What's the point of a coffee date?

Why do you take a woman on a coffee date, for a first date? I don't see the point, maybe it has to do with culture, I do realize that not every one on this site is from America, but still I don't see why a coffee date is a good first date.

If you take someone on a coffee date, how long is that really going to last, maybe 20 min, and plus you don't want to drink too many cups of coffee, because well coffee can act like a natural laxative at times, and I really don't see the fun in trying to not sh*t your pants in front of the woman of your dreams.

They way I see it is, a coffee date just like a lunch date means friends not potential relationship. You don't get dressed up, it happens during the day, It's more along the lines of a hi, bye type of situation, nice to meet you and we will probably never see each other again. Plus your friends are going to ask how the date went and what is your response, we had fun, we drank coffee, talked. Talk about a boring date, well maybe not, maybe the coffee was really good.

So who here has actually gone on a coffee date with a chick, they just met and actually had fun, and continued to date that same person?

How many have gone on a coffee date and haven't been on another date with the same person, and how many people think it is actually a good first date? Everyone feel free to answer.


0|1
7|10

Most Helpful Guy

  • First of all,

    (e-slap-in-the-face)

    Stop overanlyzing things with a negative lense, in an attempt to justify & excuse your unsuccessful dating life thus far to yourself.

    Things happen in baby-steps.

    You don't apply for a job, and wait to get considered for a raise or promotion! You apply, you get a phone call back, you make an appointment, you go for an initial interview, then a second, then a third with multiple & more important interviewers, then a company outing to meet & interact with the rest of the company, and that's just so you can get hired!

    Ask yourself this question;

    What's the point of dating? I mean, really! It's all just sex-motivated, on both ends. Girls are looking for guys they would have sex with, to reproduce with, pass on good genetic information, and successfully raise the byproduct of those genetics. Men are looking for the same thing. So why go through that whole process? Forget women. Let's just talk about YOU. If you KNOW that you found a girl who satisfies that criteria, why don't you just tell her to come with you to your place, get undressed, have unprotected sex while she's ovulating, and start a family? Hmm? I mean, what's the point of everything else? Right?

    The point is, the mating process is complex & multi-faceted.

    One part of it, is both a man & woman wanting & accepting each other's genetic information. That's the motivator for sex. But that's just ONE part of the mating process.

    The other part of the mating process, is the man & woman feeling comfortable & connected to each other. After the byproduct of sex comes along, the pair should still feel motivated to stay with each other, they should enjoy each other's company, they should still want to have sex with each other & not feel motivated to seek it elsewere, they should love each other & care about the other's happiness & well-being; since it directly affects the physical, emotional & financial health of their children.

    Comfort-building & familiarity is a process.

    And the process starts off in baby-steps. You can't go from meeting someone, to wham-bam, kissing. You can't go from talking to wham-bam having sex. And you can't go from having sex to wham-bam getting married or even just being in a serious long-term relationship.

    It's not that these things take time. They take COMFORT BUILDING!

    If YOU (or her) don't feel comfortable enough to go out for a cup of coffee, then how will you feel comfortable enough to go on a less-casual & more meaningful date? How will you feel comfortable enough to touch, or kiss, or have sex? How will you feel comfortable enough to open up emotionally & fall for each other? How will you feel safe enough to trust each other & be vulnerable with each other? How exactly do you imagine getting from first meeting someone to being in a relationship?

    And if for nothing else; coffee dates are a great way to sample new & exotic flavors of coffee..

    4|1
    0|0
    • My dating life has been very successful, I have dated multiple women, and I currently have a gf, not one time did I go on a coffee date. And yes you can go from meeting someone to kissing them, and to even having sex with them, I have, are you saying you haven't?

      If you like a chick, why waist 20 mins over coffee, when you could take her to dinner, back to your place for a movie, maybe a drink,and who knows maybe even sex.

    • Show All
    • I enjoyed the e-slap-in-the-face

    • 21d

      I agree with jdcpa. Dates are simply a way to spend time together to find out if two people mutually want to continue spending time together. Whether it's over coffee or drinks or dinner or skiing at the Alps, as long as you're spending one on one time, you are getting more information about the person that will inform your decision about whether you want to continue seeing that person. In fact, from the perspective of a woman, if a man will not go on a coffee date with me, I will assume that he is really not interested in spending time getting to know me, which does not bode well for the relationship. Any man who would consider spending time getting to know me a waste of time because it's a coffee date is really not interested in anything long term in my opinion.

What Girls Said 7

  • I have gone on a few and they are duds. It is a very noncommittal date that you can take with someone you don't know, like an online connection, and not worry you will be stuck hanging out with them for hours. For that reason I would say it is good because I went on 3 coffee dates that I can remember, and none of the guys were people I would have wanted to spend hours with. The coffee date did not skew this unfavorably either. If I had gone to dinner with any of these guys, they would have appeared as dismal a prospect.

    Oh, and you forgot to mention coffee breathe, lol.

    0|1
    0|0
    • Haha, excellent answer.

    • Good point, I agree with you if you've never actually met the guy at all. But if you've talked to the guy, say, at a bar or an event or something and exchanged information, then coffee is fine, especially if you're busy and on a time crunch. Now if you actually have a couple of hours, a better date is to grab coffee in a bigger area, like at a mall or beach or something where you can 'move' the date, walk around, hang at the beach, park, shops, etc.

