Guys, if you are casually dating someone and go on a date with another girl, that means?

[Anonymous]

We completely act like a couple. I guess I will first of all start out by explaining why he said he's not ready for a relationship. He still has feelings for his ex (broke up with her almost a year ago though and has dated someone else since).

We're LD for the summer (in college, me 19, him 21). He talks to me every night he can though, I just got back from spending the week at his place, he drove me home cause he didn't want me to have to be on a 3 hour train ride. He was willing to stay at my house and meet the fam, invited me to go on vaca with him and his fam. Buys me dinner, always compliments me. I have met his close friends, etc..We do have sex (as of recently when I spent the week with him last week.. he hasn't changed though). He has told me "if things work out well this summer, we can maybe try something".He confides everything to me, worries about me, etc..

The issue is, I just found out that he took a girl out to dinner the other night and danced with her and they had a really nice night together..but she turned out to be “a crazy stalker.” I’m not worried about the girl, he clearly doesn’t want anything to do with her.. I am just worried that he’s dating others.. I know he’s allowed to but still, doesn’t that mean he really doesn’t like me that much? He didn’t kiss her or anything. I just don’t know what to do.. I was good and just joked about it when he told me.. cause I don’t want to seem like I’m so pressuring for him to be an actual bf.. but at the same time I don’t want him to think he can do anything and I’ll still be there. This is the first date he has go on since meeting me.

I just know that he went on one date with her.. he hasn't dated anyone else.. I'm just worried that if she wasn't a psycho.. would he still be seeing her? He said they had been texting for awhile but just had a date for the 1st recently.

I'm the only one he will have sex with.. and I know that he likes me.. but at the same time.. how much can he like me if he goes on a date with her? Am I just being over thoughtful since I knew he only wanted to casual date?

[MiaSatt85]

Ugh! Why are you doing this to yourself? If a guy tells you he is not over his ex and took another girl out to dinner, he's just NOT that into you. I know that's not what you want to hear but step back and look at the facts. Of course he isn't going to commit himself to you. He is filling the void of his ex-gf by hanging out with you. Taking another girl out to dinner goes to show he is not that serious about you. My advice is to step way back. Being that it will be long distant for the summer I honestly would not trust him at all. Who cares that he drove you back to your place. All he is doing is filling the void of his ex gf, that's why he says "if things work out well this summer, we can maybe try something." Screw that! Do not waste your time on guys who don't know what they want. I've heard all the lines before and it will NEVER go anywhere. "Maybe we can try something" really means, if he doesn't find someone else, or never gets back with his ex(bc I am sure he still wants to be with her). You obviously have a lot of feelings for him which sucks in this type of situation but you need to do what is best for you. Enjoy your summer and don't be so hooked on this guy, he has giving you all the danger warning signs that this will be a failed relationship. You don't need something like this to stress about all summer. If this is the type of no string attached relationship you want, by all means go ahead, but who really wants to act like a couple and also have sex when the guy won't label you as so? In a year from now I am SURE you will look back on this and go, wow why did I even continue to entertain him after that? When your in the situation your somewhat blind to it because you have feelings but you have to ignore those and look at what is REALLY going on.

[Asker]

I know you're right. Any advice on what to say to him to break things off without sounding angry or making it seem like I don't like him at all?

[Birgitta89]

You can tell him that you just want a relationship, a SERIOUS relationship and he is not giving you what you want and what you need. You had a good time with him but you've got to move one :)

[MiaSatt85]

Obviously he does like you on some level or else he wouldn't be wasting his time and because of that I don't think I would break things off with him COMPLETLEY right away. I would just tell him that you would rather not be invovled with him right now on that level if he still has these feelings for his ex-girlfriend. You don't need to explain exactly why because he isn't too clear with you either. You can do that OR just slowly limit contact, not answering back right away, reaching out less. What you don't want to do is pressure him or come across as needy. That's why I say you do either of the two things above. You don't know what will happen, he may very well realize that he wants to be in a relationship with you after he realizes your "moving on". Whatever you do, if you do see him again any time soon, DO NOT have sex with him because that will only confuse things, especially if you have TRUE feelings for him.

[Asker]

Does that mean I would still be friends with him and should I say that? "I don't want to be involved with you on that level because of where you're at in your life right now but we can still be friends... but not talk as frequently?" Sound alright? Am I starting to limit contact now! :) ty!

[Tamikaze]

What this means is that he isn't that in to you. I see you have not known him long and you are basically hanging with each other online, not in person.

Never, ever, have sex with a man that you are not in an exclusive relationship with. If a guy likes you enough he will totally understand this and he will want to make it exclusive so that you are not straying to dating someone else.

His whole let's-try-this-for-the-summer-and-then-maybe-try-something is weak and a total player move. You don't test drive a girl and then "maybe" try something. You take time to get to know someone, keep sex out of it, and then have a natural progression to either a relationship or not seeing each other. I would not continue seeing someone who had sex with me and was still dating others.

[Asker]

Well, he originally stated to me that if we had sex then he would make me his girlfriend the next day (my last boyfriend left me after sex so he knows how much I was afraid of a guy leaving me). He never followed through with that though but promised he had no intention of leaving me and like I said, he never treated me any differently afterwards. I mean, I am happy I didn't force him to be my boyfriend through sex.. cause that would never last anyways. I don't plan on having sex with him again until we are committed.

