What's wrong with being an asshole?

What is so bad about being an asshole, guys whine and cry they can't get a girl because they're to nice, and women whine and cry that their boy friend is a jerk, so they go to the nice guy and talk to him about. The nice guy comforts her and tells her things like you deserve better, and she goes oh your so nice any girl would want to be with you. Funny thing is he never gets a girl.

Ok so I am the type of guy who gets the girls because I am a jerk or an asshole and its funny cause not matter how much of a jerk I am they keep coming back.

Seems like the jerk is getting a bad rep yet he's getting all the girls, while the nice guy is getting a hug or a kiss on the cheek. Come on guys seriously if being nice doesn't work why don't you try to be a jerk it's obvious women want that so why don't you give them what they want?

Updates:
For the record people since some of you think that I am uneducated and in need of "self healing," I have a college degree, sorry to burst your bubble, but your theory is wrong, but keep um coming I do enjoy your opinons no matter how outrageous they are.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • My boyfriend is an asshole. He's egotistical as well. Nonetheless, for the past year and I half I have been catering to him. I am the sweet, loyal, perfect girlfriend that cooks, cleans, and never complains when he goes out with friends or has to cancel a date because he needs to study. Everyone has always told him "you need to appreciate her more, you'll never find anyone better" I am not ugly, I don't have low self esteem. I've stayed with him because I like men who are slightly dominant. Men who can call the shots.

    However...

    I'm going to leave him because the one thing I want from him, emotional security, he is too immature to give. He's afraid of engagement, of settling down, and I'm tired of waiting for my boy to drop his balls and become a real man. A man who remembers anniversaries, who holds the door open, who consoles me when I'm crying (instead of saying crying doesn't solve anything). A man who can be strong yet sensitive. A man who can own me, love me, and be willing to commit to me...a "good, nice guy".

    In the end, I was attracted to my "bad boy" because I thought he would mature and grow up while dating me, and still retain some of that cocky attitude that I find so attractive. But, it's in his nature, and every other bad boys', to not change. To keep playing the same games. And yes, eventually the woman will get tired of it. I'm a "catch" :p cook, clean, don't party, drink, or smoke. The perfect trophy wife, so to speak. And I pride myself on having these attributes, I know my boyfriend loves to brag about me, and I love pleasing him. But at the same time, this needs to be reciprocated, and asshole bad boys don't care about anyone else but themeselves.

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    • Emotional security are you kidding me? You cry because I don't know you broke your nail, did bad on a test or some other reason, and you want him to console you about that? I would say the same thing, here's a tissue get over it, life is a bitch learn to live with it. I'm playing the smallest violin for you. We are like that because that's how our dads were, men don't cry, men don't have emotions, life is a bitch get over it simple as that. Maybe he just doesn't want to get engaged to you.

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    • You'll learn that you can't change any man. When you buy investment real estate, you have to make your profit when buying, not selling. When you find a guy to potentially marry, you have to get the emotional security and healthiness going in, not develop over time. It won;t/

    • I cry maybe once every year or two for something actually serious (f***ed up big time at work, massive betrayal by a friend/family member, so on). If a dude is crying in your presence girls don't assume he is a big wuss. Chances are you've caught him at that once in a year/two yearly phase. Also you should be glad. Dudes cry, we just make sure we hold it in until we can get somewhere private and preferably with something to throw/break. If we are blubbering around you...your in.

What Girls Said 63

  • You're getting the girls... short term. How many assholes have fulfilling, healthy, and long-term relationships or marriages? But then again, those relationships take time and effort- something you're not willing to put forth. So you're happy with this situation. Hey, if it's your prerogative...

    These women have incredibly low standards (believing that they "just want to have fun", as if that validates their conquests), desperately seeking approval ("daddy issues"), and a skewed sense of self-actualization. And just because you have a college degree does not mean that you're a cultured or worldly man. But you're right, you do get the girls, but you get ones that have been caught and released at least a dozen times. How does sloppy seconds feel?

    Just saying...

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    • Well if you wanna pull the old sloppy seconds rule, well guess what I'm better you were a sloppy second, I'm sure you've dated more than one guy before. Guess that means all women are sloppy second women. Second these women don't have low standards, they're not bimbos, they're studying to be doctors, lawyers, vets, ya some dumb bimbos right there. I have yet to find one with daddy issues.

    • I've had 3 long term relationships. And when I say "sloppy seconds", I don't mean it in the literal sense. Just because these women are studying to be highly educated and competitive doesn't mean they're above sleeping around. And for the record I *never* said dumb. Also, I highly doubt you'd be one to recognize daddy issues when you see them. Then again, you're not likely looking for them.

      Stick to your fun and games, and I'll worry about the psychology aspect. Deal?

    • An educated girl with some confidence,nice! Sounds like your one of the rare girls that likes a guy cause he makes them feel good and he's nice to them. Girls like that are very rare. For girls reading,you want to be liked by a guy,dont be like the majority of the rest of girls or the average girl that likes assholes. If you want to be different than the other girls this is one major way you can be. Long term happiness

  • Um, not all women go for the assholes and jerks, in fact it's usually only the girls who also stopped trying to learn around fourth grade. You can bully around and abuse airheads because they are fairly easy to outsmart but you'll never have much more than a sexual companion in life.

    As years roll by and time fades into time you'll find yourself alone, you might be married and even have children but nights will haunt you because you spent your life hurting other people instead of bringing love into the world.

    There are a bunch of people like you out there, and there are a bunch of women who will let themselves be pushed around because they have no self-esteem. But if you do that to someone then you very clearly do not love them, and is it really worth going through life without ever finding love just so that you can have consistent sex?

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    • >Um, not all women go for the assholes and jerks, in fact it's usually only the girls who also stopped trying to learn around fourth grade.

      Lol. I like this answer!