    • Yes, going out for coffee can be very nice, but it is not good first date material. I recall dating a doctor who was socially inept and he told me this funny story about how he was trying to ditch this other woman because he wasn't sure about whether he wanted to date her again. He tells this to me on a date. Then he proceeds to re-assure me that I am higher on the pecking order because he was only going on coffee dates with her but was taking me to dinner. People lol

  • Grabbing a cup of Coffee, is to sit back in a relaxing environment and talk. Why would you want to take a girl out to a nice dinner where you might not see her again? That's a big check for not seeing a girl again. Where a cup of coffee is really just a place for you to go and talk, get to know someone and see if its worth getting to know that person more. Meaning a more meaningful date. As a lunch or Dinner maybe a movie.

    Same reason why a guy will buy a girl a drink at a bar. To see what kind of drinker she is, and be able to sit down and talk to her in a fun environment. How much will she drink? Does she drink at all?

    0|0
    0|0
    • A bar is different, your already there, and she's already there, you didn't take her there or meet her there for a date. But as far as coffee dates, I can't think of anyone I know who took a girl out for coffee on a first date and actually dated her. To me coffee dates make the guy look cheap, if you ask a woman out on a date, why take her to coffee and not a restaurant? If you say because a restaurant is expensive then your just cheap, because most aren't that expensive.

  • What's wrong with coffee? I like coffee and then you get to talk to the person you're with. What do you want to do? Go sky diving. Yeah, that'd be fun but also like... weird, because usually you go sky diving with your friends. If you just met someone you want to get to know them first. Just what I think.

    0|0
    0|0
  • It's just a good place to talk, it takes some of the pressure off making it easier to get to know the person.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I'd just like to say that a coffee date is a good way to check if a person is attracted to you or not. I've asked guys out on coffee dates and found that it's a good way to get to know if they find you attractive as if they don't it can easily morph into a friendship without the awkwardness of the knowledge that you went on a date once, if they are attracted to you it's a great chance to ask them out on a second date.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Its a very informal first date and I normally would suggest a coffee date if I don't know the guy AT ALL, or if I'm not sure if I like him enough to go on a full fledge date which could last a few hours. I have had guys ask me to go to coffee intially when pursuing me and I kinda look dumb founded because what I'm not good enough to be taken out to DINNER?! lol

    1|0
    0|0
  • It's more informal. I guess if the first dinner date is too much pressure for some, then they might want to go on a coffee date to feel the person out and test their chemistry first.

    I don't really know too many coffee drinkers, so I'll replace coffee with lunch. If I don't know the guy too well then it would be less of a big deal, I'd go. It's not a big deal.

    0|1
    0|0
    • I'd agree with that statement. I think the coffee date is to feel the person out, test their chemistry, and then go from there....

What Guys Said 9

  • it's more informal. You're hopefully talking, and if it IS bad, and you really really hate each others guts, you can bow out with (hopefully) SOME grace pretty quickly. It's also inexpensive. I don't want to buy someone a $30 meal when I'm just getting to know them. Heck, I don't even want to do that for potential BUSINESS clients!

    Coffee "dates" usually pretty simple to "plan" and you don't have a lot of chances for the plans getting derailed.

    A movie isn't always the best idea for a first date, unless you actually know each other, and you have a huge love of movies.

    Fancy dinners, as you've said, you have to dress up, it seems like a bigger deal. "I can just say, hey, I'm going to get some coffee Wednesday, do you want to join me?" Much easier.

    1|1
    0|0
  • I kind of see the coffee date as a "pre-date" date. You just go "for a cup of coffee" to have a short chat and see if there is enough chemistry there that it'll be worth it to have an actual date. It's just a kind of preliminary thing to do to see if you want to ask someone out on a proper date, I guess.

    2|4
    0|0
  • Coffee dates are a way to guesstimate that the person that initiated it is probably too busy and even cheap when it comes to relationships. Avoid these people at all costs. Women do this as well, not just men. It is an automatic saver of having not to go out on a first date and realize, "this isn't going to work."

    0|0
    0|0
  • I agreed with one of your comments... It's the fact of getting to know the person first, test the chemestry out, and then go from there.

    On some level it's the first stages, there are steps along the way, and I think it's a good time to get to know someone, find out who that person is, before moving forward onto a dinner date.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Hello,

    Its more relaxed and informal, its more about the conversation and you don't have to spend time worrying about ordering food or seeing each other eat.. personaly I have sevaral coffee dates before I arrange a dinner date. becouse the last thing you want is a plate of food in front of you with NOTHING to talk about.. becouse that's just embarassing and no one wants that..

    0|0
    0|0
  • It seems to be kind of a first-date for people you've met on the internet, and haven't seen in person. For that its OK.

    Although, I can't say I've ever gone out again with anyone that way... (0-6)

    0|0
    0|0
  • Well I've only been on one date, and I took her out to coffee, it lasted an hour and a half and she agreed to meet again, the way I see it is is, sometimes the girl is nervous when eating around you, and its a little easier to drink I think, plus its a lot cheaper than lunch or dinner and if they turn out to be a dud you only wasted 10 bucks instead of 30.

    0|0
    0|0
  • to talk

    1|1
    0|0
  • Coffee date is good. It gives you a chance to get to know your date. If the two of you hit off well, you could upgrade to a lunch. There is no stopping on that same day.

    Because it is only a cup of coffee, it is easier to end than waiting for the meal to be served and finish.

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...