Why I Think The Statement "I Don't Date A Certain Race" Is Actually Quite Racist, And Why I Think Women Are More Racist Than Men In Dating

I've noticed many people saying this, mostly on the internet but enough times I've heard it in real life as well to realize its nothing uncommon to feel this way about dating and racial preferences.

Now some of you think it is just that: "preferences" And yes I can totally understand that you like certain physical features and characterstics more and thus prefer some races more over others, in addition to the cultural differences. However if you outright exclude a whole race in dating, then that probably means you have some racist stereotypes associated with that race and it is not just about physical appearance. And racist sterotypes are heavily influenced by the media, movies and television.

I very much doubt that it can only be because of physical features since there is so much variation within every race as to how they can look, and most likely you haven't seen that many people of a certain minority to know how they all look like.

I dont know about you but if you have prejudiced thoughts about certain races, thoughts and assumptions that make them less attractive to you, then thats pretty much the same as being racist towards them regardless how you might want to reason out of it.

You are allowed to date anyone you want, but if the underlying reason why you refuse to date some races is about prejudice, then you might as well be honest with yourself and admit you are a bit racist.

Now i mostly see women of various races and ethnicites saying they dont date x or y race. I occassionally see some white guys do the same thing usually expressing a preference towards only white women or excluding black women, but rarely do any minority men have any strong preferences like this, mainly because men are not as influenced by media as women, and dont care about status, we are visual so when we see a physically attractive women we know it, regardless if the media tries to tell us something else is ideal.

In my experience, men are more racist towards men of other races, than women are racist towards women of other races (probably because of competition, and women dont have to compete as much as men since there are more men than women and women usually always have many guys chasing them).

But women are more racist towards men of other races, than men are racist towards women of other races. Quite simple since this means more options for men to go after all types of women, while women already have lots of options and are very hypergamous, so they will discriminate based on percieved status which is influenced a lot by a mans race. So the social conditioning in the west making white people seem like the ideal, heavily affects the desireability of minority men, lowering their value in the eyes of many women and this is what often leads to statements like the one in the title.

This is probably not something you haven't heard before, but i would like to see if some people here have an argument against what i have written that i haven't seen before (so far i haven't seen any argument that can refute what i have written here, but i am open to seeing other opinions)


Join the discussion



What Girls Said 22

  • I've dated white, Asian and black men. WOOP!

    • Congrats, now you're a good person

      Oh wait, that's nothing to be proud of. That's like saying "I always put the milk away. WOOP" lol

    • Show All
    • That's mine and MAX's point, you have no reason to validate yourself because the author and subsequent mouth breathers want to broad brush and call people racist when they really have no clue to what they are talking about much less even understand the concept.

  • the thing is that most, not all but most, people who have a preference, are actually not completely closed off to other races, but would prefer one.

    as u said, anyone who is completely closed off to a particular race is just downright racist, there's no doubt about that.
    As long as u keep an open heart and an open mind, everything is fine.

    • But if persons from a particular race don't have features (physical ) that you are attracted to? Does that mean you are racist?

    • Show All
    • @BangBadBxtches look alike lol

    • @ted22 What?

  • I agree, those people that hide behind the words "I have a preference" are covert racists.
    They just try to paint an acceptable picture for society so they don't seem that way, but in reality they are.
    When you find someone unattractive solely due to their phenotype , then that is racist. Usually those thoughts are followed with feeling as if there are better races than the one you choose not to date (a feeling of superiority).

  • I like what I like. I am open to whoever or whatever. But thats me! hahah!

  • In that case we need a breeding program

  • I'm half white but I won't really date white guys. I'm not racist to half of myself, I'm not racist to what is one of my parents race. I love both sides of me, i just don't find some skin tones attractive. I need to be attracted to date, and white skin doesn't do that for me, it's a bit of a turn off... Unless they're extremely tan or something, but even then, not so much. I'm not racist, just not attracted.