    • You are generally correct, but I don't think conscious-less guys sit around thinking at night about how they've harmed people. Our society tell us "what's in the past should stay there" and that there are no consequences for our actions. How many "nice guys" that we're talking about here eventually marry a girl when they're both 30; he's been with 1 girl, she's been with 15 guys? Does she sit up nights upset that he lost out on something by her immaturity earlier in life?

  • As much as I ADORE being treated like shit, I'd have to say that the caring man will win my heart. If you truly do attract women by being an ass hole, than I officially give up on my gender. It baffles me that women enjoy being treated like yesterday's dump that has already been flushed down the toilet.

    Uh... ladies?

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  • Yeah... you sound just like my last asshole boyfriend... actually that is what I nicknamed him... The sad thing... he misses me and wishes thing could have been different between us. He is almost 30... has tried to kill himself with a handgun... has major issues mentally... has no friends... and has vowed to never grow up. Yeah... he can get a girlfriend, but he gets dropped every 2 years... The fact that he has opened up to me with all of this is odd... maybe after we slept together he just realized that he still had feelings for me... but I don't care because he was such an asshole to everyone including me at one period in time or another. Now he is engaged and trying to hit me up again... even though I am married to the same man that I was married to when we messed around after 10 years... but the fact that he knew where I lived... all of my phone numbers... and wanted us to be together after all that time... because I didn't care if I was married or not and wasn't going to push for marriage... I wasn't jealous... I was as bitchy as he was an asshole... and guess who got hurt? When you finally find the right girl and decide that you want her... do you want her to do to you what I did to him... actually because he was such a jerk... I decided to prove a point... I told everyone what he said about him... I kept every message he sent to me to give his fiance... I am still leading him on... and my husband gets a good laugh out of him almost daily. Yes, he did treat me better than anyone else... but he needs to learn a lesson... and the fact that he lets me right in... I am the perfect person to teach it to him! So the fact that all of my friends are laughing at him... sending me messages about a strap on and making him suck it... well that is just well deserved karma.

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    • Tisk tisk tisk, shame on that man, for actually revealing his true feelings to an EX. Exs for a reason right ,case and point right there, they are not your friend they are your enemy, so keep your friends close and your enemies closer. He messed up, he actually trusted you, come on now eveyrone knows you can't trust anything that can bleed for seven days and not die. Congrats you have turned yet another man into a ball less, spine less douchebag, that you can walk all over.

    • His feelings should have been reserved for his fiance and not me... he keeps making fun of my husband... which is making me mad... I have told him many times that I am just not interested in him that way... I tried to just be nice to him... but he kept taking it to a sexual nature...

  • There is a difference between someone who is assertive and who is a asshole. Also, there is a difference between someone who is nice and who is a doormat. I personally am not attracted to anyone who is so "nice" that they let me walk all over them. This shows no self-confidence or respect for themselves. Then again, I don't want a asshole who thinks he is better than me and degrads me. It is called a good balance. It is kinda like why do bitches get all the men? It isn't about being a bitch or asshole it is about standing your ground, knowing what you want and getting it. There are good ways to be a bitch and asshole. As long as your aren't a liar, cheater or take adavantage of others there is nothing wrong with being a asshole.

    See, I am a bitch in most ways. I don't let people walk all over me, I do and say what I want when I want, and I am honest to a fault, but I am a good person too. I would do anything for anyone put others before myself. I am thoughtful of others feelings and I am not catty with other women, but I am still a bitch. Do you get what I am saying? Girls like confident, assertive, outgoing men who know what they want. These men are sometimes called assholes, but are they really? I mean are you really a asshole because you say what you think and do what you want? I don't think so even though some may label you that way. I like assholes, I am a asshole too, lol. Again, as long as you aren't a liar, cheater and mapulator you willl be good in the long run. You can get girls while being these things but no decent one will stay in the long run. What every asshole needs is a bitch to put him to the test, knock him down a couple notches. Once you meet your match and someone who won't give you want you want, it will change your whole perspective on things. There is a gray area between nice guy and asshole, a fine line and to be successful that is where you want to be. Be nice to those who deserve it and be a asshole to everyone else. Keeps you from being taken advantage of and in control.

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  • Basically you are preying on insecure girls who rely on having a very "self-confident" guy, a challenge, to make her feel like a winner. It's easy to do, to get a girl like that, not much of a prize or anything to be proud of. Just takes a little strategy. Do what you do though, the girls who take you probably deserve you and that's cool in my eyes.

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    • Everyone gets the they deserve, you're right. A shame what Cosmo magazine and TV have done to girls that they become so insecure. If you're a guy who only loves sex, I guess you are the winner. I'm a guy who never got the whole random sex thing, but many do, and I suppose they are as stunted as the girls they hook up with.

  • i guess because guys like you hurt girls and they aren't the same afterwards.

    it's almost a form of emotional abuse. I've been with a guy who was like that, and to this day I wish he was dead for ever hurting me-that's why.

    ass hole guys will meet an ass hole girl and they will get what they deserve.

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  • haha its kinda true that girls always fall for the asshole, just because it is more aventurous and unknown, even if they have been with a million asses, they are all different, and they make you feel excited. I guess assholes are what we fall for, and we can't get enough.

    it's odd that even I would say that and agre with you, but the ost fun I had was with the guys that ended up being complete assholes, the ones that are nice and all and would be faithful always seem to fall between the cracks and its hard to notice what excitement they have to offer.

    so I'm not saying being an asshole attracts us, okaymaybe a little, because of the lack of an adventure, and spontaneousness. the nice guys never say the things you want to hear and they don't go outta their way for you, unless they know for sure that you are theirs.

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    • It's an interesting point, and while I wouldn't be with a girl of your attitude, it goes to show the nice guys out there to quit worrying about what every girls thinks of them. Get out, travel, go places by yourself and with friends. Develop a life. I was a nice guy growing up but did these things in my 20s and became an outgoing guy with an adventurous side, always going interesting places, but I maintained the desire for a relationship. Insecure girls still won't like me, but good ones will.