[Tamikaze]

Yikes. I cannot believe he said that. You are too trusting. The only person you should trust to watch out for your feelings is you, not a guy you barely know. And, yes, there is no such thing as forcing a guy to be your boyfriend. Sadly, though, once you have had sex with a guy and then try to go backwards, guys think you are playing games with them. But this one is playing games with you. I would drop him for being such a turkey.

[weisle1]

Why do women always have to make everything about them!

Look, he isn't ready for a relationship YET. That means he is able to see other women. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HOW MUCH HE LIKES YOU!

You aren't Boyfriend & GF! And until you are it is assumed BOTH OF YOU can and will go out with others. If you aren't comfortable with it, tell him.

Be blunt & honest about it. That is how us guys function... we take brutal honesty better than head games. At that point, the ball is then in his court. He will either stop dating others because you mean enough to him to make that change, or not. Either way you have your answer.

But at this point him going out with another woman has NOTHING to do with you.

[Trihill]

you have to trust him for now since you're LDR...right now it's an open relationship being LDR...what you're hoping for is that she turns out to be a bad apple reinforcing the notion that you are still the better choice...the more times this occurs the greater the bond between the two of you...this seems wrong in a way for the other girl but, they are also learning what to look for in a guy and how to be special to him as well

from what you stated in the second paragraph, everything is normal...when things do go wrong is when his behavior or pattern changes without an explanation...there may be a girl that has distracted him from you, something for concern to you then

[Asker]

So as a guy do you believe that he really does like me? Why would he go on another date then? Would you respect and be into a girl that was so patient with you and let you sleep with her without committing? He really is a very nice guy, the long-term type for sure. Flirty yes, but I'm the 1st girl ever he has had sex with that wasn't his gf. Do you feel like if I wait until the fall to make a move (aka eliminate sexual stuff and limit contact) than that would make a guy want to be with me?

[Trihill]

You need to keep the contact going...sex you can tone down a bit...he likes you so far...as for the date, maybe he was just testing...there really isn't any commitment between the two of you until at least the engagement, sorry that's just the fact of life...don't assume that because you had sex it means something permanent and you can excuse yourself from the emotional side of the relationship, i.e. less communication

[beerY33]

I think it's serious enough of a relationship to expect some commitment. Depending on how much longer you're ok with it going on without being fully "official", I think it would be reasonable to confront him about your worries, especially if you are expecting full commitment at some point. Think about how you would feel if he decided he didn't want a fully committed relationship. Would you be okay with that?

[beerY33]

You do or don't think he isn't committing so he can keep his options open?

[Asker]

I don't think so. I think he's just being cautious. I mean, after all, he even makes sure to tell me he is behaving at the bar even when I never ask.. he obviously cares to let me know I'm the only one he's possibly after.

[beerY33]

It sounds like it's likely that something will eventually come of it. He sounds like he's conscientious, but if you're worried about the outcome, talk to him about it.

[beerY33]

Just so you know, the question is being updated the same thing periodically, which is a little annoying just because it sends me notifications... don't know if it's on purpose, but just wanted to let you know.

[Asker]

Sorry! I don't know why it did that.. hopefully this will be the last one. Thanks for the advice btw!

[arimmer1]

Ok, I have your solution. I'm a guy and I've been through this exact thing. You guys are in what's called the "transitional phase." As in he wants to be with you but he's checking his options before making the commitment. Let me tell you how to draw him in. You need to step back a bit. Casually date yourself. Do nothing with the other guy of course. But tell him you've went on a date. Let him know nothing happened. Kind of disappear, talk to him but don't talk to him a whole lot. Keep it short and sweet. Draw the distance between the two of you. He likes you. By doing this you will make him realize he wants to be with you. And he'll come running. I've had it done to me many times works everytime. Hope everything works out for you. If you have anymore questions feel free to email me @ [e-mail] or [e-mail] I love giving advice.

[Trihill]

give it time...enjoy it while it lasts...what you need to hope for is that he will come around to you in the end...he just needs to open his eyes and assess what's really working for him...you seem like a good choice but, don't pressure him, just keep doing what you're doing and hopefully he will see you

[Anonymous]

I am in the same situation in a sense. However, he has not went out on a date with a girl yet, but his friend's girlfriend is trying to set him up and has been for 3 weeks. We both have committment issues and I am always open and honest when communicating with him. I've met his family and he's met mine, and when I ask him about us, he reassures me that he likes me, that I have a great personality, that I'm a sweetie and that everyone likes me. I am worried though because I have strong feelings for him. I told him that I didn't appreciate the fact that he was thinking about going out with another girl. I still stay at his house and we do stuff together, fun all the time. But I can't help but wonder if I'm going to get hurt.

[enlightenment]

1st off, how long have you two been seeing each other?

[Asker]

Only a month and a half. We met the last 2 weeks of college and have stayed. in contact ever since. See, I am scared to make any "real" moves of NC since I feel they won't have proper impact since we're LD anyways. If I was in person right now, I'd eliminate all sexual stuff completely but that has no impact by saying that online! lol

[enlightenment]

Well, its ok that he is seeing other people before "the talk"...but ,maybe now its time to have it.

[CrazynKinky]

YOUR DATING NOT A RELATIONSHIP! Dating means your not committed you can see and do whatever you want

[Anonymous]

Did he change his FB status for you? Not that that is a dealbreaker/red flag, but it might mean something if he announces to everyone that you're his and he's yours.

[KillaCali]

Honestly, sounds like he wants to keep a fun, nice peice of ass around for the summer.