  • I think its just normal for people to be more comfortable with what they have grown up around. For instance I didn't grow up around black people, but our next door neighbors were Indian. I saw some very handsome, accomplished Indian men at their house. Consequently I like Indian guys.

    The main reason that I don't date outside of my race is that I'm well aware of the difficulties cultural issues can cause. It's not just how someone looks, it's their family, the kind of food that they eat, their activities, their expectations of you to act a certain way, etc. that can really cause conflict.

    It's true that love can conquer all, but it has to be a very strong love between two people who have similar personalities. When your emotional bond is really strong then you can face these other issues together, even bitterly disapproving parents.

    Most of the time, however, couples don't get to that point because the cultural issues get in the way first. Or, one person will go along for the sake of the other and end up resenting it because their identity has basically been stripped away.

    I think if they are both removed from their own cultures, like school, where everyone is on a common ground, it's easier. If I'm on a dating site, I most likely won't contact a guy who is Asian or black or even Indian, because we're already starting out in different contexts.

  • I absolutely love it when people make sweeping statements about an entire race or gender of people (this take) and then go on to accuse others of racism or sexism, or anything else.

    In order for someone to be racist, they have to act, say or do something that indicates that to be true. If someone says, "I've only ever dated white women,"... that is hardly racism. That's a true statement for them, if its true, and nothing more. I mean how the hell can that person be a racist if say they live in someplace like Montana which has something like a 98% white population? Are they racist because they've never seen or dated a minority? They probably have only ever dated white women because that's all they grew up and was available for them too date. Or what about a black guy in Africa... is he racist for never dating a white woman if he's only surrounded by other black people. But yeah, they are sooo racist for only dating their own race. If someone doesn't want to date me because of my skin color, so what? What am I going to do, force them to try and like me? Now I would have a problem if this person was saying racial slurs, or calling me inferior, but you date whomever the hell you want, same race, different race, whatever, and I'll date whomever I want.

    • jesus some of these replies are so incredibly stupid, to begin with, i never said someone is racist if they have only dated on race, i said that people who outright claim they dont want to date a certain race are racists. learn to read. And i said nothing about forcing anybody to do anything, you are allowed to have racists thoughts as long as it doesn't hurt someone physically, many people on this mytake are just getting butthurt of being called a racist, im not even trying to shame anyone, if you only want to date a certain race then go ahead, but the reality is that its likely to be some racist motivations behind this.

    • It's clear you are not getting it, because what is your solution to someone who doesn't want to date out of their race if you truly believe you can date anyone you want. Nothing, absolutely nothing. You can't do crap to force someone to like someone else, regardless of their race, so complaining and calling people racists, for not dating someone that you feel they should want to date is the most pointless argument in life. I mean, literally, what is the difference between someone who has only dated white people for example, but says they they don't care about race, and someone who says, they'll only date white women. Neither is going outside the box, but what does it ultimately matter. If you want to focus on the racists of the world, focus on the people doing racist things, spitting out harmful racist slurs, preventing certain groups from housing or jobs.

    • nope, its clear that you are the one who is not getting it. I never claimed to have a solution, i never said that people should change, if you where actually capable of reading, you would have noticed that i said people are free to do whatever they like, this mytake was specifically to point out that people who say things like that they would never date a certain race, most likely are being racist but try to justify it as something else because they cannot admit being racist since the word has such a negative connotation. people are not able to handle criticism simply and im pointing it out. It not illegal to have racist thoughts so go ahead, but dont think you are fooling anybody who is at least moderately intelligent (although unfortunately a good ammount of the people in this comment section seem to be below average intelligence)
      its not pointless, its a very relevant topic to modern dating.

  • I only date white men... I am not racist, just my preference.

