He rejected me because I'm not fit?

So I went on few dates with a guy who is extremely fit. He trains, works out, eats healthy, he has a beautiful face and cares about his appearance A LOT.
I, on the other hand, am not AS fit. I'm not chubby either nor skinny, I'd say my body is average. I have a back problem (got it years ago from an injury while I was training a professional teakwondo) and I practically can't do any sport anymore. I also can't do hard fitness, because I would risk getting injured again. I only go to gym sometimes. But I eat healthy and all that stuff, it's not like I'm not taking care of my body at all. I have a pretty face (at least I get told all the time) and in all honestly I almost never had difficulty getting a guy.
Anyways, he hasn't made any move on me and I started to wonder why. In the end he told me that he is not over his ex yet and that he thinks I'm the coolest person ever and that he would like us to just be friends for now, because he doesn't want to fuck things up. I kinda bought this bullshit and agreed to stay friends. But then he told one of our mutual friend (he didn't know that that friend knows me) that "I would be perfect if only I was fit" and that that turned him off, that he wants a fit girl.
How is this supposed to make me feel? I honestly feel fat and ugly now. And I think he is a jerk with an unrealistic standards. Is not being fit seriously a dealbreaker? I considered starting with hard workout even though it will reawaken my back pain and just screw everything just so I would get fit for him, but then again, is it worth it?

Updates:
I agree I overreacted calling him a jerk, you are right, just because he has some standards that I don't meet doesn't make him a jerk. But he was being a jerk for leading me on, though. Great comments by the way, thank you guys!

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Most Helpful Guy

  • For some people (both genders) physical fitness is extremely important to them and they want a partner who feels the same and has the same lifestyle. A lot of women have rejected guys for this very same reason. Just move on, he's not the right guy for you. Yes it amazes me to the people who are like this, that this would actually be a deal breaker over everything else about them, personality etc but to some, yes. You don't want a person like that anyway so good riddance I say.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Listen to me when I say this. If you want to get fit for yourself, then do that for you and your own health, but doing it for some guy, who clearly didn't even have the balls to say it to your face the real reasons, should tell you something. The way you're feeling about yourself now and your self esteem should tell you something. I have health issues myself and people I'm dating have to understand that I can only do what I can physically do, not for lack of trying or wanting to do more than I can. Dating someone is accepting who they are right there in front of you, not trying to make them into someone else that they'd prefer. I mean if he didn't want to date you for that crazy reason, then why did he bother if he knows he has a certain type. That's not on you, that's on him. So pick yourself up off the floor, and remind yourself how freaking great you are. Clearly if as you've said you have no problems getting a guy, then this is just an unfortunate speed bump on the road, so keep it moving.

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What Guys Said 20

  • ''And I think he is a jerk with an unrealistic standards''

    He is an extremely fit male, Why is it so wrong of him to want an equal partner?

    His standards aren't really ''unrealistic'' when he meets them himself.

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    • Absolutely, +1.

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    • @NoAbyss exactly! :(

    • @NoAbyss it's not that he didn't think she was attractive. He obviously did.

      It's just a different lifestyle. Some people spend a lot of time in the gym and it's difficult to date someone who doesn't understand that.

  • Can you blame a guy for having his standards and preferences tho? I mean it's a hard pill to swallow being on the receiving end, but you would reject someone that you aren't attracted too I assume.

    He's not a jerk, if he was a jerk he would have hurt your feelings personally. Would you rather him date you and immediately leave you or cheat on you when a girl more attractive to him comes along, you wouldn't want that right?

    It's the real world honey lol, the most qualified get promoted, the most attractive gets dated.

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  • If you want him, then yes. I would say you should talk to your doctor or physician on what workouts you can do to not injure your back.

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    • I considered it the moment I met him. After he asked me for a second date I was pretty much sure the game is on, and I went to my doctor to give me some workouts and stuff. The thing is that it would take me more time to get there since I have to take it slow, and I would also need to do some extra workouts for my back, in the therapy. It's all really time consuming and requires a lot of motivation, dedication and hard will. And I was willing to do it for him, even though I have a full-time job that sometimes makes me work all day. But then he pulled that lame excuse on me and my motivation just disappeared. Hell, we could've worked out together, but I guess he's just a prick.

    • I understand your frustration; however, we as people can't force people to be attracted to us. I have been rejected just because women do not like Asian features. I don't think they're bitches but I do believe they are missing out on a great guy.

  • 1. Don't do hardcore workout regiments in your condition, just do light exercise - cycling, rowing, that kind of thing
    2. I don't think he was a dick about it, he was gentleman to your face and what guys say to each other is supposed to say between guys, so shame on your friend for saying that. He wasn't even saying you were ugly or whatever, just not his type.

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  • To people who care greatly for their own body/ havehigh standards for themselves, it may be a great deal. You're right to not agree with his opinion, but it doesn't make it wrong.

