To Everyone: Stop Looking for Love!

Today, I would like to announce something that I think everyone needs to hear...

Stop looking for love.

Stop. Just stop. Stop trying to get that cute guy's attention. He probably isn't even aware you exist. And don't ask out the girl you sit next to in chemistry class just because she happens to be pretty. Pretty does not equal quality. Stop coming onto this website and posting sob stories about how you were rejected by a girl, or how the guy you like doesn't like you back.

Why? Because it doesn't matter. Why doesn't it matter? Because looking too hard won't get you anywhere.

One underlying problem is this: we humans often mistake lust for genuine feelings. Sure, he might be muscular. And yeah, maybe she does look great in a bikini. But sex won't get you very far. Your relationship will be too rushed, and you won't have time to get to know each other properly.

Another problem is that we're desperate to have someone love us, and so we girls decide to crush on one guy after another, and guys decide to pursue one girl after another in the hopes that eventually, something will work out.

The problem with these problems is that they're going to cause unnecessary stress. If you base your relationship on sex, one person will most likely catch real feelings, while the other can't return them. If you try too hard to get the attention of the opposite sex, you'll only be frustrated when things don't go your way, and you'll start to obsess over the fact that you're single. Believe me, I've seen some pretty obsessive people from both genders on here.

Life isn't a movie, and someone's heart isn't a prize. You can't win it.

This brings me to my main point...

Love will happen if you let it find you.

Little do you know, your best guy friend could like you as more than a friend. One of your female friends might see everything she wants in a guy in you. Look for the signs. And if someone who knows you beyond surface level really, genuinely likes you, and you think they're cool, give them a chance. He might not have a six-pack, and she might not be a model, but in the end, personality is what counts. It might work out to move from friends to romantic partners, or it might not. And if it doesn't, go back to being friends. Another opportunity will arise soon. Maybe your best friend's brother really likes you. Or maybe the girl you sit next to in class -- and talk to from time-to-time -- finds you interesting.

I used to look for love. And then one day, a guy walked into my life. After a few months, I fell in love. He initially wasn't the ideal guy I was looking for, but he became everything I wanted and more.

So please, don't look for love. Don't set standards, and then strictly adhere to them. Don't try too hard. What is meant to be, will be. Love will find you. You just need to keep your eyes open. If you don't, you'll miss what's already right in front of you.


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What Guys Said 15

  • 2mo

    I haven't been searching for it since forever and insofar nothing good has come out of it.

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  • 1mo

    I agree wholeheartedly with this take !! Women & men are so differently wired & always want the opposite of the other gender , conflict is inevitable at some point. All this " soulmates " & " love " type stuff is a falsehood. I'm a single dad , so will never be in a relationship again , haven't the time , money or inclination to go dating , I would see it as an unnecessary chore !! Also NO woman will want a guy my age with " baggage " , I knew this on taking main custody.

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  • 1mo

    I agree about not bothering to find "love" because personnaly i think romanctic love doesn't exist and people who go for relationships thinking that it would make them happy end up being miserable because they sacrifice their own freedom for that person and become attached by that person choices , you can have sex with women but romanctic love is a ticking bomb that will sooner or later destroy you or at least make you someone who isn't you

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  • 2mo

    So many people are miserable in the pursuit of love. Keeping it simple will make you happier. Focus on having fun and growing as a person and it doesn't matter if you don't find love.

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    • 2mo

      Exactly! What I think is that its better to live your life focusing on other things and if it happens... well, it happens

  • 2mo

    Funny how it's always women who say this... women, who COMPLAIN about getting offers from "unworthy" men. Must be nice to have the luxury of rejecting people and still be able to make comments to us guys like this.

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    • 2mo

      It's to guys and girls LOL there's desperate girls out there as well as guys

    • 1mo

      Girls are desperate because they are looking for 9+ men and reject everyone else

  • 2mo

    but if you don't pursue you won't get one either so it's basically a catch 22

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  • 2mo

    Because more often than not, people are impulsive and act according to how they feel, allowing emotions to be more important or listening to their emotions instead of being logical.

    It's just the work of hormones creating the illusions and delusions in our minds to pursue and get attracted by someone else and become interested in someone else. It's real purpose behind that "love" was to try and increase the odds of procreation and reproduction, just so we wouldn't die out completely. And then once those effects wear off then the real challenges begin such as being loyal together, willing to and can absolutely trust each other and stick together through the hard times, being there for each other no matter what, being able to compromise and work out each others problems and differences that you are experiencing with each other, etc. And then you either settle or you don't. And some are unwilling to settle and they go from one relationship or partner to the next and are still unsatisfied about their relationship. Or may have commitment issues.