  • Based on the video the results it seems to vary and the men are just as picky as women when it comes to race. White women and black women in particular were the least two sought after groups despite the fact that black women were the LEAST pickiest group. There seems to be a connection between which group is most sought after and how picky the group is like with Asian women and with the exception of white women (dang we suck). I think it is wrong to say you only date certain race but it is not racism rather prejudice and attractiveness that mostly influences this. Prejudice may influence what race people find attractive especial if they are looking for a long term partner. However, I don't think people can change who they find sexually attractive. It is also very prejudice to say women are racist than men especially considering that it contradicts the data. It is especially hypocritical considering the fact that black women were the least prejudice than any other group.

  • You assume that anyone who does not prefer a group with certain similar physical features is a racist, which is a person who believes in the superiority of one race over others and discriminates and abuses people based on that belief.

    That isn't reasoning, that is called nonsense.

    -People are not attracted to groups of people. People are attracted to individuals.

    -we don't prefer a mate based on race we prefer based on beauty, our expectations of femininity and masculinity, and compatibility/attachment/similarity.

    assuming that if we don't like this certain group we are racist is nonsense. we aren't attracted to groups, and the reason any of us doesn't prefer a group is only because the individual that we prefer happens to be in another group, when in that same group there are millions we don't prefer. We are not preferring a group we are preferring an individual.

    The reason we may prefer more individuals of 'group x' than of 'group y' is for our personal beauty expectations, expectations of feminine and masculine traits, and compatibility and similarities that are related to our personalities and cultures.

    • That is racist, but I would expect no less from a person with Hitler in their username.

    • No, what you wrote is nonsense, you where to stupid to read what i wrote. Im referring to people who claim they dont find a certain race attractive and that they would never that a person from that race. If you make a statement like that, then you are not seeing people as individuals, because you are already writing off every individual from that race.

      Hope you learned something.

  • I would date someone of another race if they were really nice and they asked me out. I wouldn't pursue someone, however, because I would feel like they would not want me. If that makes sense.

  • I'm open minded when it comes to my taste in men. I've dated black, latina and white men. I do prefer white men but that isn't because I'm racist. It's just I'm more attracted to white men then other races.

  • I've dated black men before and those experiences keep me from doing so anymore. I've dated a couple hood types who lived up to the stereotype exactly and also educated, wealthier black men. The thing about the latter is that they are still heavily influenced by black media and, regardless of the fact they grew up well off, still act out hood stereotypes especially when with friends. It's just too much for me. "Nigga" gets old fast.

    • And for the record my preference has nothing to do with physical features, I find many black men attractive, it is their collective attitudes that turn me off.

    • Show All
    • @BangBadBxtches I said DATED as in past tense as in not any more. I assumed it was the hood upbringing that made them act the way they did until I tried dating black men from "good" families. Still the same attitude. Still a turnoff.

  • having a racial preference is not excluding. and hardly anyone who has a racial preference excludes.
    I've only ever daten white guys.
    would i date a black dude or hispnic dude? sure
    but im more into white guys

    • I also disagree that physically race means nothing. In most cases in my opinion people of one race look quite similar.

      Also I date not my race because I think its more racist to date inside your race than way out of it.

    • Show All
    • @BangBadBxtches
      Well that's a matter of opinion. Ain't it.
      Not everyone sees the same way.
      And some people do look extremely similar

    • I already know that. I specifically mentioned people who claim that they will not date a person of a certain race. Because there are many people out there who do exclude groups and make such statements. Nowhere did i say that having a racial preference is bad or anywhere near the same thing as excluding a race.

  • I think most people who say that just haven't traveled or googled around much and base their opinions on the small to non-existent group of minorities in their cities or news reports if they even watch the news.

    > In my experience, men are more racist towards men of other races, than women are racist towards women of other races (probably because of competition, and women dont have to compete as much as men since there are more men than women and women usually always have many guys chasing them).

    In my experience, women are more competitive than men in the dating world. There are only so many boyfriend/husband material men in the city who are the same age or older (let's face reality, most men prefer younger women). Men tell themselves there is always a new batch of barely legal women next year to select from.
    If we all are as hypergamous as you say, race wouldn't matter to us, but his bank account and how many degrees he's collected.

