Is it alright to ask a guy what his intentions are?

[Anonymous]

Is it rude to ask a guy you’ve met on a dating app what his intentions are?

I kinda think he’s a little shy, we’ve met twice. We ended up having sex that first night we spent together however we were chatting for 2 months prior to actually meeting and I was the one who initiated a it. We message constantly throughout the day just chatting it’s been like that since we met.

we both said we were going with the flow when we asked the intentions when we first starting talking. I’ve noticed he’s been active on the app since we have met and I’m curious what he wants? I don’t mind either way but guys would you give your honest answer if I asked what you wanted whether that was friends with benefits or more? I’m fine with either one.

[SteveSmith1985]

Ummm yes, it would definitely be appropriate for you to ask what his intentions are at this point. Definitely you're not too early on that. But... here's the thing. You need to be honest.

I don't know if it's being honest with yourself, or being honest with him. But you DO care whether or not it's friends with benefits or something more. I do not believe that anyone could not care. It's not possible.

Either, you don't feel that way about him, and are fine going on "going with the flow". Or you DO feel that way about him, would like to be more than friends with benefits, and need to be honest about that.

I am a big advocate of talking about all this stuff. I even have a name for it "an exclusivity conversation." I strongly urge you to have a talk. But don't go into it with some bullshit about how you don't care either way. That's not true, otherwise you wouldn't need to even have any talk or post this question.

But if you were to be honest about what YOU actually want (which does indeed require you to be a bit vulnerable, and take a risk. But it's worth it) when you then ask him what he wants.

I've never even heard of anybody trying to do this with a "I don't care, what do you want" thing. That's not gonna work. If you hedge, so will he. If you're open and honest; and ask for an open and honest answer about where he's coming from: He'll give you his honest answer.

You can certainly throw in that you're content with not being more than friends with benefits if that's actually the truth. But to pretend that you're not looking to become more, is silly and counterproductive in this situation. Basically just be honest. I can't believe you truly are indifferent just because people (as I understand them) just don't work that way.

There's no question about it being a fair question at the stage you're at. Timing-wise you're fine. 🙂

[Mayo503]

Yea nothing wrong in asking….
At least you know what to expect…

[kylee2437]

I think it’s a little too late to ask him what his intentions are. You already invited the idea of sex into the situation , so unfortunately at this point the only thing you can do is enjoy the vibe and see where it goes. If you feel like your time is being wasted or if it’s a dead end situation , you can back out at any time. A question like this should always be asked before engaging in sex.

[Asker]

Thank you. Appreciate your answer

[melanieeeB]

It's always alright to ask this

[slatyb]

Perfectly reasonable. Why waste time?

[In_Trance]

yeah