During our relationship I have gained some weight, also I haven't exercised for a few years. As a result I have got a bit of a pudgy/chubby belly and some mild cellulite. But my BMI is barely 25 and, except for the belly, I don't look fat.
But my boyfriend recently has started insist that I should start exercising. He points out my belly fat and cellulite and says I should do something to get in shape.
I don't really know how to relate to it...
Okay, here’s a serious advice to you.
Lose weight!
and get in shape.
I can support you and tell you that “No, girl! You do you. He is a pig.”
But, you’ll be single in a month.
If you want to have a healthy relationship you two should be attracted to each other. He communicated his wish to you and I strongly advise you do that, firstly for yourself and only then, for your boyfriend.
I am 19 BMI and even I plan losing a bit more weight and hitting the gym.
I am telling the truth. Men are visual creatures.
And so are you.
You should be happy with your body first.
Now losing your weight or not changes one thing,
either you’ll be happy with your body and single or
you’ll be happy with your body and fu**inf the sh** out of your boyfriend for a revenge of pissing you off and making you feel that you need to change. In which case, you’ll both be happy.
"I am 19 BMI and even I plan losing a bit more weight and hitting the gym."
Below 19 is the standard definition for underweight.
Butts and boobs are important since you said it is to become attractive. Eat healthy and exercise but don't lower your bmi.
This is a great answer.
No, not unless he is mean about it.
Why do people let themselves go? I'm sure you expect him to just stay with you regardless of how badly you let yourself go?
Hey, if he fell for you as a fit hottie and now you want to get lazy and bait and switch him to some other body type who shows zero desire to please her mate or ever doll up and look nice for him then he is justified to politely say, he wants the fit girl back who took care of herself.
Why are you turning yourself into a sweats wearing, gain weight, housewife?
This is also a good peak into how a marriage with you would look. If she commits super long term you may just totally abandon staying healthy and looking nice and may become an obese person and there will be zero sex or attraction.
Obviously he is already noticing it. If you snap back now, back into being a fit, attractive mate this may all blow over but if you can become borderline obese from just a year or two of giving you the assurance of commitment and you seem set in this way then marrying you or going all the way long term would probably be foolish on his part.
You being offended or not is king of irrelevant. Be offended all you want but if you are physically becoming unattractive then that will probably play a role in your romantic life and a man's attraction to you. At least he is trying to pull you back from the abyss.
Should you feel offended? That is entirely up to you, it all depends on how you look at it. My martial artist coach, he's very fast. But he admitted that he has to work hard to keep that prowess so he can keep up with us. This implies that the older you get, the harder it will be to stay in shape, to stay strong.
Apple says that if he really loved you, he shouldn't be pointing out your weight gain and requesting you to lose weight. The way I look at it is that if you don't love someone, you don't point out someone going off track. If you're at a healthy bodyweight, there shouldn't be a problem and he shouldn't be making any remarks. But if you're going beyond that, or Under that healthy bodyweight, somebody needs to step in to let you know, and support you through that process of going back to a healthy bodyweight.
If I really love someone, I can't bring myself to just stand by and let a person worsen their health. I want to see them succeed. But that is my point of view.
It’s tricky…. One part of me thinks he is being out of order, and he should just love you the way you are. But at the same time I have told my partner he should exercise more - not in a ‘you’re getting fat kind of way though’. I just know that a doctor told him his cholesterol was a little high. So maybe exercising once a week would be good for him. He hardly leaves the house Monday to Friday because he works from home so I just said ‘hey maybe just go for a run once a week to move your body’. By nature he is quite skinny but it’s in your 30s where your body starts giving in and you need to look after it. So yeah I suppose I went into it with a caring angle. And also I must admit, if he put on a lot of weight I wonder if I’d be attracted to him. I suppose that’s the ugly truth people don’t want to accept?
To you though I would ask, did you exercise before meeting your boyfriend? Was there any exercise you enjoyed? Maybe your boyfriend is trying to point out that you should take active care of yourself a bit more. Although pointing at your cellulite isn’t exactly the best way to get your care across! Maybe tell him his approach is out of order and have a discussion about why he’s bringing it up.
