During our relationship I have gained some weight, also I haven't exercised for a few years. As a result I have got a bit of a pudgy/chubby belly and some mild cellulite. But my BMI is barely 25 and, except for the belly, I don't look fat.
But my boyfriend recently has started insist that I should start exercising. He points out my belly fat and cellulite and says I should do something to get in shape.
I don't really know how to relate to it...
Okay, here’s a serious advice to you.
Lose weight!
and get in shape.
I can support you and tell you that “No, girl! You do you. He is a pig.”
But, you’ll be single in a month.
If you want to have a healthy relationship you two should be attracted to each other. He communicated his wish to you and I strongly advise you do that, firstly for yourself and only then, for your boyfriend.
I am 19 BMI and even I plan losing a bit more weight and hitting the gym.
I am telling the truth. Men are visual creatures.
And so are you.
You should be happy with your body first.
Now losing your weight or not changes one thing,
either you’ll be happy with your body and single or
you’ll be happy with your body and fu**inf the sh** out of your boyfriend for a revenge of pissing you off and making you feel that you need to change. In which case, you’ll both be happy.
No, not unless he is mean about it.
Why do people let themselves go? I'm sure you expect him to just stay with you regardless of how badly you let yourself go?
Hey, if he fell for you as a fit hottie and now you want to get lazy and bait and switch him to some other body type who shows zero desire to please her mate or ever doll up and look nice for him then he is justified to politely say, he wants the fit girl back who took care of herself.
Why are you turning yourself into a sweats wearing, gain weight, housewife?
This is also a good peak into how a marriage with you would look. If she commits super long term you may just totally abandon staying healthy and looking nice and may become an obese person and there will be zero sex or attraction.
Obviously he is already noticing it. If you snap back now, back into being a fit, attractive mate this may all blow over but if you can become borderline obese from just a year or two of giving you the assurance of commitment and you seem set in this way then marrying you or going all the way long term would probably be foolish on his part.
You being offended or not is king of irrelevant. Be offended all you want but if you are physically becoming unattractive then that will probably play a role in your romantic life and a man's attraction to you. At least he is trying to pull you back from the abyss.
Should you feel offended? That is entirely up to you, it all depends on how you look at it. My martial artist coach, he's very fast. But he admitted that he has to work hard to keep that prowess so he can keep up with us. This implies that the older you get, the harder it will be to stay in shape, to stay strong.
Apple says that if he really loved you, he shouldn't be pointing out your weight gain and requesting you to lose weight. The way I look at it is that if you don't love someone, you don't point out someone going off track. If you're at a healthy bodyweight, there shouldn't be a problem and he shouldn't be making any remarks. But if you're going beyond that, or Under that healthy bodyweight, somebody needs to step in to let you know, and support you through that process of going back to a healthy bodyweight.
If I really love someone, I can't bring myself to just stand by and let a person worsen their health. I want to see them succeed. But that is my point of view.
It’s tricky…. One part of me thinks he is being out of order, and he should just love you the way you are. But at the same time I have told my partner he should exercise more - not in a ‘you’re getting fat kind of way though’. I just know that a doctor told him his cholesterol was a little high. So maybe exercising once a week would be good for him. He hardly leaves the house Monday to Friday because he works from home so I just said ‘hey maybe just go for a run once a week to move your body’. By nature he is quite skinny but it’s in your 30s where your body starts giving in and you need to look after it. So yeah I suppose I went into it with a caring angle. And also I must admit, if he put on a lot of weight I wonder if I’d be attracted to him. I suppose that’s the ugly truth people don’t want to accept?
To you though I would ask, did you exercise before meeting your boyfriend? Was there any exercise you enjoyed? Maybe your boyfriend is trying to point out that you should take active care of yourself a bit more. Although pointing at your cellulite isn’t exactly the best way to get your care across! Maybe tell him his approach is out of order and have a discussion about why he’s bringing it up.
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Well if he's not calling you anything insulting or trying to insult you then you shouldn't be offended. It seems he's just pointing out that he'd be more attracted to you if you had less of a stomach? Or maybe he knows that visceral fat can be extremely dangerous when near organs? Either is a reasonable thing to do since you're in a relationship & both want each other to be healthy & need to be sexually attracted to one another.
If I were in a relationship & my partner said that, I'd note it & simply just start adjusting my eating habits. Hell, I'd probably agree with them that I could look a little better. Ofc if their request was a reasonable one & not some weird nitpicky stuff that I have little to no control over.
