What do you make of this guy asking me to stay over at his place?

Am I being really, really naive? It's our first time meeting and he wants to go for a drink/ meal then me go back to his to just hang out and stuff. I've made it really clear nothing would happen aha and he said he wouldn't try anything that would make me feel uncomfortable, he just really wants me to like him apparently. I don't mean this in a big headed way but basically he doesn't see himself as attractive and thinks he's punching way above his weight with me, I think he is genuine. I haven't really told anyone about this to get their advice so any advice on here would be great!

  • He's after sex
    58% (18)54% (28)55% (46)Vote
  • He just wants to hang out
    16% (5)23% (12)20% (17)Vote
  • I don't know
    19% (6)21% (11)20% (17)Vote
  • Other
    7% (2)2% (1)5% (3)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
I said I felt uncomfortable staying at his and he said:

You're not a little girl ya know... it's okay too stay at people's places :p Like you say... it's just a sleepover ^_^ Just a cuddle and a movie :) I'm not gonna pounce on you ;p ahaha. It's just nice to cuddle someone to sleep <3 xxxxx

uhhh what do you think? :/
Now he's telling me he's only going to be intimate with a girlfriend, he's not into one night stands... I don't know though I barely know him :/ I really want to get to know him but I don't know...

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Most Helpful Guy

  • "You're not a little girl ya know"

    that comment concerns me. it's rather disrespectful and shows that he isn't really considering the true nature of your concerns for being at someone's house on a first date.

    I'd frankly just stick with your plan if you aren't entirely comfortable going to his house. go on the date. maybe see how things are going but certainly feel alright with not going to his place afterwards.

    if he's a legit guy looking for a legit relationship he should respect you and your decisions rather than mock them with comments like "you're not a little girl"

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It could go either way, to be honest. You have to use your best judgement to decide whether he's shady or not.

    On the first date I had with my boyfriend he asked me to go to his place to hang out and play video games after we chatted at the pub. This was daytime.

    Nothing in his behaviour set off any alarm bells, so I agreed. He didn't try anything, we just talked lots, played some video games and kissed once. I spent then night and we cuddled each other to sleep.

    That's my story, still with the guy nearly 4 years later.

    Most people would find such an invite to be suspicious as fuck and it's understandable. Tread carefully. He could be a shitbag, but he could also just be a genuinely decent guy that means you no harm and just wants cozy company.

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What Guys Said 25

  • Ehhh... Proceed with caution (i. e. don't do it)
    First time meeting him and he wants you to go back and spend the night at his place?
    If you were looking to have sex with him right away then fine, but even though you told him you wouldn't be cool with that, I'd be 90% that's what he's hoping will happen. And since it's your first time meeting him, who knows if he's gonna Cosby you. (Sorry, I had to... haha).
    Seriously. If he wants you to like him, he should take you to dinner and drop you off at your place like a gentleman and not try and get you to spend the night at his place. That's NOT normal.

    I'd be very suspicious here... Until you get to know him better, might be better to stay out of situations where you're completely alone together.

    Just sayin... These things happen, don't fool yourself.

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    • Well said :)

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    • @gapminder I wonder who that could possibly be? 😇😳.

    • @Kris85 well my lips are sealed. ...

  • He is telling you exactly what you want to hear. He is playing on your sympathy and trying to disarm you by the BS of "I'm not attractive, you are out of my league" which is possibly true, but it sounds like a line to me. I am confident though that he is telling you whatever you want to hear to get you back to his place. No doubt he will try to get you drunk. I'd be worried about him dosing your drink or food though. Is he really far away or something? If so, hotels are cheap. Going to a seemingly shifty, complete strangers house for a sleep over is a recipe for disaster. If you insist on going I'd bring some security. Preferably a gun, but mace or a tazer at least. Practice with them prior too. This guy sounds like a bit of a predator. Don't drink or eat anything at his house either. The whole "Your a big girl, it's ok to sleep over" bit sold it for me. I don't think you should go till after a few dates, but, it's your life. Hope I'm wrong. Leave his verified name and address with a friend and a return by time, if you don't call (not text, he can easily fake that) her or stop by and see her before that time, and she can't reach you then she needs to call the cops. Be careful.

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    • I totally agree with this. I've been around long enough to know exactly how men play and their strategies. To be honest , the guy that the Asker is going on a date with, sounds down right creepy but @Asker always go with your gut instinct.

