Men Always Want To Be Scientists About Dating

Men Always Want To Be Scientists About Dating

If girls love to overdramatize the sins of the opposite sex, men love to overanalyze the reasons girls accept/reject them like girls are rats in a lab. My position is that men shouldn't try to be scientists and understand women like test subjects because it's just too large a sample size. Every woman will inevitably contradict every other woman in some way shape or form. Your understanding, no matter how detailed, will always be imperfect and flawed. Yes, some men understand women enough to manipulate them, but their understanding isn't from comparing them to previous women, it's more about understanding psychology, having talked to the specific woman and learned her unique weakenesses. Trying to be a scientist will just leave you with more questions than when you started because the data will seem to contradict itsel at every point.

Let's put this into real terms. You walked into a bar and a short guy walks up to a perfect 10 with lots of confidence and he pulls her from her boyfriend and they makeout. You see this and your scientific mind goes: ok, so women respond really well to confidence and maybe even better to short guys with confidence because it seems so amazing that they would be confident. This is how scientific knowledge works except there's too much variation in the species to say that this is true. Another woman may block such a man no matter what he does. Another could like the short guy but be turned off by his cockiness. You can at best notice a weak, but noticble trend about one specific "group" of women but even that is full of flaws.

I understand the desire to be a scientist about girls...it grants you an illusion of control. Oh, I know all about girls how they respond what they respond to and when and when i won't be rejected. A desire to have control is often a sign that you fear that you have no control. This is not true. You have control over yourself and over your actions and confidence even if you have none over the girl. The fact that you give a woman power to make you feel good or bad based on how she responds to you is why you feel powerless and this is what needs to be reveresed not her.

Yes, for those who have read The Game you can get to a point of social robot mastery where you can go if i do this she'll say that then if i do this she'll say that and on and on to sex, but more often than not as soon as she responds in a way you don't expect you'll be totally thrown off. What's more, there's nothing left of you in there when you give yourself up to a script.

All's I'm sayin' is you need to take off the Lab Coat, which I've certainly been guilty of on more than one occassion in the past. Yes, read books if you want, talk to guys who are successful with women, learn "The Game" as it were, but don't draw conclusions on all women from one woman. A theory I have is that because some men fear intimacy they resist saying oh this girl really likes flowers and deciding to then get her flowers they effectivily "skip" intimacy by saying oh this girl really likes flowers...all girls like flowers. I learned something new! Basically using the Lab Coat to avoid being a real person. This could be right or wrong, but it's food for thought regardless. Think about how the Lab Coat creates a distance between you and these women and think about what it would be like to stop creating judgements about all woman and rather actually see that woman standing in front of you, in a way, for the very first time, because now you're seeing her as different from every other woman on Earth.


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What Girls Said 8

  • No wonder men have gone mad. They are becoming mad scientist.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XxPUSGdmbYg

    I know that was lame. :P

    yeah the flower thing would end badly with some women. I know I'm one of them that aren't crazy about flowers and wouldn't know what to do with them.

    Best thing to do is pick one person you want to get to know and become like a detective. So just use deductive reasoning and observe them. Learn to know just that one person inside and out. When you do that it makes having a relationship with them feel effortless. :)

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  • Social science is one of those hard-to-control disciplines. The study of people is often not something easily manipulable, because people have or are believed to have free will. Oftentimes, the research setup must use deception in order to get unbiased results, and even then, there may be confounds. Only an experiment, as opposed to an observational study or case study, can determine the cause and effect of a relationship. Furthermore, if you are serious about a particular research study or interest, then you would consider ethics, such as the debriefing and trying to get your research approved by the IRB or some other legitimate equivalent organization in your country.

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  • If you make conclusions based on one observation you are a pretty bad scientist. The results of a scientific experiment should be reproducible under the same conditions. If you have enough sample data and you conduct an experiment and repeat it and end up with similar results each time, you can say you see a trend. But 1,5,20 women won't be enough for an experiment like that. besides these women need to have more in common than simply being a woman.
    I guess what I am trying to say is that men are not really being scientists they are just looking for an easy way to decipher women.

