My boyfriend wants me to gain weight??

What is this?

I'm 5'4, 110 lbs with a waistline of 23 inches and I have a BMI of 17. I'm a 32C. I'm fairly fit, also. So not only am I thin, I'm athletic. And he wants me to gain weight. I'm confused. I've been with him for five years and in the past year or so he's been making subtle hints at wanting me to gain weight. I'm not a sack of bones, just so you know. I have a little fat below my bellybutton, but other than that, no. Like, I could lose maybe an inch or two in order to have a fully flat torso.

I went on a week long vacation to Europe and gained some weight due to not working out and the enlarged serving sizes. I mentioned to him that I needed to go for a jog or do some crunches when I got home because of it, and he said, "Ah well, it's more of you to love. A little more fat wouldn't be so bad for you, you know. It'd actually be good."

I'm naturally thin. I only work out to keep toned. I want him to be happy with me, but I physically cannot gain weight attractively. If I get above 117 lbs, I feel lethargic and unhappy. I tend to stay between 110 and 115.

Any thoughts as to why he might want me to weigh more? I've asked him and all he says is, "Eh, I don't know. Just do." and so that doesn't help.

I want him to be happy. Help?


Most Helpful Girl

  • If you are comfortable and happy with your weight, stay the way you are. If he doesn't like it, too bad.


What Guys Said 10

  • 1) Do what keeps you happy. If extra weight makes you feel sad then don't do it.

    2) Personally I want a little bit of fat tissue/extra muscle on a girl because I don't want to feel like I'm with a guy. Girls have always been like teddy bears to me, nice and soft. Maybe he just wants a little extra squish from you?

    • 2mo

      Amen. Said like a true man who cares yet when it comes down to it, is a man (Mars Venus thing). And sometimes it's just all about that bass. Or the treble. Or even a little bit of a pooch on your belly. Because love doesn't see fat it just sees and feel the beauty, which is you. ❤️

  • If he's been with you for five years it stands to reason he is pretty happy with your body the way it is. It's possible that he was afraid to sound in any way critical of your slight weight gain and overcompensated a little. He's lucky to have a girlfriend that cares about keeping fit. Don't tailor your lifestyle or your body to suit him.

  • i think it's probably how you carry your weight. you're pretty small as a whole so he probably feels like you could do well to gain a little more to fill you out. it's obviously not a major issue to him since he's not constantly nagging about it and besides that, it's not something you feel like you can do and stay energized. you have to do what keeps you feeling in best shape and I think as long as he knows you feel good, that's all he really cares about since he's your man. I doubt he has regrets ending up with a cute petite girl.

  • he may be an F. A (fat admirer) and not confidant in his sexuality yet. fat admirer is a brad term for people that like there partner and or them self to be over weight, there's really no good way to go about it unless you talk to him but anyway, he may not be confidant yet, I remember the first time I told my preference's to my partner and now she's my wife. so just talk to him and try to make him feel cumfterble its harder to say the more you like someone for fear of being rejected, if you have any more questions just lit me know id be happy to answer

  • If you're good with your weight, that should be all that matters. Sounds like he prefers gals with more "softness"

  • 23 inches sounds really slim, hip circumference?

  • Some guys like heavier females...I prefer skinny...but we are all different...and that is a Very Good Thing...(:(:(:

  • i think you should just stay at the weight you want to

  • Lose the loser and date someone who enjoys perfection

  • Sounds like something I'd say. To be honest, my intention would be to make you feel comfortable no matter what you do, and to definitely not make your life miserable by starving yourself thinking super skinny is the way to be.

    • I don't starve myself. I eat like a fricking horse. I eat a lot and it's not all healthy food either. I just don't gain weight. And when I do, it goes to bad places.

What Girls Said 11

  • There are three things that should influence your weight goals:

    1. What is a healthy body weight for you as an individual

    2. What makes you feel good in your body, confident, and happy

    3. What is a realistic expectation to have of yourself

    If you feel unhappy or unhealthy when you gain weight, don't gain weight. You can always explain to your boyfriend that you have real reasons for not wanting to. He should understand, and he should value your happiness as well. Just make sure you aren't at risk of being underweight (talk to a doctor if there is any concern).

