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Stick the F*ck Around: A Plea to Those with Bad Parents

Stick the F*ck Around: A Plea to Those with Bad Parents

I once heard a story that went a little like this: A violent, alcoholic, abusive man has two sons. One son becomes just like his father, drinking all night, beating his girlfriend, and landing himself in jail for drugs and beating a man half to death. The other son is the complete opposite of his father and brother, as he has a beautiful wife, two beautiful children, a good job, and is clean and sober. When the two very different brothers are asked why they turned out the way they did, both answer the exact same way;



With a father like mine, what else could I be?



This is a plea to those like the sons in the story, like the kids I work with, or like me. You may have a raging alcoholic as a father, no father because the bastard ran out on your family, a foster mother who's a sadist, parents who are both in jail, or an oft manipulative, borderline mother. You may have been physically, mentally, verbally, emotionally, or sexually abused, or neglected. You may have been fucking miserable, manipulated or confused by them. You may never have met your dad, or have only seen your parents through bars. You may not even know what to think of them, because one moment they seem to genuinely love you, other times they want you dead, and you just alternate between feelings for them.



Most people know the cycle of abuse and how it works. Someone who is hurt abuses someone else, who in turn takes it out on someone else, who takes it out on someone else, continuing the cycle. The cycle can run in a family for generations, that's how my family got it. My mother was physically, emotionally, and verbally abused by her father, and developed someone of the same tactics, albeit not as bad; however, I don't know if she's aware of how it's impacted other people, as she knows what she went through wasn't normal, but I don't know if she knows exactly what was and wasn't normal. If I tell her, for example, no one berates there kids like she does me, she tells me that's what everyone does. Some people don't even know that's not how a family is supposed to be, that's why the cycle is there.



Break that fucking cycle. Don't beat your children, don't become an alcoholic like them, stick around and see them grow up. Don't make them go through the same feelings you went through as a child.


Stick the F*ck Around: A Plea to Those with Bad Parents

I know it seems really hard. Maybe you're like me, you've already seen yourself following the cycle of abuse, following your parents with abusive traits, like screaming at people who don't do what you want or beating up people weaker than you because it makes you feel good. Maybe you're older and you've managed to rein the abusive habits in. Maybe you haven't yet. Make an effort to break the cycle. Do you want to put your kids through the hell you went through?



It's incredibly hard, I know that. Every time I want to scream at someone, it takes every ounce of strength to hold myself back, every time I want to tell someone that they're worthless, stupid, useless, or make fun of them because I know it'll get me what I want, I remember how bad it makes me feel when my mother does the same to me. I once heard the son of an abusive alcoholic tell a story about how he held himself back when he wanted to beat the fear of God into his children; he would make himself go back to being a child himself and remember how that fear felt. Realizing you're inflicting the same pain you're trying to escape onto others makes it harder to continue mindlessly inflicting that pain onto them.


Stick the F*ck Around: A Plea to Those with Bad Parents


Another thing I've found is that if you can find a role model to look up to it helps. Find someone, anyone you can look up to, it can be someone you know personally, or failing that, really anyone sane. I look up to my supervisor because he works with kids every day and shows me how you discipline kids and have a healthy relationship with them. My best friend has a psycho as a father, and doesn't know anyone personally, so has taken to looking up to the lead singer of a band she likes, Sleeping with Sirens, Kellin Quinn. I have to admit he's not a bad role model, having had his father run out on his family and leaving his mother to raise him alone, yet being one of the best fathers I've seen a celebrity be



Finally, I've found that it helps to have an outlet. Mine is music, reading and drawing. For other's, it's singing, painting, writing, or sports. It's whatever makes you feel better. Use that outlet like it's saving your life, hold onto it, because oftentimes it really is the only thing holding is up.



So, for those of us with deadbeat dads and manipulative mothers, here's to not fucking up someone else's life!


Stick the F*ck Around: A Plea to Those with Bad Parents
Stick the F*ck Around: A Plea to Those with Bad Parents
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