    I have enough problems of my own to deal with in the present that relationships, dating, and even sex just isn't part of my goals or objectives, at least not anymore, assuming that even if it once was.

    I've been single long enough I've already learned to cope and accept that it wouldn't really make that big of a difference. Besides I think it's better this way because I rather have no deep emotional attachments to anyone knowing that I can lose them unexpectedly at anytime. And vice-versa, I don't know when my time will be up in this world either, but I've learned to live for the moment, as any moment in our lifetime might just unexpectedly be our very last one.

    "Why hold on to someone when you know you must let them go?"

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  • 2mo

    Well if you are a guy you are expected to do the pursuing

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  • 2mo

    If your a guy and not an 8/10+ then no "don't look for love" is a terrible idea.

    www.hola.com/.../...tancourt_foto_face_model_1.jpg

    The average male does not have even 1/20 the options in dating as the average female or a good looking man.

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    • 2mo

      Hmm, I could say the same about the average female.

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    • 1mo

      @Shorty1991 Also i was told girls tend to be modest when rating themselves so you may be a 6 or a 7 when your getting really dressed up for something.
      Guys like curves and a tight fit in the right places can make you look curvy.

    • 1mo

      I don't use body shaping garments. Well I very rarely get that dressed up. Guys that are self absorbed and into designer shit would make me feel inferior. I guess a guy that dresses in a cool or casual way. But can scrub up well when going out on special occasions. Builds, anything from skinny to chubby, height 5ft3 up to 6ft. Hair colour, brown, black, dark ginger, blonde. Not really fussed, same with eye colour.

  • 2mo

    'Love will happen if you let it find you'

    Not if you're a guy. Maybe if you're a girl, sure. But the onus is on guys to approach so we have to make an effort to find someone.

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    • 2mo

      What I'm saying is don't look too hard and focus only on asking out girls. Like look for signs from female friends, or girls you know. If you see signs, then ask them out. Because chances are some girl you know likes you

    • 2mo

      Well dating friends or friends of friends is common because they are deemed to be a known quality. Problem with this is that they may not be the ideal match. By talking to lots of girls around, you can find the one that meets your criteria. I wouldn't date someone just because THEY like me, I need to like them too. That's not to say dating friend's can't work.

    • 2mo

      What if nobody likes you? Like, ever? What makes you think a guy isn't looking for signs of interest from his female friends, and still isn't seeing any sign?

  • 2mo

    I totally agree, great take

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  • 2mo

    "Love will happen if you let it find you"

    umm no that's not true at all.

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  • 2mo

    I agree with this to an extent but at the same time, how are we supposed to get anywhere at all if we don't take any chances?

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    • 2mo

      You can take chances, but just don't obsess over those chances and try to invent chances for yourself. Like in high school how kids think they need a boyfriend/girlfriend and just try to go for anyone and everyone out of desperation? Yeah, just don't do that, but if you think a girl likes you, definitely take a chance, especially if you're already friends. Worst case scenario is that you misinterpret her signals and she says no

    • 2mo

      Yeah I agree. Just looking for anyone just to have a date/relationship is desperate. Sadly the ones I was genuinely interested in and felt we were a good match ended up using me as a rebound.

    • 2mo

      Aww I'm sorry:(

  • 2mo

    Good take and great advise!

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What Girls Said 10

  • 2mo

    I agree

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  • 22h

    3Good post

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  • 1mo

    I love u for this take😊

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  • 1mo

    Yeah let's all just do nothing and wait for things to happen on their own. Great advice.

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  • 1mo

    You are Right to a certain extent but at the same time there are girls/guys that get all the attention they want and have no problem finding a partner. Now for me, it just isn't working that way. Sometimes you can't just wait for shit to happen because if you do it will never happen. Wether I try and get a boyfriend or not I'm still gonna be a lone anyway. I can't tell you how many times I've been pushed away or rejected and how many apps / sites it takes me for ONE SILLY TEMPORARY TEENAGE FUCKING RELATIONSHIP. That's all I could even ask for is a boyfriend like damn im 16, I'm a kid, it shouldn't be this damn hard. :/ I guess I'm not meant to date. Like so many of us aren't

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  • 2mo

    What if you don't have any guy friends? What if you barely see your friends in general?

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    • 2mo

      There can be people at work or school that you know (but I don't recommend dating in the workplace... it's a policy some places). Or if you have an older brother, his friends could like you, or even a cousins friends.

  • 2mo

    I have stopped looking.

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  • 2mo

    I think it's ok to have standards, but I agree that people need to stop looking for love like crazy. I recently stopped and I have feelings for a friend but I'm not taking it seriously because I'm happier that way.

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  • 2mo

    Very good points Hun 100% agree although easier said than done X

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  • 2mo

    *Raises hands and claps! Bravo!

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