    • @Kris85 Yeah, this dude is screaming date rape in my opinion. Creeper.

  • I'd be careful if I were you, just in case. If you do decide to go, then definitely tell someone you trust, where you will be and with who - so somebody knows where you are and can get you if need be.

    I've heard shady things about Tinder too, by the way - like it's primarily a hookup app. Anyway, stay safe.

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  • Put it this way... if you wanted to have sex, he wouldn't say no.

    He does want to kiss and cuddle with you, and I guarantee you he will cop a feel or two to see if you are REALLY not down to have sex, or if u were just giving him a shit test and playing hard to get.

    ----

    Personally, for a first meeting, make sure you absolutely trust him before you go to his place!

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  • Ehhh I really couldn't say what his intentions are to be honest but staying the night on the first time meeting I would say proceed with caution and be prepared for anything. I don't know something doesn't seem right to me, were did you meet him or contact him from?

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    • Tinder lol
      No I won't go, I've told him nothing would happen but he seems hopeful still. Not worth it

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    • I thought I found one but that didn't turn out well, well I'm basically pleading for him to see me again. It sucks, feeling for someone sucks... The only reason I was on that was to get over him and it hasn't worked... I'm scared I'm never going to be happy :(

    • Hey, hey chin up I've felt that way before but these things have a way of working themselves out, but trust me dating websites are not the place to meet a guy, and trust me there are good ones out there, they're just a bit harder to find.

  • Regardless of his intentions, do NOT go to his house during your first meet up.

    If all goes well, you'll see it eventually anyway. No need to rush.

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    • So I just read the updates.

      I'm not a fan at all of how he's trying to guilt you into staying over. Personally, I'd advise you to pass on him altogether. I know how some dudes operate and the way he's applying pressure, he definitely is planning on testing your limits (or worse) if you came over.

      TLDR: Don't go. Be SAFE. Dude sounds like a creeper.

    • When I met him he actually came across way better! I didn't stay but we hung out for a bit and he was actually really sweet :)

  • Maybe he is being honest, that is not every guys intention you know...

    Just so you realise, he wouldn'y say no if you wanted to, and he might be hoping it will happen. But thats the reality of male/female differences, men are much more readily eager for sex.

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  • I wouldn't do it... I'd say "let's keep it to a nice meal and a drink afterwards, but the sleep over will come later".
    It's not normal he's already talking about getting you into his bed before a first date so at least hit the brake!

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  • He seems a bit intrusive (is the word I'm looking for I think) with the sheets and everything.
    I'd advice you NOT to go, this seems a bit off, especially on the first date.
    Besides that there are actually genuinely down-to-earth cool guys out there who want other things than the sexy-time, I mean people are talking about he's gonna drug your drink and stuff. Just saying that not everyone does something with hidden intentions (even though this guy actually might lol)

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  • Don't do it Alex, it sounds dodgy! You are not naive but you are very trusting/friendy and he could be taking advantage. I would not ever dream of taking a girl home on the first meeting. Please take care :)

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  • Lol he wants sex no question about it. Tell him that you won't (not can't) go over his house because you don't know him enough yet.

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  • I think he just wants to hang out BUT he thinks there may be a slight chance of sex too but he has knows that it most likely won't happen.

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  • It's hard to say. Just keep your guard up.

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  • Don't go. If he reacts badly, you should stay away.

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  • So... let me make sure i got this straight. This is your first date with a guy you met on Tinder, and the guy blatantly told you he just wants to get a drink and then head back to his place to chill and sleepover? You then told him that would make you feel uncomfortable, and instead of trying to make more appropriate plans... he's instead trying to persuade you to do it anway? And the most incredulous part of it all: You're not sure what to do or what his obvious intentions are?

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  • And those were her last words... LOL

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  • He's actually me I can change into different shapes and faces I can disguise myself. And I just want sex :O

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  • He clearly wants to get laid. And that is his primary intention.

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  • Tinder is just for banging, don't act like you didn't know. ... smh

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  • "and thinks he's punching way above his weight with me"

    He's probably right, I remember seeing your old profile photo.

    I think he's probably after sex.