    • There you have it, boys - if you want to stand out and seem "aventurous and unknown" in Canada, all you have to do is act like an asshole. People there are so polite, it'll make you a rare exception.

    • But being an asshole can only get you so far... and maybe that's just my opinion because I have been played so many times I don't even know if a nice guy really does exist.

  • Girls are not attracted to the "asshole" personality, they are attracted to the attractive exterior that houses that horrid character. Woman dispise the "asshole" type, but it is the whole "moth to a flame" scenario... Woman soon realize that the jerks personality is awful, but cannot tear themselves away because their rationality has given way to the aesthetic appeal/lust. The so called "nice guys" have cultivated a better personality because (usually) they are not blessed with the woman-flocking, good looks. So really it's not a matter that being a nice guy doesn't work, it just comes down to who's more attractive or not. The nice guys can't help that the majority of woman are superficial and fall victim to the allure of a hot guy.

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    • I agree with this! Many people look at this issue in a backward way. Attractive people never have to learn to be good. The ugly ones have to. It's a survival thing. Have you ever wonder why little puppies and babies are cute? Survival!

      So, it is not about girls are attracted to jerks. It's about girls are attracted to good looking guys. The same goes the other way around.

    • I don't entirely agree. I know plenty of very good looking guys who are very nice. Again, they're not completely weak pushovers, but they are sociable and nice. They spend their time doing things interesting, not seeking girls 24/7, and since most girls who meet jerks do so at bars, clubs, etc., these guys get left out. I also know the girls these guys are with value them for being "cute"/handsome even though they're not muscular.

    • Speak for yourself, I am a "nice guy" and I think I'm bloody gorgeous. :P

      Girls just want a good looking guy with confidence, but as you said, they don't realize there are plenty of blokes who are good looking and/or confident and cool with themselves without being jerkwads.

      I could easily become an ass, and no doubt get more "sumsum" but that's just not me. I prefer to be cool, if a girl digs that, cool, if not, whatever.

  • You might have an education - But an education doesn't play the role you have in your love life. Relations and education are totally different things..

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  • well woman are really stupid sometimes. and you shouldn't categorize your self as an asshole. because anyone can be one. I think you might be a lost soul or something. but seriously grow the f*** up you may be getting all the whores and coke head bitched now. but what happens when they don't come back? ... get some dignity and don't put yourself in such a vulnerable position. have a nice life being a jerk! :)

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  • We want a balance. A guy who is masculine yet caring. We don't want a p*ssy who cries more than we do, and we don't want an asshole who will use us and abuse us (or who won't give a damn about our feelings.)

    We want a nice guy...but not one without confidence and masculinity.

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    • See funny thing is with your typical nice guy, confidence and masculinity are two traits that are pretty much non existent. And what is with the feeling talk, do you really think any man in their right mind wants to hear women rant, rave, and cry about their feelings? Nice guys get sucked into that and guys like me plain well just don't care, especially if we aren't dating you.

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    • "We want a balance." "We want a nice guy...but not one without confidence and masculinity."

      Yeah, a couple of examples come to mind of guys who fit that description. Guys who weren't @$$holes however girls REALLY dug them...

      -Cary Grant

      -Sean Connery (from the Early 'Bond' movies) [which ironically is the question asker's profile pic]

      -And maybe Rudolph Valentino (who was definitly dominant (as seen in "The Shiek" but didn't really come across as an a-hole (watch his film "The Eagle"

    • It would help if you girls learned how to cry proper tears then. One of my ex's cried only twice the entire time we were together, you know how hard that was for me to comply with? I WATCHED BAMBI FFS. I'm nice, I keep fit and you can carry your own god damn bag, do I pass the test? :D

  • Yea I pretty much agree as bad as that sounds. Assholes are attractive because you want a dominant man. But most women eventually get sick of being messed about. Girls like the bad guys because they like the idea of changing them, it's a bit of a challange really. Which in ways is just as bad as the asshole guys. But when the girl realises the guy can't be changed she

    effectively gives up and will go on and try to change the next "bad boy" she meets. And EVENTUALLY after many years of trying with no success she'll go and find a "nice guy".

    And slightly unrelated but the guys who claim to be "one of the nice guys" rarely are as nice as they'd like to think.

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    • Haha... agreed about the "nice guys." Many "nice guys" are stealth bombers.

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    • Not necessarily true of many years with no success. I have had many years with success, I am just not the guy who is going to walk on eggshells around women, and let them play games, they can try but while they think they're messing with me, I have already got another girl. They can call me an asshole, I don't care I will call them bitch, and unlike most men, I actually stand up and say woman the foot is down, this is how its going to be, if you don't like it there's the door.

  • What the heck is this doing in the flirting section? Shouldn't it be under 'behaviour'? Or 'Insecure rants'? Or something? :-)

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    • Haha, ud think, but its got to do with how a guy flirts in whether he uses the nice approach or the mean approach... behaviour would be "why is he still acting like a bad guy, when I really want a good guy"?

    • Yeah, I get that but it's not really about a flirting style it's about an outlook or an opinion of women and "getting them" which this guy quite obviously doesn't...but I better keep schtum as he seems to get quite defensive at any disagreement. I think it just shows that it can't be right, he says he tells girls upfront 'how it is' and they like it but he's done exactly that on here and it's not really recieved an particularly acceptive review from the ladies...or the guys! Oh dear.

    • I still think ur original answer was funny, and yeah you really do have to tell people how it is, otherwise theyre clueless, yeah it may be blunt, but its the truth, isn't it?

  • It's not that you're an asshole it's that women want a guy that's not completely predictable and boring. Asshattery falls along with that. There is a fine line however, of being a normal everyday smart ass and then being an asshole. No one wants an asshole but a smart ass can be a spicy thing for a relationship in a sense of minimal boredom. I'm sure looks have something to do with this too as most "nice guys" seem to be the ones that are, shall I say, physically different from other more attractive guys and because of this have low self esteem which in turn makes them want to be the nice guy because they crave a relationship and value it more than a "normal" smartass.