Opinion
58Opinion
Well if he's not calling you anything insulting or trying to insult you then you shouldn't be offended. It seems he's just pointing out that he'd be more attracted to you if you had less of a stomach? Or maybe he knows that visceral fat can be extremely dangerous when near organs? Either is a reasonable thing to do since you're in a relationship & both want each other to be healthy & need to be sexually attracted to one another.
If I were in a relationship & my partner said that, I'd note it & simply just start adjusting my eating habits. Hell, I'd probably agree with them that I could look a little better. Ofc if their request was a reasonable one & not some weird nitpicky stuff that I have little to no control over.
I think your boyfriend genuinely cares for you and your health. Try to eat healthy and still enjoy food but moderate proportions. Start walking and moving more. You don’t have to crash diets and do hours at the gym or exercises. Drink water. He loves you and he wants the best for you - be healthy together. So you can have a healthy long lasting relationship. All the best
Don't put up with that. If he really loved you he wouldn't be pointing that out especially if it's just a little bit of weight like who cares? You are still a healthy bmi
@Juxtapose omg I know these other answers are acting like she's obese like wtf she's fine
For now, she is only going to get fatter if she doesn't make a change. Expecting men to love fat women is unrealistic and asinine.
@DextroShade she's not fat. Also weight isn't permanent so she's not gonna keep gaining. especially for women we have a lot of ups and downs. I gain 5-10 pounds from bloating everytime before my period then lose it right after. Doesn't mean I'm fat just means my body is changing because of hormones
He should say "up to 25 is ok but it is the top limit"
According to government health websites, 24.9 BMI is the top limit of a category "RISK OF OVERWEIGHT" and 25 is overweight by their standard.
If what @Apple1996 says is is true, then she should lose just a bit to enter the 24.9 amd lower zone.
I do recognize that all bodies are different and the healthy fat range can je unique further... bit it is unlikely. We have not seen her.
She says the fat is all in her belly mostly, and that's a very unhealthy type of fat.
So it is in her best fucking interests to lose fat.
What's so difficult about fat loss? The real problem is addiction, neurocircuitry, or unless there is an underlying health condition causing her to become fat which needs medical treatment.
If you're addicted to junk food... it's almost like being addicted to porn. Any questions? What woman wouldn't dump a man if he was getting fat OR if he was addicted to porn, or both...
No it is not healthy to be fat especially in the way the asker described "belly and cellulite".
I'd only be different from her boyfriend by offering you the solution and guiding you through it or making you leave.
Don't like it, leave.
Weight loss is really easy if you understand what you're doing.
I already mentioned that in my reply. With a lot of autocorrect issues.
But it is unlikely to be the case for her as she herself described "belly amd cellulite".
Here is what is most likely going on: he wants her to become healthy which I can't blame him for, but she feels offended by the fact that it's her own "fault". All she has to do is get in shape. It is NORMAL to be upset when you're at fault of something, unless you're emotionless like me, so she can be "offended" if it naturally comes out but the fact is she probably is damaging her health by continuing to be fat.
She is probably different person but in the case of Boyfriend dumped me due to weight gain? ↗
There is no blaming on the man.
Again, it is possible she has a medical condition that can't be cured. Unlikely though.
Maybe she has to quit being a female coomer. A pleasure addict.
I agree too.
With apple
and I’m currently on a diet.
@AkiraSays such a what?
An imbecile, for having the nerve to dare to express a different opinion than yours? Indeed. How dare I lol
Well good for him. I mean when someone gains a few pounds that is just the beginning if something doesn't change. So he's like change now before it gets too out of hand where he is simply no longer attracted to you.
Why should you feel offended. Don't you want to be healthy and in shape?
u He is telling you that he is losing his attraction to you because of your weight. You can choose to ignore his comment, get angry, or start working on weight loss and getting in shape. Your choice will have consequences.