    • Women are less competitive than men when it comes to dating simply because vast majority of women will have plenty more dating options compared to vast majority of men.

      And hypergamy is real and race does factor into it as well. Because races are viewed as having different value (socioeconomic value) due to stereotypes and the fact that white people have privileges due to colonization. Media representation paints some races as inferior in value and less attractive. But regardless of race you can in fact compensate that with having lots of money and fame, education etc, which is why you see so many ugly guys regardless of race having trophy wifes that are usually white.

  • I agree and disagree , you see more women dating outside their ethnicity than you do men. Especially white women who are known to date outside, marry and have children with non white men specifically black men. hence the amount of biracial children we have today. Men however minus black men don't really racecourse there ethnicity. Hispanic men generally date Hispanic women due to cultural reasons, it can't be race because Hispanic isn't a racial group.

    • This is wrong, men are actually more likely to be open to date other races. It is far more common for white men to date Asian women compared to white women dating black men for example, in places where all of these racial groups co-inhabit in large numbers.

  • I really love your article! You wrote it very well! I have sadly done this myself before and I did realize it was wrong.. but the truth is I think I will date anyone as long as I love their personality :) their race should not matter. I think we can find people attractive from any type of race. Yes, I'm not going to lie some people do have a type.. some woman when they see a caucasian male, blonde hair, and rock hard abs are going to look his way no matter what lol... thats just the plain and honest truth.. but people do miss out when they exclude people they'd otherwise date just because they are of a different race or not a race they are used to... It's like when people judge other people for other reasons that aren't valid.. people can miss out :) on something they could learn or experience

  • Make sense that we women are more SELECTIVE than men. It is just the way we are wired, get it? I am in CA and I see women and men dating different races. Actually I see white guys that are crazy for Asian women. This was a surprise to me because where I come from, Asian are not hot at all. I like all races, I was crazy for Spanish, then AA and now I am back to white which is the race I liked when I was growing up. I am white Spanish girl. south American, european descendent.

  • well it is racist to be technical. its just that becuz this affects the individual finding attraction the most out of anyone, its individual impact isn't as significant. no one can force an individual how to prefer u know? environment and experience can broaden tastes tho. on a grand scale, it can certainly impact people tho, especially the people who are less preferred for their race. tbh tho, i think this is to be expected as we shift from a blatantly racist history to a multicultural nation.

    i do agree its mostly women and white men who say this. I've noticed the trend too. minority men do it too tho, mainly just for white women. it manifests in strange ways sometimes tho. example, whenever there are questions about nipple color... majority of the men will prefer pink nipples. well its usually only white women who have that.

    my preference in dating has nothing to do with physical features or racial features cuz i find them all attractive but more about cultural compatibility. if a person of a different race was into my culture, he's the same to me as men from my own culture kinda thing. would u consider that racist out of curiosity?

  • More from Girls

What Guys Said 38

  • A lot of white women love black men, but then you make a good point about women being more racist because you don't often see women being as open to dating other races, so yeah it could be true.

    However, I'm not sure I'd say women have lots of options as men are more desirable on a global scale, particularly western men, whereas western women are not as sought after by foreign men.

  • See that's what is, racism stops as a social evil when everyone has equal rights. You cannot call person a racist based on their preferences. That's a freedom. Women are always more selective than men, a few have them even have outrageous preferences.
    Most women like tall men, what can the short men do? Hold the women responsible? Hold the tall guys responsibile? No man. Its just the way it is. Its a preference. No need to make it racist.

  • It's funny that the vast majority of people who complain about the "racism" in picking what races you will date seem to mainly be the losers who hate dating their own race and wish they could date inter racially easier.

    And I would ask anyone with common sense who agrees with the poster--when you are dating, you are literally searching for a mate, which leads to sex, which often leads to offspring. How on earth is it wrong if a person specifically does not want to have sex with a certain race?

