Why are MOST women always attracted to guys who are either assholes to them at the start or emotional unavailable?

Something that I can't seem to figure out about women and dating.

1. The guy who shows he likes you at the start of getting to know you. Answers your text message in a respectable time, behaves in a friendly manner, chats and tries to get to know about you and even tries to take you out on date. More often than not they either gets friendzoned by woman or flaked on. I'm talking good guys who don't TREAT women like they are SEX OBJECTS.
Why are MOST women always attracted to guys who are either assholes to them at the start or emotional unavailable?
And before we use the excuse that men are going after girls outside their leagues. No that's not the case most of the time. And this does not apply to all women. Some women are recptive to guys like these and give them a chance.

2. Meanwhile guys who are either assholes or indifferent to girls from the start and tease them of their insecurities, don't respond back to their calls or take hours-days to respond back to their text, and more often than not escalate things quickly to sex the woman end up falling for them and wanting to get into relationship with them. Granted once these guys do get relationship they may either choose to remain assholes or actual start becoming nice and caring to the girl.



They say men's investment in women is time, money and emotion. While a woman's investment in men is sex. This is why when women have sex with men, we see that the chasing shifts over more from men to women. Women start texting you first more, they are interested in you and guys no longer have this uncertainty whether the girl likes him or not. So we have a lot of women chasing after emotional unavailable men. I've actual known a few of them on gag who did this and are now jaded towards men.

Another big thing is sex. Women say they want to be treated as more than sex object but will jump faster in bed with fuckboys who escalate it fast to sex.

Since women investment is sex you find then women are the ones clingy towards fuckboy. While ignoring guys who want them for actual relationships.


Why is the dating scene so messed up?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • They're boring or the women might feel like they are out of their league. I've had several guys who said they were 'nice guys' like me, and I never liked them. Because if you're nice from the beginning, I'm assuming you want friendship. These guys don't flirt, or flirt badly, and as I said before, are often boring or the woman feels like she's oit of his league. The woman's friends might also tell her that.

    I really don't know why we like 'assholes', now that I think about it, I do it too! That's a strange thing to realise. Very peculiar.

    Maybe it's because those guys are usually funny etc? Because people tell them oh you're funny or oh you're handsome or whatever, their ego gets bigger and they become assholes, but still have fun personalities.

    "Nice guys" are boring.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Dear Sir,
    Preach!
    This has plagued me for years. Especially since I deal with college girls. It's frustrating and I feel your pain.

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What Girls Said 17

  • Because those women have emotional issues they need to address before they're capable of having a healthy relationship? (provided that's what they're looking for)

    by the way this "Answers your text message in a respectable time, behaves in a friendly manner, chats and tries to get to know about you and even tries to take you out on date. " is not some special redeeming quality. It's the basic standard of politeness that most people should have. (Yes I'm aware there are plenty, men and women, that don't) But this is normal, expected behavior of someone who is interested in another person. If the other person is not responding or tells you that they are not romantically interested then it is on YOU to accept that and move on. Not ever person you are interested in will also be interested in you. That's a very entitled attitude to have and life doesn't work that way. Those types of people clearly have personal issues that they need work on if they want to try to have a healthy dating life/relationship.

    And to reiterate, women who purposely pursue these types of guys "Meanwhile guys who are either assholes or indifferent to girls from the start and tease them of their insecurities, don't respond back to their calls or take hours-days to respond back to their text, and more often than not escalate things quickly to sex" clearly have issues within themselves that they need to fix if they are only interested in emotionally unavailable or abusive guys. Of course not every guy acts abusive at the start but we all, men and women, should learn the signs of an abusive, physically and emotionally, partner and have the self respect to leave. I say this as someone who was in an emotionally abusive relationship. Looking back at it now I see all the signs that I missed and ignored as well as how I had emotional issues that caused me stay in such an awful relationship for so long.

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  • nothing, literally nothing matters if she likes you. She'll be with you if she likes you from the get go. The reason so many girls go with fuckboys is because they're initially hard to figure out, leaves room for positive assumptions. And you know, they want what they can't have. Having said that, if a girl goes for a fuckboy more than once or twice in her life (these are due to inexperience) then you can start to question her sanity to be honest. There's recognisable patterns you can spot a mile away haha. Anyway, if she likes you, you'll feel it, if she doesn't, act like a fuckboy and she'll like you for a little while, then tell all her friends what an asshole you are. she still won't truly, to the core like in the way you want her to

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  • ummm... I don't think I fall into this category as I don't like aholes at all. BUT I do have a lot of experience with them and I have dated them and at times I found myself hooked into being with them, while nice respectful guys stood by the wayside.