If your boyfriend doesn’t like you for who you are then kick him to the curb , gaining a little bit of weight shouldn’t be a reason that your partner is losing attraction toward you , that’s just a lame excuse for his selfish actions and behavior. I Hate to say this , but he is probably already checking out other girls or flirting with other girls or comparing you to those other girls , Your boyfriend is a selfish person that only thinks about himself , he should love you for the way you are period , Now if you gained a tremendous amount of weight since you started dating him then yes you should get yourself into shape for your own health , but gaining some weight shouldn’t be a reason your boyfriend is making comments about your weight. People like him do not know how to love someone , they only love themselves , That is the kind of person you should reconsider being in a relationship with seriously. . Those type of people are fixated on physical appearance like it’s the most important thing , they are so in for a rude awakening when they finally realize that it takes more than just attraction to fall in love with someone , Next time he makes a comment about your weight , tell him once he gets a bigger dick maybe you will consider exercising again , see how that makes him feel lol
Has your boyfriend gained weight?
He was physically attracted to you when you were thinner. Most likely he is afraid you might be letting yourself go. He also most likely wants you to lose weight for vanity reasons only.
Remind him that the longer the two of you are together and that as both of you age, he will gain weight as well.
Remind him two can play at the “you need to loose weight” game.
The only reason you should lose weight is for yourself only. For your own health. As you age and continue to add on the pounds, the harder it will be to lose that weight for health benefits.
A BMI of 25 is on the low end of being overweight only. Not obese. You are still considered on the healthy end of the overweight range.
If you are happy where you are, stay there. If your BMI keeps going up, then look at the reasons why and try to bring it back down.
Just like Barney Fife once said, “ You gotta nip it in the bud.”
there is a difference between wanting you to eat healthier and be in shape, especially if he is a fitness freak, but then if he just wants you to lose weight so you look better to him or when he takes you out and shows you off that is pretty shallow.
You have to somehow figure out why he feels that way and then decide if you want to lose weight for yourself or not.
Losing weight for him is not correct no matter how much he pressures you into doing it.
You would probably grow to resent that as well as him.
Weight gain/loss can be an issue in relationships, but it is more for the shallow reasons.
You do not sound like the little bit of weight that you have put on is unhealthy so I'm thinking he wants you to lose weight for the wrong reason.
When you truly love someone, you accept them as they are.
My wife and I both gained too much weight so we both made the joint decision to start eating better & heathier and start moving more.
We both have lost weight and we are both much healthier.
She has been able to get off some of her medications as a side benefit, but we are older, which is when issues start to creep in.
"Losing weight for him is not correct" Why? It is correct. If you love somebody you have an opportunity to do something nice for them. It is not good to be selfish and fat.
"When you truly love someone, you accept them as they are." NOT EXACTLY!!!
God loves humans but wants them to forfeit sinning.
Parents love their kids, but also have requirements (Be polite, learn at school, help around house).
Is being fat something so important to you, that it is non negotiable? Because if you are indifferent, then perhaps you should think about doing something about it.
@_piotr there is a difference between having a few extra pounds and being fat/obese.
Her BMI is just fine, so it is not a health concern. As for cellulite I have dated tri athletes that have had some cellulite, it is an age thing esp. with women and she can't control getting older.
So, what is his true motivation behind this since it is not a health issue?
That is the real issue.
Some guys want this "perfect" shape on thier SO and that is unrealistic, as well as in many cases very unhealthy, way worse than having an extra few pounds.
Everyone is built differently, some are just going to be thin like a stick no matter what they eat, others can gain 2 lbs looking at a food ad.
Myself I have a very large frame, built like a linebacker.
I have 56" shoulders and a 34" waist and that is without working out.
According to the charts I am obese, however my BMI is 24 and when my doctor did all of the measurements just the skin bones and working parts with no fat at all I am way over what the charts say I should be.
No one is perfect, he seems a bit controlling, so if she lost those few pounds what is the next thing she will have to change to fit as you word it, his requirements? Hair color, the length and style of her hair, her boobs are too small, how she dresses, what she wears, who she talks to or is allowed to talk to?
This is how issues like that start and they escalate quickly.
First impression:
Maybe there's some lack in clarity between you two/he's not explicitly communicating everything he's thinking/feeling? Guys tend not to voice their care for people as much.
Evaluation:
The fact that he brought that up with you means he cares about you and here's why:
A) if his motivations were purely selfish, he's a superrr selfish dude who would've just gone out and cheated on you instead of asking you to get in better shape.
B) him asking you to get in better shape means he wants as few temptations /not/ to be with you as possible. He doesn't want to want anyone else! Guys are super visual, so he's asking you to put effort into being your best and most attractive self.