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  • "I said I felt uncomfortable staying at his and he said:

    You're not a little girl ya know... it's okay too stay at people's places Like you say... it's just a sleepover ^_^ Just a cuddle and a movie I'm not gonna pounce on you ahaha. It's just nice to cuddle someone to sleep xxxxx "

    what a creep

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  • He of course wants sex from you but half of Gag wants sex with you so...

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  • Going back to someone's place is far more appropriate on date 3 or later. Basically it sets the scene for you to get it on. Not necessarily full sex, but at least the expectation of a HEAVY make out and possibly some nudity and orgasms.

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    • Whoa well he'll be disappointed. I won't kiss him haha

    • Yeah. If you don't even plan on kissing him, you should suggest something else for the date. Particularly as he's talking about staying the night (not just coming by) AND cuddling. Those aren't "first meeting" activities unless you REALLY hit it off and a lot more than kissing is involved.

  • I think the reasonable thing for a guy to do it take you out and see you home then go home himself- it's the first date, it's just to see how it goes and you want to give her and you some time to reflect on the date, it's a bit weird to oblige a girl to hang out after the date..

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What Girls Said 13

  • I always think it is better to be cautious of guy's intentions and not give them the benefit of the doubt. Especially when it is your first time meeting. Some red flags pop up in my head just hearing that he is trying to convince you to go back to his place instead of just saying "It's okay, I understand it would be uncomfortable, you don't have to come over."

    And going to a his place where you will be alone and you don't know this guy well, something bad could happen to you too. I would suggest getting to know this guy on date, go to public places, talk to him more, pick his brain, get to know who he truly is and where his intentions are.

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  • No offence but guys never invite girls to their place after a first date unless they think they're getting sex. You don't know him he could be aggressive or a complete sweetheart. But I definitely wouldn't go to his or seem available to anything like that for a few months. It's the only way to know if he is genuine

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    • What do you think of the update? :/

    • Oh he's definitely looking for you to pay off the meal in services. He's condescending and arrogant. I think you could go but be very aware. Don't leave your drink alone with him, enjoy your time though and at the end of the date get a taxi home.

  • Some guys will say anything to get laid, including pretending like they don't actually want to get laid.

    It's also creepy that he's trying to talk you into something that you don't feel comfortable doing. You said you felt uncomfortable and he tried to talk you out of it. Just imagine what the rest of your time will be like with a guy who is still getting to know you and already doesn't respect your perfectly legitimate/sane feelings.

    If you're meeting someone for the first time I wouldn't feel comfortable going to their place at all, not even for awhile honestly.

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  • Does he want to get to know you? Yes. Is he after sex? Yes and no. He definitely is aiming to get to know you but wants to set the mood for you to change your mind and have sex with him.

    One guy I knew was coming down for the weekend and asked if I'd go clubbing with him. I said sure and he said he was going to look for a hotel on the beach. A few minutes later he asked if I'd spend the night with him. I was like "WTF?" How do you go from hey come clubbing with me to spend the night with me in my hotel. Sure he didn't outright say "sleep with me" but I'd have to be delusional if I went and didn't expect him to make a move.

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  • I would possibly not go to his place nor stay over. The way his texted back it just says it all. He could be pressuring you to go to his and that isn't cool. He could of been like "that's ok, we can take things slow" but he didn't

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  • I don't know really!

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  • I call bullshit on this one.. u guys just met and I honestly think u two should be out in public together more before u actually go over his house. Genuine or not don't put your full trust in him, and he should be understanding of that.

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  • I don't know but it sounds sorta Netflix and chill to me.

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  • You haven't known him long? if so, don't.

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  • He's after sex 100% guaranteed.

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  • He is just looking for sex

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  • He's just trying it on to see how far you will let him go.

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  • Don't stay at his house if this is your first the meeting him. That's an extreme red flag that he's even asking you to. He may claim that he's not after sex but he's hoping for it and will probably try pursuing you to sleep with him over the course of the night. Especially if you guys are going out for drinks.
    And another thing, if you actually spend the night at his house, there is a chance that down the road if you want a solid relationship with this, his mind might stray to the "she slept at my place the first time meeting me so obviously she's easy" thoughts. Obviously I'm not saying you're easy!! But in his mind he will probably think that because it took little to no effort for him, a stranger, to get you to his place. Which will lead to insecurities because he will start thinking that every time you go out you will end up going home with a stranger. Its just a bad idea.

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