What are his intentions?

[Anonymous]

I have a coworker who’s about 55-60 to my 34.
he’s married and has been for about 30 years, he has two daughters in their late twenties.
his marriage is very unhappy, I don’t know all the ins and outs but he mentioned that his wife has mental illness issues and I think he worries she will hurt herself if he leaves. They have no real sexlife, she’s miserable, he’s miserable. She is in bed all day and refuses to leave the house.

he started texting me as a friend at first, just being nice and aboUt work… but then he started saying more thinly veiled sexual jokes and then he has asked to have a friends with benefits situation. Which I said no.

Little jokes here and there I don’t mind but I told him if he wants anything physical he needs to leave her. Why start something with no future.
He has not left her. I don’t think he will either. I think he likes the dream, he would probably cheat but I almost feel like he’s happy just imagining it. I think if I did offer, he wouldn’t even show up! But still sends saucy messages some times. Though recently, he’s been asking me more about myself. About my childhood and my history. My feelings on things, my emotions. It seems like he is wanting to act like a confidant or therapist. He says he wants to get to know me, to counsel me and help me find peace like he has.

I told him he’s lying to himself if he thinks he has peace.

I don’t know what he wants from me

[lightbulb27]

you make him feel good, you are an outlet. you are the rebound person.

what does he want... whatever he can get since his home life is misery. probably doesn't even want to be at home as it's all stress. whose to say what happened... maybe they grew apart or stress of 3 women and raising 2 kids?

agree he should work on his relationship, separate or divorce and resolve that emotionally and on paper before anything with anyone else. his wife may be mentally ill because that happens to people when they don't sleep well or have peace. women seem to take the damage to the head and men to the heart more. I know people married to mentally ill... very hard.

I'd send them both to Jesus... then again I knew Christians in exact scenario They made some mistakes and relationship broke down. Everyone just wants to feel good... respected and loved and everyone needs peace.

you've handled it quite well so far. My experience with such scenarios, is to stay out of it. But it's your life.

[Asker]

Like an ego boost, his wife ignores him and then this young woman give him attention. Frankly, he is attractive, for his age, hell for any age but I’d getting the feeling she ignores him.
I’ve tried to tell him lying to himself isn’t going to help anyone when he claims he’s at peace.
That’s obviously not true. If it were he wouldn’t be messaging me.

[lightbulb27]

agree. maybe his peace he means something else... like achieving some goals.

[Asker]

It’s possible. Only he knows

[spartan55]

He told you what he wants from you, tf you mean you don't know?
And why does it matter?

[Asker]

The sex part I get. But after I said no- turning into my therapist now? Wtf is that about?

[spartan55]

An angle to fuck you? Again why does it matter? Just ignore the sorry ass.

[Asker]

That’s kinda what I was thinking, getting me emotionally invested to develop feelings for him, so I give in.
If he was single, this would be a different story

[spartan55]

Yeah but he isn't so stop acting like his 'intentions' matter

[Asker]

Part of me does feel bad for him. Everyone wants to feel loved, feel attracted, feel appreciated.

[spartan55]

Not your problem to solve.

[In_Trance]

stop interacting with married men

[Asker]

Haha most men are in relationships of some kind, people do have to interact in life.
I did not choose how he interacts with me.
All I can do is choose my own actions and try to figure out why he does what he does so I can choose the wisest path for myself.

[spartan55]

@asker
Please stop acting like we are all stupid. 'most men are in relationships of some kind'...😂 😂 Nice spin
I highly doubt it took this long to 'figure out his intentions'. You've known for a while that he likes you, and you've done nothing to shut it down. You don't 'need to figure out why he does what he does' to shut that shit down. He's married, that's the only fact that matters. (One you keep pretending isn't true.)

[Asker]

@spartan55 no, this started literally Friday, as in not even two days ago.
He started working at my job Monday

[spartan55]

All of what started?

[Asker]

@spartan55 he started work last Monday, he text me the offer of friends with benefits on Friday. Then on Saturday he offered the therapist talking situation

[spartan55]

So, he went from not knowing you at all to sending sexy messages to proposing you be his friends with benefits IN A WEEK?

[In_Trance]

This is a gong show

[Asker]

@spartan55 yeah, see now why I’m very much like wtf? Haha

[Asker]

What is a gong show?