    And let me tell you why. These guys are somewhat sociopaths and opportunistic and predators. They have no conscious about manipulating a woman's emotions to get what they want. You might all well be asking why a rapist with a gun gets all the poo-tang while the non criminals get none.

    If you are nice and respectful then you worry about her feelings and not hurting others, then she will do what is in her best interests. etc. These guys don't.

    I know it looks like we like these guys but we REALLY don't. They just know how to abuse us to lower our self worth so they can take advantage. They do these mind games. The hook you in and ignore you and do the push pull thing etc.

    It's hard to explain.

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  • my investment is not sex. is sex s what i do when i'm ready. everyones investment is time because all f our time is limited here on earth. Women value their time., i've never like a guy who was disrespect. first sin of that, i'm gone.

    maybe the women just want a hot piece of ass and nothing more. those guys fill that role bc thats all they want too. so they are not investing sex to get the guy, but having sex bc they want it with a guy who wants it.

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    • Well for starters. In my life I've yet to see a woman get upset, or cry over a guy who was nice to her, gone out on several dates with her and who constantly converse/shared life experience and emotions with her. However, I've seen plenty times in my life of women getting upset when men they've had sex with stopped contacting them.

      Also your theory of women just wanting some ass would be alright if it wasn't for the fact that most women don't really get enjoyment out of just casual sex most of the time. Women want relationship. And another thing is if these women were just looking for a piece of ass why are so many of them taking these guys who couldn't give to fucks about them as their boyfriend.

      Doesn't make much sense.

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    • Well done. You just debunked my argument by deeming it stupid.

    • I'd argue the amount of women looking just for sex is much smaller then the men looking for it. I'm sure they exist but I've never met one. At least not the kind you describe... maybe because I'm not the kind of man you describe (looking just for sex).

  • They're not. Plain and simple...
    Those who are are still just kids - who don't know any better. Or have daddy issues I presume...

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  • In my experience, I've always dated the losers and loners, unfortunate looking guys and anti-social. But what I've learned is that no matter what they look like, they're assholes. I'm not saying every guy is a asshole but you would think those types of guys are much nicer. The guys I've dated were so kind, sweet, very caring and just a dream. But then 3-4 months later they became difficult and distant. I would break up with them. They always came back and apologized for being complicated with me and told me what a good girlfriend i was. I've done this 8 times. I think this is gonna be my 9th time again soon. So for me, i feel like these guys i dated were a wolf in sheep's clothing.

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  • I tend to have this problem. I tend to like guys that are not as into me as I am into them. Usually it has to do with them being emotionally unavailable (both had just gotten out of serious relationships).
    I don't like it when a guy is clingy so when they aren't clingy or texting/calling me all the time I don't think much of it, I actually appreciate it lol

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  • I'm honestly not sure, but I know from my personal experience the guy I liked started out like the good guy, but then eventually turned into the asshole. But by then I had already seen the good guy he could be and had fallen in love with him. I kept thinking he would go back to the way he used to be and I really wanted him too, eventually we broke it off but I still remember the guy he was in the beginning

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  • Because it's a challenge to get the more unavailable and standoffish guy, and also we want what we can't have.

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    • Oh so that's why so many women chase after married men and try to fuck up a marriage when you guys have so many single guys offering you a relationship.

  • Don't look at me. I would never date an asshole/fuckboy but I suspect so many girls do it because of lack of fathers in the home today.

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  • haha i get you, see there is something about going after something that is kinda like, above you, or feels like a challenge

    if you come across as too easy or desperate or too available , it would turn me off. coz.. well. your easy and so , having you is not so much of a big deal. its stupid i know but that's just how it is i suppose :)
    p. s: believe me sometimes i just wanna kill myself for feeling that way

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    • Wow! It's just like you're having an argument against your own common sense!

  • cuz im an asshole myself and I need some1 who can keep up with me in my journey to asshole-dom.