Response:
Make it something you can both enjoy!
There's nothing that creates a bond like trials/hardship, and working out can be hard! So go work out and be the best partner and have him work out with you so you two have a reason to get out of the house together aside from dates. Another plus is that he'll also end up hotter 😉
You should absolutely be offended, I’m offended for you!
To start with, when people get comfortable and happy in relationships, it’s natural and normal to gain weight. If anything, he should be glad to see you getting to a healthier size if it means that you’re happy. The fact that he doesn’t means his attraction to you is so much more shallow than yours is to him. He wants you to be his exact idea of pretty before anything else, it wouldn’t matter if you treated him like crap, if you were his idea of pretty then he’d stay with you. I understand that physical attraction is necessary for a lot of people to stay in relationships, but you gaining a little chub shouldn’t be a reason for that beauty to be considered gone. If the average person wouldn’t call you fat, then he shouldn’t either. It’s a sign of issues ahead and I’d get out while I could if I were you,
You should absolutely NOT be offended, I’m not offended for you!
Being offended here is selfish and stupid:
- physical attraction is important
- selfish, because you do not want your partner to be happy, and you prefer to be lazy then to do something for them.
- stupid, because being fat is bad for aesthetics, health and hinders many activities.
- the "shallow" argument is for people who believe they are detached from their bodies and feel that they are some sort of floating mental energy or something. Real human consists of personality, body (and possibly soul). These ingredients are important and need to be taken care of.
Unless you desire to be fat, do something about it instead of being offended.
I was fat-shamed by my family and this motivated me to eat less and exercise. I already lost some weight and I am happy they did it.
But she’s NOT fat, that’s the whole point. She’s probably gained a max of like 5 pounds.
Well I understand where you’re coming from, personally I’d want my significant other to let me know if I’ve changed in a way they don’t like. Better to be pointed out early than late especially if looks are a big deal for him. Having said that a woman’s weight is a touchy subject And he should tread carefully hear. Little anecdote a friend of mine is a tattoo artist, she put on a ton of weight in the last 5 years. As for her boyfriend, he used to be in the military and looks chiseled as hell. He never said anything about it. They looked happy ever since I’ve met them recently he left her for a girl that works in my gym. She now goes to the CrossFit opposite my gym since January but I spoke to her coworker recently and apparently she’s gained weight since. My anecdote is an extreme though. I do think people should be more open to these kinds of conversations in a relationship. Maybe you could get him to work out with you if he’s not already working out 🤷♂️
Maybe he's just looking out for you. 25 bmi is normal. But as you get older it's definitely more important to do just a little exercise. Most of us work jobs that aren't physically demanding and we don't exactly have gym class like we did in highschool anymore.
Maybe he's just noticing that you're starting to head down a slippery slope and doesn't want you to feel a certain way when it becomes much harder to look the way you want.
I don't know this guy, but I think it's worth seriously considering. How would your life/mental state change today or in the future if you exercised a little more
Do you want to get in shape?
All bodies are beautiful and you don't want to date a fatphobic person. He's like this now, imagine after you become a mom and post pregnancy your figure is ruined. Is he gonna look for another woman?
Physical attraction is very important. But physical standards need to be challenged.
Everyone changes. It's life. Bodies can't stay the perfect 0 figure for years, can it? It can, if you're a celebrity and your livelihood depends on whether people find you hot or not. Otherwise it should be irrelevant.
It's on you.
Hehe, it feels like I'm the only one who sees the wrong in this.
So I'm just gonna say it : it's not your partner's job to be your fitness coach. Lmao.
I forgot how funny GaG is.
Maybe, maybe not. Talk to him about his reasoning. If he’s pushing you for his own selfish reasons and just wants you to look better for his own enjoyment, then you have a right to feel offended. If you care about someone, you care about them even if they have some extra pounds. However, if he just wants you to be healthier, then that’s a different story. I nag my boyfriend about coming out and exercising with me. He doesn’t do much physical activity and I worry that will catch up to him at some point. My father had a heart attack at 40. He gets annoyed with me sometimes but I mean well.
