I asked him to slow down, he hasn't called.

I've been dating a guy for a month who has already told me he loves me and things are really awesome when we are together. He brings me incredible peace and happiness that I've never known.

However, when he has a problem, he shuts me out. I would rather have him talk to me about it. On Monday we got into an argument about it. I asked him why he says he loves me and then shuts me out when somethings wrong? He said he doesn't wanna bring me down. I told him that I can't care when HE wants me and that when I don't hear from him, I worry regardless...

I told him that maybe things were going too fast between us and that maybe we should take things slower. We spend almost every day together, yet he avoids me when somethings wrong? It really hurts me when I don't hear from him..

I haven't talked to him since Monday. I have NO idea why he hasn't texted or called. Guys please, some insight on what he may be thinking?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Classic mistake. Guys like to fix things. When a problem comes up, men don't think about it in terms of how it makes them feel, they look at it as a problem and they need to be alone to think about it. Guys are trying to come up with a solution and they have to feel they are "man" enough to solve it without any help. If they discover that they don't have a solution, it's more likely they will en-list other guys to figure out how it can be fixed. This is just the way guys naturally are. It also explains why a guy tries to fix your issues when all you wanted from him is to know he was listening to you talking about your day. You might just need to tell him that you have faith that he can handle whatever is wrong on his own and you know he will ask you for help if he needs it. Then tell him that you only want to know what is bothering him so you can feel more a part of his life and you had no intention of getting involved with the problem unless he asks you for help.

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What Guys Said 3

  • he probably thinks you broke up with him.

    guys need time alone when they have a problem to sort things out, if we feel safe with you and feel we need to bring something up we will talk to you about it hen were ready. it takes some growing to get to a place where we will talk about our problems because it doesn't always come naturally to all men, were told since child hood to be a man and deal with your sh*t cause no one else wants to. so when we find our selfs with a wonderful woman who wants to hear about our problems its hard to believe that might actually be true and even if it is we still like time to our selfs to sort it out in our heads first. not everything needs to be a big emotional talk it out session either.

    i know I rambled on a bit.. sry

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  • I agree with you about getting shut out when something is wrong. You have to really think if this guy is the right one for you.

    If you do think he is...then you need to keep talking to him...and maybe he will come around and start letting you in more and more.

    By telling him you two need to slow down...you kind of take the relationship a step back. Not only that...but I think it's hard to step back in a relationship and then expect things to get better. Slowing down is usually one step away from breaking up. If someone told me that they wanted to slow things down...I'd take ten steps back too because I'd feel that they were having second thoughts or I was crowding them.

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  • seems like he got your message and slowed down big time, good job gurl!

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What Girls Said 6

  • Well I think you need to relieve some pressure from this guy. Guys aren't really good at talking about their feelings. Certain guys may, but most are not going to be vocal when a problem happens or something is bugging them. And now on top of that you told him that you think things are going way to fast between you two. Not trying to place blame on you, but he probably sees this as you are displeased with the relationship. I would go see him, and tell him that you care about him and love him, and are here for him if he wants to talk about anything. Its not about bringing you down, its about you knowing about what is bugging him so you can help him through it. You want to be there to support him. But let him know that it is his choice if he wants to or not, and that you are perfectly okay if he isn't comfortable talking about something.

    Some guys get upset when they talk about something that is bugging them. It brings up their emotions about the situation. So maybe that is why he doesn't want to share. Just try to be supportive. I know it's hard because you want to help him out. I hear you, I have been there. But I have learned that you can't fix everything and some guys are just not able to come to you to talk. So all you can do is leave that door open and hope that he comes to you :)

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  • Hmmm I'm the exact same way. When I have something wrong I don't tell anyone but myself. My ex (hopefully soon to be girlfriend again, fingers crossed) would always get mad at me because she tells me what's on her mind but when somethings wrong with me I keep it to myself. That's just the way I am though because I was really shy and it just takes me some getting use to sharing my thoughts and feelings with someone else. But I don't know maybe he is just hurt because he really does love you and only for you to tell him that you guys may be moving to fast. Maybe he took it as you realized you don't care for him as much as he does so you wanna take it slow and in his mind he really cares for you alot?

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    • Thanks so much for trying to help with this. I am scared, I won't lie. I do care for him a lot and when I got so upset that I didn't hear from him, it made me think that he can go a day without talkin to me and I can't go a day without talking to him. I thought to protect myself, maybe I should suggest we slow down a bit. He has been all over me with the I love yous and I think he should be able to talk about a problem. Ya know what I mean? I wish you the best of luck with your girlfriend. I am really sad

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    • Came to see me at work tonight and I am seeing him tonight. Thanks for being so helpful!

    • No problem I hope all goes well with you two. I'm gonna see my ex tonight as well. She wants me to come pick up my birthday cake she bought me before I broke up with her :/ I'm gonna bring her roses. She says she doesn't know if she wants to get back with me or not but who knows.

  • call him and tell him exactly how you feel

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    • I did tell him how I feel and now he hasn't contacted me.

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    • awww well good(: so that means everything is going good right? like you guys are together.?

      yea with a guy you have to explain EVERY SINGLE DETAIL if not they easily misunderstand it

    • haha I like you're comment: yea with a guy you have to explain EVERY SINGLE DETAIL if not they easily misunderstand it so true!

      its the opposite with women, you have to give vague positive sounding descriptions or they get upset.

  • If he won't talk to you because you asked him to respect what you want then he's not worth your time.

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  • Haha I have the same problem with my ex, trust me, don't worry too much about it he just needs his space! Give him some. After that when he calms down or his problems are solved he ll come back and talk to you about it. Nothing to worry about.

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    • Thank you so very much. It helps to know I am not the only person in this boat...lol..Everythings OK, we talked and worked it all out. He has been at my house day and night ever since. You are very right on your answer! Thanks!

    • does he happen to be a scorpion? lol. And you're absolutely welcome :). Glad I could help.

    • I believe he's a pisces, March 1st is his birthday..he has totally opened up to me about everything he thinks and feels. He has told me that he is glad that I am there for him and that he wants to be the man of my dreams. He also just told me today that he would like to call me wife someday and he would like to live together and be together forever. So much for slowing down, but the reason I wanted to slow down because he was holding things in. I am so incredibly happy right now I could cry!

  • out of curiosity is there an age diffrence between you to? did he just get out of a relationship? there's so many things it could be.

    I have a friend that is the same way as your Boyfriend and there could be so much going on with him, not the relationship, he could just be overwhelmed by the whole thing. if you told him how you feel I don't think there's anything left for you to do but wait for him to decide what he's going to do.

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    • Thank you, as a matter of fact I texted him tonight. I told him that he is the best thing that has happened to me in a long time and I am a little afraid of that. I told him I was sorry if I was harsh on him and that I would really like to talk. He didn't just get out of a relationship and yes he is 36 and I am 41. There is an age difference although its not huge. This man sings me songs with his guitar & seranades me, he's always rubbing my back, kissing my eyes, he ispretty sweet. Hope he calls

    • He came to see me at work today and I'm seeing him tonight..Cant wait, and thanks for the help!

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