What do people mean when they say "the minute you stop looking, you'll find a girlfriend."

I have been told this by my best girlfriend that I need to stop looking for a girlfriend and just have fun, and someone will come into my life. How the heck is that suppose to happen when I am not exactly the most desirable guy out there (5 ft 7 215, thinning hair, 21 years old) and the only girls who want me are the not so desirable ones (its sad I mean these really just ugly girls both inside and out look at me like they want me, but I'm like... uhmm no way, I feel bad, but I wouldn't date them, they are weird). Anyway, what does this mean, isn't the point to be looking for someone, I mean its already hard for me to initiate with girls, and it don't help when they think your a fat slob or weird (idk if they do, I just get this vibe that they think I am a creep)

Updates:
Okay ladies, so how am I supposed to do this with my looks. I mean this advice is great when you look like some guy from twilight, but what about an average guy like me. I mean I can't just sit there and do nothing.
here's a pic link I don't know how to highlit it, but it's my fb page.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • it means youve got to step into reality...YOU DONT GO LOOKING FOR LOVE, LOVE FINDS OUT...its like you lose your remote to your tv right...you look everywhere for it, its no where to be found...then boom it just appears...kind of the same thing...

    look its good you have standards, but if you kick every girl to the curb every time you aren't going to get anywhere with love...instead of looking for dimes all the time, try a 7 or 8 or whatever I duno...but number one, dimes aren't always all that...they are stuck up and picky and think everyting should be done for them...i find girls who are maybe even a little below your average are better girlfriend because they are willing to do things for you that those high maintance girls aren't...

    another thing, give yourself some confidence man...youre baggin on yourself in the question...just go out, have fun, be yourself...you don't have to hit up bars all the time or clubs, just go otu and meet new people...try hanging out with friends you normally don't so you can meet different types of people thru them...

    all in all your friend is right, stop looking, just let life happen and it'll play out the way its meant to play out...you don't have to look at every girl as "omg she could def be my girlfriend"...you usually always start as some type of friend with your girlfriend...so stop looking for a girlfriend and start looking for friends and itll work out a lot better...and don't just shut a girl down, remember ugly girls have hot friends too lol

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    • I ain't looking for dimes, just someone attractive enough, I mean these girls both inside and out are jsut wierd. I mean its not just looks, I mean its that their quiet and just a little creepy. I know I want someone I can talk to and feel comfortable around, trust me, I don't want perfect 10's just what's perfect for me

What Girls Said 7

  • I don't belive in this.. Look I'm cute.. and I've always wanted a boyfriend but the ones I waanted never came around. You need to look confident, to be funny, to show you love life(learn to love it), and not be boring. That will make more girls like you, even though they say ur fat. I've liked fat guys because they were so funny and extravagant. If you find a girl ur interested in, most of the time, for ur case, you should be friends before. She will finish by developping feelings after since first inpressions doesn't seem so strong. Don't worry, apparently good things come to those who wait. I've waited three years being single, and I met this guy 4 weeks ago. He's amazing. Just live life, and enjoy it, let go of the computer. If you ant a good looking girl, you should deserve her in everyway. She should be accompanied by a good looking man. Work out, loose that weight that seems to make you think its a reason for 'singleness'. enjoy being single while you can. :P Change habits... For real. Go out, make new friends. Change jobs if its not so important to meet new people. Anyways, good luck :)

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  • First off, your trying to goddam hard. You need to stop trying so hard to just get a girlfriend and wait until you like someone. There's no point in looking for a girlfriend just so you could have one.

    Secondly, you should really try to work on your self esteem issues (and don't tell me you don't have them because you described yourself very poorly) first before ever pursuing someone else.

    Lastly, look at your standards. Of coarse some totally drop-dead gorgeous babe isn't going to date some guy who has got nothing going for him. People either like to date up or at the same level as them so don't expect some rich,gorgeous, intelligent girl to walk into your life unless you are just as impressive. Don't try to date up, try dating at your level first.

    When you stop trying so hard, women will sense that you are not desperate and maybe get into better contact with you. People want what they can't have and women can sense desperation from a mile away. Hope this helps!

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    • Look I may have self esteem issues, but I'd rather be honest than hype myself up and be unable to deliver. It's humility dammit. It's a virtue. I don't need to say how awesome I am because I am not. It'd just make me look like a douchebag. Now the guys who can deliver what women truly want, they are amazing. Me I'm not bad, but no cute girl will like me romantically. I mean there's no hope, just like I don't want to settle they don't either

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    • But guys can't stop looking, because girls do not pursue or chase guys

    • True true, but you shouldn't even be trying if you have got a bad approach. There's always going to be at least one person who is attracted to you so maybe even then.

