How do I know what his intentions are?

This guy recently asked me to hang out, and the first thing I thought was "he just wants to have sex with me" I'm wondering is this true, when a guy asks a woman to "hang out" is he really just sugar coating the fact that he is lazy and not willing to date or put in some work for her sex?

I mean its clear as day that he want t o have sex with me, but when he says "hang out" does he mean date or just.."hang out...And have sex"?

I'm asking because I'm the kind of girl who refuses to be some booty call, I'm a virgin and I refuse to have sex with anyone outside of a relationship.

I just want to know what I'm getting myself into, or if I want to get myself into anything with this guy.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm the same as you so I understand your concern. I refuse to be a booty call. It's even harder in college as booty calls seem to be the norm. However, it's all in the way he treats you. If you find that he doesn't talk to you very often outside of asking you to "come hang out." Then it could be a booty call. If most of your conversations find its way to sex, and you don't have good conversations outside of sex. Same thing. Also, if he never invites you to do something. Like take you to a movie, dinner, bowling, whatever. it's always to come watch a movie in his bedroom, then it's probably about sex. Guys understand that girls know what booty calls look like, and if they really like the girl and want to have something more, he won't risk giving you the wrong impression. He'll be asking you to go to lunch, trying to have good conversations with you and get to know you. Trust your instincts. If you feel like its all about sex, it probably is.


What Guys Said 4

  • To me hanging out is just that...hanging out. It's a more loose term for a date I think. Or it could be a friends thing...

    But since you say its clear that he wants sex with you, then chances are possible that he could try and lead the evening that way. You can still hangout with him; if he tries to make a move or something, just shut him down and make it clear that you aren't that type of girl. And if you do that, you probably won't have to deal with his sh*t anymore either.

    Or he might surprise you and honestly want to date you, you never can tell.

  • I hardly know where to begin with this question.

    If you feel a man has to 'win you over' with buying dinner, taking you to a movie, and that kind of crap, well I hope you are single forever. A relationship should be about you liking him and him liking you, not about what you contrive to do together or how much 'effort' he's willing to put in.

    • Hm, that sound very judgmental, just because a girl doesn't want to be labeled a "booty call" I'm my opinion a woman should be won over, maybe not with gifts and money , movies or dinner (which she never mentioned anyway) but he should win her over by trying a little, trying to make her feels special, and trying not to give her the wrong idea

    • Alright well I see you're more of a 'traditional values' person than myself. I retract anything judgemental and wish you well.

  • Depends on the guy. Some guys who are players probably will. But if you meet a nice decent guy probably not. It's all about choosing guys who can control their *cough* "feelings."

  • I think that it depends on the guy. Usually people can sense whether or not someone is a good person or not. If your senses are telling you that all he is interested in is sex, then move on. Tell him to get lost. But if you get the sense that he is actually interested in a friendship, then give him the time of day.

    From what you have described, he either has sex on the brain or you do.


What Girls Said 7

  • umm... I asked this question before ... but opinions differ so I don't know... I still think that guys use that hang out word in a loose way... I have this guy always telling me to hang out and all I think about is what he really means by that because he doesn't really suggest any plans like other guys have suggested to me... so all he says is have some drinks and the watch a movie or something at either his place or my place and of course I know what it implies but I don't wanna go ahead on myself and think he just want sex... plus he ain't getting it because I am not a booty call... so I will make sure when we hang out that he understand I am not that kinda girl... I will suggest you do the same if you happen to "hang out" with the guy...

  • you sound paranoid. of course the poor guy wants 2 c if ul 'hang out' with him b4 he gets rejected by really putting himself out there with a full fledged date.

    just ask him 'like wut' or 'hang out where' or 'well wut were you thinking we would do' or 'u mean like with friends or just us' or 'as friends or as a date'

    his answer should let you know if he is just after sex

    its not like he is gona rape u. most guys hav a little respect 4 a girl who respects herself. he might put feelers out there like try 2 flirt or playfully touch or cuddle or hold ur hand. but if he gets 2 touchy just push away and say 'i thot we were just hangin out ur movin a little fast 4 me'

  • I've had guys ask me to hang out and I've found that it generally is a more loose term for a expectations though. Casually getting to know each other. But it can obviously lead anywhere after that, but I think it's generally what guys say when they want to get to know someone but don't want to be too quick in saying they want you to be their girlfriend until they get to know more about you.

  • Just ask him. If he's a good guy, he'll respect you. If he's after a booty-call, then you'll know by how he reacts when you put him on the spot.

  • Vmw2008 has great advice. Oh, and fyi, guys shouldn't put in work for sex, either they show they really like you and want to be in a relationship or they don't. Sex may or may not be a part of a teenage relationship, certainly, hopefully not quickly. So, either he is putting in effort to show you that he is the one you should spend time with or he isn't. To me I would personally not be pleased with a lamo request by a guy to "hang out". I would not accept, in a nice low-key way, and then wait and see if they up the ante or if they continue to lame out.

  • You don't know until you actually go out with him. His actions will tell you what he really means