How do you choose between the guy who always been there for you & the one that gives you butterflies?

I think the question speaks for itself...


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Because the guy that gives us butterflies is new, interesting and 'exotic' in a way. We are intrigued by the guy's ability to make us feel this way, we can't pinpoint what it is but we are attracted by the demeanor of the guy.

    The 'always been there guy' can become boring and predictable and we'd like to venture into the unkown. Thus, the 'butterfly' guy.

    That doesn't mean we don't need the 'been there for you' guy.

    Actually, if the 'butterfly' guy turns out to be not so great (personality wise) we're likey to become less infatuated with 'butterfly' guy and more appreciative of 'been there for you guy'

    ahh the twisted mind of a woman

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    • I get what you're saying...and it's kinda what I'm experiencing at the moment. The girl that I've always been there for, has all these options of other guys, "the butterfly" ones, and it kinda feels like I'm being pushed away at times...but when I become interested in another girl or start "drifting away"...then I seem to be good enough....well, that's how it feels!

      In the end...which guy is more likely to get this girl?? Mr. Butterfly OR Mr. Been There For You??

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    • @naturally.

      Wow! One rarely meets a woman who understands women so well. Respect.

    • Haha well I should, I've been one for 19 years.

      but thanks :)

What Girls Said 21

  • I think for me anyways it's probably a maturity thing because when I was younger I didn't exactly think like this, but these days I find that the guy who's always been there for me is the one that gives me butterflies.

    Reliability = Sexy. Who would have thought! ;-)

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  • He gives you butterflies for the moment.But there's obviously something that keeps you wanting the guy who's always been there for you.Talk to him and find out why the spark isn't there and try to get back the butterflies he gave you.Unless you don't see yourself with the guy who's always been there.Try picturing yourself next to a guy and see who you think of first.

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    • Exactly. the butterflies fade. happens all the time. "thrill is in the chase" comes to mind.

    • I've given in to the butterflies and regretted it

      Luckily though,my guy who's always there was waiting for me to be done with my stupid mistakes.

  • Well, who do you feel more secure with? Who do you have more fun with? If both asked you to hang out on the same night, who would you rather be hanging out with? Don't date someone out of sympathy or because you've known them longer. Look out for YOURSELF and make yourself happy.

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  • I would be with the guy whose been with me always. Chances of him breaking my heart are lower than the one who gives me butterflies. The one who makes my heart flutter is more likely to shatter it.

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  • butterflies are fun and temporary so if you are looking for something likely temporary, esp as you're young, go for it! only if you think the other guy will stick around tho, cause that guy, if you want him, is the keeper.

    butterflies at the end of a life is meaningless...the guy around loving you is truly something important in life :)

    but while you're young, be honest w everyone and have fun!

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  • i no how you feel I had this problem a few months ago...and ya I choosed the one who gave me butterfiels and while I was with him all I could think of was the other boy crazy as it sounds I no but I was a fool... I realized when it was to late that I should of choosed the boy I always wanted the one who was always there the boy who never hurt me or make me cry... but I dumped the other boy the guy I wanted wasn't around any more he was ignoring me I guess he was hurt but were not as close as we where I hope we get back two the way it was be fore or even more... but I guess every suitiaons different I say listens to your heart I didn't I listen to my head and I lost the boy I truly loved :(

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  • When it comes down to it, you have to pick the one your heart wants. It isn't fair to pick a guy just because you think he is the right choice or you don't want to hurt him. I'd say the one who gives you butterflies. The other one might have always been there for you but it would be unfair to him if chose him just for that.

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  • Do you feel the same way for both? If you do, it's tricky then.

    If not:

    I would probably go for the one that gives you butterflies, because yes, it might not last, but dating out of sympathy I find very unfair to the other party and is also a bit of a lie to yourself.

    Good luck in figuring it out :)

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  • Well, what do you want? A guy that gives you butterflies, or a guy that will always be there? Simple enough. If you want a fling with all those romantic feelings aka butterflies then go for it but if you want a life partner, then obviously chose the person who will always be there.

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  • definately the guy who has been their for you. can you imagine how he would feel if you dated the guy who gave you butterflies, it didn't last and you wanted to tell your friend all the details and confide in him. inside it would be extremelt hard for him to hear this.

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  • Don't hurt someone that's always been there for you. But in the end you can't force yourself to love someone.

    Yeh I didn't really answer your question!

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  • The one you love more. Like the notebook... except it was a bit of a different circumstance.

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  • how? I have no clue, I'm still struggling myself because it is very very very hard to decide which one. please share when you figure it out.

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  • I'd pick the guy that's always been there, it'll last longer :-)

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  • follow your but if it was me the one thathas been there

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  • umm... I've chosen the guy that gave me butterflies, and never have regretted the decision. The been there for you guy was just that -"Been there for you". We still talk, yeah, but I love my boyfriend to death, and he's the one who is "here for me" now. It just depends on how things work out. We both love each other so much, that I can't think of a life without him. Guess things worked out fine for me, huh? :)

    Why don't you try to be the guy whose has always been there plus a guy who gives the butterflies? That's so much more better than either. Because in the end, the guy who gives the butterflies will HAVE to be the one who will always be there for his girl. And if he isn't, all luck for the other guy :) Maybe you could start by being a bit more mysterious and not so caring. That will definitely get her interested!

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    • But...how do you become a bit more mysterious and not so caring?? I mean...define mysterious? And why would that make her more interested? Lol...all these questions, I know I know!