  • They mean that, when you least expect things to happen.. it will happen, good things come to those who wait and if your ina rush to get someone, then your not going to get to know them very well and won't come accross the right relationship. don't be shallow towards and girl if she takes a liking to you and turn her down just because she isn't exactly the best looking of people.. She might have a great personality, sure have a standard but appreciate a girl for who she is inside aswell.. Maybe your looking for the wrong people. Each time I stop looking something comes up, but the shallower you become .. the harder it will be to find someone. Just leave it for a while stop looking for a relationship and look more for friendship. The best relationship is built from friend ship :) xx

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  • it's like you should be just living life day by day being confident with yourself and being positive. because if you don't love yourself who will? you should just have fun and not stress it. and that person will come. and don't depend on your list of dream girl. life's unexpected. I went to buy shoes and I got along with an employee who was trying to sell shoes to me and now were together.(we're were not even looking for a bf/gf) despite the little situations, overall our relationship is good

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  • it means some things come out of nowhere love is like karma what goes around comes around I guess. when your mind isn't on it and your just living life it will sneak up on you hopefully. so your very best girlfriend is right

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  • I hope that you don't put yourself down in front of other people, specifically girls. I mean, if you can't even view yourself in a positive light and accept yourself then how can you expect another person to? I used to date a guy who was shorter than me (about 5'7), had a balding spot, and wasn't in the best shape. On the other hand, I'm 5'8 and I've always been an athlete and fit. He hated it when I wore heels, he would freak if a guy wrote on my Facebook wall, and he just didn't believe that a girl like me could be going out with a guy like him. Well, sure enough there's such a thing as self-fulfilling prophecy. The truth is that I absolutely loved him (physical appearances and all), but it was the fact that he was so insecure that he pushed me away. Point is that it's hard to find someone attractive, when they are quick to point off so many reasons why they think of themselves as unattractive. Get my gist? I know it's corny, but I thought the movie She's Out of My League kind of touched grounds on this. Focus on the good aspects of your personality - what you have to contribute in a relationship. And as for whatever you view as bad, whether it be your weight or a bad habit, then take the initiative to change it! Physical looks are NOT everything, and when you grow to love someone, they only become more and more attractive in your eyes.

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    • Okay, movies have this things called writers that make fantasies come true. That movie is innacurate. I mean the main character might get a one night stand with that girl, but not a long term relationship. At least at that age. I think most women between about 18--30 care too much about looks and stuff. Trust me, if my parents had met in their 20's my mom wouldn't be with my dad. At least I don't think so

    • Are movies dramatized? Sure. Does that mean certain outcomes are impossible? Definitely not. I was within your specified age range when I was dating this guy. You cannot generalize. There are exceptions to everything, and it's unfair of you to say that all women within that age range could be so shallow. I'm still within that age range, and looks definitely do not hold more importance to me than a guy's personality.

    • True, but it happens more so at that age. Men are that way to, in fact probably more so than women, unless they have their beer goggles on, and even then that's never a great situation

  • It means, don't sign up for online dating. Instead, just live life. don't say in all night. go out and have fun. meet new people. eventually one of those people that you meet will be the one

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What Guys Said 12

  • She means girls love the type of guy the most that they think is cool but totally ignores her. "we ignore the ones who adore us and adore the ones who ignore us." That kind of sh*t. You're not an awesome looking dude though so her advice isn't going to help you for sh*t, sorry bro, if you ignore girls they're going to keep ignoring a guy like you. You need to work out a lot and get ripped, that's by far the easiest way to get attention from women and they will treat you entirely different. It's stupid, but it works.

    And seriously man when a girl gives you some advice that sounds like it came from a romantic comedy, it's 99% of the time some bs that they wish was true, and has no relevance to what actually happens, but they're telling it to you because it sounds better than "girls like badboys deal with it." and they don't want to hurt your feelings or sound bad. Don't listen to women on how to get women, watch what the successful men do.

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  • It's bullsh*t. That's what it is. If you're attractive, carry yourself well, and don't worry about what you look like and can't help, then you can look for girls or just wait. The option's yours. My advice would be to find ways to gain confidence and just be someone approachable. When you say 'creep', the first thing that comes to mind is being too forward or eager. Girls don't want a desperate guy that will cling to them constantly. They want a guy who's comfortable in their own skin and not worried about what people think. If you're worried about your hair, then shave your head. Too heavy? Eat better and become active.

    The whole, 'when you stop looking, the girl of your dreams will just show up' is another drummed up way for your friends to make you feel better. Sure it does happen, but it's advice that I wouldn't take. Think about it. If you wanted to find a watch, would you just go around NOT looking for the watch and hoping you just stumble upon one? No. You'd go and pick out the watch that suits you best. With girls, you just keep your options open. Don't stop looking all together, but ease up and fix things in your own life.