I think your boyfriend genuinely cares for you and your health. Try to eat healthy and still enjoy food but moderate proportions. Start walking and moving more. You don’t have to crash diets and do hours at the gym or exercises. Drink water. He loves you and he wants the best for you - be healthy together. So you can have a healthy long lasting relationship. All the best
Don't put up with that. If he really loved you he wouldn't be pointing that out especially if it's just a little bit of weight like who cares? You are still a healthy bmi
Well good for him. I mean when someone gains a few pounds that is just the beginning if something doesn't change. So he's like change now before it gets too out of hand where he is simply no longer attracted to you.
Why should you feel offended. Don't you want to be healthy and in shape?
u He is telling you that he is losing his attraction to you because of your weight. You can choose to ignore his comment, get angry, or start working on weight loss and getting in shape. Your choice will have consequences.
If your boyfriend doesn’t like you for who you are then kick him to the curb , gaining a little bit of weight shouldn’t be a reason that your partner is losing attraction toward you , that’s just a lame excuse for his selfish actions and behavior. I Hate to say this , but he is probably already checking out other girls or flirting with other girls or comparing you to those other girls , Your boyfriend is a selfish person that only thinks about himself , he should love you for the way you are period , Now if you gained a tremendous amount of weight since you started dating him then yes you should get yourself into shape for your own health , but gaining some weight shouldn’t be a reason your boyfriend is making comments about your weight. People like him do not know how to love someone , they only love themselves , That is the kind of person you should reconsider being in a relationship with seriously. . Those type of people are fixated on physical appearance like it’s the most important thing , they are so in for a rude awakening when they finally realize that it takes more than just attraction to fall in love with someone , Next time he makes a comment about your weight , tell him once he gets a bigger dick maybe you will consider exercising again , see how that makes him feel lol
Has your boyfriend gained weight?
He was physically attracted to you when you were thinner. Most likely he is afraid you might be letting yourself go. He also most likely wants you to lose weight for vanity reasons only.
Remind him that the longer the two of you are together and that as both of you age, he will gain weight as well.
Remind him two can play at the “you need to loose weight” game.
The only reason you should lose weight is for yourself only. For your own health. As you age and continue to add on the pounds, the harder it will be to lose that weight for health benefits.
A BMI of 25 is on the low end of being overweight only. Not obese. You are still considered on the healthy end of the overweight range.
If you are happy where you are, stay there. If your BMI keeps going up, then look at the reasons why and try to bring it back down.
Just like Barney Fife once said, “ You gotta nip it in the bud.”
there is a difference between wanting you to eat healthier and be in shape, especially if he is a fitness freak, but then if he just wants you to lose weight so you look better to him or when he takes you out and shows you off that is pretty shallow.
You have to somehow figure out why he feels that way and then decide if you want to lose weight for yourself or not.
Losing weight for him is not correct no matter how much he pressures you into doing it.
You would probably grow to resent that as well as him.
Weight gain/loss can be an issue in relationships, but it is more for the shallow reasons.
You do not sound like the little bit of weight that you have put on is unhealthy so I'm thinking he wants you to lose weight for the wrong reason.
When you truly love someone, you accept them as they are.
My wife and I both gained too much weight so we both made the joint decision to start eating better & heathier and start moving more.
We both have lost weight and we are both much healthier.
She has been able to get off some of her medications as a side benefit, but we are older, which is when issues start to creep in.
First impression:
Maybe there's some lack in clarity between you two/he's not explicitly communicating everything he's thinking/feeling? Guys tend not to voice their care for people as much.
Evaluation:
The fact that he brought that up with you means he cares about you and here's why:
A) if his motivations were purely selfish, he's a superrr selfish dude who would've just gone out and cheated on you instead of asking you to get in better shape.
B) him asking you to get in better shape means he wants as few temptations /not/ to be with you as possible. He doesn't want to want anyone else! Guys are super visual, so he's asking you to put effort into being your best and most attractive self.
Response:
Make it something you can both enjoy!
There's nothing that creates a bond like trials/hardship, and working out can be hard! So go work out and be the best partner and have him work out with you so you two have a reason to get out of the house together aside from dates. Another plus is that he'll also end up hotter 😉
You should absolutely be offended, I’m offended for you!