    Are you saying you have the moral right to tell people they cannot choose who they date? Who died and made you the emperor that we need to assassinate to secure freedom?

    • And to be clear for any people, when you are mate shopping, you are literally picking half of your offsprings genes. A white guy or white girl (and THAT is what this topic is about, how whites should date out more) has every right to choose their mate based on their own criteria. I have the right to discriminate based on race. And height. And IQ. And character. And livelihood.

      People like this poster are basically griping that white men and white women have a duty to mate with other races. That's literally what it comes down too-have you ever seen a white girl complain she can't get a date with a black guy, or indian guy, for instance? No.

    • You missed the point completely about this take. It was not to pursuade anyone to change their preference because obviously a simple text written by an anonymous user on the internet is not going to affect someones preferences, only real life experience and media representation is going to be able to change someones preferences and sometimes even that won't work for some people. I clearly mentioned that it is okey to prefer some physical features over others, and if you desperately want a "pure" race child then i dont have an issue with it. I have an issue with people trying to convince themselves that they aren't racist if they claim to find an entire race/ethnicity as unattractive, which if you could actually read properly you would have noticed. And once again this is not about white people, as i mentioned, women of all races tend to be more likely to avoid certain races, but less likely to exclude white men, and for obvious reasons, the western media.

    • what is your skin color

  • It's funny how you try to make other races besides white men all innocent... That's such bullshit.
    Nonwhite men are the biggest racial fetishist out there, They disrespect and step on their own women all the time. And like you are doing here, They try to brainwash and manipulate white women. It's pathetic lol

    • The funny thing is, you supposedly read the whole take and only decided to comment on that small part where i mentioned i had noticed mainly white men excluding minority women. Its just anecdotal, and you also failed yet again to realize that this was not about white people, all kinds of women are affected by this brainwashing of the media. You must be quite dense to miss the overall point of the take and only focus on that little tidbit, like i hit a nerve or something.

    • I can't speak for other races, But it is not a violation of your civil rights if a woman from another race would rather date her own race.
      It's an affront to nature itself to suggest people shouldn't date their own.

  • I say those gals are racist, because on the guy's race alone,

    and not the content of his character or the culture (s) he is a part of and associates with,

    disqualifies him.


    That shit racist as fuck.

    • However, not finding a person of XYZ race/ethnicity physically attractive isn't racist. Attraction can't be helped.

  • why do people even give a fuck?

    *not pointing at you OP*

  • Any one that say it's not racist is deluded. Since when was discriminating by race not racist?

  • I've only ever dated white women and they're all I'll ever date.

  • I have yet to meet a black or latina female who remotely can hold an intelligent conversation.

    For this reason I stick to brown (asian/arab), white or Asian girls.

  • Well if excluding one specific group makes me racist, then I guess I'm a racist against women with pixie cuts, obese women, annoying vegans and women who wear flip-flops all the time.

    Completely excluding something solely for aesthetic reasons is never racist. You would never call me a racist for refusing to ever date a woman with facial hair or a woman with terrible hair.

    • all individuals of a certain race do not look the same, in fact they can look extremely different from one another, i have a hard time believing anyone is so picky that they find small traits like for example east Asian type eyes to be enough to make all of them attractive, especially since all east Asians dont even have those kinds of eyes.

      your examples are not comparable.

  • Pfffffffffffffff...

    There's a difference between the racist "I don't date a certain race" and the PREFERENCE "I tend to date white or black or hispanic, etc..."

    Get. It. Right.

    • did you even read the mytake? i clearly mentioned that having a preference is okey and normal, but if you specifically avoid a whole race and are against dating them then thats a whole different thing.

  • in my opinion, if you don't date a certain race because it doesn't turn you on, then that's fine.
    Any other reason is just stupid.

  • I am a white male that has dated black women. With that said, you and everyone who thinks like you are liberal idiots. You throw around the word racist far too often. I am not even really sure that you know what it actually means. Applying it to situations like this has really made the word lose a lot of its impact.