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  • those guys u described are usually more charming

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    • which ones? the fuckboys?

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    • but yeah I know

    • I just want things to go right for once I'm just tired of the pain and the misery that I've been going through

  • I believe women think they can change men. If she's his girl she believes she'll be the one to make a difference. Unfortunately they don't understand you can't change anyone, the person needs to want to change for themselves.

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  • I can't even answer that myself.

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  • Sad but true... sometimes😕

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  • 1.) Sometimes we ignore a "good guys" because we don't like that "good guy". For example just last week a guy in my class who I've been friends with for a year texted me and told me he liked me. He kept trying to ask me out on dates, trying to kiss me, offering me food, money, and other stuff. Even though he was a good guy I was bot attracted to him at all and he was very clingy and kind of annoying. Jusy because you're a good guy doesn't mean you don't have other flaws. Just being good isn't good enough for a relationship. There needs to be physical attraction, an emotional connection, and our personalities need to be compatible. Girls usually ignore the good guys because sometimes being good is the only positive quality they have.

    2.) Some guys date assholes because they're phyiscally attracted to them. Some girls will date attractive guys with bad personality over an unattractive guy with a great personality. I would never date anyone I'm not attracted to because I would definitely be unhappy. If I'm not attracted to someone I don't want to kiss them, or cuddle with them, or anything else.

    3.) Not all women don't want to be treated as a sex object. Some women really enjoy sex and don't mind being treated as a sex object. Me personally, I'm a virgin but there are tons of girls in my school who bounce from one dick to the next. They're using fuckboys for sex just as mucch as the fuckboys are using them for sex. They like having sex so they don't mind having sex with a guy with a terrible personality if he is very attractive or a good sexual partner.

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    • Why is it when women approach 25-30's and beyond and had their wild sex adventures with the "hot guy" that the guy was not "good enough" suddenly becomes good enough for a relationship/intimacy.

      Why then can women stomach the lack of physical attraction and prioritize job stability, status and personality over looks?

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    • People can change and love can grow. So maybe they'll come to love them

    • Nah people don't change much and usually in this scenario you presented women divorce the man and leaves him financially ruined. 70% of divorces are initiated by women.

What Guys Said 23

  • I wish I had some sort of an easy answer to provide you. Not unlike you I used to really wrestle with this issue, and after much anger, frustration and despair, I decided I had, had enough and I quite literally quit torturing myself over all of it. Now does this mean I stopped being interested in women? No, what it does mean is I stopped working so hard to try and figure out every little thing women do, why they act certain ways, what motivates them. Again does this mean I stopped learning from my experiences? No, I just stopped obsessing over every little thing and trying to analyze EVERYTHING. It was just too much, it is really hard to understand somebody when they don't even really know what they want. With this in mind I just decided to give this particular headache a rest and not worry so much about it. The result of this is I was much less anxious and uptight, I could feel comfortable in my own skin, and really if a woman or girl is going to be interested in you, it should be because of who you are rather than because you have all the right answers. I honestly believe they (women) are not seeking perfection, just someone who is a genuine person, someone they can get to know and most importantly someone who knows who they are, rather than a man who is trying to figure who he is while the woman is getting to know who they are. While it is true you may not have everything nailed down, you don't really have to, just establish a few character traits, know which ones they are, be consistent and then work on developing other traits. This way not only will they have a foundation by which to establish getting to know you, but they will also have the benefit of watching you make discoveries about yourself as you mature as a man. Granted these are just suggestions and you can take or leave any of this advice at the door if you so choose. :-)

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  • For women, attracting a man is like a game. When you play video games do you enjoy a game that is too easy? If you put in that cheat code and you're invincible and there's no way to lose the game gets really boring really fast. But if the game is challenging is the right balance of not too easy and not too hard you can play the same game for days weeks or even months or years.

    Women are the same with dating. They want a challenge. They don't want a guy who is ready to be their boyfriend before the first date or even after several dates, that's too easy. Women want a guy they know they're going to lose if they don't try hard enough, jus like guys enjoy sports games and video games they're going to lose if they don't try hard enough.

    Of course women don't want a guy that is too hard to attract either, but most guys have the problem of making it too easy.

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    • So when a guy sees a girl he likes for the first time what should he do or say on his first approach? Do you touch her arm or kiss her after you get her name or is that moving too fast. Any help is appreciated.