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  • lol is that right I may end with assholes but I'd never get with some-one that sounded as stuck up as you. not even for a one nighter lol you must get some dumb ass, can't think for themself girls. Love to see you when your old and lonley because you can't get a girl. And the nice guys is off having a jolly old time playing bowls with the love of his life and beautiful grandchildren

    ;)

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  • Most guys who are assholes in public, aren't at home. Those who, like you, are don't keep women for to long and become bitter at an early age. Assholes get and keep emotionally stunted women for longer than 6 months because they believe that abuse is ok and they are not worthy of something better. You will always have emotionally stunted people, like you, hooking up with other emotionally stunted people. Nice guys who are push overs and extremely passive are emotionally stunted as well. Assholes just get the girl more often because they still want the perception of masculinity and strength. Pushovers don't show that.

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    • I don't hit women, there are laws against that. As far as me being emotionally stunted well yea I am a guy sorry but my day doesn't consist of talking about my feelings, I have other things to worry about. And when you say I only have been with women who are emotionally stunted , wrong sorry. I have been with the crazies and pretty much every personality out there, from submissive to the ones who try to be dominant over me, hints the word try. They can try but they will fail.

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    • Sorry but I don't know any guys who talk about thier feelings, it doesn't matter if they are or if they aren't in a relationship, simple fact of the matter is that the only guys who are open abotu their feelings are gay, if they aren't gay and talk about thier feelings, they are only trying to sleep with you.

    • Women are instinctively programmed to be submissive to men, it is a man's world, women just live in it, woman want a dominant man like Ralph Kramden from the Honeymooners

  • yeah but one day she won't put up with it. A girl likes an ass hole over a nice guy because the ass hole has confidence and the nice guy is shy and doesn't come off with that confidence. But I can tell you after a while the girl won't put up with being treated like shit and in the end she will marry the nice guy

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    • You don't have to be shy to be nice. A lot of guys are 'nice' but dull and allow themselves to be used as doormats. I'm pretty loud, I can be pretty arrogant, if I think something I'm gonna say it, a lot of people don't get it and will call you an asshole over it, but that's life for ya. People just need to look past the surface and the stereotypes. It can be surprising.

    • Jamerz, you're a f***ing retard.

  • well those girls deserved whatever they got if they kept coming back.. obviously you must be really hott or just reallin in all the ugly ones.. I think girls want to feel special around the popular jerk, as you get older it will change. . not in a good way .

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  • women do like a nice guy and a jerk all in one.. there is a time to be nice and sweet and a time to just be an ass..it kinda in a way keeps the relationship in check and doesn't dull it down and if there isn't a little asshole then there is somone kissing ur ass 24/7.. noone truly wants that lol

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    • That's a great way of putting it. "Nice guy" has come to mean a groveling guy who walks on eggshells and caters to a girls' every whim. I always treated dates with respect, but when someone blew me off and came back to me later, I put my foot down. I give respect and expect it in return. When I found a girl I really loved and gelled with, I didn't bow down to her. I treated her with kindness, but you are right, you can't diminish your own value and expect others not to.

  • your a jerk huh? well the jerks are the ones that will eventually end up single and alone. and the girls they get are crazy or unstable. the nice guys might have to wait awhile but when they do get a girl, she'll be worth it.

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  • I think when a guy is a jerk it makes him 'hard to get' and that's attractive to a lot of girls. But still, women deserve respect. Don't push it.

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    • Anyone, male or female, deserves as much respect as they demand. You have to love yourself to be loved.

      Just like we all get paid what we're worth, etc.

  • Do you just like being mean because you hate women? Have you ever tried being a "nice guy"?

    I personally like the nice guy, and so do a lot of women. The girls attracted to men who treat them badly are like sheep, have low self esteem or are generally at a low point in their lives. If a man has his life together, and is emotionally mature, his does not need this type of conquest.

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    • Good point. It's amazing how sad and empty so many people are, whether they're a guy who's a jerk or a girl who goes out to clubs to get attention and shoot guys down. To the untrained, naive eye, they seem so much better than everyone, but I don't envy them.

  • Thats a funny quesion...ive never really thought about it but its true that all my boyfriends were jerks or assholes...

    i guess you have to find a mixture...maybe try to be an asshole, but nice...

    nah, that doesn't make any sense...

    be like you always are but when it gets serious be the nice guy...

    you are right, the nice guys don't often get too many girlfriends but the jerks always do.

    i don't know rly, its the kind of question you can't really answer, I think...

    i mean, there are nice guys who get all the girls and there are jerks who never get girls...

    i guess some boys have this somehitng girl like...

    i dunno...

    ...sorry...

    i ryl dunno...

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  • i'm not going to speak for the majority of girls out there- but I know that we generally love the asshole. He's ususally terribly good-looking, probably doesn't really have a steady good job- a lot of money or a nice place... but he's got personality he knows how to talk and he knows what girls want. He ususally knowss how to party pretty well. He's just fun . And he treats you like sh*t and that game right there drives girls ccrazy. Its hot. He's saying you want me? I know you want me. but you can't REALLY have me. The assholes play the game harddd. Some girls can keep up with him - most can't . But you only play the game so long with the asshole before it generally will go in circles- otherwise- no where. Whatever you do you can't let the asshole no that he has made an impact on you in any way- this will only feed his already exaggerated ego too an unhealthy and dangerous level.

    I can say I will probably always be attracted to that guy. But dateing the asshole-that generally dose not work out.

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  • I would think that the types of girls who keep going back to ass holes either have low self esteem or are just idiots. So the jerks get all the dumb ass lays, while the good guys eventually find a nice girl. So yeah...you can get laid that way fine, but the girl prob. isn't worth the time then.

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    • Sometimes tho,that warm wet feeling is worth the time! haha that's the truth. I can't stand girls that have no personality and like to be treated poorly,no self respect and low self esteem. But it still feels good!

    • Yes...that is exactly what I was saying.