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    • Continued... Overtly mushy conversations can make anyone gag >.> NEVER let her down in front of others. It's okay if you joke about "that hot girl" once in a while, but NEVER flirt with other girls (now that you're actually dating, lol, you should forget about what I said earlier). All in all, just keep the fire alive.. be dynamic.. not boring... not the guy with no sense of humor, but the guy who can make her laugh. :) All the best to you! (And please, do pass on some of these tips to my boyfriend, that will save me the trouble of explaining it to him, lol. Just kidding ) :D :D

    • I'm glad you two had that discussion, because those are classic questions that a lot of us guys want to know the answers to! It's always hard to walk the fine-line between being a good, dependable gentlemen AND being a cool, mysterious guy with an edge. lol

  • i would go with the guy who is always there because I would rather be loved than love

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  • In my personal opinion, you really need to just think about what you want. What makes you truly happy. Which one could fullfill your needs, and wants. Its all up to you. Its your life no one elses. Also, from personal experience I would choose The one that makes you the happiest in all aspects.

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  • write down the most best reasons about him and his likes and dislikes compare it with your's and there is your answer.

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  • I would say the one that gives you butterflies sounds like the right choice today...but will HE always be there for you? Your butterflies may later turn into bats. If you don't feel anything for the guy who has always been there for you, then he is probably not the best choice. Would be nice to have both...someone who gives you butterflies AND will be there for you. This may be neither of these people you speak of. Go with your gut.

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  • Well if you are not attracted to someone in that way I don't know if you would really pick them even if they were always there for you. The guy that gives you butterflies is physically attractive to you and you have chemistry with him, but that may not mean that he is as loyal as the first choice. Honestly I would probably be friends with the first guy and try dating the second one. I know that might hurt a guy's feelings but let's be honest most men would do the same! If he had a choice between 2 girls (the girl that is just a friend and really cool, but he's not really attracted to her and he doesn't see her in that way at all) or (the girl that gives him butterflies, the new girl that he has the thrill of getting to know that he finds attractive) I think we know who he would pick...

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    • I disagree, I have a policy that if I find out a girl is in love with me, and I do not like her, I will not pretend we are friends.

      It is cruel to let "friends" who want you, orbit around you. It is better to just cut them off and move on.

What Guys Said 21

  • If both are very important to you choose neither. Find the guy that is both there for you AND gives you butterflies. If you sell yourself short you'll likely find yourself bouncing back and forth between the two types.

    Unless of course one or the other doesn't mean that much to you. Just go with your gut, make mistakes, and eventually you'll find someone that's right for you.

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  • The former becomes her BFF (best friend forever), and the latter becomes her Boyfriend (boyfriend)

    This probably isn2t the case for all girls, but for some, this is exactly what happens.

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  • Being there for you sounds like someone you'd date out of pity and because he's... just there. Date the one who gives you butterflies. He can be there for you too.

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  • If the first guy couldn't be man enough to create the butterflies in the first place then go with the 2nd, you never know - it could be a match made in heaven...or you'll get a total prick!

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  • The butterflies are an instinctual, emotinoal reaction to sexual attractiveness, while the perception of kindness and reliability is a rational thought. The problem is that you can refuse and accept emotions based on rational terms, but you cannot create them. You cannot fall in love with someone if they are not sexually appealing, because friendship is a rationality, while love is an irrational thing out of our control.

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  • The butterflies won't be there forever but the guy who is always there for you will be. I'm sure the guy who is there for you all the time wishes so bad that he could be the one who gives you butterflies!

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  • This is a great question. I never understood how girls pick the second option over like a bestfriend.

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    • Because logic holds no place in romance. Emotion and passion are what count, there.

  • Butterflies die off, while the guy that's always been there stays

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  • You're giving the girls the option between:

    -The guy they're attracted to

    -The guy (who's always been around) that they're NOT attracted to

    I wonder who they'll choose.

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  • I will go for the guy who is always there, the butterflies guy can only be an illusion. Trust me I know all about making girls get "illusions".

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  • never be friends with a female never never never you could know them and be acquainted but never be friends

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  • butterflies! trust me. that's all you need for an answer because you knew that was the one you wanted anyway.

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  • Choose the one that's there for you. It does two good things. The first is it give you a dependable high-quality man. The second is it reduces the cynical burned-out nice guy count by one.

    If you can't make the right decision about something like this in a heartbeat, then you need to reevaluate yourself.

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  • speaking AS the guy who has always been there, Id recommend him, but experience has showed that girls never choose that guy/me, so Clearly there is something better about the butterflies guy.

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  • well, what do YOU have to say about it... I say, weigh the pros and cons... this is almost like the old good guy/bad boy meme that persists on this site... ifya want a good time, get with 'butterfly guy'. Ifya want something that will last, get with Mr. Reliable, your friend that has been there for you.

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  • You have to go with your instinct, but you also have to use your head. Don't rush it. Good luck.

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  • you shouldn't have gotten emotional attached that's on you, everyone else can say something else but I'm right

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  • i agree, let me ask you this then, which would most likely comfort you in a time of need, emotionally

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  • The guy who has always been there for you, it shows he really cares

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  • flip a coin

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  • I was the guy who was always there and the one who gave her butterflies. And she broke up with me after 3 years. So neither, because it won't last.

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    • Hahahaha... I'm sorry... that is just too dreadfully pessimistic.

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