Have to agree w the first answer. Lose weight if you want to continue to be w him. Who knows maybe he could lose a few himself. I’m glad the first answer spoke the truth rather than cuddling you. Women tend to tell each other what they w at to hear to spare their feelings. It never does them any good. I could see if you recently had a child, that would be different. He liked you for a number of things, including your body. I wouldn’t say do it completely for him, but for yourself. If you’re honest w yourself do you think you need to lose some weight? Besides if you two decide to have a baby physically speaking you’re going to be better prepared for it. Plus you’ll obviously gain some weight. I mean honestly right now how much more weight would you gain before you had a baby? So the weight you’ve packed on now in addition to the weight you’ll gain while pregnant, going to be that much harder to lose that weight.
The only time a guy should be asking you to go to the gym and lose weight is when it could be a serious health issue for you.
Then he's truly concerned about your well being.
If he's just saying it because he doesn't like how you look, then you now know the extent as to why he is with you. Which says a lot about his depth, he just wants you to join him in the kiddie pool.
Well.. I guess you could be offended because it is annoying when people point out our flaws.. but it is best to get back in shape while it is still easy.. or you will probably develop low self esteem.. and considering he probably only likes skinny women you could end up losing your boyfriend..
You shouldn't feel offended, because if he says so, its true. He says that not because he wants to offend you, but because he cares about your looks and your health. Its better to listen to his advice and start doing it now rather that doing it later. Because if you do it now, it will be much easier to get back into shape. If you won't do anything now, it'll get much worse.
For health reasons, to suggest you should start exercising is totally okay… for him to point out your flaws is a dick move. He could go about it in a way that it doesn’t hurt your feelings! Even better would be if he suggested working out together, going on walks or go to the gym.
I know it’s probably hurtful to hear these things, but I think it’s also okay for us to want our partner to be healthy. And wouldn’t you want to be healthy for both of you? No one’s body is perfect. But it’s very attractive to both when the other person takes care of themselves. It shows they respect and loves themselves. And that’s sexy. Maybe you two can start working out together?
You should only be offended if he wants you to go down to a weight less than when you met, but wanting you to be at that same weight is not asking too much.
If you don't want to do it, you might have to start again with a new boyfriend, then when the same thing repeats itself you can get rid of him as well.
Not much of a way to live though... just saying.
I would say, if there is any traits of you dating a shorter guy than you or uglier. Then you could also say some bullsh#t and make him do something but that's not the case. You aren't dating someone shorter than you, ig.
Then I wouldn't say that what he is saying is wrong and he is rude.
What kinda relationship is that if he can't say that or you can't say something.
You are supposed to be close and share everything.
If you really think he is rude.
Get out of that relationship, your not worth it.
I dare you to date a shorter guy than you for 4 months and say that.
It's wrong for your boyfriend/girlfriend to have some wishes on how his/her partner want to be.
Everyone has biased image of how their partner to be, Slim - Fat - Fit - Cubby
- Tall - Handsome - Not Bald.
Every one of these are rude.
Don't you think that.
no. you should feel good that someone actually cares about your wellbeing. don't take it negatively. you even said so yourself, you've gained weight. everyone knows once you gain weight, you can easily gain more and get out of control. it's just the facts.
also, you said your bmi is pretty much 25. that is the start of classified overweight. you are overweight, medically. yes.
Well, if his telling you you're fat offends you, don't you think that you should do something about it? Losing weight would be a step in the right direction. That way, he couldn't call you, "fat" anymore and you wouldn't have at least one less reason to be offended.
It starts with belly and in no time your waist and bust will go bloop then it takes more effort to get rid of it.
And you will be less motivated , haha some people don't know to sugar coat things that's all.
And this is coming from a guy whose fat according to American standards 🙃.
I know this will hurt almost all female egos, especially as it relates to weight men can’t ask or want anything from women but women can bash men for what they in a man like small penis is a no for them , not working and earning millions, not wanting short dudes and a billion other things women demands they want from men, the double standards of women
Absolutely its extremely offensive unless you went from eatin like barbie to eating enough for a whole army then he has no right to expect you to go from big Bertha to the baddest bit** on earth that's like asking the Easter Bunny to wear clothes so no one sees his big pecker dangling and his public hairs flowing in the breeze.
Because we all know bunnies don't wear clothes not even playboy bunny's.
It would be more helpful to include your height and weight for reference.