  • i nvr go to the assholes I love my men sweet=]

    like my coffee. assholes are for stupid girls, I'm smarter then that. I respect myself.

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    • I thought when a girl says that she likes her man like her coffee she means she wants her man to be black and strong

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    • It's nice to hear. I don't blame girls for going for a-holes any more, because I see all the crap in the media that makes girls insecure practically from birth. But I still won't date a girl with a history of jerks, because it comes with lots of baggage that will effect me. So I'm happy you are wise in this regard.

    • yes I like my men sweet like my coffee but I don't mind black coffee/men ;)

  • I don't see how this can be a problem. All nice guys are assholes some times. I'm sure they get love.

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  • True.I agree.I'm a girl,I completely agree.Although I might add,nice guys finish last.

    It all has to do with comfort zone.I don't think every guy wants to be a "jerk" or treat their girlfriends like sh*t,some guys just aren't like that.Some people are naturally kind,sweet,loving and boyfriend/husband material,while other guys are "just for fun material"

    I think this is common with teenagers & 20 year olds,becomes less common as you get older because most women have other goals set in mind(keep in mind there are always the vulnerable 30 year olds)

    But I don't think treating your partner like crap is something to brag about.It isn't an accomplishment nor is it an achievement,it just means you have bad character.

    Alot of girls do this,they are generally insecure.They don't realize they deserve better;they deserve more than an abusive boyfriend or boyfriend who cheats and lies(which are all insecurities).But yea

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  • I believe that this is due to a natural affinity to want what you can't have. I mean like seriously, we all want what we can't have. We all have desires. I think that girls are most likely to go for an asshole because subconsciously they know that what they won't get is the guy's "nice guy side". So really, it's all for the thrill and excitement to strive to get it. Girls don't really go for the nice guys because they have that thought "oh he will always be there waiting" or something like that. It's like that guy is someone they can always go back to when they get tired of all that hard work to get the asshole.

    The asshole will always be cocky like he can get all these girls but in reality, he can't get ALL the girls. There will be that one girl who won't like him and that girl will be the one who catches his eye. Thus, you want what you can't have. So it's really just this strong attraction/desire we all have.

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What Guys Said 52

  • Jerk basically means selfish guy that doesn't give a rat's ass what women think. Yes, that image of masculine power and spontaneity is very attractive to women.

    That same selfishness will also prevent connecting to women on a deeper level. Basically, deep down you're still going to feel alone and eventually you will get a bunch of added stress from women that attempt to nag, manipulate, and otherwise change you into someone they'd rather be with. At least before they break up with you (or you them).

    Better than being a jerk, learn how to be confident, assertive, and bold...while still having the girl's interest (and your own) at heart.

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    • I am extremely confident, assertive and bold, I will never let a girl walk all over me or take advantage of me, mind games forget it, like I tell them you can f*** with me but when it's my turn your the one whose going to get hurt in the end not me. What woman doesn't nag, I connect with some of them, not all but some.

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    • Finally a woman who agrees with me, she knows what I am talking about.

  • "...come on man I grew up around nagging and bitching from my mom and my sister. Women love to complain have met one that hasn't complained about something didn't think so. - 2 months ago "

    "...I am extremely confident, assertive and bold, I will never let a girl walk all over me or take advantage of me,... "

    You behavior is a form of protection as a result of constantly being nagged and criticized by your nagging and bitching mom and sister.

    You have grown older, but unfortunately, you haven't grown up.

    You keep saying you don't hit women because it is against the law, as if that as long as you don't do that, everything else is allowable. You ignore their feelings, trash them ...etc. Meaning, you still habor extreme hatred, anger, and resentment against women who unfortunately fall into your game of "abused", "self-protect", "abuse them back" game. Your keep repeating "it is against the law" is in effect, if it is allow by law, you would have hit them without hesitation.

    If you don't heal yourself, you will take your family trauma everywhere you go. And use women around you to work out that drama.

    "...Women love to complain have met one that hasn't complained about something didn't think " Your mother and sister do. No wonder your dad says life is tough, given the kind of woman he choose to marry. Guess why you never met females who don't complain, with a good temper, who are brought up in better families than yours ? Because "birds of the same feather flock together". You won't get anywhere near these girls, because you are nowhere near them. If you get healed one day, you may find that there are many, many female personalities other than those you only manage to find.

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    • First off I am kidding when I say it's agaisnt the law, second some women are bitches some aren't simple as that, so I guess you assume that I grew up in a broken home where mommy didn't love me and daddy always beat me, wrong, you have no way of knowing how my up bringing was so your judgement is way off, if you must know my family is loving and cyaring, not abusive. Strikes down your theory. Once again it's not the crazies I date, I date smart normal women. Shot down all ur theories, next.

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    • Of course if you don't have a good education background, lacks calibre, have plenty of wrong attitudes (such as being late for work is "normal from where you come from")....etc. you will find yourself, "being eaten alive by other dogs". That's why I said in my previous repsonse to you, whether you live in a harsh world depends on many factors, your upbringing, education level, family background ....etc. Guess why people go for higher education, some even all the way to post-grad. ?

    • Sorry bud but to further burst your bubble I do have a higher education, I have a college degree, and ya show up to work late everyday chances are your ass is going to get fired. But then again since your like me and are higher educated you would have known that. You see I think your full of sh*t and have no expericne with women what so ever, but me on the other hand I know what I am talking about and have been very sucessful with women. So don't get mad at me cauuse you can't get laid.

  • I hate to admit it, the girls may not like it but..what he says rings of truth (his delivery may be to strong, but alas its true).

    I have been with friends who are cool decent human beings, but treat beautiful women like sh*t and yet, the beautiful girls fawn all over them. These freinds I have/had could get a beautiful/drop dead sexy girl with minimal effort, score and dump the girl right after sex and they still chase after them. Exactly what women say they don't want. I get the impression from their recounts of the relationship (short as it may be) that the woman always feels the could tame the wild beast and never can. I guess this is the allure? Some woman catch on quick and dump thier asses real quick, some become stalkers and some make sure the are the worst enemy you could ever have and become extremly mean. In the end, the asshole loses but hey, he retains bragging rights for the fella's and thas about it until he finds his next victim.

