- you.

3. "Hahaha, you're so funny. I love when you joke."

Stop. This isn't a rejection. This is stalling. It's not great, but it's definitely not bad. The persons just not made up their mind on which way to swing yet.

How to escape the friend zone with some smooth manueverability:

1. "I have enough friends, and I certainly want to be more than friends with you."

And this is true. Who wants to be friends with the one who holds a special place in their heart like no other? And who wants to watch another take up that persons attention? No one!

2. "You never truly know a person until you've dated them."

And this is true. You dont. We put much more emphasis on our relationships once having paired off. It's then viable to dote on one, to put the utmost effort into conveying the depth of one's feelings and devotion.

3. And three is my personal favorite after having put my boyfriend in the friend zone for a year before dating, "Dating me would be like a friendship.

It'd just be called 'dating' instead." This statement holds a special place for me. It made me realize just how strong my bond had been with a person, and how much I was willing to give, without actually admitting to the fact.

The friend zone, though a comfortable place, doesn't have to be the final destination. You can level up! Patience and sensability is key. Good luck!


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What Guys Said 16

  • The friend zone is a excuse guys use especially when they are hung up on a girl and she won't date them. Nothing says you can't stop being friends with her or start spending time with other woman. Amazing how easy it is for you to get over some one when your making some one else smile and it's even funnier how they suddenly have found all the time in the world for you when your not around anymore to strike their ego. Be their friend or just start trying to date some one else it's a win, win scenario she either realizes what she's been missing or you find a new love interest.

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  • The friendzone doesn't even exist.
    Either a person is attracted to you or he/she isn't. It has got nothing to do with wanting you as a friend.
    You can however, as stated in the mytake, make someone attracted to you.

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  • Trying to date friends is stupid. But your understanding of the friendzone is also incorrect.

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  • "A person always has plenty of friends" If only reality was this easy and convenient.

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  • I've friend zoned women before (usually heavy girls with awesome personalities) however I've been friend zoned myself MUCH more often. When I got in my late 20s I learned to be much more aggressive. Some girls would get involved with me sexually but many of them rejected me and never talked to me again. I was disappointed with the latter but it was overall it was MUCH MUCH better than being drug through the friend zone.

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    • that sounds like a sad life. too much unessecary drama and discomfort created by people for their own selves... .

    • to be honest it is sad. However considering the absolute horrible experiences I had when I was younger because I was a "nice guy" I least have a better sense of self respect. Don't get me wrong, I want a meaningful relationship with a woman that is both a companion (best friend) and a sexual partner. I had that with my ex girlfriend for a long time. We broke up over different reasons. However there is absolutely, positively nothing worse than being the platonic "the fall back guy" who is being used by a girl while she deals/searches for men she's seriously interested in. I've been that guy 2-3 times in my life. I will never let it happen again if I'm attracted to the woman.

  • Thought provoking and funny. Liked that last one.

    These might work! =)

    Could you check mine out pls? I'm confused about a friend? www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1589447-why-is-this-female-friend-behaving-like-this-please-help-can-you

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  • I got put in the "friend zone" by one of those "how dare people be attracted to me" women. So I put her in the IDIOT zone.

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  • ""Dating me would be like a friendship" gets the top spot on my cringe-till-you-crease leaderboard.

    Come on guys, would James Bond say that lol

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  • Or you know ___ can stop BEING FRIENDS WITH THEM IN THE 1ST PLACE after being rejected, right? ^_^

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  • After years of trying to build a relationship with female friends and getting the "Let's be friends first" answer, I just gave up and started finding girls on a dating site. At least I know they're looking for a relationship. There's no friendzone, only rejection zone, and that's fine.

    It's better to go into a friendship with a girl expecting nothing but friendship. It causes the least amount of heartache. You can flirt with them to hone your skills, but never consider them as anything more. If they want something more they'll have to ask for it. Too tiring to take a gamble and waste time on friendzones.

