Why I Don't Date, Anymore

Why I Don't Date, Anymore

People are generally pretty surprised to here me say this, but it's not like it's my first time saying this. I just don't want to date. I don't! Too much work for a measly return. For those who stuck around for years, that really is some dedication, I hope it's better than anything I can find. Really, I mean that!😊 But, as for me, I think I'll pass, and here's why:

1.) I have my own problems

I struggle with all the WONDERFUL things a life with Aspergers Syndrome has to offer, like impaired social skills, anxiety, depression, anger, those sorts of things. I can't concentrate on a girlfiend with all this chaos in my life, already.

2.) I haven't assembled my life, yet

I haven't started a career, I don't have my own place, I don't have anything put together, right now. Can you imagine how embarassing it would be to date someone, as a male, and not have this "adult" mantra about you? Some probably can't, but I'm not going to make this über-lengthy, so they can understand.

3.) I'm sick of playing guessing games

I'm not about to piss away my life trying to figure out if she's interested or trying to mess with me. I don't have the time, patience, or energy to deal with it. Either you do or don't like me, don't bat me around like a toy.

4.) The dating pool, for me, is small and shallow...if it's even there

Unlike my fit, handsome, and outgoing counterparts, I'm left with women who I find unattractive or have bad personalities or both, if there's even anyone left. The odds of someone with an Autism Spectrum Disorder finding love is pretty slim, considering it's a disability and certain girls wouldn't be caught dead dating someone with one. Most want someone with superior genes, anyway. It's a sort of instinct thing, Darwinism, so to speak. In a way, my love life is like Schrödinger's cat. So, for me, it's either date weirdos(in a bad way) or stay single. I'll just stay single, thanks!

4.) In the end, bombardments of meaningless clichés are futile

If you feel the need to bombard me with meaningless clichés, go ahead. But, be forewarned, to me, they're just words, words you've probably stolen from a fortune cookie. That doesn't take the pain away. It doesn't encourage me to dust myself off and get back in the dating pool(not to mention a bigger one). Every time someone pitches me a line, I feel like doing this:

Your argument is called "deepity", a bunch of meaningless gobbledygook that is intended to make you look like a guru, or whatever. In point of fact, you end up sounding like a jackass. Say what Ed from Shaun of the Dead said," It's not the end of the world."

It really isn't! Plus, I kinda like being alone. I can gather my thoughts without someone trying to strike up a conversation. Or have some stranger make a situation awkward by those very means.

I find dating, or attempting to find a date, to be a monotonous and fruitless endeavor, because of this. Why I even talk about it anymore is an enigma, to be honest. I guess because I'm trying to make sense of my situation, or something. Long story short, I think dating is too difficult for the pay off. Now, if you'll excuse me, time to jam to some music!😎💿🔊🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶


4|4
10|18

Join the discussion

0/2500

Submit

What Girls Said 10

  • Dating is pointless.
    Be single or be in a relationship I say... Anything in between is idiotic.

    1|2
    0|0
  • live single life)

    0|0
    0|0
  • Ditto sir!

    0|0
    0|0
  • This is profound and I applaud your maturity

    0|0
    0|0
  • My last boyfriend had ADHD and I have mental health issues myself. After being dumped and heart broken I have been single and celibate for a year now. I have been focusing on other things like my health, work, studying, friendships. I find it difficult to open up to people emotionally and am naturally introverted. I do miss sex sometimes but it's probably easier for a girl.

    4|1
    0|0
  • Omg i totally agree

    0|0
    0|0
  • I never dated when I was your age. In fact I never dated because I just found the concept ridiculous. Everyone just kept breaking up and going to so much trouble.
    My boyfriend was my lab partner and classmate for a few years. We went from being classmates/friends to being a couple in one evening. No dating whatsoever 😂. He was just the right person I guess.

    0|2
    0|0
  • dating is so overrated. Single life is best life

    3|4
    0|0
  • It can be hard for people with ASD to relate to people on an emotional level. It's good that you're doing something that you think will be better for you in the long run. If you end up meeting someone eventually, great. If you don't, also great. Good luck.

    2|0
    0|0
    • Cutting your losses is only good for business.

    • Show All
    • @TaylorWD he will when he's ready. He's not ready yet.

      Sorry that we got our wires crossed. There's this idea that persistence will eventually win any particular person over, and that is so incredibly false.

    • @TaylorWD Don't need to be a dick waffle, jeez. She wasn't sure what you meant. You're being pretty vague.

  • I don't think you need to justify not dating to anyone, but thanks for putting yourself out there! I understand where you are coming from in that it makes sense and I respect your decision :)

    0|1
    0|0

What Guys Said 18

  • On the one hand I definitely agree with you and get where you're coming from. I too tend to think dating is just kind of dumb. If I want a real relationship with a girl, I want to start out as us actually being friends, then we'll see if we can move from there into more romantic feelings.

    I understand your preoccupations, but don't dismiss a relationship altogether. It's good to let yourself have the time you need, but don't cancel out a future with a girl entirely.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Totally agree with 3 and 4. I don't really date either.

