Ex keeps coming back and leaving?

We had 4 years together, known each other for 10 and broke up this past summer.
We promised each other to be friends but whenever he finds someone else or a new group of friends (he never stays with one group for long) he starts putting me on backburner, saying he loves me but will go through phases where he'll not pick up my call or couple texts I send. I also do a lot of him (he asks for my help) and usually recieve no thank you or a very late text, like the next day. Then he'll usually call a week later like nothing happened.
But if I don't respond right away or if I hang out with another guy, his world ends.

Because of this I told him I can't sleep with him anymore because it causes me grief. I don't want to tie him down and him be unhappy, but I still have deep love for him and the way he treats me, really throws my day out of whack.
Everytime I say I won't sleep with him anymore cos of this he goes into wooing me, just saying sweet things to me and hugging me close. I suspect he's just trying to use me as a security blanket until he finds something or someone better. He constantly talks about other girls with his friends from an outing that I wasn't a part of and girls always text him (of course he's contributing) and when those girls are around they're very mean to me. Just last week he said I can't come out with him anymore because none of them like me. Some even refused to get in the car to hang out cos I was there.

What realy distresses me also is that his parents call me looking for him and this is usually when he's ignoring me. The horrible thing too is that I'm also dating someone else who treats me so much better. We're not actual boyfriend/girlfriend, but he's deployed so I guess I'm just lonely.
I don't know what I got myself into.


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What Guys Said 1

  • ignore the parents and him. your with someone who makes you happy.

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    • I know. Thb it's a really physical relationship, the new one.
      Even though he's really a looker and charmer, I don't have that deep emotional bond as I do with my ex. I'm not sure if it'll ever come.

      If only I could find someone who was both of them in one. They both have attributes the other one lacks, you know?

    • been there, done that, still there

What Girls Said 1

  • One thing for sure is that he doesn't treat you right as a friend. I understand that you can't remove your feelings for him but he is your ex and he seems like a.. jerk, sorry. I think you should stick to someone who will treat you better. It's like he keeps pulling you back and forth. If I were you I would move on for my own good by using the no contact rule, basically cut him off.. It's hard but it works. I have been in touch with my ex and it lead to things like this but at the end of the day it's up to you. Honestly what do you want to do?

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    • I know I should go into no contact, but its so difficult.
      We have a weird bond where we can't seem to not have each other in our lives, but I think it has to be broken if that means I'm mentally torn.

      Sucks right? To feel second pick or like you're fighting for someones affection and love.
      I don't think he's right for my wellbeing either. When we're together it's fine, but when we're not I feel like I don't even exist.

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    • That doesn't sound fun at all. Too bad he doesn't realise what he's doing to you. The fact that this has given you a panic disorder proves that it's time to walk away, he is not the cure. Once you stop caring about him you will feel a lot better and he won't be making you feel that way. He doesn't seem to be treating anyone right, he is not a good person and you will be so much better without him, let him have his drugs if that's what's so important for him. You're obviously stuck and the only person that can get you out of this is you. He blew you off again.. that's so disrespectful.
      ''The sad thing is that so many guys treat me great, really good looking guys, funny men, but I still keep going back to be hurt all over again'' That's how you feel right now because you're not over him and probably hoping that things will work out? Stay single and work on yourself until you're ready to accept love from someone else, when he is out of your head.

    • You think he might be a sociopath or a narcissist and truth is that those ''type'' of people will treat anyone the same way. There is nothing wrong with you, he will treat any girl the same so do yourself a big favor and cut this guy off. I think using the no contact rule is the only way in this case or he will keep making promises only to break them and keep you hanging on. Learn from this instead as this will much likely make you stronger and wiser.

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