But exercise and staying in shape is just a foundation that any healthy person should be engaging in. Not some quirk for 'gym nuts'.
She said her BMI is ‘under 25’, so it’s probably 24 point something. BMI takes into account height and weight, but waist to hip ratio and waist to height ratio are really more predictive of how healthy you are and whether you’re fat, since it accounts better for weight composition, and they’ve been found to better predict life expectancy, chances of disease and so forth.
If he cares about you he shouldn't want you to continue to engage in detrimental behavior. Wish somebody had done that to me when I was a kid so I didn't get super fat and have to lose it all.
Feel however you want, but I don't think losing weight is insulting, but him pointing out about your belly fat and cellulite is. Especially when it's not guaranteed to lose cellulite by just being toned - a big part of it is genetic.
if you care about your wellbeing and living a long healthy life, then no you shouldn't be offended
To be fair, it's probably time to tell the boyfriend he needs to get the relationship in shape, else fuck off.
If he's that comfortable to treat you like a wife, then he needs to bring more to make it worth your while.
If he really loved you, he wouldn't be so controlling. Don't put up with it.
You should be happy that he even cares. Health is everything. If you don’t have your health…😉
https://www.youtube.com/embed/d8mFMZtRMYw
From the sounds of it, sounds like it's very vain on his part, so probably.
He might mean it in a more health positive way, which is different.
The short answer is no. You shouldn't feel offended. I believe believe in a healthy relationship two people can express their feelings and desires honestly without fear of offending each other.
And exercise is healthy. Why avoid it?
Truth hurts, sometimes more than the most beautiful of lies, whatever that means.
I guess its better to be alone and honist with shallowness than pretend to be something thats far away from truth!
It's understandable that you feel offended. A BMI of 25 is at the upper end of normal weight and should be no issue.
On face of it it doesn't sound good.
If he was doing it for your health, with a veiw to getting pregnant say, then fair enough. But sounds like he's just a shallow person
No u shouldn't be offended, i wish i had someone like that to keep in check. Being healthy is for u. As long as he isn't insulting you thn he is okay.
No you should be happy he cares about your health
Honestly, I rather someone I love say something than a rude stranger. As long as they talk to me instead of being bully and we come up with solutions together.
Haven't exercised in a few years? Hell, I'm damn near the laziest bastard I know and even I have exercised more than that.
You're either going to have to exercise more or eat less of you don't want to keep gaining weight. In a few more years, you will gain at least the same amount on top of what you already gained. Might as well listen to your boyfriend and start changing your exercise and eating habits before you get fat for real. If you don't like exercising, change your diet. If you don't want to change your diet, you're going to have to stop being lazy and get some exercise. Trust me, I'm an expert at gaining weight hahaha
Say ok but he has to exercise with you and he needs to lose weight too. What’s sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.
25 bmi is barely anything. Tell him to mind his own business.
So whats wrong in that... i dont get why people get offended by this.. they themselves know if they're out of shape.. why not do it for your partner if he or she likes u more in shape..
If you had gotten to an unhealthy weight that might affect your health. Then it might be ok. But it really isn't ok. I have a large IBM and have gained some weight since being in a relationship and he doesn't care.
No, you realize you have been remiss. It would make you feel better if you worked out.
Nah. If I ever get out of shape I'd want my partner to kick my ass into gear.
Lose the weight or lose the relationship.
He's not here to coddle you.
Don't take people for granted.
Be glad he cares about your health and love the weight. Mine loves me so much if I get over 120lbs I get spanked, and I'm glad for it
Lol really? Woman says man needs to change he is an asshole if he doesn't, Man asks woman to change, he is an asshole for asking. No Child, he is concerned for your health, Nothing more.
Should take a positive and constructive advice.
Maybe ask him why he wants you to work out.
Why haven’t you worked out in a few years?
Yeah generally speaking you should do some exercise or sports regardless of what other people are saying.
Just figure out what you like.
bih said "offended" LOL, I hope he breaks up with your lazy ass and finds a girl that takes cares of her body.
Emm like you said... He wants you to "get in shape" What is wrong with that? Did that offend you?
You want to be offended he wants you to be healthy? weird.
Nope... Unless it's in a rude way or something..
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