    • @mrsingle You should pee on her leg. Mark your territory like dogs do and the scent will keep other guys away.

  • Don't know, man. What I do know is that acting gentlemanly with girls (i. e. the way many of us are taught to act) is an express ticket to the friend zone. I laugh when I read posts from girls wondering why guys don't act gentlemanly anymore. Girls aren't attracted to gentlemen because they see them as doormats, but they enjoy the catering the get from these dudes.

    The best you can do is not worry about what girls do or want. Not caring will solve two problems: 1.) it will alleviate the angst associated with trying to decipher girls' behaviors, and 2.) it will redirect your attentions so that you might find your true passions in life. I think too many guys our age spend too much time worrying over women and not enough working on our own futures.

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  • I'm a rather sarcastic person and do take the piss out of friends. Male or female. I also don't share a lot with anyone outside a close group so in your post I'd be one of the emotionally unavailable people. I completely miss when a women is attracted to me and get it pointed out by my friends or sometimes theirs. You are however completely wrong on why.

    Despite all the talk about what women want from a man you'll find they want just that: a man. They don't want you to be a friend before anything has happens. Don't get me wrong you can be friends with women (I have a few female friends that are close enough to give me date tips) but don't expect to then date them. It's rare that happens.

    Once you're in a relationship it's different as you both invest emotionally. How I treat them will always be different then when I knew them through a social event or however we meet. I'm always polite to everyone.

    The second type of man you're talking about seems like an ass. Sometimes you're attracted to the wrong people. Happens to men as well.

    I do have to say this... If you think all a women offer is sex you're dating the wrong kind of women.

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    • "I do have to say this... If you think all a women offer is sex you're dating the wrong kind of women."

      I never said women only offer sex but their investment in men seems to be sex.

      You can go out on platonic dates with a girl and show her a great time, you can share feelings, thoughts and emotions with her and she will not feel bad about losing you even if you got her as a person.

      She will however feel very disheartened if she gives up sex to you and you don't reciprocate in some way. I've seen this time with girls obsessing over guys who just had sex with them but didn't reciprocate with relationship or some undisclosed agreement.

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    • "I see what you're getting at. Committed but no sex yet? That's not the same as being at the start of a relationship as we have been discussion."

      What do you define start of relationship? When you officially become BF/GF, when u take her out on a date, when you start talking to her?

      "Anyway it happened to a friend of mine once. She even, as you said, gave him date. You are wrong on there only being two options. He just said he didn't feel like it. She wasn't very happy. "

      Like i said. Men have 2 choices in my previous response to this form of control. They can tell the woman to fuck off and go after another girl or be manipulated.

    • It's not a relationship two or three dates in. It's someone I'm seeing. There isn't a solid "start" point to a relationship but if I'm at the point I'd still walk away I'm probably not in one.

  • I have seen this my self, but only on women that have no self respect. I remember years ago I had this friend I wanted to date, she would cry to me about getting beaten up, and one time one of her boyfriends stabbed her because she had a miscarriage. She didn't die from it by the way, anyway I did what I could to help her, and every time she dated someone that was like that I was her shoulder. Eventually I cut her out of my life, women like that aren't capable of change. She also lost my respect. It was from that point I made a decision that I would never be friend zoned again. When she does that to me, she stops existing to me, and I forget about her, call it a permanent blacklist.

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  • For point 1 - surprise surprise right, lo and behold women generally wanna be sexualized... just only with the person they choose.. it makes them feel wanted. Also they are somewhat descentized to being sexualized since it literally happens all the time, so when they want that, believe they want that

    For point 2 - Girls tend to go for guys that are usually a notch or two above their league. The chase and constant cat and mouse keeps them interested

    Usually most girls will go through the 'bullshit' phase. Ignore the good guy but go for the edgy guy with hopes to one day find true love within one of the edgy guys. If that doesn't work out, usually those girls have now been emotionally ripped apart. Which is when they 'settle' for a 'good' guy

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  • What I don't get is I've called women sexy, which I'm told is the wrong way to compliment them. When I say your sexy that also means I'd fuck you. There's the hint I like them, and according to your question this is the behavior they like.