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  • Why are you worried about one guy when as you have assured us you "almost never had difficulty getting a guy". So go out there and get another one.

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  • Nah its not. He seems like a look obsessed person. A lot of guys who work out a lot and are really into aesthetics and have bodybuilder bodies want women who are top athlete fit or maybe a woman who is just really sexy to their imagination. They are obsessed with perfection. But not all are like tht though. I think you should go for a guy who isn't like that. He seems a bit to obsessed.

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  • Lol.. He is out of your league.. simple as that.

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  • Let me start by saying I'd do exactly what he did. I want a fit girl too. I am sure you are cool. But if somebody works out, is fit, takes crae of himself obviously he's going to want a fit girl too. Don't see many girls doing same in reverse unless he's rich.

    About hard workout, please NO. Don't do it. You might end up getting even severe injury, could turn out to be permanant. No guy is worth doing that. You said yourself you have no problem getting guys, so why put yourself through that for one guy?

    Also you don't need to do hard workout to lose weight, there are plenty of other ways. And you don't burn much calories on average work out, so it depends on healthy and balanced diet.

    If I may ask have you seen any Chriopractor yet?

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  • Apparently it's a deal breaker for him. Move on and stop being so self conscious about it. Getting fit is something you do for yourself since you need to be driven, not any particular guy.

    He was probably just hoping you might want to change your ways since he likes you as a person but is obviously picky about being with someone who's driven to work out like himself.

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  • It's not that bad I'd just not be bothered I've been rejected for only being 5'4 but it doesn't bother me people like what they like not much you can do.

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  • Guys get rejected for me bald, unfit, undesirable, being creeps aka a confident ugly guy and so forth. Nothing you can do about it. Deal with it. I'm going bald and your fat such is life

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  • yea its a deal breaker, and it is to him also so get over it, your not good enough for him, ever heard of standards?

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  • If girls reject guys because they don't see them as fit then why can't guys do that same to girls?

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  • He has the right to refuse you.

    Let him find what he needs and you the same.

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  • It's his loss.. i love beautiful curvy women😍 that's my type.. and if he things your the coolest person ever why would not being fit matter? His loss babe.

    Don't get fit for a guy.. do it for yourself and your health

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  • How is it unrealistic. He's literally your counterpoint standing in front of you.

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  • His standards were still his standards before he went on that first date, let alone the second or the third. He's a dick for making you think there could be something there. Plain and simple. A complete dick!

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    • I agree. He shouldn't have dated her if she was not his type. He is just Mr. Unavailable. He will always find something that is not ''right''.

  • Well, I think your back problem has much to do with that.

    I'm very much guessing that he knew nothing about it until a few dates in; which then he, of course, started to think how he could get the he** away - because you are very unlikely to share in his interest and passion.

    I don't see this guy as a jerk with an unrealistic standards

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  • Just move on. People get rejected for dumber things. I've been turned down over my skin, my eyebrows, and several time for absolutely no reason at all just because. It happens. Just move on. You're cute but that doesn't mean everybody wants you. I was a model got a couple commercial gigs on looks alone and have pulled many of girls by just looking in their direction but I still get rejected. It doesn't mean anything unless you decide to give it meaning. Just move on. I'm not sure why you'd want someone who left for such a stupid reason anyways.

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What Girls Said 20

  • People. Are. Allowed. To. Have. Standards.

    If he is a fit guy who regularly goes to the gym and eats clean and stays active, he is ALLOWED to want that same standard of woman.

    It's not your fault at all that he wasn't attracted to you, I'm almost 90% positive there is nothing wrong with you that you should feel fat and ugly because you don't meet HIS specific set of standards.

    It just doesn't work out because you're physically incapable of keeping up with his lifestyle. Find someone else who has a lifestyle you're able to be a part of without potential harm to your own well being.

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  • I can kind of understand his preference. I am plus sized, and I totally get it when a guy who practically lives at the gym has no interest in me. I get it. We have completely different lifestyles. Now I don't live at McDonald's, I like to go on walks, and I enjoy eating healthy. But I'm not super into fitness, and it's a huge part of his life.

    Some people can deal with their partner having a completely different lifestyle. While other's can't. I don't think it's merely just the physical aspect of the relationship that he couldn't do. I think it could also be the lifestyle aspect.

    But it's not unrealistic for him to expect that when he himself meets his own standard. It would be crappy of him if he was overweight and very unhealthy to require a woman be a supermodel in order to date him. I think he was being fair in that he gave you a chance but then broke it off when he figured out he wasn't able to follow through. He's allowed to have preferences just as you are.

