I recently met someone (we met online) and have gone on a couple dates. He has all the ideal qualities I'm looking for (driven, attractive, Christian, nice smile, hard working, educated, affectionate, chivalrous) however after having a friend run a background check (yes , I did go there.it's 2008) , come to find out he lied to me about his age. (I am 30) He said he was 35 and he's actually 39 years old. The age doesn't bother me , but the fact that he lied about something so irrelevant. If he lies about something small, there's no telling what else he could be keeping from me. I'm going to address what I expect in a relationship- honesty issue- to him face to face and hope he can be forthcoming. I want to know, Guys, is it common for men to lie about their age? Why? If the shoe were on the other foot, would you continue seeing a girl if you knew she lied about her age? My heart believes he's a good man, but I want to be practical and cautious too. Please help.
Most Helpful Guy
The age thing is to try and be more compatible with you. If you have gotten to know the guy and think he is honestly good then OK. I would confront him about it though. Tell him this, your friend decided to do a background check on him, with out your knowledge because she was looking out for you, and pulled up his true age. Tell him it isn't a big deal but he needs to be honest from here on in. I've run into similar honesty issues, not about age though, and I know it can be confusing. Just don't jump into marriage or anything serious for a couple of years so you get to know him better.
I used to lie about my age, to be older when I was like 18, but know I realize that it has very little to do in relationships (unless it's a girl around 18 then you have the parents to deal with and too much immaturity, It also has a creepy factor to it too, not that I have done it). You really need to sit him down though and tell him "We need to talk" I guarantee that he will be listening to you when those words are spoken. Tell him he needs to be honest about anything else because logically speaking you will find out about anything as the relationship continues. Let him know that you aren't spying on him and that it was your friend, but he needs to divulge anytihng that he may be keeping from that impacts your relationship. You can even go so far as asking for his drivers license just to see his picture. You can check his B-date that way and if he was lying confront him on it with out telling him about the background check (do it while on a date when he isn't thinking about it and catch him off guard). If he doesn't show it to you wait a few days and then tell him about your friend. Don't try to use her as a scapegoat but rather put her up on a pedestal that she is looking out for you and you just want him to be honest. Don't let him turn it around on you either. He will feel like he is backed into a corner so you have to be sympathetic to him but also stand firm and let him know this behavior is unacceptable in the future. Basically give him a warning but don't let down your guard. If you start to see a pattern of lying about larger things then you will want to rethink your relationship!
OH and also I have found that if a person is a true Christian, if you ask them if the "Swear to God" and they do then they are telling the truth. It isn't anything bad the indication of the wording and language just means that they are swearing an oath that what they say is the truth before God. It's basically the exact same principle they use in the court systems.1