    But from my experience they get defensive when I act like this, like they don't want to look slutty in front of their friends. I've never had the chance to say this to a girl alone so I don't know if that changes things.

    If someone could help me figure this out I would like that. I honestly want casual sex, I also want a relationship, but just sex would be fun if the girl isn't into me long term, so I need some game tips here how to talk and get her hooked so she is willing to keep in contact and fuck me.

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    • So I meet a girl, what do I say right away to keep her interested in me and where I get results where she feels ok to touch or flirt with me. Can you touch a girl on the arm or shoulder or hug if you knew her a few minutes and only have her name?

  • I explained that in part in one of my Takes: www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a24617-what-do-women-want

    To make it simple: They are attracted to assholes not because they are assholes, but because said assholes are "above" them in the social hierachy.

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  • Confidence. The truth of the matter is that most women actually do like nice guys and the qualities they exhibit. But since so many of them lack confidence and/or do not approach girls, they are missing out. The assholes are the only ones exhibiting confidence and approaching girls, so logically they are the ones the girls are going for. If more nice guys were actually confidence and approached women, I do not think that we would be having this problem.

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  • Because most nice guy lack challenge. They are too easy to get.

    They also lack confident, and let the girls walk all over them.

    Follow the 3 C's : Confident, Control, and Challenge.

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  • Should've done this a mytake because I agree to many of your points, and nice videos, too.

    I wouldn't know how to answer your question because you have to throw all logic aside when entering the dating scene, anyways.

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  • You sound like a sexually repressed pansy to have gone out of your way to this effort in writing this. Women like a mystery/challenge as does everyone in life. A nice guy reeks of boring. Keep a girl on her toes and she will keep coming back to you.

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  • LOL at that last pic.

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  • Humans are just bored little tidbits of the universe. Logic entering where it isn't welcome never turns out well.

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  • Why are most men go crazy when they see big boobs and butts?

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  • Fuck the women. As a great artist Till Lindemann has said in Benzin
    "I don't need woman
    Give me vaselin."

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  • WHAT THE FUCK.

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  • let's just face it men women are just fucked up in the head

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  • Hmm.

    I think there is a bit of implicit popular wisdom here, which a lot of people who are frustrated with dating have yet to realize:

    Dating is a lot like marketing or sales (which, yes, implies there can be quite a lot of deception, sleazy-ness and manipulativeness involved). People will want to go out with you if their impression of you is at least mildly interesting. Therefore, if you can somehow trick them into believing you are the real deal, they are more likely to want to date you than if you weren't capable of giving them that impression. Which gives quite a bit of an incentive for sleazy, manipulative behaviour.

    In this particular case, those guys (the *assholes*) are marketing/selling themselves way better than you are.

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  • The bottom line is that most younger women are simply not capable of any intelligent thought process when they choose a man to be intimate with! The don't seem to appreciate or deserve being treated with genuine respect. They immediately mistake kindness for weakness and uncaring asshole behavior for attractive strength! This is why so many men with no redeeming value other than acting like an arrogant ass continue to be most successful with younger women! This is why every jerk, jackass and criminal thug always has women!

    This is NOT misogyny! It's reality that men are forced to accept! In terms of success with younger women, a man being a genuine caring, respectful gentleman is virtually GUARANTEED sexless friend zone treatment! Sex may not be everything. But if you take sex off the table completely, what exactly is left for a man to value? Then after women get humped and dumped by the requisite number of assholes and approach the unstoppable wall of middle age, it finally occurs to them to start looking for a gentleman instead of an asshole! Unfortunately, at that point, few actual gentlemen are left! And those (if any) that remain may not wish to get too involved with an over-experienced, aging sex tart! Not all women follow that pattern. But many do! And so we have cat ladies!

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  • This happened to me lately. I dated this girl, but as she had kids I wanted to be sure about things before I messed her about. While I was slightly withdrawn and weighing everything up she was chasing me left right and centre and asking me to open up and let her in. Almost as soon as I opened up and became receptive to the idea of a relationship she was distant. I'm guessing there's a reason why most dating coaches tell you not to make yourself too available to girls at the dating stage

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  • Are you saying women are lying about what they want and completely ignorant to their own whorish impulsive natures? Because I disagree!

    #whiteknightforsex

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    • Part of the problem is that many women are also lying to THEMSEVES!

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