  • From a health perspective .. You're underweight and not at a healthy bmi. Anything under 18.5 is considered underweight. But if your body is naturally like that, then don't do anything. But if you're not eating right/going overboard on workingout then yeah, stop that.

    • I definitely don't overdo the working out. I work out very lightly because my metabolism is that fast. I do about 30-50 crunches/situps, depending on the day, and go for a light, 3 mile jog two or three times a week.

  • He might want you to have more meat on when he's having sex, men sometimes like that. Or that he's larger and wants you to be closer of what he is. Or that he sees guys looking at you and wants you a little less threatening? I know what you mean lathargic, caz that's how I am. I'm 5'3" and a half and I'm between 117 and 120. I like my face around 115 and I like my body around 120. so, don't know. Maybe it turns him on when your thicker. If I was a guy I'd want my woman around 123-125 lbs. funny but true.

    • My boyfriend is 6'4 and 170 lbs. He's muscular, also. I feel like, since all the women in his family are bigger, maybe he wants me to be the same? He says he doesn't like his women fat, but the women in his family (two older sisters and his mother) make snide comments about how I won't survive with them and how I need to put meat on my bones in order to fit in. Maybe that's it? Oh, and we aren't sexually active. Though he wants to be.

  • I'm pretty a BMI of 17 considered to be underweight for women isn't it? As long as you don't have an eating disorder or anything I'd say do what makes you happy, not him.

    • For my height, a 17 is at the low side of acceptable. I looked this up a few years ago. All it means is I get small boobs lol

    • Bahaha ya I remember seeing that 17 is low but your weight sounds ideal/healthy to me. Maybe he wants you to gain weight to see if the boobs will get bigger llol.


    • to what?

    • to see what you look like so I can see if you need to gain weight

  • Your BMI, if your stats are correct is 19, which is in the normal range. Do what makes YOU happy, not what makes HIM or ANYONE ELSE happy. If you like yourself fit and toned, then congratz on being one of the few women who truly like the way they look. That's already a large feat to have accomplished.

  • Cause he wants a big fat ass like most guys, for better sex. I have gotten fat for guys cause it feels so good and sex is so much better. You should too, but the choice is yours

  • Sometimes you just have to do you boo-boo. Seven pounds in either direction won't kill him. ❤️

  • My guy constantly buys me goodies and snacks. It's not that I don't appreciate it but I fee like he wants me to gain weight so others do not think im attractive and I'm obligated to stay with him.

  • Well he either wants you to BULK up or he thinks the weight you gain (fat) is going to go into all his IDEAL places so that he can admire you like that. -_-

    Since you're keeping fit, you've got the muscle and metabolism, if you want to increase in size you're just going to have to eat more and turn that into muscle in the places you want them but then you'd risk looking muscular (like too much). :P

    Then on the other hand if you just eat more, I'm guessing most of the fat is going straight to your tummy and then wherever else fat tends to go for you.

    If I put on weight (fat), it's not going to go to my assets first. I have a little fat on my tummy but I'm quite thin everywhere else. If I lose a few kg I will have a flat tummy for sure but then I will truly be thin because my frame is quite small. Then only will I agree with people calling me skinny.

    I have people telling me to gain weight, but I find it annoying because when they say "gain weight" they're not really telling me to be HEALTHY. Just because I'm small doesn't mean my fat goes in all the 'right' places. If the bulk of it goes to my waistline and tummy, which it does, I'm sure as hell not listening to them.

    The other option for me is to just gain muscle weight but I do not want to have muscular thighs and all that kind of stuff, so really, I'm just going to stay the way I am. It's ridiculous.

    • I feel the same way. I'm like, exactly like you. My weight all goes to my thighs and butt. And then my stomach. I wish it'd go better places, like my chest. Where, do to my slight figure, God knows I need it lol

    • Show All
    • haha ok!

      I dream of the day where I can find a guy who understands what I've just told you.

    • Me too. My guy is pretty understanding, but I'm not sure he'll understand everything lol