Does having sex too early ruin the relationship?

Does having sex too early (on the second to fifth date) ruin the relationship? Does it always make the guy lose respect for the girl and not see her as relationship material? If you've had sex too soon, can you back track and save the relationship?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It depends on the people in question.

    I am someone who likes to take his time and settle into a relationship, so having my girlfriend push for sex early on will make me anxious about the relationship and whether or not she's in it for the right reasons.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Honestly, it depends on the 2 people

    - I've known some that began really slowly. They were together for a year or two before they had sex (highschool). Those two (aunt and uncle) are married with children to this day. Still actually pretty happy from what I see and how they interact.

    On the flip side, I know my friend (who just had her baby) started sleeping with her boyfriend on the 2nd date. They've been together for almost 2 years, are still quite happy.

    I also know where having sex too early has ruined things for people. Or they waited too long and also ruined it.

    - - So to be perfectly honest, do it when you feel ready. If you're ready to join the man's bones after date #2 he's doing something right. ;)

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    • Ready to JUMP the man's bones **

    • Yeah... I guess he's doing something right. Lol. I just feel that if you have sex too early either a) you become emotionally invested way to fast (and it may blind you to the fact that they aren't right for you) or b) sex becomes meaningless (a physical act void of emotion). And that a lot guys will assume that you'll have sex with anyone if you sleep with them too soon.

    • I'm going to quote "Orphan" here.

      "no it doesn't. if a guy wants to be with you, he'll stick around regardless.

      . early on it can be more likely the sex is for the wrong reasons, that's all "

      ^ This, is accurate. The time shouldn't matter. If you feel ready and that it's right, then go for it. Don't hold back just because there's stigma about giving it up "too soon".

      - If you feel like waiting is the right option, then wait. So over said, but do what feels right to you. :]

What Guys Said 18

  • I don't get in a rush to have sex in any given time frame actually. I really prefer it happen through natural coarse of time and circumstances. I'm not going to dump her solely based on the fact it hasn't happened within a set time frame unless it's obvious that she has no plan to have sex at all

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  • Women are so damn scared of having sexual play early will somehow make the guy write her off as a girlfriend, simply not true!

    I would be MORE likely to write her off as a girlfriend, if she is intentionally withholding sex with me as a strategy, knowing or strongly feeling that she'd fuck a less quality guy more quickly.

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  • Hell if they don't put out I give up all together after the 2nd-5th date. Like most guys I tend not to see them as relationship material anyway whether they put out or not (and I quit pretending I did just to get laid long ago, got tired of the drama when the truth could no longer be hidden).

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    • I'm glad you stopped lying to get laid. Guys who convince a girl they want a relationship to get sex are pretty awful. If you just want sex, and you're honest about your intentions, it's on the woman if she wanted something more. If you lie to get laid, you're an asshole.

    • Yeah got tired of all the Jerry Springer moments, some of which even he wouldn't air.

  • In my opinion having early sex has nothing to do with respect but everything to do with preference/values/lifestyle.. etc. For me, I value spending long time with a person before having sex.. In other words, I choose to put "significance" on sex. just like other people "choose" to put significance on birthdays, turning 21, Superstitions.. etc. Life is cold without those ;) but point is: no.. Respect is not lost unless it was never present in the first place.

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  • i don´t think so. it doesn´t ruin anything. either it was never meant to be, or it´s all coming together anyway. the sex doesn´t change that.

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  • no it doesn't. if a guy wants to be with you, he'll stick around regardless.

    . early on it can be more likely the sex is for the wrong reasons, that's all

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  • well, i think it does in some way.. cause it bases the relation ship on sex, which doesn't last too much in my opinion

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  • All the best and longest lasting relationships I've been in introduced sex within that timeframe.

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  • Depends on the type of relationship. For example,
    Someone who will give their body for something in return (attention, gifts, etc)
    Or giving their body because they want to be even closer to the person they love
    Both consensual, but you tell me which sounds like there is more respect?

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  • Q No. ! Absolutely!!!
    Q No. 2 Absolutely not!!!
    Come on, Girls. Have a bit of respect for yourselves!!!
    No decent man is going to buy the cow if he gets his milk for free."£$%^&*(

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    • The problem with this is the underlying double standard. If a woman has a sex drive and gives into her urges in the heat of the moment, she has no respect for herself. If a man does the same thing, it's still the woman's fault for putting out too soon. Shouldn't a man who would sleep with a woman early on also be told to have more respect for himself?

    • Sorry, I should have made it clear. Men are just ass-holes that want their own satisfaction with no regard for themselves or anyone else.
      If a guy wants sex from you at that early stage in the relationship, he isn't thinking of you as a long term partner.

  • I think so, because you need to get along well with each other in order to enjoy sex, and this will make you get along well with each other.

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  • I had sex on the first day I met my ex-wife

    We shared a 22 year long marriage

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  • If he didn't respect you before you give him play he won't respect you after..

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  • The earlier the better...

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  • No. I require sex by the 3rd date, or there is no 4th date.

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  • mybe

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  • If I don't get sex by the second date, there won't be a third. There's no chance of me losing respect for a woman, because I had none to begin with.

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  • Not necessarily.

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What Girls Said 7

  • No, not necessarily. It really just depends on the couple. Also, what constitutes "too early" is subjective as well. Basically, if you trust your partner and feel that it's the right time then that's fine. There's no time limit for how long you have to wait in order to have sex. I think it's more of a matter of making sure you're with the right person and just relying on your own best judgment.

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  • No. If you feel like the guy loses respect for you and doesn't see you as relationship material after you had sex, regardless of how soon or 'late', he never saw real potential in you for a serious relationship in the first place.

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  • I'm personally against having sex too early on in the relationship. I once read steve harveys act like a lady think like a man book. And i agree with the book.

    Also i only have sex with people i am in love with and who love me back. I don't believe in casual sex. But thats my personal opinion!

    You should do whatever makes you feel the best. No one can decide what's best for you!!!

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    • I'm not one for causal sex either (and from what the guy in question has told me, he isn't either). We haven't actually had sex, but we've fooled around a lot, and we've only been on a few dates. Is it possible to back track and wait? Or should I just break up with him because I've gone too far? Having sex too soon makes me feel guilty and worried, so I don't think it's for me.

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    • What does it say in the book by Steve Harvey?

    • @Emmdk I think he says to make a guy wait 3 months for sex.

  • i think so

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  • Depends on the relationship
    Current one it hasn't.
    Past one it did.

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  • No. I believe that when it's meant to be, it's meant to be.
    I also think that the idea that having sex early ruins the relationship is an excuse used by men to dump women they have no interest in.
    Just an excuse

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  • Depends on more than that. Sometimes personalities shine, or two people click very well, sometimes it's just whatever... There's more too. But really, more than sex will come into these decisions. Apart from first dates I guess, because then he doesn't really know her.

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