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  • This Louse will always find some lame Duck Dick Excuse, no Matter what it is For... Molding you into what he Wants as "Fit as a Fiddle."
    Do not Start Something that you may not be able to finish Nor handle. Don't become an Enabler to Please and Tease for his attention. Once you 'Start' it, you will always have to keep Going and Flowing and it becomes After Awhile a Full Circle Problem Pattern down the Path of Destruction... Nothing you ever Try for this Guy will ever be Good enough or just Enough Stuff.
    There is Someone out there who is much More Special, and Always remember that Anything you do in Life, Do it First for You because You are the Most important One to think of First Hand, not some Man.
    Now tha the has caused your self esteem to go in the toilet, don't think this Less than Fine Feathered No Friend has any kind of Consciousness.
    Good luck and You do what is Best for you. xx

    Good luck. xx

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  • I mean, most people want someone that has a similar lifestyle to theirs and you don't. If he's in to eating healthy, working out, and his diet and you aren't, that would be a strain on your relationship.

    It was kinda assholey for him to lie like that, though. He should have just been honest with you. For all he knows, you may have been interested in getting in shape and you guys could be doing it together.

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  • if you want to get fit, do it for you, not to conform yourself to someone else's standards. he's not a jerk for wanting someone fit, although he is kind of a jerk for lying to you and going out with you a bunch of times first. it's not like you suddenly stopped being fit while you guys were dating.

    i think you should forget about him - he doesn't respect you enough to just be honest with you. but if you wanna workout for you, then sure, talk to your doc and see what you can (safely!) do. :)

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  • Why change yourself to be with someone? I can never understand that. You are perfect the way you are. You aren't even overweight so I don't understand why you'd want to get super fit for ONE guy who didn't even have the guts to be honest with you. You two don't seem compatible to me. If the universe intended for you to be with him, he would have accepted you for who you are.

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    • "you are perfect the way you are" that's just straight up bullshit.

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    • Lol thanks for putting words in my mouth also surely plent of guys won't care but she's not perfect.

    • @Josht11 Who are you to decide for people who they are and how they should see themselves? Get off your high horse. Stop spamming my answer.

  • It would be very easy to just call him a "shallow jerk" and be done with it. The truth is, he isn't necessarily that way. He was completely sincere with you, did not try to fool you in any way and that's something to appreciate. We're all physically attracted to different features.

    For instance, I couldn't go out with a man who doesn't have nice hands. Whenever I meet a man, I instantly look at his hands and if I don't like them (he has chubby, short fingers), it's sort of a deal breaker for me.

    Does that make me shallow? I don't think so. Physical attraction is important in a relationship, granted, not the most important, but still.

    You certainly have nothing to feel bad about, there is nothing wrong with you, your progress is amazing and you're at a healthy weight right now.

    Wishing you the best of luck, anyway.

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  • Being fit isn't anywhere close to unrealistic. You can be fit. Here's a good way of showing him. Ask him to hangout with you, take him on a hike or a bike ride or a jog around the park. Subtle but active workouts. This will show him you're fit without putting strain on your back.

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  • its life. he rejected me because he said he didn't feel any connection or I was to ugly or he didn't have time... or he wanted sex or else! The point is everyone gets rejected by some person they weren't meant to be. ): Its fucked up ):

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  • He is superficial and watches too much porn. Next.

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  • Yea, ruin your back and potentially suffer from pain and whatnot the rest of your life, that'll teach him.
    Honestly he has the right to have whatever standards he pleases, it doesn't make him a jerk. It's one guy with one demand you do not meet, move on, there are lots of men who'll love your body.

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  • If you feel like he's a jerk and unrealistic, why let him make you feel fat and ugly? No sense in injuring yourself to prove someone wrong that you already consider a jerk/unrealistic. Let some other chick deal with him.

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  • If he honestly cared about you, I think he would understand that this is (to one extent or another) out of your hands. If you want to get back into hard training, I would say go for it. My only thing is that you need to do this for you, not for him. He isn't going to be the one in pain, he isn't going to feel you struggle. You will be alone in this, and it needs to be your decision.

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  • he is not worth the time or pain you would be in just to to fit him sorry for the use of the word. cut him out of your life and know you are worth so much more than he is and you will find Mr right and have a good life

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  • No point crying over it. You know the truth now. Forget him. Not worth your time.

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  • He has a type can't do anything about that. I do wonder why he initiated anything with you to begin but whatever.

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  • Red Flag... Ego Trip

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  • People can discriminate as much as they want when they look for romantic partners.

    If you want to get fit, consult your doctor about what you can do without putting
    your body at risk.

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  • He's not unrealistic he just wants someone's equally fit. Everyone has their turn offs.

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  • Just move on and find someone else. People have their preferences, and they shouldn't be expected to change them, just as you shouldn't be expected to change yourself for someone. It does suck when you meet someone, and you really like them but they don't feel the same. However, I'm sure you've met someone who liked you, but you didn't feel the same. People shouldn't be considered jerks just because they don't like you.

    No it's not worth it for you to injure yourself for him. It's a dealbreaker for him, but it won't be for other guys. That's how it works with dating. I'm sorry that you're hurt, but it's also not right to label him as a jerk either.

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