    0|0
    0|0
  • you are handsome though sorry about the ASD

    0|0
    0|0
  • If I can tell you one thing, it would be to tread lightly on online dating. If you aren't careful, the scene can get weird, QUICKLY. This is, of course, in the hypothetical scenario of you changing your mind.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I have chronic anxiety and I found the love of my life... through online dating. It's how you position yourself.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I agree with your 3 and 4. I have mild ADD (under control without meds), and constantly struggle with social skills. I can make new friends all day and night, but getting a date is nigh impossible. Even with ok Cupid and tinder. I couldn't give up though, being alone blows.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I wonder if you believe this yourself or not.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Dude, you are right on target. Your #2 is what a lot of guys need to figure out before they get out there and try and snag up a girlfriend. It never fails that most of the guys that whine and complain about how they are lonely without a girlfriend are the ones that are still living with mom and dad, slacking off being lazy and don’t have any goals or plans for their life. I tell anyone that they need to just focus on themselves, do the things they love and just live life and be happy. If it’s meant to be the right person will come around. If they don’t it shouldn’t be a big deal. When I was your age, I spent a lot more time then I should have chasing women instead of focusing on me and finding out who I was. Keep doing what your doing, more people your age need to wake up and smell the coffee like you have when it comes to dating.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I can relate to all of this cause I myself have aspergers with all the side things you mentioned

    0|0
    0|0
  • Dating is overrated. I agree. And I concentrate more on my career and my hobbies.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Not dating is fine, bit your some reasons are stupid. You look like a handsome young man, you can work on your social skills, take meds for anxiety, etc. The rest of the reasons are fine

    Personally, I don't date either, not because of the reasons you mentioned, but I have been rejected in the past, it was my fault. I didn't know when to stop. I didn't give up even when i knew it wasn't gonna end well. And stupidly invested all my feels into it like a drunk gambler. No wonder I got hurt pretty bad, got sidelined into depression , anxiety, insomnia. Barely got over it, working on myself now, and am in pretty much good shape now.

    But i still dont date, the only way I enter into a relationship is when it is too obvious the girl likes you or when a girl confesses (which rarely happens right?) You too should work on yourself, I am sure you'd do pretty well.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Are you sure you kinda like being alone? The fact that you spent all this time trying to tell everyone why you don't want to date is a cry for help rather than a proud declaration of not wanting to date. If you are content to be single, there is no need to explain yourself.

    I suspect you are trying to convince yourself you are happy being single and not dating, but you actually want someone around. But regardless, it's not the end of the world.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Any man would be better off avoiding western women.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Mhmm here's the thing. Yes, people with Asperger Syndrome are socially inept, HOWEVER, we are great at learning things that involve order and patterns (computers, mathematics, etc.)

    I was diagnosed with Asperger Disorder when I was young. Initially I did not want to date, however I was forced to when I ran into a Cluster B woman. Since then... I have picked up on all the patterns associated with dating and women in general. I now date at least once a month, have hundreds of Tinder matches, have had girlfriends in the past, etc. I may have outgrown some features of AS though. What I am trying to say is that AS is not necessarily a bad thing...

    1|0
    0|0
    • By and large, he isn't saying it's bad. He's tired of the struggles.

  • Sometimes I feel like this, girls are just too confusing, I'm confused and I have no social life, I meet people at school, then I go home, and draw, read, waste time here, build huge things wit way too many LEGOs. Then I go back to school. :-)
    I know how you feel, but I'll just say: It's not the end of the world... ;-)

    0|0
    0|0
  • Dude, why are you giving up vagina lol. I know lts of guys who dont have their shit together and have a girlfriend. I have friends who aren't attractive dating girls. Having aspergers is something you were born with, you can't fault yourself for that. Look, we are all born a hand of cards, we have to play those cards as well as we can. Play the hand your dealt. Are girls going to break your heart, yes of coarse, but thats just life. Get out their and get a girl bro.

    0|1
    0|0
  • 1. Most people have problems of their own yet continue to date anyways. That being said, I can't say I understand asperger's syndrome so you may feel justified in saying that.

    2. I can relate to this point. Also, I find that picture hilarious for some reason.

    3. You could try to have some fun with it. Dating tends to be a losing game so at least get something out of it and enjoy yourself.

    4. I don't know about small and shallow but I think the dating pool is volatile - people are always entering and exiting relationships like fast food joints.

    4. This should be 5

    0|0
    0|0
  • The World's End. Great movie. I also liked "If you're never sober, how can you tell when you're drunk?"

    In any case, women pretty much have their pick of the lot in their 20s. Well, semi-average/attractive women have their pick. If you establish yourself well, by the time you're 30, you'll have a better pick. The way I see it, women, in the 20s, have a tremendous amount of power in the dating field. When guys get to the 30s, they get a bit more of the power back.

    And you could also spend the time working on counterbalancing your Aspergers symptoms. I dated a chick who had Aspergers; you can train yourself to recognize facial expressions--if that's an issue--and sarcasm. And also on what not to say in social groups. She would say pretty insulting things without the recognition that she was insulting my friends, then they all hated her. >.>; Really, practice makes perfect for anyone in a social context. If you socialize more and more, while attempting to learn. And in any case, a high intelligence is pretty typical of people with Aspergers, no?

    Though, another of my gfs had a little brother who had pretty severe Aspergers. She said he was basically regressing. So I guess it depends on the severity, but given you can write this I'm guessing it's not that bad?

    Then there's also the concept that the least self-conscious person does the best socially.

    In any case, from your take, I presume you're basically like "There aren't any good ones available, so fuck it." In which case, you aren't outwardly denying that if a good chick showed up, you would go for it?

    But, sounds like a good perspective to me. There's no rule saying that everyone has to be constantly pursuing. Besides, it really does eat up a lot of time (and money). God forbid you get someone preggers too early or pick up an STD from a girl who either didn't know she had one or didn't care.

    If you ask me, there are indeed more benefits to not pursuing a relationship than pursuing one. I actually think it's better to never find love rather than having it and losing it. It's really roller coaster-y.

    In any case, www.reactiongifs.com/.../thumbs_up_cat.gif

    1|0
    0|0
Loading...