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    • no you aren't sure what you're talking about despite your apparent confidence that you know all. many men notice one thing about a woman like... I smiled at this girl a lot one time and she really liked it and told me later one of the things that got me a chance was she loved how friendly I was... then the guy smiles a lot at every girl he likes thinking that will creat the same reponse.

      you're trying to get technical with the definition but it's basically drawing conclusions based on what a guy perceives as enough data that I'm saying don't do. don't be difficult

    • Well, my apparent confidence about scientific experiments is rooted in having spent a lot of time conducting scientific experiments in labs, analyzing data and writing reports. As someone who has already written a thesis and many many reports I am qualified enough to point out errors in an experiment. But essentially you are saying the same.

    • Very good experiment professor

  • (smiling)
    Yes, every PERSON IS an individual. Treat them as such... the end.

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  • Great opinion:) I never thought of it that way but it makes a lot of sense.

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  • This was the most refreshing read I've read in a long time in regards to relationships between the sexes. I've read so much dribble on GaG from both sexes, but yes, more frequently from men blaming women for rejecting them. One guy even told me essentially that just because a guy has flirted or attempted to ask me out, I should accept no matter what as if I have no standards at all. I'm the first one to admit that it must be extremely difficult to be a guy and in this culture anyway, have to be the one to initiate and be possibly rejected, etc., but that doesn't give anyone the right to demand that we have to just accept you b/c you asked. Everyone, man and woman, have standards and things they look for and just because 10 people reject you, doesn't mean there is something that is wrong with you. It's just easier to think that way or blame someone else because in that way you imagine you're taking back control. Person A had to have rejected me because there is something wrong with her, when there may be absolutely nothing wrong with either of you, just someone's personal choice as to whether they want to go out with you or not. Both sexes need to put away the love books, and the advice charts, and the scientific analysis and just try to be normal human beings looking for the right fit.

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  • They can't relate to women

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  • I love this.

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What Guys Said 17

  • "too large a sample size"
    Imagine if they said that about every thing that took time and effort to understand. We wouldn't have gotten far that way.

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  • It's difficult to apply logic and reason to emotions. And there is no right or wrong way to feel something, a feeling is an automated response our minds give us in certain situations.
    I think the lab coat theory could be true for some, especially for the younger guys as a form of social adaptation. In the end most men grow out of wanting to play the game and look to settle down. But like many other facets of male and female relationships, they're usually misaligned. So good verbal communication is the ultimate way to transcode the wants and needs of the heart.

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  • Science solves all problems. I'm sure there's a physics formula that can attract any woman, us men just have to find it.

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  • I'm a man and
    I don't want to research dates.

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  • Here we go with another user wanting to play expert and I know science by using vague statistical terms. There is a lot more to scientific testing and hypotheses. I'd suggest you'd use the proper terms of analyzing, making judgments instead of using math to try to validate your argument.

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    • lol you and the two girls who invited this need to chill and stop trying to be impressive you just look like a dork

    • It's called knowing what I'm talking about not being a dork. Clearly you don't otherwise you wouldn't resort to name calling. This take is based on ignorance.

  • I don't agree with you. Women are easy to manipulate not just a particular woman some guys like one of my buddies tricks girls into dating or relationships has sex with them and leaves. It works on a lot of girls he's done it too. That's just one example of manipulation.

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  • "The fact that you give a woman power to make you feel good or bad based on how she responds to you is why you feel powerless and this is what needs to be reveresed not her."

    "actually see that woman standing in front of you, in a way, for the very first time, because now you're seeing her as different from every other woman on Earth. "

    So you're saying that if she's pretty, I should get to know her by asking her questions? I usually run out of things to say other than how was your day, and then i feel like the rest are too personal like are you in school or working, do you like this restaurant. Hmmm... I'm going to ask a question!