    The trick is being nice to woman and giving respect(as you would want it in return). Woman do like strong, confident men...but with a gentle touch and secure enough in his masculinity to let the guard down without feeling vulnerable, that is true strength. There is no need to become an asshole, the asshoes I have known where a bit self-centered, childish and lazy in different degrees and combinations

    . Yea they get all the girls but they also lose them all very quickly also(by thier own desicion or by the womans decision)

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    • It's funny you say that about being nice, you see I tried that once, and it back fired. I did an experiment I found a drop dead gorgeous girl and started talking to her and played the nice card because she was nice, and she said how nice an sweet I was, and then a little while later she pulled the let's just be friends card. So explain how being nice gets the girls?

    • This is a true theory MOSTLY. If a attractive girl doesn't have men fawning all over her it makes her insecure and thus she chases the guy down USUALLY. Every asshole man will one day meet his match though and have a girl break his heart the way he has broke others before him. It is all about karma, that crazy twist of fate. Me, personally I wouldn't chase any man...don't chase em' replace em' is my theory. But yes....this is true. I like a nice guy as long as he isn't a complete doormat.

  • 25 to 19 years old? Well, just wait until you hit your mid 30's, the girls will stop coming.

    But anyway, jackasses such as yourself give off a "safe haven" vibe to women, which makes the younger and less mature girls flock to you and others like you.

    Funny thing is, like I said, once you're older it'll stop, and if it doesn't you'll end up dying a loney, miserable death like guys like you who don't change do.

    Meanwhile, nice guys who don't get the girl at the younger ages, get them when they're older and smarter and better in pretty much every way.

    So lay on your ego trip all you want, it'll come back to bite you in the ass at some point.

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  • let me start by saying that this question is particularly relevant to my life. generally, with girls I like, I treat them very nicely, respectfully, I'm very selective, go for girls that I'm attracted to on an intellectual and physical levels and play a confident game in the beginning.

    what happens? I've been getting absolutely shit on recently, I respond quickly to their texts, make myself available, compliment them, do prototypically nice guy things. they begin to develop a certain apathy towards me after a very short time. they lose the passion that they have for me when I first meet them; when I come off a little cocky, mysterious, cute w/e they get from my game. this apathy turns into not responding to my texts, abusing my respect for them, and eventually dumping me. so essentially, what I'm trying to say, is that there is definitely truth to what you're saying. it seems like girls need to be kept on constant edge, they can't be complacent, even the really cool respectable ones. It's a sad truth.

    I don't know that being an asshole is the right way to approach it, definitely holding ground; opinions, preferences is one thing, but being a blunt dick is not very conducive either, for example I hung out with this girl who I'd hooked up after about a month of absence, I texted her a lot during that period, I got the impression that she had put me in the friend zone from the moment I first saw her again. so I decide to be a dick, make fun of random people, constantly assert my manliness, now we're not even friends. quintessential example of how being a blatant asshole does not work all the time.

    Now here's my responsive question, does being a passive asshole work? not texting? being very indirect, f***ing with their heads, this seems more effective. I'm considering going against myself as a "nice guy," and implementing some of these principles. I've been suffering way too much from this shit. Maybe being an asshole is correct, but in more implicit terms.

    Let me know what you think man.

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    • It only works if you play it right as in hit a nerve, look at all the women responces I've hit nerves with them without even trying. I don't make fun of random ppl, nor do I always assert my manliness, but I am assertive, and I am not afraid to say woman make me a sandwich, or if they talk to much and they say what do you want me to do I'm not afraid to say shut the hell up. It gets them mad and they come at you, if you cower you lost, and they call you a pussy. Just say what are you going to do?

    • Interesting, I'm going to repost my comment to get more feedback, there's definitely truth to what you're saying

  • You are so right - it makes you take a big slap in the face. I found that by being confident, not giving into their whims, ignoring them, going out and doing things on my terms, they seem to keep coming back for more, sleeping with them gets easier. But being nice, they walk all over you and stick you in the friend zone...It's funny how al the girls on here say your a jerk and they want the nice guy - but have you noticed - 90% of them have said they have been out with a jerk, so it goes to show it works..

    Nice one bro - you really have showed us all how it should work!

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  • I think most girls go for the jerk type because the reality is there are as just as many "nice" girls as guys. When I say "nice" I mean insecure. Insecure guys are too nice, and can't get women because they're not assertive or confident enough. "Nice" women are too insecure to reject a guy (like you said, most girls always come back even if you treat them badly), because then they wouldn't have a guy in their life. That is the other thing, I think: Women usually assume that because guys approach THEM, they have more power in relationships, so when it seems like a guy doesn't like them or treats them bad, they panic and get even more clingy for fear of losing him.

    TRULY confident women (and there are just as few of them as there are TRULY confident guys) usually won't put up with true jerks. A truly confident woman will know exactly what she wants and dump any guy that doesn't measure up or treat them well enough.

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  • nothing is wrong with being an asshole...unless you are an asshole to me, then we might have to box

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  • No offence, but the reason I don't act like an asshole to women (or in general) is because I simply can't. I'm simply not a nasty person. And I wouldn't be interested in any girls that think that they must stick to a guy that treats them badly. I have enormous respect for women, and I would never hurt a woman.

    I also know that being a jerk might get you the girls because of the 'cool factor', but I highly doubt that you will ever find the right woman that you can settle down with.

    I suppose the opposite applies to the nice guys, I have been in 2 relationships in my life, the last of which lasted for 2 years. I still love her now, but I was her first great love and she is moving on, sadly.

    Nice guys might come last, but when our turn comes, we shine bright!