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    • At what moment a a guy or girl goes from just friends to more than friends?

    • When both parties wants to be more than friends. If it's only just a one-sided crush it doesn't count.

      I guess both of them wouldn't confess right off the bat, but if both seem really attracted to each other and all signs seem favourable, at one point someone will confess and the other will reciprocate and then they're now more than friends. :) Else it's time to recognise that it's just fun flirting and pure friendship.

  • Friendzoning is womaneze for "I find you unattractive physically but I like your personality" and this my friend is where "confidence " when you look average leads you. Badum tzzz

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  • I was recently friendzoned by a girl i went on 3 dates with didn't contact her and after two weeks we've reopened communication and had a cinema date and a group dinner. Due to our own weekend committments, it's moving very slowly, i'm happy we're giving it a second shot as i do like her, the main challenge for me is that i don't overdo the communication and try and get the pace right.

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    • Seriously, look up the meaning of friendzone! If you have been on dates with her, and she knows they are dates you are not in the friendzone... 😒

    • i think you missed my point. after some dates she made out there was nothing and we were just friends all along. then we disconnected and she came back.

  • If I get rejected, I'm rejected. What you consider being persistent, another girl would probably consider "too persistent". Just be straightforward. I'm not your rebound, bitch.

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  • Forget this, I'm not waiting years to potentially date a girl who isn't so sure about me. I'm making the decision to pursue a girl who's actually interested. When she says she wants to be "friends" I take that as a sign to move on. I urge all men not to wait around

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    • This is the best answer. You hit the nail on the head.

    • At what moment in time when you know a girl or a boy goes from friends to more than friends?

  • The best way to 'escape' this dreaded friendzone, is to stop being friends with this person after she/he rejects, and walk out of her/his life with head held high.

    No need to waste time on someone who doesn't find us 'good enough' to date, and offers friendship as a 'consolation prize'. And waiting for them to change their mind is usually (but not always) futile. That same time, effort and energy can be utilised to find someone else who may actually be romantically interested in us.

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    • Or, you know, some of us girls actually want to just be friends. Just because a guy finds me attractive doesn't mean I have to fuck him. I'm sorry if it hurts his feelings, but it's really simple, either a girl finds you attractive or she doesn't. Friendship isn't a consolation prize, it's simply saying, hey, I want to be your friend. Relationships can be extremely stressful, and some girls (like me ) would prefer just to be friends with people. Jesus Christ. Nowadays if you're of the opposite sex you either have to be banging or related for it to be acceptable to be seen together, and that's really sad

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    • I dont expect someone to stay friends with me if I'm hurting their heart, but , I've had a guy who developed feelings for me, and it wasn't reciprocated and he's still friends with me because he told me he still wants to be my friend. It's possible to still be friends. I know rejection sucks, but you really can't help who you're attracted to/ not attracted to, and

    • @CourtneyMass and if an attractive man tries to befriend you, you instantly gay shame him. some congruity you got there.. .

  • Better advice is to show her you are attractive to other women.

    Don't listen to females.

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    • Yeah, act like that and she just may think she's better off/lost her chance/that you're an ass for prancing around like everyone wants you. This has been a personal experience too, promise.

    • Never, ever, ever, as a guy, listen to girls for advice on how to get girls. They will sabotage you 100% of the time.

    • "Don't listen to females."

      Better advice than what was given on this bullshit take.