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    • well, that's a pretty good point to bring up and I'll glad you did. A lot of people have theories on mind blankness why it happens and what to do... for me it's because you are considering the outcome and you want something achieved. You want to be able to say something and get some kind of reaction which is why "pick up lines" are still used somewhat.

      What I do is basically try to have as much fun as I can when talking to a girl. It's not the ideal which would be to just talk to her like a normal person, but if you still get a little nervous when talking to a really pretty girl or, like me, always have sex on your mind then consciously asking yourself--am I having fun am i making myself laugh? is a good way to bring out your own fun side.

  • after spend time on this site, I would say that both genders do this not just men

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    • yeah? you could be right. i never see guys go: every man is different, ladies! But now that i think about it girls do make assumptions on here sometimes.

  • Cause men are logical and straight forward, we try to make logic reasons for thing. At least I am. Women are not. Not all but a majority aren't. Women act different then men. It is difficult for women and men to interact, let alone have a relationship. Now I'm not saying women are inferior or anything like that, they'res just a difference. But that difference can be a beautiful thing when a man and woman fall in love and have a successful relationship.

    I'm guilty of the scientific type behavior. I'm not the type of guy trying to figure out how to be very successful getting girls in bed with me or anything like that. Thing is I wanna be the best boyfriend I can be to whoever I date. I want a successful relationship in my life with the right girl of course. And I am a good guy with really great intentions. But thing is I don't fully know how to act around girls. I've gotten better so I've been studying for years. It's always the aspect of should I talk to everyday or once a week? I go from acting too distant and hard to get to too desperate without giving enough space. I never get this right and people either get bored with me or feel like I have too much of presence to people feeling like I'm not really interested. There is also the aspect of when women get angry or upset. There's been instances where I've done nothing wrong yet I've been assumed to do something wrong and she's mad! Then with most women, when you try to ask what's wrong, they deny anything is wrong when there is. Then you have no clue what is wrong and are helpless! Sometimes it dosent have to do with you and they won't talk about it. So what are you supposed to do when a women is upset and is basically acting like she wants you to go away? Do you comfort her or do you walk away and leave her alone and give her space? I never know what to do in these situations. A woman will act one way and if a guy acts in his usual logical way in reaction to it , it's usually the wrong way and he either dosent care or is an asshole, etc! Lol. ...

    So I'm not bashing females in anyway here. I love and respect the women I talk to and see them as equals. It's just that some of us males don't understand females and we are trying hard to understand them. And the frustration of not knowing how to always act around them.

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  • Surely, under any estimation, where people are unpredictable its obvious one cannot make clear assumptions about women as a whole, women usually end up in situations that contradict what they initially wanted; especially those that do with circumstances and personal outlook.

    For example, when a woman is ready for a new relationship, she might be transitioning to a different understanding of confidence or might not even want to do any of it. Remember this is one variable among thousands others roaming her mind. Of which conviction could be bigger than confidence. For instance, women by their devotion and circumstances find men on a dating site could the be seeking confidence? But someone there through thick and thin.

    So I had say ask the woman what she really wants from your friendship and beyond, and from there your confidence and other traits will correspond to what she needs. This explains fundamentally why people fail to sustain relationships. @oddwaffle

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  • Would be great we just opened up and just treated each other as people instead of marks. Would also be great if opening yourself up didn't lead to getting abused and getting your heart stomped on.

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  • Here is how i would call it at least for the gender norms. Guys tend to be left or right brained about it, Logically or emotionally. So from the idealized practical thinking and how dating currently is for men. Send a ton of low quality messages to prob due to how many girls tend not to give the effort to read through *Not all*

    Females have a stronger connection between the two in normally allowing them to see it through a more emotional lens.

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  • If you have too much variations then you sample size is too small and your hypothesis is not correct. You need to add in proper variables and enough of them so your error rate would be random instead of containing hidden variables. Otherwise, narrow down your sample size by eliminating certain variables (like focus on single women age between 20-30).

    There is no such thing as too large of a sample because your sample will rapidly strink once you have to eliminate same variables.