To start with, when people get comfortable and happy in relationships, it’s natural and normal to gain weight. If anything, he should be glad to see you getting to a healthier size if it means that you’re happy. The fact that he doesn’t means his attraction to you is so much more shallow than yours is to him. He wants you to be his exact idea of pretty before anything else, it wouldn’t matter if you treated him like crap, if you were his idea of pretty then he’d stay with you. I understand that physical attraction is necessary for a lot of people to stay in relationships, but you gaining a little chub shouldn’t be a reason for that beauty to be considered gone. If the average person wouldn’t call you fat, then he shouldn’t either. It’s a sign of issues ahead and I’d get out while I could if I were you,
Well I understand where you’re coming from, personally I’d want my significant other to let me know if I’ve changed in a way they don’t like. Better to be pointed out early than late especially if looks are a big deal for him. Having said that a woman’s weight is a touchy subject And he should tread carefully hear. Little anecdote a friend of mine is a tattoo artist, she put on a ton of weight in the last 5 years. As for her boyfriend, he used to be in the military and looks chiseled as hell. He never said anything about it. They looked happy ever since I’ve met them recently he left her for a girl that works in my gym. She now goes to the CrossFit opposite my gym since January but I spoke to her coworker recently and apparently she’s gained weight since. My anecdote is an extreme though. I do think people should be more open to these kinds of conversations in a relationship. Maybe you could get him to work out with you if he’s not already working out 🤷♂️
Maybe he's just looking out for you. 25 bmi is normal. But as you get older it's definitely more important to do just a little exercise. Most of us work jobs that aren't physically demanding and we don't exactly have gym class like we did in highschool anymore.
Maybe he's just noticing that you're starting to head down a slippery slope and doesn't want you to feel a certain way when it becomes much harder to look the way you want.
I don't know this guy, but I think it's worth seriously considering. How would your life/mental state change today or in the future if you exercised a little more
Do you want to get in shape?
All bodies are beautiful and you don't want to date a fatphobic person. He's like this now, imagine after you become a mom and post pregnancy your figure is ruined. Is he gonna look for another woman?
Physical attraction is very important. But physical standards need to be challenged.
Everyone changes. It's life. Bodies can't stay the perfect 0 figure for years, can it? It can, if you're a celebrity and your livelihood depends on whether people find you hot or not. Otherwise it should be irrelevant.
It's on you.
Maybe, maybe not. Talk to him about his reasoning. If he’s pushing you for his own selfish reasons and just wants you to look better for his own enjoyment, then you have a right to feel offended. If you care about someone, you care about them even if they have some extra pounds. However, if he just wants you to be healthier, then that’s a different story. I nag my boyfriend about coming out and exercising with me. He doesn’t do much physical activity and I worry that will catch up to him at some point. My father had a heart attack at 40. He gets annoyed with me sometimes but I mean well.
Have to agree w the first answer. Lose weight if you want to continue to be w him. Who knows maybe he could lose a few himself. I’m glad the first answer spoke the truth rather than cuddling you. Women tend to tell each other what they w at to hear to spare their feelings. It never does them any good. I could see if you recently had a child, that would be different. He liked you for a number of things, including your body. I wouldn’t say do it completely for him, but for yourself. If you’re honest w yourself do you think you need to lose some weight? Besides if you two decide to have a baby physically speaking you’re going to be better prepared for it. Plus you’ll obviously gain some weight. I mean honestly right now how much more weight would you gain before you had a baby? So the weight you’ve packed on now in addition to the weight you’ll gain while pregnant, going to be that much harder to lose that weight.
The only time a guy should be asking you to go to the gym and lose weight is when it could be a serious health issue for you.
Then he's truly concerned about your well being.
If he's just saying it because he doesn't like how you look, then you now know the extent as to why he is with you. Which says a lot about his depth, he just wants you to join him in the kiddie pool.
Well.. I guess you could be offended because it is annoying when people point out our flaws.. but it is best to get back in shape while it is still easy.. or you will probably develop low self esteem.. and considering he probably only likes skinny women you could end up losing your boyfriend..
You shouldn't feel offended, because if he says so, its true. He says that not because he wants to offend you, but because he cares about your looks and your health. Its better to listen to his advice and start doing it now rather that doing it later. Because if you do it now, it will be much easier to get back into shape. If you won't do anything now, it'll get much worse.
For health reasons, to suggest you should start exercising is totally okay… for him to point out your flaws is a dick move. He could go about it in a way that it doesn’t hurt your feelings! Even better would be if he suggested working out together, going on walks or go to the gym.
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