What Girls Said 6

  • When I was single, I wouldn't have liked the idea of rejecting a guy, only to have him hang around and wait for me to change my mind. That would have been annoying. :(

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  • this is so much crap. if i tell you i don't want to date you I DON'T WANT TO DATE YOU. when i say 'i don't want to date right now' I DON'T WANT TO DATE RIGHT NOW. respect it and don't put all this thought into about how MAYBE i'll want to date you in the future. NOPE. and if i do start dating, don't start acting like i've lied to you. I CHANGED MY MIND AND NOW WANT TO DATE. just bc you assume that 'i don't want to date right now' means that i'm open to dating you in the future (not what i said AT ALL) doesn't mean i've 'led you on' when i do end up dating someone else. it's your fault for assuming, not mine for stating my intention to not date in the current moment. 'friendzone' guys creep me sfm

    i'm happy for you that you had such a good experience! it's quite common to fall in love with friends actually. but a lot of guys who believe in this friendzone business - a zone that doesn't exist - are petulant, presumptuous, and /not actually your friend at all/.

    'friendzone' guys are not your friends. they are snakes in the grass who expect you to date or otherwise put out for them because they do things for you that friends are supposed to do, like ask you how you are, talk to you about your problems, etc. or they do things for you that friends don't normally do - they go out of their way to do things for you that boyfriends do - only /you haven't asked them to do these things for you/. they decide to do these things on their own. /and then they expect you to put out for or date them./ and as soon as you don't?

    you aren't their friend anymore. and everyone's going to know it. they're going to treat you like their worst enemy as soon as they realize you just aren't going to fall for their junk. they are some of the most insidious, worst friends you can have, and i have watched many of my friends suffer at the hands of these wolves in sheep's clothing.

    IT'S NOT JUST MEN. girls do it too and men should beware just as much as women should when it comes to ANYBODY talking about being friendzoned. they are /not really your friend/. they're your enemy and you are a presumed and coveted consolation prize for all the nice things they've done for you that you never asked them to do.

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    • oh and as an aside, i personally don't use 'i don't want to date right now' unless i couple it with something else. 'even if i wanted to date right now, i'm not interested in you, i'm sorry.'

  • I have a question from what moment a guy or a girl go from friends to more than friends? I need to know.

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    • I need to explain my case and see if im doing something wrong or the guy is doing something wrong or what next steps I should make.

  • I've been rejects tons and I still don't think the friend zone exists.

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    • The friend zone isn't an honest rejection. It's a cowardly cop-out to a rejection.

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    • It's not really a friendship, it's a persistent state of pursuit treatment answered with perpetual rejection. I'm not saying a friendship can't happen, I have female friends, even ones I've been interested in before and was rejected by.

      Of the women I've pursued and been rejected by, the majority sought to exact as much favor as possible for as long as possible, with minimal consideration -- far below the standards of a friendship. It's predatory, really.

    • @Transigence well I don't consider that friendship, I just consider that manipulation.
      I'm talking about when the rejector still just continues I be nice to you and try to hang out with you. I hate when people complain about that because the rejector did nothing wrong.

  • A guy who was interested in me was rejected and he stopped talking to me entirely after I told I wasn't attracted to him. I'm glad he didn't get "friendzoned"

    It was more of a chore than a pleasure talking to him but I didn't want to be mean and not answer him.

    Peferct way to get a guy off your back.

    If they can't just be your friend, they need to move on.

    My best friend likes me but he wants to be my friend.

    It doesn't sound right to have a guy hanging for a year just to get to know him. It sounds selfish as hell. During the dating part you are suppose to be getting to know him.

    If someone I was romantically interested treated me like a friend and said they werent ready to date, I would think they werent interested in me in the same way.

    Thats the que to move on. If your interested in someone you dont play friendzone with them. Its very confusing and emotionally draining.

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    • Good its far better to be honest I've been stood up and ignored by girls via text message and it always leaves me wondering. Just say it if you're not interested.

    • @Floyd790 that sucks hard. :/

      I find it hard to do it directly without saying something else to make it less blunt, though I should. But yeah you should just say it. Put yourself in the other person's shoes.

  • Guys aren't the only ones who get friendzoned... proof: I got friendzoned by the guy I was dating not a long time ago. We dated and a short while after we started I traveled in Europe for about 5 weeks and when I came back he told me he decided he only wanted to be friends with me...

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