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  • generally its women who give this advise, which is bogus. because women generally "wait" to be hit on or be asked out.

    if its a guy giving this advise...chances he is the privlidged few who got looks or charm that women look for, and women work up the nerve to go after him.

    either case...its bad advise to give to average joes

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  • I believe that you may be trying to hard. Honestly the right girl WILL find you by fate. Just keep doing what you are doing. Keep on hanging with friends at where ever you usually hangout and you will find her. Plus in that case, you'll have something in common...you're both at a place that you enjoy. Don't ever give up (cliche I know), but there's a person out there for you.

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    • Yeah, an ugly person. Someone either not attractive enough, or they are crazy in the head or just dull.

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    • Of course, I became great friends with her and then she rejected me when I asked her out, and she said she wasn't ready, but then a week later some guy she randomly met started going out with her.

    • Oh wow...I can't imagine the amount of frustration and mental anguish you must've felt. That's the one of the worse things a person can do. Maybe you just too much into the friend zone...

  • This is basically the story of how I have my current girlfriend. She asked me to her prom basically out of the blue (I hadn't really thought about her like that before) and now we're a perfectly happy couple. It just happened, I didn't try to do anything to get it to happen, it just did. Don't use my story as an example for your own life, but it might be good to just take a break and let things happen.

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    • But how does stuff just happen. I mean none of my friends who are single or want to date at all. I hang out with my friends a lot, but how can something just happen. I am not good looking, I do have a lot of talents, but a lot of good looking guys have the same ones. (everyone plays guitar, and a lot of people are smart). I'm not saying I'm screwed, but I have to work to make something happen.

  • It means that there's no point in sitting around worrying and wondering. Stop looking for a relationship in every girl that you meet or talk to. Start understanding you, and living your life happily single and eventually when the time is right good things will happen.

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  • You need to just work on yourself. Join a gym pronto and start working out like a beast everyday. No more fast food and no junk food. Do it for 6 months to a year and I guarantee you will get a girlfriend

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  • they mean quit trying so hard, enjoy being young, and discover who you are...

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  • I'm the troll that's usually on here, and I can tell you that I do look like the guy from twilight facially and I'm 6'2'' and I make a decent amount of money. But I'm not social and in that sense I'm more screwed than you

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  • Seriously, are you kidding me? You look better than I do, dude, and even I know that I could get a girl (had a number of them flirt with me already, often with no invitations on my part)! What your friends are trying to say is that you need to stop trying so hard BECAUSE when you do, it basically gives off the wrong vibe. Girls who see a guy who is obviously trying hard to get a girl think there's something wrong with him or that he's desperate. Not good. I've found that the times you're MOST likely to find a girl checking you out or flirting with you are when you are busy living your life, unaware of them. Yeah, I know that sounds crazy, but it's true! You know when they say "just be yourself"? It's exactly that: go about your life, have fun, work, go do your hobbies, hang out with friends, whatever. While you're doing that, girls will notice you and be able to check you out, without them feeling like you're a threat to them (the way they might if you're the one checking THEM out; while they don't mind be flirted with or looked at, don't stare overly long. Let HER do that. Women feel creeped out if guys do that! Lol) Anyway, you look your best when you're just being YOU, and it gives a girl a chance to see what you're really like and whether she likes you or not. If she's interested, she'll try to get you to notice her. From that point on, it's up to YOU. :) Yeah, I know it's crazy, but there's an order to these things! Lol

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  • Just do what I do and go on adult personal websites. I'm also an average guy. I'm 5'7 160lbs and hairy and have a receding hairline at 21. I found a hot babe that likes me the way I am. I found her profile when I was just looking to hookup with women around my area. She on the other hand was only on that adult personal website to look at adult videos. And she saw something I posted on that website and she contacted me but we only spoke for about a minute. And so then I clicked on her profile and found out that she lives on the other-side of the country. She said on her profile to contact her even if we live far away because she said "you never know what might happen".

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  • Do something about it! I'm not trying to be rude, I'm saying grow a pair and be a man.

    Obviously your conscious about three facts:

    - Height, there's very little you can do about this

    - Weight: You can always join a gym, quit being lazy. Not for them, for yourself.

    - Thinning hair: Shave your head bald :D! Personally I like that look on my friends more than thinning hair.. One guy is 20 years old and is bald, he looks like a cop... He's dating a smoking hot woman, which they're both close friends.

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    • I don't look good bad, too round of a face, and its not as bad as I exaggerate it, I am just thinking from the perspective of what a girl sees.I think I am okay with hair. Weight I need to work on, but I've lost 10 lbs since february. Its just I mean what girl wants a guy like me

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    • "What to do" comes from your mind, not mine. What I CAN tell you, is that your ":expectations" are perfectly fine. But imagine the world and "women" like a marketing scheme. Higher demand usually coexists with ? (less supply). If you want to find her, all you need to do is put in effort and try. Right now your making exuses, of how you "couldn't" find her at one point in time and trying to relate that to how you can't find a beautiful girl now; quit the mind-game bull and just live for once.

    • ..chicks love bald guys

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