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    • What do you think I do spend the weekends beating women, come on lets get reaslistic, it's against the law. It's very simple, if a girl becomes demanding and high maintence, you simply put her in her place by telling her NO, not going to happen, sure they can threaten you with using sex as a weapon but if that is the only way she can get what she wants, then your dating the wrong woman and she's playing you. Happens all the time especially with nice guys they fall hook line and sinker for that.

  • The media image is girls go for assholes because the WEALTHY jerks you see in the media--rock stars, football players, Don Trump--are always surrounded by good looking women.

    But outside of the women who care only for money (sure, there are a LOT of those), the jerky guys are NOT 'getting' all the girls! Not the nice ones, the really worthwhile ones. I don't mind these rich jerks getting all the sluts--don't want them anyway!

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  • I have to hand it to you, tex... this was a pretty clever way to find out which of the girls here fall for the asshole act. On top of that, you got a zillion responses, which makes you look influential and controversial. Now you can private-message all the ones who say "jerks are confident, I don't like nice guys because blah blah blah" and get some easy hookups.

    Well played, sir.

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  • Actually, believe it or not, there are girls that find guys like you despicable. They can't stand why you are mean, abusive, disprespectful, and they are usually the ones who are much smarter than other girls, know how to be treated by guys and throw away the ones who aren't nice within minutes. I've had several girlfrineds like that.

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  • I agree that girls don't like "nice guys" cause most are too sensitive and kind and a big reason why girls lose interest in these types of guys is because a lot of them come on too strong and it gets boring after awhile for the girl. These guys also tend to ask the girl if he can do something instead of being the one with the balls and taking control. And unfortunately these guys tend to be sucked down in to the friends zone. Although when a girl is in a relationship with an "asshole" they aren't completely happy cause they don't treat the girl right and they are disrespectful and most of the time have no class. A lot of them also walk around like they're sh*t doesn't stink and they think they're better than everyone else. But assholes show a lot of confidence which is a very good thing. I think the what girls really want is an independent, strong, respectful, and confident guy. A guy who doesn't come on too strong, but shows her how much he cares for her in way that don't over do it. Girls also wants a guy that can stick up for himself and not get pushed around by other assholes because if he can't do that then how is he gonna stick up for the girl? Girls want a guy that is a gentleman towards her and shows class and character. Also the guy has to be the dominant one and take control of the situation, although if the girl doesn't agree with it he's respectful to work something out so they're both happy. And if you're this kind of guy I guarantee most girls will be 100% satisfied.

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  • First of all, the nice guy will eventually get a girl. You may or may not continue to get girls; I know guys who end up both ways. Those who end up still getting girls eventually get stuck with really sad sacks.

    The girls you're getting are super-insecure. Yes, if all you want is sex, I guess that doesn't matter. These girls talk to the nice guys about what a jerk you are because they want to get attention from as many guys as possible, yet feel superior knowing that the guys want to sleep with them but not give them sex.

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  • The thing is moast nice guys eather "don't know how" to be a jerk or like me feel it's wrong. even if they know the jerk/asshole get's all the girls.

    I've been the nice guy for as long as I rember and I have a lot of friends who are girls but I haven't dated that much and I've noticed the same thing you have.

    girls tend to go for the guy that treat's them kinda harsh, rash, rudely. and than complain about it. what is that called a dubble standerd or something.

    I can't explain why but my theory is that nice guys generaly can't become an asshole that easly and assholes usually can't become the nice guy, altho they can sometimes pretend they are for a short while... witch might be the reasion girls don't date nice guys because the "nice guy" might be the jerk they'll end up with any way so they go for the asshole guy from the start.

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  • We just have to break it down, what are the positiveand negative traits of the "asshole" and "nice guy".

    The asshole has positive traits in the begining, they attract women to no end, women are putty in the presence of an "Asshole". but the asshole can never keep a girl, they either get dumped by a very angry female that woould love to chop his penis off( Elena Bobbit style) OR the asshole will just huirt the sh*t out of a girl then toss her to the curb.

    The nice guy may have tons of female freinds because he is a good talker and emotionaly there for them but on the negative side...even when having 300 great female friends, he'll never get laid by any of them BUT they love the sh*t out of him.

    We need some balance and we can learn from the asshole and the nice guy.

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    • See that's what I don't get why would a man want so many female friends, the ones he will never date or sleep with, what's the point, do you really like hearing oh your such a great friend all the time? Wouldn't you rather hear your an asshole, but there's just something about you, that makes you either want to kiss you or punch you in the face. And guess what she can attempt you grab her arm, pull her close to you and make out with her, she then hits you and says be nice your mean. Yet she kisses u.

  • It does get tiring when your girlfriend breaks up with you to go back to their abusive ex, it seriously p*sses me off to see that they rather get disrespected than to get treated with respect. It makes me feel like turning into an asshole but I know that someday I will meet a girl that will like me for me.

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  • I'm an asshole to everyone, I make it a hobby of mine to make strangers cry. I've made grown men throw punches at me and women break down emotionally in public.

    I believe people should be treated how they act. If you are an idiot you should be treated as such. The problem is most people are idiots and I've spent a life time perfecting the ability to point out people's flaws. I'm not perfect nor are the smartest man in the world, but this isn't about me. This is about the person I'm being an asshole to.

    I noticed that woman need validation. They need to please everyone else for some strange reason. I'll make fun of some girl and she'll try to get on my good side. I've even had girl have sex with me to try and get on my good side. I still think poorly of them and most everyone else.

    I just laugh at how easy it is to manipulate women.

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    • Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!! Oh sorry....just realised your not funny. You dick. I'm going to go be all girly and emotional and cry now... boo-friggin-hoo!

    • You showed me...

  • My opinion? You still need some growing up to do. You claim you still get women, but I happen to think they are just naive younger girls who don't know any better. College degree or not, your still a bad egg.

    Nice bit on the nice guys though, I actually agree with that rant.

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    • I've dated women from ages 18-36, braniacs to bimbos, and well what can I say, it doesn't matter the age or the education they simply go for the jerks.

