We finally had sex and I felt nothing even though I Like him why is this?

[Bella9191]

I have been dating a guy for about a month and a half. things are starting to be a bit more serious now. so i had sex with him but felt absolutely nothing. i like him i do, but then we were doing it and i just felt like a robot. i felt no emotions. i did not feel bonded after at all he wanted to cuddle and in my head i was thinking ugh. but i really liked me and in general i am a person who feels a lot of emotions to people not numb. does this mean by subconscious does not trust him or doesn't really like him? why did i feel nothing to someone i supposedly liked. 6 months prior to this i did get out of a bad long term break up and i loved him. could this have something to do with it. but i feel i am over my ex so i dont know.

[thetundrawolf]

Part of that could be because you have known him for only around thirty days.

In the past, men would spend months, and years, getting to know a woman (Some men still do. We are rare.) then knowing her intimately only after he has made a lifelong commitment to her in the form of marriage.

Why do you feel nothing when you had sex- maybe because the foundation was not there. There is an order to things, and it must be followed, if you desire success in life. There are no shortcuts.

Ideally, he should woo you in total abstinence, finding the innermost recesses of your heart- and loving them, as he knows he cannot live without you. This is not a shallow, simple, quick thing.

It is something that takes time. He must open himself (His heart.) up to you, and become vulnerable. He must place his heart under your feet- to trample on if he so desires... But YOU must do the same!

My guess is that you haven;t even known him long enough to become vulnerable to him. Are you capable of being vulnerable to someone? Becoming so open that you give them the power to totally destroy you?

Not just any man, or any person, but the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

It doesn't sound like this is the case, here. It sounds like he invested a bare minimum of time, as did you, and you both jumped straight into intimacy.

[Bella9191]

I have felt that complete vulnerability before with my ex. This was the firs time i had sex in about 7 months since my ex. I feel I guess compared to the sex I had with my ex It was so meaningless. although I did not think about my ex at all during sex, i do not desire my ex. but i have had no interest to have sex with anyone until last night with this guy. although now i feel i lost my desire to be with this new guy since i felt almost used after having sex. i just feel like all he says is words. he says i am special and he cares but i mean if he cared so much why wouldn't he ask me to be his girlfriend etc. i just feel some of his actiosn dont match his words. sex to me because it has had such deep meaning before i think will be hard to do again without really feeling something for someone else. i don't know if this is normal though.

[thetundrawolf]

It is normal. Your soul is trying to survive all of these encounters. Yes, if you were so special to him, he would have devoted more time to getting to know you before he desired the reward. Your instincts are intact, be glad! Why do you not desire your ex? Was he your first?

[Bella9191]

he betrayed me. i loved him a lot. and realised after 2.5 years i had been played. it hurt a lot at first. but then i realised he was not the person i loved at all. the person i loved never existed. so when i realised this it became easier. now i feel sad sometimes but basically all the pain is gone. i am happier with my life without him. depressing i know.

[thetundrawolf]

You have deep emotional hurt over this. It is going to take time for healing. Can you take time alone, and try to examine yourself? I know that Jesus Christ has helped me a lot with my past pain, my past hurts. It wouldn't hurt to call out to Him for guidance.

[Bella9191]

Yea I feel it is a sign that i just need to be alone. It is like i don't even need anyone at the moment. however, not to be up myself but i am not bad looking and a lot of guys keep persuing me even if i show little interest so sometimes it is hard to ignore the attention. I feel i want a boyfriend or nothing at all. i guess thats why i keep pushing away this new guy because i feel he doesn't really want me if he did i wouldn't be questioning all the time if he did or not so its making me feel nothing for him because i only want a bf or no one. if that makes sense. i cbf dating and going through that drama which probably shows i am not ready for a relationship or anyone because dating is meant to be fun. but it is making me a bit irrationally jealous and overnalysing peoples motives and i dont like the fact they are talking to other girls which i know is normal for dating but i guess its because i want a relo so i can't accept it.

[truthbeknown]

I would try a few more times. If it starts to click, then great, if not, cut him loose before you two become more attached for the wrong reasons.

[Bella9191]

yes perhaps I will. I do like him, but I think I am unsure of his motives which is why I was not very happy whilst doing it. he says all the right thigns and does make me feel special sometimes but he has not asked for any sort of exclusivity makes me feel he is with others even though he claims he isn't and it turns me off. I feel thats why I did not feel bonded after the sex felt like we werent really doing a couple activity but rather just friends with benefits. and to be honest i cbf having sex for the sake of it.

[truthbeknown]

There are many areas of any relationship that need to click for it to work. Sometimes you meet someone and everything is great except for one or two areas. Maybe sex is one of them with you and him. You are just not 100% compatible. Just like the next couple where the sex is really hot, but they fight all the time, you know? Maybe this guy is only 85% compatible with you.