Am I waiting for something that doesn't exist?

[Rloco]

I want a relationship but am waiting for someone I click with right away. Someone who I immediately feel comfortable with and don't feel a need to impress them. I want me and someone to just like each other and not have to worry about the bs that comes along with dating. Not worry about how we are supposed to proceed but just enjoy each other's company. I just want to end up spending more and more time with someone and we end up realizing we like each other. Can this even happen? I feel like a stupid kid waiting to meet the perfect person. I don't want perfection just someone that I naturally connect with. Is this really or am I being stupid? Should I just pick a random cute girl and be her boyfriend or wait for the person I click with?

[existing_not_living]

What you want is not unrealistic at all. I have instantly clicked with many people and hung out with them or talked with them so frequently that we did realize we had feelings for one another. There were some that took some time for me to realize my feelings.

Sometimes an instant click is not always what you'll get. I've had other times where there were people who I either didn't like or was not interested in at all or didn't really care to get to know them, but once I did, then I fell for them.

With my best guy friend, we had an instant click. Now, I am not saying that I have feelings for him nor does he for me, but we constantly get told that we should date or are asked if we already are. Many people including my girl best friend and my best guy friend think that I may be crushing on him because of the way I am around him or the fact that I get jealous when he flirts with this one girl, and I'll admit that I've pondered over whether I do like him too, but I really don't believe so. Many of my friends, family members and even my bus driver 😂😂😂 thinks that he likes me too, but I really doubt that. I don't believe we will end up together, but really, who knows what the future has in store for our relationship with each other.

I hope you do find what you are looking for. It's not impossible.

[Anonymous]

Yes it can happen, yes you are being stupid. You don't need to be a player by any means but you need to know how to attract a woman. I'm not talking just about being nice, I'm talking about dressing well, good hygiene, I'm talking about when to flirt, having a fast, witty sense of humor, when to make a move and a whole assortment of behaviors and habits that you don't always just automatically know. You should date, learn and self-improve. Yes it can be tedious at first but it's a learning process. If you don't have a reasonable idea of what you're doing, then you're just being unrealistic in expecting it to just happen. In practicing, you will change yourself into a person whose personality this is more likely to happen to on it's own. And what if you meet a wonderful woman and she loses interest because you never went further, or you tried to go further but were awkward about it? What you have is a nice fantasy, but it's a fantasy and it's not likely to happen on its own.

[Rloco]

How can I have a relationship with someone I'm not comfortable around. There are girls I'm comfortable around and can flirt with i just don't see them in that way. They are actually really beautiful but we are just friends. If I met someone like these female friends that I liked I feel like it would be easy. I'm a quiet person but can let loose with people I'm comfortable with. Will I not be comfortable with any girl I like?

[Opinion Owner]

Then it sounds like you have a case of unrealistic standards. If you find a girl attractive and you can flirt with them then you can go out with them. You will become more comfortable through practice, and through trial and error you will learn. What you have, it's a nice dream but sometimes you gotta wake up and live in the real world. Besides, you might really really like one of those women once you know them more intimately.

[Rloco]

That's true. I just don't think we'd make a good couple or they would be interested in me in that way. I doubt we have that kind of chemistry but I need to keep an open mind. Thanks

[Opinion Owner]

If you don't think you'd be a good couple, then I guess that's a reason not to date her but not being sure if she's interested, I've found out a woman I liked was really interested when I initially thought she thought I was weird because she's act bored and uncomfortable around me lmao. By the time I found out though it was too late to do anything about it. You never know if a girl isn't interested. The question you need to ask is how sure do you need to be to ask?

[Rloco]

I'm referencing to as dude or bro by her. She said I love you dude. That's totally friend signals. I doubt she'd be rude or reject me in a bad way. There's no pressure there. I just already have a friend vibe from her and it's hard to get past that. I guess we kinda both friend zoned each other.

[Opinion Owner]

Well as I said you never really know, unless they say it or deny it explicitly. If it's worth the risk to you then go for it.

[Rloco]

Ok that's true good point thanks

[The_Technomancer]

Waiting is a much better idea then jumping on the first person who seems only "ok" in your eye. By that I mean people who try to get into a relationship with someone just because they have just a few things in common (that aren't that strong in the first place) or if the person just doesn't look as bad as other people you've seen. Keep your expectations hi and keep waiting and don't forget to be yourself. Having someone become interested in you for doing what you love is the best way to find "the one".

[mistninja314]

"Someone who I immediately feel comfortable with and don't feel a need to impress them." FOR that to happen you're going to have to find a girl that likes you. More time than not they're also going to be a lot cooler personality wise for/towards you it seems ^6

[mistninja314]

It exists also

[SunDevil11]

I would love something like this as well in a relationship. I feel like it is not completely unrealistic, but at the same time it will probably not be something that just clicks. Also I doubt there is a way to get around the dating BS. Go out and make friends and meet girls and you might just find that kind of girlfriend.

[ShyGuy30]

No you're not stupid and there is a girl out there who you will click with straight away don't settle with a random cute girl wait for someone who you should be with. You're the same age as me and Im in the same boat id rather be single and wait for someone who is right for me than to settle with someone just to be in a relationship

[Anonymous]

I've never met a girl I liked and not upped my game around her and tried to impress. I think the effort is necessary as it's part of the chase and build up to getting together.

[Rloco]

The idea of the chase seems silly to me. I just want to enjoy someone's company. Also I'm not saying I wouldn't do nice things for her. My mentality would be different. I'd take to the fancy restaurant to make her happy rather than impress her to make her like me. Just one example.

[Opinion Owner]

Unfortunately it doesn't really work like that, healthy relationships usually involve a bit of a pursuit where you both try and impress each other. I can see where you're coming from but I think if you miss out on some of the developmental stages of the dating phase it'll bite you in the ass later on. It's not an ideal world, a bit of bullshit is involved in most relationships to begin with, even if people don't like to admit it.

[Rloco]

I completely understand. I just don't know what I'd do once I start dating. I wouldn't try to impress her I think. I'd be myself, dress nice of course and just want to have a good time. Is this a bad mindset to have? Should I be trying to impress her?

[Opinion Owner]

Ideally it would be enough to both be yourselves and both agree that you like each other, then go forward from there. But you've got to sell yourself a bit more than that, usually.

[Rloco]

Ok thanks. I'm a pretty good guy and would be an awesome boyfriend. I just feel like I can show that by being myself. I don't need the fancy clothes or dates to impress someone. I just have trouble telling people how I feel about them. I think I have some kind of mental block talking helps though. Thanks dude.

[apexalpha]

yes can happen I know couples that have that