  • That kind of sentiment would assume women know what they want. I would agree they are attracted to a certain attitude and sexual confidence and you seem intelligent enough to know what you're doing however a large amount of natural "bad guys" for all their bravado are fairly insecure and feel the need to "control" their girlfriend in order to keep them. Are you advocating this as well?

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    • No I am not to control them, although every man secretly wants to control his woman make she doesn't get outta line. But no I am not that extreme. I don't beat women although some I wish I could to slap some sense into them, but if she says something so stupid that baffles my mind, yeah I am going to say are you retarded that was the dumbest thing I have ever heard, and sometimes they cry, and I say well get over it simple as that.

  • Because the nice guy feels that it is wrong. It takes more than just an "I am going to try this" attitude, it takes a sort of priority shift or something to be an asshole effectively. A nice guy trying to be an 'asshole' will result in the women actually thinking that that are an asshole instead of mysterious.

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  • Because most women eventually get bored of the treatment and give up on the asshole. The nice thing about assholes is you can use them for sex and throw them away without a second thought. They tend to wind up alone and bitter.

    Enjoy.

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    • Most guys want sex so I don't see how that's bad, and the majority of women keep coming back, they want him but he doesn't want them.

    • Right, when you're 20. It changes over time. Once the cute wears off, not so much.

    • Oh I will get married eventually

  • I love this question.

    I love it SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much.

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  • There's nothing wrong with being a nice guy just like there's nothing wrong with being an asshole. Karma is a bitch and you will receive what you give one day, just remember that. There are no white or black, good or bad, clear cut situations.

    I am overly nice and I do care about a girl's feelings if I like them and I don't care if I'm only there for one to cry to, everyone needs a shoulder to cry on sometimes, guys or girls, and it doesn't mean you think you're going to wind up in bed with them for being nice to them.

    I don't go out of my way, but I'll even hang out with a friendgirl (yes, I just made up that term) knowing very well she doesn't like me if only to make her feel better because I know she's worth it and is always nice to me.

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    • So this being nice, a shoulder to cry on, and being their best buddy, how many dates does that get you? In the past lets say 3 months how many actual dates have you been on by being a nice guy to women, how many second dates, and how many of those women have you kissed?

    • You don't be a best buddy to a girl you're trying to date, that's not even the point I was trying to make. If you really like someone, you let them know up front, if it doesn't work out you can still be friends, afterward. I don't know about you, but I don't tend to kiss friends.

    • Well you didn't answer the question, you avoided it. And to your answer your question on kissing friends yup female friends only, and yes some of them I have even slept with, what's wrong with that?

  • The reason why nice guys usually don't get girls is because many of them appear to be needy and wimpy. That sort of attitude is not attractive to a female at all. I remember listening to this song a few years back which had the line "I already have a pussy, I don't need another one." and I believe it pretty much sums up what it's like for a women to be "chased" by a needy male.

    The reason why the macho jerk usually gets the female is because he doesn't fall under that needy category. He tells it how it is and is usually in this position of power within his social circle. A lot of the macho jerks I know are risk takers and usually believe they can get any girl they want so when someone rejects them, they don't care because they know they can get another girl in the next 5 minutes. In other words, they're pretty confident in themselves. Something which the "nice guy" lacks.

    It's the power that females are attracted to. If you want to get primal about it. When a female notices this power, this drive that a man has in life, their subconscious mind goes "Damn, this guy has balls and has such a powerful aura to him. I think I'll get with him since I know that he can provide for my security for my baby and other resources necessary for my our survival."

    It's not that being nice doesn't work. It DOES work. It's just that many of these so called "nice guys" are wussies and are looking to make a female their whole life instead of just part of it, you followin' me? If you want success in the realm of dating, you need a balance between being nice and being the captain of your own ship.

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  • i don't think you necessarily have to be an asshole, but I don't think you necessarily have to be a nice guy, I think when it comes to something like this, you should just be who you really truly are; be yourself. throw a few jokes in from time to time, be insightful be willing to help (I mean come on our world is literally being burned by the sun right now, cause of the ozone layer) just be an overall good citizen, and I think people will like you for that, otherwise you come off as some pyscho killer, or some sensitive know it all

    am I right, or am I right, haha

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  • I'm going to answer you with a question; I am usually the nice guy. I've had a lot of relationships but not a lot of hookups. I've been single for a year and will be for a while. If I want to hookup, is this totally the way to go? I would submit that it's pretty hard to get laid even once in a while if you're a nice guy.

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  • When you die lonely you can write on your gravestone "I was a jerk''

    Jerks win in the teens period but when a women wants a serious relationship which involves a future & a family and years of priceless love. The "nice" guy wins. And the jerks watch on with the 40year old balding heads and there bright yellow veichiles still considering themselves to be a teen when they clearly are not and the girls they get decrease and decrease in prettyness.

    Owned

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    • Well if that were true, why is that I'm the one who isn't a virgin, and has a gf, who isn't a teenager? You see more than likely I will be the one married in a few years, I will be the one with kids if I choose and, you will be the one who will still be single, possibly a virgin, and just can't figure out how to get laid or get a gf.

      Owned.

  • I'm a nice guy and the reason why I don't become an asshole is because I can't- its not who I am.

    It won't work because I am a genuine person who simply cannot understand why a girl would enjoy being treated like a lesser being...it doesn't logically make sense to me and I'm not going to pretend it does.

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  • As a nice guy, I do feel like assholes seem to capture the attention of more women. Whether it lasts, I don't know - but it does feel unfair. Of course, it could be just my perception and maybe I wouldn't want those women. I guess not really asshole behaviour but less than nice.

    Not that it matters, being an asshole isn't simply a choice. It's a matter of who you are... for me to be a d*** requires as much effort as to hang out with people I don't like, or play sports. It's not something I enjoy (sometimes I wish I liked being mean) so I'll continue being nice and hope that the responses that say nice guys get the girl are right :D

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