    Science is extremely powerful. It can tell you if a person will buy that particular item or not. Not only that, it can make the person buy that item subconsciously. What people need to realize is science can give you a chance, a percentage but never a certainty. You can fail even with 99.5% confidence.

    For example, you have a better chance of getting Ms. beautiful if you are confident. That is true but that's not the only variable. Your dress, manners, looks, finance, intelligence, environment, achievements... etc all need to be in a certain range, not too high and not too low. Then there is the stuff outside of your variables like her confident, looks, mood... etc. Even then, you can still fail as your conversation evolves, changing your variables.

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    • Yh whats being said this sample is so big that every individual has their own outtake, it becomes different and pointless to ascertain and pointless even certain traits among men women really like and will result in a relationship. Evidence being that women are also dynamic 24/7choosing who is right for that hour. After all, how does one measure confidence --- out of 1 or 10.

    • @Tormentarian a big sample doesn't make things pointless because the biggest sample includes everyone on the planet. What happens is that you either get the wrong data or fail to analyze the data properly.

      People are really similar. They might think they are different but genetics is a powerful influence. For example, s

    • Ugh, wrong button.

      For example, we love sweets and fatty food. Of course we try our best to stay away from them but a lot of us fail.

  • Meh. Scripts are good enough for me.

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  • Yeah well women are fucking difficult. I've got degrees with distinctions and done pretty well in business but women... that's like... difficult shit. Far harder than business or anything else. Give them love, you desperate, give them cold shoulder, ur a dick, be sexual, you a pervert, be a nice guy, you friendshipzoned, be direct, you too pushy, be indirect, you too passive. Like wtf

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    • Just be you. It won't work with every woman but it will with the right one. Altering your behavior as above is game playing and most women can sniff it out pretty easy because a lot of men do this.

      We are surprised and often caught off guard when a guy is genuine. I distinctly remember my initial attraction to my boyfriend from our first date because if I asked a question I got an honest answer not a polished answer.

    • @sjoes006 yeah no. just be me is the worst advice ever... ever... ever. You know I would rather have the attraction skills of a rapist (seriously) than be me. At least some of those guys can lure a girl into that position to take advantage. Not that I admire or justify it, but it boggles my mind. If genuine puts you off guard, I would rather be non- genuine. Men unfortunately have to lie to a degree to get women. The honesty thing = being a. pussy, vulnerable, giving power to a the girl, non-masculine ergo non-attractive traits for women.

    • @sjoes006 I keep telling these guys the same thing, just be you. how you talk to me talk to her like that... but remember she could be the one carrying your baby for 9 months so don't say really dumb stuff, till you trust what you are creating

  • I don't agree with everything in this in regards to myself, but I do agree on the premise that if women tend to overdramatize the sins of the opposite sex, men (and I'm definitely guilty of this) tend to over-analyze the opposite sex. And a few others. I know I don't think all women will react a certain way because one or a few other women have acted that way, but I do tend to find out exactly how a specific girl reacts to a specific situation and if she ends up reacting differently than I expected, then back to the drawing board. The girl I'm talking too does call me out on this. I don't think my issue is the lack of control but rather I have an interest in pondering how she me react in a certain situation that deviates from how I know she would react. If I take my initial gut reaction to how I believe she would respond, 99% of the time that's how she responds. However, I get a thrill out of thinking "what if" she acted like this. I know deep down she wouldn't, but I can't help but ponder the what if scenario.

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    • And I don't do this with just girls.. I do this regardless of what the topic is. Like, maybe, if I throw this rock at this object what will happen. Initial gut reaction is what is most likely to happen. If it's a window, the rock goes through the window. But what if the rock doesn't have enough speed and mass to break through the window. What if the window is plexiglass and the rock bounces off of the window and hits a person that is walking by in the head which causes the person behind them to trip and fall into the street about to get run over by a car. Will I have enough time from where I'm standing to save that person?

  • Amen. I have been one of these scientists as well. Thanks for the advice.

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