    The real reason that everyone primary dates within their own race is that people are more attracted to others that resemble themselves. In other words, the more similar someone is to you, the more you'll be attracted to that person. Now that you know that, do you understand why people tend to primary date within their own race?

  • Of course, women are far more racist than men...

  • A majority of women prefer white men anyway.

    I'm a black guy:

    -I have my degree
    -I have a career
    -I often wear suits and dress nice
    -I take care of myself and workout
    -I am not ghetto at all
    -I have been told I look like a model

    YET... the only type of women that seem to like me are hoodrats or bbw women, which aren't my type at all.

    Recently... I have noticed that a lot of black women want white guys... not just want them... THEY CRAAAAVVVVEEE a white guy.

    I am not sure why this is. It seems like the only time black men get good looking women of all different races is when they are famous.

  • Racial preference is one thing, racial exclusion is another.

    I believe people who practice racial exclusion, does so for 2 main reasons. The first reason like you stated is because they link Race (or common racial features) and Status together.

    The second reason is because of the mental prototypes that we all have of each race. I believe we all have some sort of mental prototype of each group. For example when the word "White Man" or "Black Woman" is mention, our mind instantly creates a model of what we believe to be the typical "White man" or "Black woman". When a person makes the claim, "I only date white woman" I believe this is because when this person thinks of a white woman, they instantly imagine all the beautiful white women they have seen throughout their life and they use the images of those beautiful white woman as their prototype of "The White Woman".

    However when they make the claim "I will never date a Black Woman", I believe this is because their prototype of the typical black female, is probably that of an overweight, ghetto, loud woman who wears red weaves in her hair and is on food stamps.

    When a person say they "find only white woman the most attractive" they are thinking of this...

    <a target="_blank" class="media-link" href="http://www. thewrap. com/wp-content/uimg.photobucket.com/.../American_Werew<a target="_blank" class="media-link" href="https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/72/73/e8/7273e85i436. photobucket. com/.../... ion_nov05_maxim0-1. jpg. jpgat/American_Werewolf. jpg

    When a person say they "find all black women to be unattractive" they are thinking of this...
    https://s-media-cache-ak0. pinimg. com/736x/72/73/e8/7273e855e5fab0d2664d420e39490c46. jpg

    Not this
    http://i436. photobucket. com/albums/qq89/animaltested2/653_gabrielle_union_nov05_maxim0-1. jpg

    • What is going on with this site and uploading pictures.

      Also this site need to invest in a damn Edit feature. :(

    • oh lawd Gabrielle Union! ;-)

  • It Is Not Racist To Be Attracted To A Certain Race And Or Unattracted To A Certain Race.
    Everyone Is Entitled To Be Attracted Their Race Prefrence Without Being Called A Racist.
    You're Not Saying You Hate Or Dislike Them Due To Their Race, You're Just Not Attracted To Them.

  • I guess I have to go out and date someone from a race I personally don't find attractive, so I'm not called a ''Racist.''


  • I'm from a white southern town. Where if I brought home a black girl they'd freak but that wi t stop me if I love you I love you and want my family to meet you

  • Basically:

    >White women usually don't give a fuck what color you are
    >Black women usually like black dudes over white dudes
    >White men hate black men because inferiority complex
    >Black men hate white men because they shoot at them for no reason
    >Asian women and men dont care
    >Mexicans prefer other Mexicans but will take what they can get
    >Arabs are monocultural as fuck and most races hate them

    Just summed up race relations right there

    • I must not be Mexican then.
      I definitely do NOT prefer other mexicans

    • @LilWeezey Really? I'm in CT, there aren't many Hispanics here and the ones that are kinda stick together. I was just generalizing based on my own observations

    • Yea.
      I dont date my own.
      One of the reasons being at least where I am [Chicago] Mexicans are very stick to your own and kinda racist.

      I love interracial relationships especially romantic ones. So I refuse to date my own.

  • More from Guys